The MS Federation
Ever wonder what "Star Trek: The Next Generation"
would be like in a future where Microsoft continued to dominate the software
market? These are some scenarios that I came up with. If anyone has any
additional suggestions, please email them to me.
- As the bridge crew look up at the viewscreen, they are
shocked to discover that their ship is surrounded by flying toasters and
toilet bowls. The crew breathes a sigh of relief when Lt Commander Data discovers
that the viewscreen screensaver has activated itself.
OR
- Captain Picard enters the bridge and says, "I don't
recall giving an order to enter warp." Lt Commander Data responds, "Captain,
the ship has not entered warp, the 'Flying Through Space' screensaver has
simply activated itself.
- As the Enterprise is about to enter battle, Captain Picard
commands the ship's computer to raise the shields. The computer completely
ignores him for at least ten seconds. During the crew's terrified silence,
they can hear the computer accessing the iso-linear memory circuits for
absolutley no reason. Finally the computer responds and raises the shields
five milliseconds before the ship is struck by a photon torpedo.
- After Lt Commander Data finishes plotting a course to the nearest
starbase, he presses the "engage" button. The computer responds
with an "Unrecoverable Application Error."
- The Enterprise computer has just been upgraded. As it
is booted for the first time, it begins running the MSSSN (Mico-Soft Sub-Space
Network) Setup Wizard automatically. Natually the setup fails when the
Setup Wizard requires the names of the nearest 125 SubSpace Routers; which
no one has handy.
- Geordi has just finished upgrading the warp core. He
instructs the computer to perform a level 3 diagnostic to detect the new
core. The computer scans for new hardware and after six hours, detects
the new warp core. The computer then begins the process of installing a
new driver. It requests that Lt Commander LaForge place crystal 276 in Crystal Drive
A. After five minutes the computer instructs that he remove the crystal
and insert crystal 227. Another five minutes later Crystal 163, followed
by 206, then 212, then 198, ...
- Lt Worf and Cmdr Riker complete their latest Holodeck
adventure. Cmdr Riker commands the computer to "end program."
A cloud pattern appears in the sky and a giant rotating Microsoft logo
appears in the center of the room. The computer announces, "Please
wait while the MS Holodeck shuts down." When the Holodeck fails to
shut down properly (Normally, the room turns black and the doors open),
Lt Worf must use the manual override to exit the Holodeck and cut power
to it.
Next time the Holodeck is used, it spends twenty minutes running a
level 5 diagnostic since it wasn't shut down properly.
- The Enterprise encounters an alien ship in MS Federation
space. Captain Picard instructs Lt Worf to hail the ship. After a moment,
the computer announces that they must be a member of the MSSSN to hail
this particular ship. It then gives them the option to join for only 25
bars of gold press lattinum a month (First month free)
- The Enterprise returns to MS Starfleet Headquarters
in Seattle, Earth, for the release of Windows 2365. Unfortunately, due
to all the "hoopla" surrounding the event, and the popularity
of the galaxy's favorite software company, every hotel within a light-year
of Earth is booked. MSHQ orders the Enterprise to be designated as an emergency
hotel facility for the next week.
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