acohen.dialup.access.net acohen@panix.com This is the text that I am putting in the box, here. I hope this works. -------- acohen.dialup.access.net acohen Test # 2. -------- a104006.sfo4.as.crl.com davidk@crl.com Good woodgrain background. You should include a back link on your resume for those who dont have a BACK button. I don't put a phone number to myself unless I'm asked via E-Mail. Better privacy I think. Up to you. -------- panix.com http:envirolink.org/species/ http:www.panix.com/~mavs/ http://www.panix.com/~mavs/nf/ -------- 193.140.153.20 1. Under "See My Resume" put a link called "See My Nude Picture" 2. Come to Turkey and marry a "nice Turkish girl" 3. Buy another Les Paul 4. Make the "Email adress" box bigger. Mine doesn't fit (always seems to be my problem. Sinan -------- 165.254.228.190 This message speaks right to me! I guess that I am nosy! ---------------------------- This page is prety cool... ---------------------------- Only 1 suggestion: You need to make your e-mail address field at least 4 characters larger -- I could not fit mine. See ya! -------- 165.254.228.190 This message speaks right to me! I guess that I am nosy! ---------------------------- This page is prety cool... ---------------------------- Only 1 suggestion: You need to make your e-mail address field at least 4 characters larger -- I could not fit mine. See ya! -------- peugeot.instinet.com Get this page off the internet. Who wants to read about you anyway! :-) Jim -------- -------- Sat Apr 19 02:31:22 EDT 1997 host: red218.redshift.com email: whitecloud@redsift.com which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ...i think you are on the right track with the bill gates world wide domination and power handhold with the computer interaction which is shapping the know world and the future. I like bill, but power had a way of changing what ever the original purpose that bill had at the start of his interest in machines that could compute . hang in there . -------- Mon Apr 21 12:38:24 EDT 1997 host: ron-ny13-05.ix.netcom.com email: rcardone@ix.netcom.com which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and add the WAV file to ,"May the Schwartz be with youuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!" -------- Sun Apr 27 20:13:54 EDT 1997 host: detasc8-120.flash.net email: rob_shinn@hotmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... **ROFL** That's great! How about: The Enterprise receives a hail from MS Starfleet Headquarters, and asks that it put through in the MS Ready Room. He goes in, but finds that he cannot receive the message because Microsoft Exchange hasn't been loaded. He then instructs the computer to load Exchange, and after 10.5 hours of iso-linear chip access, the computer brings up the message, stating that the Borg should be to attack Earth 9.5 hours ago... After the Enterprise gets there, they have to do a time warp to attack the Borg... (or something like that ;) -------- Wed Apr 30 16:36:28 EDT 1997 host: 152.163.207.35 email: Phaserbeam@aol.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and I think you might like to look at another page in Yahoo. its called what if Data ran windows. its very funny. -------- Thu May 1 12:56:19 EDT 1997 host: pearl.ge.com email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: Enterprise prepares to leave deep space nine, only to have a message flash on screen, this ship has performed and illegal operation, options ignore or cancel. Picard chooses Ignore only to have the warp core shut down. Data then suggests rebooting the computer system to clear the problem. All power systems to the computer are then shut down for 3 seconds and restareted. The system then crashes again because someone failed to clear the print Que. for the daily roster before rebooting. In the middle of a heated battle with the Cardassians, Worf accidentally keys a wrong icon and the tactical station is then shut down while the game solitaire loads itself onto his counsel. The crew watches the view screen horrified as the universe melts until someone realizes the new screen saver program accidentally activated. Data attempts to remove the screensaver from the computers database only to have the warp core shut down due to accidentally erasing shared files. Geordi quits and heads to the spice mines of Kesslar rather than face the trauma of having to download the drivers for the now defunct warp core. Riker convinces Geordi to stay by mentioning that the shuttles and the transporter have been upgraded and the correct drivers were not sent with the hardware. It will take at least 1 week before the drivers arrive then another week to get MSSN wizard to download. 1 Week Later… The new drivers arrive for the shuttle and the transporter. Riker and Geordi begin the upgrade 2 weeks later Riker and Geordi are on hold with MSSN because the setup wizard has locked up. 3 Weeks later The actually reach technical support for the new upgrade and it is discovered that the wrong drives were somehow sent again and that the new ones will be sent by subspace transmission. Riker asks why it was not done in the first place. Tech support cuts the transmission, knowing that Riker is screwed because it will take another week for him to get through again. -------- Thu May 1 13:09:50 EDT 1997 host: 155.76.132.69 email: billgates@q.the.continuum.space which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... I will squash you like the little non-Microsoft bug that you are! Have a nice day, and thanks for choosing MS. BG. -------- Sat May 3 00:01:27 EDT 1997 host: 172-73-6.ipt.aol.com email: Micj4@aol.com which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... I think in one of the episodes, While under attack by the Klingons, The Enterprise realizes that their computer has frozen yet again and are hapless as the Klingon tear there ship into bits. Calling for back up from MS they are quickly put on hold and forced to pay 50 bars of Latnim per minute. Giving up all hope the Federation is taken over by the Klingons, and MicroSoft is finally destroyed. -------- Sat May 3 16:27:00 EDT 1997 host: 199.227.193.17 email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... Show us a babe with some big tits! -------- Mon May 5 13:18:40 EDT 1997 host: webproxy.airtouch.com email: rmd@wco.com which: Driving in NY Text: You have a great page and ... You might want to update 24TONYD#8, disco->(c)rap -------- Mon May 5 21:11:18 EDT 1997 host: www.ia-omni.com email: APlus@ia-OMNI.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: The bridge crew encounters a borg ship headed for Earth at the launch for Windows 2365. They say, "We will assimilate Windows 2365 into our collective. Resistance is futile." The Enterprise doesn't bother resisting the Borg, because they know Win 2365 will destroy they're collective by consuming all computer resourses at an alarming rate. The Borg later go back to the Delta Quadrant hoping that their old operating system OS\2 will save them. Too late! As the saying goes, (this should be Microsoft's motto), "Resistance is Futile! -------- Mon May 5 21:11:48 EDT 1997 host: www.ia-omni.com email: APlus@ia-OMNI.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: The bridge crew encounters a borg ship headed for Earth at the launch for Windows 2365. They say, "We will assimilate Windows 2365 into our collective. Resistance is futile." The Enterprise doesn't bother resisting the Borg, because they know Win 2365 will destroy they're collective by consuming all computer resourses at an alarming rate. The Borg later go back to the Delta Quadrant hoping that their old operating system OS\2 will save them. Too late! As the saying goes, (this should be Microsoft's motto), "Resistance is Futile! -------- Thu May 15 02:24:44 EDT 1997 host: treasure-d10.syix.com email: spock@syix.com which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... Several officers are lost when the transporters are fatally slowed down a routine diagnostic on a single replicator. I have a star trek page - would you mind me adding your page to my list when I update this summer (barring any interferance from MSSSN) http://www.syix.com/spock/startrek.htm -------- Thu May 15 02:25:04 EDT 1997 host: treasure-d10.syix.com email: spock@syix.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... Several officers are lost when the transporters are fatally slowed down a routine diagnostic on a single replicator. I have a star trek page - would you mind me adding your page to my list when I update this summer (barring any interferance from MSSSN) http://www.syix.com/spock/startrek.htm -------- Wed May 21 23:13:21 EDT 1997 host: pm31-6.icom.ca email: klaus.thorsten@freenet.hamilton.on.ca which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... Here's an idea: Through the "brilliant" planning of the MS Federation Command, all phasers are modified to store a backup copy of anyone vapourized in a "recycling buffer", in case anyone is vapourized accidentally. Unfortunately, the crew forgets to empty the buffer regularly, and soon it fills up the ship's computer storage space, explodes, and all the villains and criminals ever killed pop up all over the ship for one hell of an episode! (Just in case you needed more - the ones you have are great!) -------- Sat May 24 21:41:41 EDT 1997 host: 157.128.75.199 email: larnerk@ocean.com.au which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and I think you should get a better picture of who ever that person is. From Qwerty, P.S. If you Email back ask for Qwerty. -------- Mon May 26 18:10:02 EDT 1997 host: ww-tb28.proxy.aol.com email: Vodhin@aol.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: [You have a great page and ...(Like I'd leave that line there!)] Jordi (corrrectt speeellinggg) LaForge is in a humdrum conundrum because with all the new software upgrades and setup wizards, ther's just no room for any more "miracle workers" -------- Mon May 26 18:13:16 EDT 1997 host: ww-tb28.proxy.aol.com email: Vodhin@aol.com which: Driving in NY Text: You forgot about Wesley Wrongsignal: he signals right, then turns left... -------- Thu May 29 23:05:15 EDT 1997 host: ww-te30.proxy.aol.com email: RussWarne@hotmail.com which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... I want to know how you got the animation on it. (I'm designing a web page myself) I would also like it if you sent me the Microsoft: The Next Generation ideas (in a WordPerfect or a Wordpad file please). I would also like your Microsoft: The Next Generation logo. If you don't want to tell me any of this, or send me anything, please write anyway. I check my e-mail almost daily. -------- Tue Jun 3 18:30:16 EDT 1997 host: 168.99.7.128 email: radishgirl@usa.net which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... I think you could do another secenario when riker and and picard are trying to start auto destruct when the computer says that they need to enter their password first. Something like that.. I love your page!!! It is hillarious!!! =) -------- Tue Jun 3 18:30:38 EDT 1997 host: 168.99.7.128 email: radishgirl@usa.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... I think you could do another secenario when riker and and picard are trying to start auto destruct when the computer says that they need to enter their password first. Something like that.. I love your page!!! It is hillarious!!! =) -------- Sat Jun 7 17:50:07 EDT 1997 host: user11.max5.msn-uk.pipex.com email: David Taylor which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a good page and ... I have a suggestion for a Microsoft: The Next Generation thingy Riker was on an away team and had to transport up, however as Chief O'Brien was using the transporter he was told, 'You have not yet registered windows 36 your 30 stardate evaluation period has expired, please register immediatley' after ignoring the message and successfuly transporting up Riker the Enterprises computer suddenly shutdown and informed them that 'The evaluation period for this product has expired you will not be able to use this system until you register' -------- Sat Jun 7 17:50:47 EDT 1997 host: user11.max5.msn-uk.pipex.com email: David_Taylor@msn.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a good page and ... I have a suggestion for a Microsoft: The Next Generation thingy Riker was on an away team and had to transport up, however as Chief O'Brien was using the transporter he was told, 'You have not yet registered windows 36 your 30 stardate evaluation period has expired, please register immediatley' after ignoring the message and successfuly transporting up Riker the Enterprises computer suddenly shutdown and informed them that 'The evaluation period for this product has expired you will not be able to use this system until you register' -------- Sun Jun 8 15:05:56 EDT 1997 host: 200.31.9.108 email: rnb@comnet.com.ec which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... Yes, you have a great page man, don't you mind that the Transporters must run MSQNT/OS (Micro-shit Quantic Network Operating System), and sometimes when the Enterprise wants to transport the Carda ssians ambassadors to their planet, before a high level meeting, the MSQNT/OS miscomputes the Riemann vectors, and send them to the Borg ship?. HND (Have a Nice Day) Ronnie Nader, Ecuador Former MicroShit Hater, and *NIX lover -------- Wed Jun 11 19:10:33 EDT 1997 host: pm8.cp.duluth.mn.us email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: •The Enterprise enters a galactic rift, and jumps forward in time 3.265 seconds. They are then unable to communicate with any MS Federation vessels or starbases, because all their software is obsolete. -------- Sat Jun 14 05:40:51 EDT 1997 host: ts064p2.pop3b.netvision.net.il email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... good joaks but ... after the punch line move on! -------- Tue Jun 17 13:48:43 EDT 1997 host: hzpk198.hazel-park.lib.mi.us email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: bill gates has been reicarnated as a ferangie and is bent on the entire universe useing windows -------- Tue Jun 17 23:40:34 EDT 1997 host: dyn-max4-164.cleveland.oh.ameritech.net email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: after coping a new holodeck program unto the main computer the crew start it up and a sign appears, it says "you have done an illegal operation and the program will self- destruct." -------- Tue Jun 17 23:41:11 EDT 1997 host: dyn-max4-164.cleveland.oh.ameritech.net email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: sorry -------- Thu Jun 19 22:49:50 EDT 1997 host: 207.40.214.126 email: dilbert-fan@geocities.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and the Star Trek VS MS had me rollin' ... I came up with a pretty good one myself. The MS. Enterprise '2365 is required to dock and prepair for complete Hardware/Software refit. The new OS for MS Enterpirse '2367 requires 182 terawertz dat path and will not worth with the old 100 gigawhertx data path. Also the warp drive is using last years ANSI standards for Warp '16 and isn't compling to the new Warp '64 specifications for Enterprise '97. The weapons console has a bug in the photon torpedo function it says: "Torpedo Not Ready, Press F1 to fire." and displays a MS logo. Oh, well that my go at it. That was fun. David Smith -------- Sun Jun 22 18:25:05 EDT 1997 host: 1cust33.max1.minneapolis2.mn.ms.uu.net email: MikeZimmerman@msn.com which: General Comments Text: You have a great page but you need to learn Lt. LaForge's name is spelled GEORDI not Jordi -------- Mon Jun 23 13:32:21 EDT 1997 host: 207.174.1.232 email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ...I can't say that without laughing. You are a loser and a dork. Get a life. The only reason I came here was because I get paid to visit every site on the web. -------- Tue Jul 1 03:19:52 EDT 1997 host: gauntlet.tns.co.za email: ramon-thomas@geocities.com which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... Please visit mine, http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/1192 -------- Tue Jul 1 03:37:25 EDT 1997 host: p2-m2-dn1.dialup.xtra.co.nz email: sjerram@xtra.co.nz which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: How about the Enterprise having a bumper-sticker saying "We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated." -------- Thu Jul 3 08:41:42 EDT 1997 host: p5-dn.es.co.nz email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... I wonder what BIll Boy would say.... BEAM ME OVER TO MAC HEADQUARTERS AND I WILL DOWNLOAD MY FUNKY AND SUPERCOOL DEEP BLUE VIRUS ON THEIR DEFENSE SYSTEM AND ELIMATE THIS MAC BEAST ONCE AND FOR ALL! SBD -------- Thu Jul 3 08:42:06 EDT 1997 host: p5-dn.es.co.nz email: sdunbar@webpages.co.nz which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... I wonder what BIll Boy would say.... BEAM ME OVER TO MAC HEADQUARTERS AND I WILL DOWNLOAD MY FUNKY AND SUPERCOOL DEEP BLUE VIRUS ON THEIR DEFENSE SYSTEM AND ELIMATE THIS MAC BEAST ONCE AND FOR ALL! SBD -------- Thu Jul 3 11:57:51 EDT 1997 host: host-97.subnet-11.med.umich.edu email: pschultz@juno.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... Have a requirement for all officers of MS to be a direct decendent of The allmighty "Bill" -------- Thu Jul 3 12:03:46 EDT 1997 host: gw.entex-is.com email: mutant@one.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: Captain Picard is touring the Federation's new ship, "Enterprise 97". Upon teleporting back to the Enterprise, the crew is horrified to learn that Pickard is hopelessly lost due to the two ships running different versions of MS Teleport. LaForge immediately shells out 89 bucks for the upgrade. -------- Mon Jul 7 04:36:47 EDT 1997 host: vib430.aakb.bib.dk email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: Hilarious!!! -------- Mon Jul 7 20:58:33 EDT 1997 host: ip241.san-francisco7.ca.pub-ip.psi.net email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ...you may want to change Data's rank. He is Lt. Cmdr. Therefore, he is addresed as Cmdr. Data, not Lt. Data. Otherwise, it's hella funny! -------- Thu Jul 17 07:33:15 EDT 1997 host: fep3-orange.clear.net.nz email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... similar to Jordi has just finished upgrading the warp core. He instructs the computer to perform a level 3 diagnostic to detect the new core. The computer scans for new hardware and after six hours, ... But goes Jordi has just finished upgrading the warp core. He instructs the computer to perform a level 3 diagnostic. The computer scans for new hardware and after six hours, says that it detects no new hardware -------- Sun Jul 20 00:51:42 EDT 1997 host: ppp-073.toronto-02.ican.net email: huntcrea@ican.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ...I found it right on. I use Macintosh exclusively and as you may know, Mac creates the graphics for the panels on the bridge, the holodecks and engineering. Microsoft software will never graduate Starfleet Academy let alone the 24th century. Just ask Industrial Light & Magic. Þ­¾ï@ -------- Wed Jul 23 14:59:13 EDT 1997 host: pc-2q.smo.uhi.ac.uk email: dr@smo.uhi.ac.uk which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: Geordi has just installed neureal gellpacks into the Enterprise and when he activates them he finds out the he needs Direct X 3.00 and they only have Direct X 2.01 and that the warp core will breach if they don't get version 3.00 in half an hour (or something like tha) -------- Sun Jul 27 05:55:49 EDT 1997 host: modem-0687.rns.tamu.edu email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... Somewhere out in the Orion Star Cluster the federation ship Windows 95 encounters a Internetstellar space virus. In an attempt to stop the virus they contact Microsoft Federation Headquarters. As the virus slowly consumes the ship the star ship Windows 95 is put on hold and three days later destroyed. -------- Thu Jul 31 14:48:24 EDT 1997 host: ts027p6.pop9a.netvision.net.il email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... I think you should add more colors and pictures because it gets boring to read and read and read. -------- Sun Aug 3 01:48:23 EDT 1997 host: csnd012p06.snd.micron.net email: dingoboy@micron.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: During critical moment of battle, Captain Picard orders a Photon Torpedo be lanched. Worf enters right commands but has entered to many commands at once. Computer responds buy saying "System has performed illegal operation, must reboot Microsoft Computer System. -------- Sun Aug 3 01:52:04 EDT 1997 host: csnd012p06.snd.micron.net email: dingoboy@micron.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page... During critical moment of battle, Captain Picard orders a Photon Torpedo be lanched. Worf enters right commands but has entered to many commands at once. Computer responds buy saying "System has performed illegal operation, must reboot Microsoft Computer System. P.S. I really do like your page. -------- Tue Aug 5 09:06:53 EDT 1997 host: 193.76.148.71 email: giusigrillo@rocketmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great humor page! Please continue for our pleasure! -------- Tue Aug 5 09:21:41 EDT 1997 host: ad50-022.compuserve.com email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page, but do you think MS deserves this kind of dogging? Although this is already wildly entertaining, there must be something better you can do. (like put all these items in the MS homepage or something) -------- Wed Aug 6 17:44:02 EDT 1997 host: 192.155.59.76 email: tjandkids@worldnet.att.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: Ensign Crusher becomes increasingly annoyed when the computer cannot find the holodeck programs he created; until he suddenly realizes he should check the recycle bin. -or- Lt. Laforge, Cmdr. Riker, and Counselor Troi walk into the holodeck to find Lt. Barclay using one of his strange, insulting programs. He had been ordered to delete all of them, but on a sudden urge he was able to rescue them from the recycle bin, not bearing to part with them. The senior staff members then password and code with an encryption code the recycle bin function in order to prevent exactly this sort of thing from happening. Ever wonder exactly what Data meant when he and Tasha Yar joked about his being "fully functional?" Me neither. Lieutenant Christina, of the Adventure -------- Wed Aug 6 17:45:13 EDT 1997 host: 192.155.59.76 email: tjandkids@worldnet.att.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: By the way, you do have a cool page! I didn't mean to insult you. -Lt. Christina -------- Wed Aug 20 10:20:39 EDT 1997 host: miafl5-4.gate.net email: lasher@gate.net which: O.J. Text: You have a great page and ... O.J. is Guilty as HELL. -------- Sat Aug 23 01:32:05 EDT 1997 host: 204.163.215.107 email: cybrid@stellarcom.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: Ok, here goes: Before hailing the Klingon ship rapidly gaining upon the enterprise (with weapons armed no less) Worf must create a new dial-up-hailing connection, create a shortcut to it on the viewscreen, then hope the SubSpace transciever doesn't fail, requiring the entire ship to be rebooted. -------- Sat Aug 23 01:32:46 EDT 1997 host: 204.163.215.107 email: which: Text: -------- Mon Aug 25 22:03:16 EDT 1997 host: 203.61.83.2 email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: If MS existed in the startrek universe, the war with the klingons or even the Romulans, would have been caused by the "blank screen" screen saver by either it poping up and obscuring the screen during vital negotiations - thus causing offence and war, or it poping up while a federation ship was exploring unknown space, thus making the crew believe space was clear ahead, just before colliding with a Romulan or Klingon ship, once again causing a war. -------- Wed Aug 27 04:56:05 EDT 1997 host: host06.net.voyager.co.nz email: Anonymous which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... no and. Great page, man! -------- Wed Aug 27 04:56:32 EDT 1997 host: host06.net.voyager.co.nz email: Anonymous@somewhere.sths which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... no and. Great page, man! -------- Mon Sep 1 18:28:24 EDT 1997 host: hd47-073.hil.compuserve.com email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... The Enterprise has recently upgraded to Microsoft Windows 2359. The Borg are attacking as Worf arms weapons he gets a message saying, "this system has preformed an illegal operation. If you ignore the program will be terminated". In a fury of rage Worf smashes his tactical contronel console and ruptures a plasma conduit which "unfortunately" leads to the death of Ensign wesley crusher. -------- Mon Sep 1 18:29:22 EDT 1997 host: hd47-073.hil.compuserve.com email: which: Text: -------- Thu Sep 4 10:50:39 EDT 1997 host: pc.216.lth2.k12.il.us email: Sirk@O.H.S.Internet which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... I believe I have an Idea.... Data tries to hook himself into the ship to control it in case of an emergency and Microsoft programming takes him over. He then tries to "interface" with the rest of the crew, telling them that they can become hooked up with him for 10 bars of latinum. -------- Thu Sep 4 10:51:13 EDT 1997 host: pc.216.lth2.k12.il.us email: Sirk@O.H.S.Internet which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... I believe I have an Idea.... Data tries to hook himself into the ship to control it in case of an emergency and Microsoft programming takes him over. He then tries to "interface" with the rest of the crew, telling them that they can become hooked up with him for 10 bars of latinum. -------- Mon Sep 8 15:27:04 EDT 1997 host: client86bb.globalnet.co.uk email: cdmac@globalnet.co.uk which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: Pretty funny -------- Tue Sep 9 22:09:35 EDT 1997 host: p30.anx1.hartingdale.com.au email: marco@hartingdale.com.au which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... MS Starfleet HQ has directed all Starships to update their computers to Solarnet Explorer v. 35277. After installation, and after 4 hours of getting all connection settings correct, they discover that SNet Explorer has taken over the entire computer network and changed all settings to suit itself. When Capt. Picard orders the Enterprise out of Spacedock, they find that SNet Explorer has set all drives on a default value of zero, and can't find a way of turning them back up to their correct values. -------- Thu Sep 11 15:44:51 EDT 1997 host: 208.153.61.21 email: dhamad@compsol.net which: General Comments Text: Dear Internet Customer: Do you have a web page that has to do with the computing industry, but you get relitivly few hits because of the simple fact that there isn't enough publicity for your site? Have you ever looked at pages that all have links to one another, and wished to have your link on that site? Well, here's your chance. I am putting together a network of pages, run by my company, Hawk Enterprises. All you have to do is put three links on your page (I will provide the addresses which you must link), and I will put your page in a directory, along with a description of it. Also, other people will be required to link directly to your page. That way, people will surf from other pages, right on to yours, then to others, providing everyone with the chance to see a lot of pages easily. Whatch your counters soar with the amount of people comming to it. You have absolutly nothing to lose. This costs nothing, except putting a link the the Hawk Enterprises directory, and two others which I will specify. E-Mail me at dhamad@compsol.net if you wish to join. Include your page adress and a discription, and I will get back to you. -Daniel Hamad Founder and Owner of Hawk Enterprises dhamad@compsol.net Please pass this along to your friends, even if you are not interested. -------- Sun Sep 21 10:37:17 EDT 1997 host: srq-164.packet.net email: customer@packet.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and I think that you should add some stuff about a new weapon developed by starfleet which they shoot harmless phasers physically but download the new plug'n'play -------- Mon Sep 22 10:46:54 EDT 1997 host: nyufrw01.ing-americas.com email: john_bottomly@ing-barings.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You need to spend a little more time thinking about what your writing. This is not as creative as it could be. I'm not trying to be a jerk, but peple have released some pretty funny shit about MS, (check the back page of any Windows Magazine issue), and you need to improve you stuff. Maybe the ship will all of a sudden stop, and all they need to do is turn it off and the on again, and everything is fine. -------- Mon Sep 22 22:41:40 EDT 1997 host: spock.syix.com email: spock@syix.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... Suggestion for MS:TNG - Data has just finished installing a computer program to fight the Borg, but just as a Cube appears on sensors, the computer informs him it must restart before the changes will take effect. -------- Fri Sep 26 23:47:10 EDT 1997 host: ip62.van2.pacifier.com email: lemonier@pacifier.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... I see the following as another possible scenario - The Enterprise has encountered the Romulans near the Neutral Zone. Shields are raised and weapons are locked on. Picard goes to hail the Romulan ship to give them one last chance before engaging in battle. He says, "Hail the Romulans, on screen". Before he is put through an animated paper clip comes on and says "it appears you are trying to hail another ship. Would you like some help with that?" -------- Mon Sep 29 23:03:28 EDT 1997 host: host712.edm.pda.attcanada.com email: MRGATES@MINDLESS.COM which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... MR DATA TRIES TO USE MICROSOFT ENCARTA 2372 FOR A MISSION CRITICAL PROJECT When, the computer flashes a signal saying: This version of microsoft Encarta is outdated, you must return to earth to obtain the latest version, or you cann be billed 40,000 Credits. Shipping will take 4 light years. -------- Wed Oct 1 23:05:27 EDT 1997 host: tirith.mngt.waikato.ac.nz email: jshunter@waikato.ac.nz which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: The Enterprise visits the Ferengi home world. Temples everywhere honor their diety, a bespectacled humanoid. At least 95 Rules of Acquisition are attributed to him. the entrance to the temples are named "The Gates of Bill" -------- Fri Oct 3 06:44:22 EDT 1997 host: 149.170.228.147 email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You don't have a great page and i think you should insert it into a certain part of your anatomy (not your nose...) -------- Fri Oct 3 10:48:29 EDT 1997 host: tilos.csd.uch.gr email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page -------- Mon Oct 6 09:19:03 EDT 1997 host: lismez21.swan.ac.uk email: 146660.97@swansea.ac.uk which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ...I quite enjoyed reading it! Unfortunately, I'm not able to come up with a suggestion for a new "scenario" right away, but I'LL give my very best and visit your site again as soon as inspiration strikes me. -------- Tue Oct 7 06:31:59 EDT 1997 host: libr90.libr.port.ac.uk email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... it is very funny It's about right, microsft is crap...but then again Were would we be with out windows...probably still using the apple macs etc. See ya simon -------- Thu Oct 9 03:49:26 EDT 1997 host: desire.cc.ruu.nl email: r.sars@chemail.chem.ruu.nl which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: The Enterprise is under attack from a Ferengi vessel Picard orders: 'Worf bring fasers online' The computer responds with: 'you need to restart the system to make this change' -------- Thu Oct 9 05:23:29 EDT 1997 host: 149.170.228.147 email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and it would be better if you offered free booze to everyone who goes on it. -------- Mon Oct 13 01:01:30 EDT 1997 host: d1-u56.wgtn.clear.net.nz email: tgl13@student@canterbury.ac.nz which: General Comments Text: Microsoft does suck but get a life! -------- Tue Oct 14 08:34:29 EDT 1997 host: parrot.le.ac.uk email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... -------- Tue Oct 14 08:37:02 EDT 1997 host: parrot.le.ac.uk email: fjh2@le.ac.uk which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... Hehe love the into.! Great respect for this complete slagging of microsoft Which OS do you use AMIGA OS 3.1?? MAC OS Personaly i use the amiga os and find it superior in every way (Even if it is 5 years old!) Thanks for bringing a smile to my face once more! -------- Tue Oct 14 18:04:27 EDT 1997 host: atlas23.carroll.com email: pterm@hotmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ...I'd like to give you another scenario. The Enterptrise has just entered warp (finally!!) and Lt. Commander Data finds that the Enterprise is about to be destroyed. The Captain asks why and Data says "We didn't mail in our registration cards. also, I thought you might find this invigorating: "Star Trek Lost Episodes" transcript [Picard] "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?" [Geordi]"Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology." [Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.] [Riker looks puzzled.] "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?" [Data turns to answer.] "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate." [Picard] "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?" [Data] "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken over and none will be available for their normal operational functions." [Picard] "Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable geometric shape' idea." . . 15 Minutes Later . . . [Data] "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all resources. We however have not received any confirmation of the expected 'upgrade'." [Geordi] "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an 'upgrade' to compensate for their increase." [Picard] "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if their is something we have missed." [Data] "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the upgrade'. Appearently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending in their registration cards. [Riker] "Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emergency escape sequence 3F . . ." [Geordi, excited] "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0% !" [Picard] "Data, what does your scanners show?" [Data] "Appearently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity." [Picard] "Lets wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can reduce their functionality." . . Two Hours Pass . . . [Riker] "Geordi whats the status on the Borg?" [Geordi] "As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to transmit more 'windows' modules from something called the 'Microsoft fun-pack'. [Picard] "How much time will that buy us ?" [Data] "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest time span of 6 more hours." [Geordi] "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector." [Picard] "Identify." [Data] "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo" [Over the speakers] "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURREDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS" [Data] "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released thousands of humanoid shaped objects." [Picard] "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft" [Riker] "Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward the Borg ship with no life support suits! How can they survive the tortures of deep space ?!" [Data] "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by twenty-first century man as doe skin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani suits" [Riker and Picard together horrified] "Lawyers !!" [Geordi] "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening." [Data] "True, but appearently some must have survived." [Riker] "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all types of papers." [Data] "I believe that is known in ancient venacular as 'red tape' it often proves fatal." [Riker] "They're tearing the Borg to pieces !" [Picard] "Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch, not even the Borg deserve that." -------- Tue Oct 21 00:32:00 EDT 1997 host: hd43-116.hil.compuserve.com email: timshoe@juno.com which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... This is a stupid page and a waste of time -------- Wed Oct 22 22:39:01 EDT 1997 host: ecrc08.comlaw.utas.edu.au email: edalgic@postoffice.sandybay.utas.edu.au which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ...how's this for Microsoft: The Next Generation The treaty between the Federation and the Klingon Empire is brought to an end as the Klingons decide to switch to a Mac based system!!! -------- Thu Oct 23 07:26:47 EDT 1997 host: p01.pm-5.pm.dimcom.net email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... The Enterprise returns to MS Starfleet Headquarters in Seattle, Earth, for the release of Windows 2365. Unfortunately, due to all the "hoopla" surrounding the event, and the popularity of the galaxy's favorite software company, every hotel within a light-year of Earth is booked. MSHQ orders the Enterpise to be designated as an emergency hotel facility for the next week. only to the behest of umpteen trillion mss members the mss has had to delay release again leaving everyone with ms windows 95 sr2 revision patch level unknown. -------- Thu Oct 23 15:24:42 EDT 1997 host: 206.244.76.205 email: scherger@wesnet.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: do one for Voyager or DS9 -------- Thu Oct 23 15:44:29 EDT 1997 host: user-2k7i3uo.dialup.mindspring.com email: bawktw@mindspring.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: Stardate 3509 Suddenly, while docked at Deep Space 9, a subsonic rythmic electromagnetic cloud off the port bow created an overload in the Voyager's warp core. While trying to suppress the surge, Cmdr. Laforge attempted to direct power to Deep Space 9, but unfortunatley the procedure failed and the cloud engulfed the space station and every crewmember of all docked ships. With no escape from the electromagnetic phenomenon, Deep Space 9 and all ships attached were forced to perform fatal errors. All systems had to be rebooted, formated, and Windows had to be reinstalled. Most crafts, including Voyager received damage to processor units, memory, and motherboards. Unfortunatly no hardrives where backed up properly and very important and lengthy research was unrecoverable. It has been a total loss and not even the electromagnetic cloud, which vanished without a trace, could be studied, since all systems were down or damaged. *Thought you might want to post this little scenario. Kind of funny, heh?* -------- Thu Oct 23 15:46:38 EDT 1997 host: user-2k7i3uo.dialup.mindspring.com email: which: General Comments Text: You DO have a great page and ... I didn't know how much space I had. Now sweat off my brow though brother. Hale +{Microsoft Federation}+ Enjoy -------- Thu Oct 30 05:19:39 EST 1997 host: www-cache.mni.fh-giessen.de email: richard.dienstknecht@mni.fh-giessen.de which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You simply forgot the last message the crew is ever going to read: There has been a protection fault in the module WARPCORE.DLL (Sorry, I only know the german text, take whatever english versions of wingoof report when a protection fault occurs.) Richard -------- Fri Oct 31 02:49:22 EST 1997 host: ttyb0d.ott.igs.net email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and I would like to see the fucking smut taken off this computer forever. -------- Fri Oct 31 02:49:43 EST 1997 host: ttyb0d.ott.igs.net email: hbrown@igs.net which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and I would like to see the fucking smut taken off this computer forever. -------- Sat Nov 1 09:03:47 EST 1997 host: pc-21634.on.rogers.wave.ca email: kemi@rogers.wave.ca which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: Capitan Picard gives the command to fire torpedos at the Romulan Vessle (after being fired at for 30 seconds) nothing happens a moment later a sign falshes on the viewscreen "your 30 day trial period of Microsoft Torpeod launcher 12.2 has expierd" -------- Wed Nov 5 03:38:22 EST 1997 host: ts027p13.pop3b.netvision.net.il email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... it's great although a bit old!!! -------- Fri Nov 14 19:22:32 EST 1997 host: w186-22.warwick.net email: rea@warwick.net which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... you spelled Lt. LaForge's name wrong. It's "Geordi" like in "George" NOT "Jordi" like in "Jordan". Other than that this is really funny stuff. Good job! -------- Sat Nov 15 18:31:06 EST 1997 host: usr168.dialnet.com email: martinb@writeme.com which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... Your spelling is awful! -------- Mon Nov 17 16:41:51 EST 1997 host: 168.169.39.177 email: selik@rocketmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... Captain's log, microsoftdate: 50.8935k; The event I have dreaded for nearly 6 yrs. has finally arrived. The Borg, our most lethal enemy, have begun an invasion of the MS Federation, and this time there may be no stopping them. (The rest is the same as the movie, until...) This is Captain Picard of the Enterprise, I'm taking of the network, target all of your weapons onto the following coordinates, activate on my command...... The network has reponded, sir, they're starnding by. Activate! That action can not take place due to memory requirements of the WindowsUFP. Picard's last thought, before he resumes his role as Locutos: If only we had a better operating system, we might have won....... -------- Mon Nov 17 16:53:08 EST 1997 host: 168.169.39.177 email: selik@rocketmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: (Q-Who) Laforge to Security - we have an intruder. {Commersial} Stop, I can't allow you to interfere with the operating statis of this ship. They don't want political wealth as you know it, they........ Warning.... Unauthorized access to the WindowsUFP system files has been detected . Activating Anti-virus systems.... Unidentied intruder known as BORG, identified as a potential threat virus, activating Windows antibody applets. Captain, the Borg ship is changing shape, it is turning into the Windows logo!!!! They've exploded!!!! -------- Mon Nov 17 19:06:59 EST 1997 host: 208.134.78.155 email: you rule which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ...you rule -------- Mon Nov 17 19:08:19 EST 1997 host: 208.134.78.155 email: you rule which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and I dont lie! -------- Mon Nov 17 19:08:45 EST 1997 host: 208.134.78.155 email: Kent county which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and I dont lie! -------- Mon Nov 17 19:09:27 EST 1997 host: 208.134.78.155 email: www.rev.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and I dont lie! -------- Mon Nov 17 19:34:13 EST 1997 host: 208.134.78.155 email: revdpowers@juno.com which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and I love voyager -------- Mon Nov 17 19:34:37 EST 1997 host: 208.134.78.155 email: revdpowers@juno.com which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and I love your games -------- Tue Nov 18 20:23:22 EST 1997 host: nas-nh5-07.ix.netcom.com email: darren@awardproductions.com which: General Comments Text: Hello – While doing some research for my column, I found your website intriguing. In the name of further sociological Trek research, I’d appreciate your feedback on: "Trekkies Trade in Spock Ears for Wonderbras." Maybe it won’t win the Pulitzer, but I felt somebody has to speak up. Here’s the link: http://www.nashuatelegraph.com/Archive/Columns/dg1118z.htm Live Long and Prosper…… -------- Thu Nov 20 17:01:30 EST 1997 host: hutch13.ourtownusa.com email: kb0omj@ourtownusa.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... (Just what I was going to say! I would like to know if it would be OK to quote one or two of your MS Federation scenerios on my website (not finished yet) I love all things anti-Microsoft. And you really do have a cool site. Roman Smith -------- Thu Nov 20 19:13:27 EST 1997 host: disa.uni.net.za email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... nice start!!!!!! A new ship... the MS Intergalactic Explorer 3000 is launched to servey where no mann has gone before....... Unfortunately it automatically logs everything to the BORG (Bill (Of the Rich) Gates) server.... so everything is totally destroyed by the time starfleet actually arrives to negotiate........ -------- Thu Nov 20 19:15:54 EST 1997 host: disa.uni.net.za email: 9638725@renet.sun.ac.za which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... the previous suggestion about MS: The Next Generation (MS Intergalactic Explorer 300) was sent by me... i forgot the Email...... now you have it... Kewl webpage....... azash -------- Fri Nov 21 18:14:05 EST 1997 host: 6.lynchburg.net email: leeken@lynchburg.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... Captain Picard leads the crew of the Enterprise on a Journey through a new worm hole. They are transported to a Part of the Galaxy that was only rumored to have been in existence. It had been spoken of with great reverence because of the supernatural mystery surrounding the place. It was known throughout the galaxy, in every race, every Solar system by the name of Mac Appleonia. The place is ruled by Brother Steevjobz who refuses to share the secrets of Mac Appleonia with Capt. Picard. Jordi is stunned by the advanced technology and defects to the newly discovered land where starships are smaller, faster and more powerful. Picard is amazed when taken for a demo ride by Brother Steevjobz because when he prepares for Warp and says,"Engage," the thing ACTUALLY engaged! Picard tries to offer Data, Commander Riker and Counselor Troi in exchange for the technology but Steevejobz already had a Mac Appleonian version of Data that was much better and looked like Jenny McCarthy. As for Riker, Steevjobz said, "Who wants that pompous fool?" I have Leonard Nimoy, the MCMXXLIV! -------- Wed Nov 26 16:18:40 EST 1997 host: 156.42.82.27 email: hetcol@aztec.asu.ed which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... Why not have the software refuse to run because the computers are incompatable with the new system software. The whole computer system would refuse to run, life support would shut off, every thing would come to a dead stand still until the federation finally got around to upgrading the computers so that the system software will run, but it is now out of date and the new new system software won't run on the new computer. -------- Thu Nov 27 01:47:44 EST 1997 host: slip-129-37-42-136.ca.us.ibm.net email: childsd@ibm.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... - apparently stopped with only one page of M$ silliness because the program was notified that the newest driver had been released for the html editor, and the OS would not continue until it was duly purchased from M$ and a Tech Support agreement executed. The allegations are True! Long live Sun, IBM, Apple, DR, etc.,!! DC -------- Thu Nov 27 18:56:33 EST 1997 host: cin-oh5-06.ix.netcom.com email: rrk137@ix.netcom.com which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... What happened to Cringely? Bob Cringely. Where's the test?Do you know the meanong of "137"? You should. By the way. absolutely loved the "Nerd...." movie. Do anothernow. Don't waite 10 years> Please get back to me about "137". If you don't know, I'll be happy to tell you. rick kelsch rrk137@ix.netcom.com -------- Fri Nov 28 02:48:35 EST 1997 host: ts008d17.atl-ga.concentric.net email: derektp@concentric.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... The Enterprise suddenly encounters the borg, and when they try to raise the shields the borg have already borded the ship, and are downloading the software thats in the computers central core. The enterprise is saved at the last minute when, the borg trying to take over the ship, suddenly all freeze. The crew find the borg mumbling something about general protection fault. -------- Fri Nov 28 09:02:43 EST 1997 host: dialup06.wap.org email: Wertand@aol.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: Belana cannot get the rescued processor back on line because she cannot remember the DOS command to initialize the storage on Voyager. "dang it...fd...cd.. pd..exit to windows?" -------- Sat Nov 29 03:24:28 EST 1997 host: 203.40.100.4 email: mickjones@bigpond.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: I have a suggestion for you... The Borg are attacking but for some odd reason, a Red Alert has not been sounded. Picard enters the bridge. "Red Alert!" he calls. No-one responds. Eventually Data turns around and says. "Could you please be quiet, sir. I'm trying to concerntrate on my solitare game!" -------- Sat Nov 29 03:32:14 EST 1997 host: 203.40.100.4 email: mickjones@bigpond.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... Here is suggestion for your page... [Tom Riker to Picard] Sir, we can't navigate. You see, the navigation console crashed and I had to re-install all the drivers. When the Auto-Detect New Hardware came on, it detected a Windows 95 Keyboard. Now every time I hit the forward thrusters button, a little Start button comes up and a menu with Programs, Documents, Settings, Help, Run and Shut Down comes up on the view screen. What should I do sir? It's good to see some humour on the net. I don't see much so this is great! From Tristan Jones. -------- Sat Nov 29 09:03:31 EST 1997 host: 208.128.130.126 email: kbrown@avicom.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... After installing a new replicator in 10-Foward, Jordi discovers that the ships sensors are down due to an Inner Rozone Quartz (IRQ) conflict. Data is sent to remove and re-install the new equipment, however this causes an invalid page fault within his neural network. He is last seen wandering the halls, in a twitchy, spasmodic trance saying "Ech-yoing . . . ech-yoing . . . ech-yoing . . . " Finally, Worf physically takes out the replicator, while Capt. Picard orders a set of 256 bit sensor compatable drivers and patches to replace the 128 bit driver the replicator came with. Apon the successful installation of the new replicator, its drivers, patches, and updates, it is learned that the entire ships computer system must be restarted for the new configuration to take effect. -------- Sun Nov 30 23:09:30 EST 1997 host: slmel13p07.ozemail.com.au email: davemark@world.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... If it gets this bad, then the Borg will be most welcome! -------- Mon Dec 1 00:31:55 EST 1997 host: proxy.satech.net.au email: stewien@box.net.au which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... unfortunately I only know about the original star trek so the names might need to be changed but.... The Enterprise's intercom system keeps on cutting out requiring the entire ship to be powered down and powered back up before the intercom system is operational again. Scotty electronically obtains a software upgrade over the MSSSN for the system that should stop the problem. He tries to install the new software, but discovers that only a leader can do such a task, so he goes and gets captain Kirk. Captain Kirk removes the old software and installs the new version. The entire Enterprise must then be shut down including the communications, life support systems etc. On power up the ship completely fails to activate any of the systems, and all that happens is that the emergency blue lighting is activated, and a message "error 53 at location 0x004663400431 appears on the console. In their final gasps of breath as the oxygen runs out, Scotty and Kirk read through the operating manual and find the advice that if such a fault should occur, they should "contact the manufacturer of the intercom system". -------- Mon Dec 1 11:28:25 EST 1997 host: 207.194.133.95 email: gseeley@gds.ca which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page(!) and ... An addition: Jordi has to upgrade the OS on the central computer but first he must updgrade the transporter, replicators, phasers and countless other systems before it'll install. -Geoff Seeley -------- Mon Dec 1 18:24:24 EST 1997 host: ww-tc04.proxy.aol.com email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... Well, this part at least is super! Sorry, no suggestions, I'm just an admirer. -------- Tue Dec 2 16:12:10 EST 1997 host: user-37kbbdo.dialup.mindspring.com email: artema@mindspring.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... After a near-deadly encounter with the Borg, Picard instructs the computer to disable the self-destruct sequence. After 39 frantic YESes to 'are you sure' type queries the ship is destroyed. -------- Wed Dec 3 11:59:41 EST 1997 host: 207.205.104.131 email: Infinite K which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: The Enterprise is engaged in battle with the evil Linux empire - fast, lightweight ships crewed by Sun-worshippers. Though severely damaged, they are triumphant. However, long-range sensors indicate a fleet of Alpha AXP-class attack cruisers coming in at high warp speed. Picard calls down to Engineering and says "Geordie, we need shields and phasers back online NOW!". The apologetic lieutenant replies "Sorry, Captain, but we need to reinstall the deflector and weapons-interface driver DLLs, and the subspace delay from here to the nearest Starbase server is nearly a week!" -------- Sat Dec 6 17:30:30 EST 1997 host: scotv.npd.provo.novell.com email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... If you had more pictures it would make it a lot better. Like if you had a picture of a torpedo about to hit the Enterprise. -------- Sat Dec 6 17:33:54 EST 1997 host: scotv.npd.provo.novell.com email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ...I was wondering if you could put more dialog? -------- Tue Dec 9 14:30:17 EST 1997 host: 199.198.212.98 email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page but ... Check your spelling of "jordi" (should be Geordi). -------- Thu Dec 11 14:10:10 EST 1997 host: memlab.chem.louisville.edu email: rmmatt01@homer.louisville.edu which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... -When upgrading from Enterprise C to Enterprise D, the entire ship crashes because they forgot to uninstall the previous version. -The Federation is sued by the Kligon Empire in an attempt to prevent the Federation from including a cloaking device in their next Fleet line. The Federation defends itself by saying that integration a cloaking device with it's starship software is completely in compliance with the Federation/Kligon treaty. -Lt. Worf is beamed down to a uncharted plant. While beaming back to the Enterprise, his beam freezes halfway. Fortunately, Jordi had "Norton Anti-freeze" installed. OR . . . an error message appears saying "the file 'Lt. Worf' cannot be found. Please try beaming up again." Fortunately, Jordi had "Norton Utilities v. 210.0" and was able to successfully recover Lt. Worf. -By no big surprise, instead of a cube, the Borg is in the shape of a giant apple with a bite taken out of it. Hopefully, 1 or 2 of these doesn't suck. This is a FUNNY page! -------- Sat Dec 13 09:45:38 EST 1997 host: nubs509.ccs.itd.umich.edu email: which: General Comments Text: Data, after uprgrading his positronic matrix, discovers that he has no NT 400 Driver for his primary synaptic processes. Data lies down and Spot climbs on top of him. When Data fails to report to duty Jordi and Diana go to his quarter only to find him repeating "Incompatible hardware device". -------- Sat Dec 13 09:46:00 EST 1997 host: nubs509.ccs.itd.umich.edu email: delturge@umich.edu which: General Comments Text: Data, after uprgrading his positronic matrix, discovers that he has no NT 400 Driver for his primary synaptic processes. Data lies down and Spot climbs on top of him. When Data fails to report to duty Jordi and Diana go to his quarter only to find him repeating "Incompatible hardware device". -------- Sat Dec 13 09:46:25 EST 1997 host: nubs509.ccs.itd.umich.edu email: delturge@umich.edu which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: Data, after uprgrading his positronic matrix, discovers that he has no NT 400 Driver for his primary synaptic processes. Data lies down and Spot climbs on top of him. When Data fails to report to duty Jordi and Diana go to his quarter only to find him repeating "Incompatible hardware device". -------- Sun Dec 14 10:38:15 EST 1997 host: ip208.burbank3.ca.pub-ip.psi.net email: GARDANSYS@EARTHLINK.NET which: O.J. Text: You have a great page and ... -------- Mon Dec 15 19:06:09 EST 1997 host: ppp-3.ts-2.chi.idt.net email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... Geordi is doing some delicate and lengthy repairs to the main computer. He asks the computer to save his repairs and changes, when the screen announces that the program has made and "illegal error" and perhaps an "applications error," ans poor Geordi has to start over again. -------- Tue Dec 16 04:57:02 EST 1997 host: tc1-p30.tfs.net email: dave@visualfuture.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... the MicroTrek stuff is great! The first time I saw startrek.msn.com I too wondered, what if??? You're on one of those long shuttle rides. There's a little turbulence. Some lights flash. Then a soft voice announces "Life Support Not Found..., Please insert system disk". -------- Tue Dec 16 09:22:53 EST 1997 host: host-32-96-37-176.atl.bellsouth.net email: kateel@bellsouth.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... i don't mean to nit pick, but you misspelled a name. It's Geordi not Jordi LaForge. Nice work. i enjoyed it very much. --matt -------- Tue Dec 16 09:54:06 EST 1997 host: noseguard.jackhenry.com email: jnicholas@jackhenry.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... Howsabout this... Tired of years of fighting with the Romulan Empire, the Federation merely purchases it and operates it as a wholey-owned subsidiary. -------- Tue Dec 16 19:04:59 EST 1997 host: ww-tn04.proxy.aol.com email: Worf49@aol.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: The rank of Data is Lt Commander, And The chief Engineer's name is Geordi LaForge, Not Jordi. -------- Tue Dec 16 21:44:13 EST 1997 host: 205.182.106.54 email: mlevan@loganrec.com which: General Comments Text: You have a great page that much is certain. I've always viewed Microsoft as the borg assimilating smaller companies. I think it would be great to see Mr. Gates' picture done up as a borg, not a captain. -------- Fri Dec 19 02:20:04 EST 1997 host: shep99.wuh.wustl.edu email: aet2@cec.wustl.edu which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... wouldn't the 'Enterprise' be renamed the 'Enterpise Edition'? -------- Fri Dec 19 02:20:21 EST 1997 host: shep99.wuh.wustl.edu email: aet2@cec.wustl.edu which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... wouldn't the 'Enterprise' be renamed the 'Enterpise Edition'? -------- Fri Dec 19 07:28:04 EST 1997 host: cache.online.ee email: ee which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... -------- Fri Dec 19 12:34:07 EST 1997 host: cache.online.ee email: alter@online.ee which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... -------- Sat Dec 20 00:48:46 EST 1997 host: cache.online.ee email: pandeero@mail.ee which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ...nothing else (maybe). -------- Tue Dec 23 17:07:52 EST 1997 host: atlrel2.hp.com email: ken@gentei.ee.sophia.ac.jp which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: I think bill_sf.jpg does not fit. How about morphing with the Ferengie? -------- Wed Dec 24 12:10:25 EST 1997 host: tyok125.bekkoame.or.jp email: ryo.@ppp.bekkoame.or.jp which: General Comments Text: Dear Andy. You have good taste and this PAGE has a great future. My English is very poor. Therefore, please excuse me, if I wrote in impolite expression. ryo ...from Tokyo, Japan -------- Wed Dec 24 12:10:56 EST 1997 host: tyok125.bekkoame.or.jp email: which: Text: -------- Wed Dec 24 12:16:19 EST 1997 host: tyok125.bekkoame.or.jp email: ryo.@ppp.bekkoame.or.jp which: General Comments Text: Dear Andy. You have a great page and good taste, and this PAGE has a great future. My English is very poor. Therefore, please excuse me, if I wrote in impolite expression. But... I did not delete the "You have a great page" this time. ryo ...from Tokyo, Japan -------- Wed Dec 24 12:19:48 EST 1997 host: tyok125.bekkoame.or.jp email: which: Text: -------- Wed Dec 24 12:22:20 EST 1997 host: tyok125.bekkoame.or.jp email: ryo.@ppp.bekkoame.or.jp which: General Comments Text: Dear Andy. Maybe, I understood what "General Comments" meens. ryo ...from Tokyo, Japan -------- Wed Dec 24 12:31:45 EST 1997 host: tyok125.bekkoame.or.jp email: ryo.@ppp.bekkoame.or.jp which: General Comments Text: Dear Andy. I have not insulted you, never... and am not bashful. I wrote my E-mail address above, ok? ryo ...from Tokyo, Japan -------- Sat Dec 27 03:50:33 EST 1997 host: 202.96.184.51 email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... -------- Tue Jan 6 19:16:08 EST 1998 host: redirect5.bess.net email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: I think it's very funny -------- Tue Jan 6 19:16:38 EST 1998 host: redirect5.bess.net email: the library which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: I think it's very funny -------- Sat Jan 10 00:28:29 EST 1998 host: sc7-13-168.thegrid.net email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: I think you should put in a scenario where the borg atack but Bill Gates come in his liquidome head protector. He then installs the Microsoft Flight Simulator 98 into the borg flight computer and when their using it it starts to control the flight computer and the Borg Ship is destroyed when they crash simulator plane. -------- Tue Jan 13 00:10:18 EST 1998 host: ppp6-4.igc.org email: acarrillo@igc.org which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ...And lets insert Gates into a airlock of all the starships, and to see if he's Microsoft proof, and also to promote his new operating system Wind Blows 98.... I still cannot installed Star Trek's BORG, and ideas or suggustions????? -------- Tue Jan 13 04:03:22 EST 1998 host: ip04.sou.mind.net email: elli1748@tao.sou.edu which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... I really liked the Microsoft: TNG page. One idea would be to say that "every time Captain Picard orders a subspace communication to be sent, the computer searches for an eternity while the computer core audibly decomposes from the impending systems overload. Just before the main computer freezes, it says that the modem is not responding-make sure it is connected to the subspace comm. serial port." I don't know, I'm not terribly good at making things sound funny but feel free to play around with it or toss it. Just an idea. Thanks. Great site. J. Elliott -------- Tue Jan 13 16:10:48 EST 1998 host: thing07.slip.yorku.ca email: shadows@zahadum.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... is it ok if i post the "microsoft federation " funnies on my page with a link back to you? thanks. galina. page: http://home.onestop.net/zahadum/index.ftml -------- Wed Jan 14 23:14:58 EST 1998 host: ww-tj02.proxy.aol.com email: PeterKirk7@aol.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... Spell 'Geordi' right! other than that, you have a great page. -------- Fri Jan 16 12:07:59 EST 1998 host: ip212.altoona2.pa.pub-ip.psi.net email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... MICROSHAFT WINDBLOWS 98 A True Oxymoron MICROSOFT WORKS? -------- Sat Jan 17 21:50:49 EST 1998 host: m712.sunlink.net email: Locutus53@yahoo.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: This isn't really a suggestion...I just wanted to tell you that you have a great ST page and that the only thing that is bad about it is that it is too short. Perhaps some additions would be in order...Make it so! Locutus53 -------- Sun Jan 18 09:03:44 EST 1998 host: port24.pulje105.get2net.dk email: rogue_kris@hotmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have an exellent page and here's a suggestion for a Microsoft: The Next Generation adventure: Captain Picard discovers that his crew is busy playing "Solitaire" during battle and thereby using to much memory to perform the command "shields up". I hope you like it, afterall I spent 15 seconds of my life on it. Rogue -------- Sun Jan 18 10:17:31 EST 1998 host: ac22-p6-zg.tel.hr email: dbruner@lycosemail.com which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and all of it is thru, but are you just a littel bit over the edge? -------- Mon Jan 19 19:39:37 EST 1998 host: emac2.lpl.org email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ...here's my plot idea... Q turns Bill Gates into a Ferengi (with HUGE lobes)... -------- Tue Jan 20 03:20:38 EST 1998 host: fusion.mel.sprint.com.au email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: how about some funny vidoes -------- Fri Jan 23 16:30:45 EST 1998 host: 198.216.248.152 email: which: General Comments Text: yOUR a DUMBASS!!! -------- Fri Jan 23 16:31:36 EST 1998 host: 198.216.248.152 email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... -------- Fri Jan 23 16:32:16 EST 1998 host: 198.216.248.152 email: YOUSUCK@FUCKYOU.COM which: My Resume Text: You have a great page and ... -------- Fri Jan 23 21:16:44 EST 1998 host: man5.kih.net email: jscollett@hotmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You need more pics. It would really kick ass then. if you ever get more let me know -------- Mon Jan 26 18:43:32 EST 1998 host: pun135.punahou.edu email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... Make a movie of the battle. -------- Wed Feb 4 09:37:14 EST 1998 host: napoli8-28.tin.it email: marino@mbox.vol.it which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ...that's all folks :-) -------- Fri Feb 6 22:37:16 EST 1998 host: pool-207-205-187-239.clev.grid.net email: jml2000@pipeline.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... I think the only thing your missing is perhaps While under attack, the enemy flees, Picard decides to follow. As his order to go to warp 8 is entered, a dialog box appears on the viewscreen : The Program "Warp Core" has caused a General Protection Failure in module 8375939287839:239875939845938. and the only two options are "Ignore" (which does nothing), and "Jettison". -------- Tue Feb 10 15:41:38 EST 1998 host: gencat.es email: which: My Resume Text: You have a great page and ... -------- Thu Feb 12 07:31:00 EST 1998 host: dialup2-28.highway1.net.au email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... You should modify the one were La forge install a new warp core, but instead of having to keep putting in more warp crystals, it should give a message saying "Not ready reading crystal drive a, abort retry fail" -------- Tue Feb 17 14:03:00 EST 1998 host: 203-a-35-130.ppp.mcleodusa.net email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... -------- Wed Feb 18 17:04:38 EST 1998 host: 203.35.2.155 email: bluedruid@yahoo.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: the klingons are now using win95 wallpaper as new cloaking device -------- Wed Feb 18 19:34:15 EST 1998 host: 203.35.2.155 email: bluedruid@yahoo.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: All MS staff would be Ferengi, desperately telling us to upgrade our computers/software for all the benefits etc Shouldnt bill gates/microsoft be a bit like the crystal entity ?....or should bill be commander of the death star "office 97"or "explorer 4" -------- Mon Feb 23 17:53:26 EST 1998 host: 117.baltimore-03.md.dial-access.att.net email: m_cheslock@hotmail.com which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... 1/2 of every show would be spent upgrading systems and the other 1/2 would be spent either debugging the thing or removing the upgrades becuase they don't work -------- Mon Feb 23 17:54:01 EST 1998 host: 117.baltimore-03.md.dial-access.att.net email: m_cheslock@hotmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... 1/2 of every show would be spent upgrading systems and the other 1/2 would be spent either debugging the thing or removing the upgrades becuase they don't work -------- Sat Feb 28 19:47:18 EST 1998 host: 1cust54.max3.salt-lake-city.ut.ms.uu.net email: BBhudda@classic.msn.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: It's Geordi with a G not with a J Just thought I'd help -------- Sun Mar 1 00:22:17 EST 1998 host: gp-13.budget.net email: onyx90@hotmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ...the only problem I have with it is that Lt. LaForge's first name is spelled Geordie, not Jordi. -------- Thu Mar 5 08:41:20 EST 1998 host: gatekeeper.sps.k12.mo.us email: which: General Comments Text: On the sixth entry of the microsoft generation thing Geordi is spelled with a "G", not a "J". Just thought you computer wizards should know this. -------- Fri Mar 6 11:26:55 EST 1998 host: shiva1port1.francomm.com email: jedifern@yahoo.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ...you spelled a name wrong. It's Geordi! That's all, Thanks! -------- Fri Mar 6 19:52:20 EST 1998 host: gr-max9-9.iserv.net email: henning89@yahoo.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... that's true! nice work!!!! b.o. -------- Fri Mar 6 20:55:58 EST 1998 host: 166-59-2.ipt.aol.com email: ltcmdrhd@aol.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ...you're just the man. What about when Riker goes on one of his wild erotic adventures and when hes just about to kiss the holographic girl the computer pops up and says "The Current program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down immediately."Then Cmdr. Riker loses his woman. -------- Thu Mar 12 07:51:46 EST 1998 host: bess-proxy.mec.edu email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: great picture of Bill Gates -------- Sat Mar 14 16:21:53 EST 1998 host: public034036.library.nwu.edu email: mike.sloothaak@mailexcite.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... You mistakenly refer to Lt. Data. Data is a Lt. Cmdr. and should be refered to as Cmdr. Data. Data is my hero. -------- Sun Mar 15 23:07:27 EST 1998 host: ip91-78.ts.indy.net email: gkritiko@indiana.edu which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... Here's one for you: Command prefix codes for the starship require a "username" (the crewman's name) and a "password" (the code the officer uses). Enemies have found a way to circumvent this, though, and take control of the ship: mearly hit "escape". -------- Wed Mar 18 02:45:16 EST 1998 host: gp1.sail.wantabe.com email: patrick@houstonia.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... I think you should have a next generation Starship The M.S.S. Capitalism patrick -------- Fri Mar 20 15:39:47 EST 1998 host: pc19f7561.dip.t-online.de email: MBMSTEFANKO@T-ONLINE.DE which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and I wonder what Programm you have used to make the "CAPTAIN BILL"-Photo. Please answer! (Markus) -------- Fri Mar 27 12:41:27 EST 1998 host: uv3.biophysics.rochester.edu email: fesnet@ibm.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: Lt. Worf is typing out a communication to the Klingon homeworld from his quarters on his terminal. He accidently hits two keys at once, the terminal locks up and he has to reboot. Upon doing so he gets a message the the ships registry has been corrupted. Picard and the rest of the crew get an unexpected leave since the whole ship has to be taken into the nearest starbase to have the operating system re-insalled. -------- Fri Mar 27 21:43:10 EST 1998 host: ip156.pcu.net email: hetar@hotmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... Star Trek Scenario ------------------------------ Captain picard wants to uprade his Microsoft bed to a newer and better version (made by an opposing company.) However, due to Microsoft intergalactic law, picard may not visit another company. Picards gets sneaky and somehow manages to buy a bed, in the middle of the tranport of the bed to the ship the microsoft teleporter suddenly decides that it can't teleport this. It sends a message back to the transporter room "-1566.678 hours left until transfer completes" -------- Wed Apr 1 05:26:39 EST 1998 host: max7-215.hiwaay.net email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... After an extensive computer refit the Enterprise has been ordered to the Romulan nutral zone. Recent reports of increased Romulan activity has Microsoft Fleet Headquarters nervous about the possiability of an invasion. As the Enterprise arives at the neutral zone, it is met by a Romulan war bird. The stand off begins. Captain Picard decides that since the war bird is already in the neutral zone, that he will order the Enterprise in as well. Commander Data excecutes the command. The view screen appears with the message.................... THIS PROGRAM WILL NOT ALLOW ENTRANCE IN THE NEUTRAL ZONE.....PLEASE WAIT WHILE WINDOWS RECONFIGURES YOUR SYSTEM FOR ENTRY.........(5 minutes later) WINDOWS WILL NOW RESTART YOUR SYSTEM WITH THE RECOMENDED CHANGES......... -------- Wed Apr 1 05:27:08 EST 1998 host: max7-215.hiwaay.net email: jlm@hiwaay.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... After an extensive computer refit the Enterprise has been ordered to the Romulan nutral zone. Recent reports of increased Romulan activity has Microsoft Fleet Headquarters nervous about the possiability of an invasion. As the Enterprise arives at the neutral zone, it is met by a Romulan war bird. The stand off begins. Captain Picard decides that since the war bird is already in the neutral zone, that he will order the Enterprise in as well. Commander Data excecutes the command. The view screen appears with the message.................... THIS PROGRAM WILL NOT ALLOW ENTRANCE IN THE NEUTRAL ZONE.....PLEASE WAIT WHILE WINDOWS RECONFIGURES YOUR SYSTEM FOR ENTRY.........(5 minutes later) WINDOWS WILL NOW RESTART YOUR SYSTEM WITH THE RECOMENDED CHANGES......... -------- Sun Apr 5 14:56:22 EDT 1998 host: host5-99-49-114.btinternet.com email: captainali@yahoo.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ...yep you do!! You spelled the chief engineer's name wrong, it's geordi okay! Great page Alistair -------- Thu Apr 9 19:57:26 EDT 1998 host: rc-pm1-06.enetis.net email: greynold@enetis.net which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... -------- Thu Apr 9 19:59:10 EDT 1998 host: rc-pm1-06.enetis.net email: greynold@enetis.net which: General Comments Text: I think that Bill Gates or whoever wrotwe that micro soft the next generation needs a life. I mean we will have a much better computer set up. -------- Fri Apr 10 01:33:16 EDT 1998 host: news.kufs.ac.jp email: 98k053f@kufs.ac.jp which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... It was just a pleasure to read, especially the Star Trek jokes. Thanks for taking the trouble to put them on the net, I had a bad day at school ( well, first days are always the worst aren`t they ) but after reading the jokes, the OJ poem as well as the gossip page I feel like I can take on at least three more classes today. ( easily said since I only have one more and the language used in class is English ! hahahahahaha ) Keep up the good work !!! Godelieve Hilgers, Kyoto, Japan. -------- Sun Apr 12 01:40:29 EDT 1998 host: caesium.washington.xtn.net email: Teddman@rocketmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and I have a suggestion. Some One deleated a program manualy insted of using to "Remove Program" option in the setup menu and left a the name of the program on the computer. When someone went to remove the program the right way they couldn't because it was allready gone. -------- Wed Apr 15 22:46:26 EDT 1998 host: dial093.w-link.net email: erichoffmn@w-link.net which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... You have only forgotten one scenario that seems to be a STTNG favorite: The holodeck malfunction! I am sure that Windows could find a way to foul THAT up that would not occur to the average STTNG scriptwriter. Of course, where else could they be getting their inspiration? -------- Wed Apr 15 22:46:59 EDT 1998 host: dial093.w-link.net email: erichoffmn@w-link.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... You have only forgotten one scenario that seems to be a STTNG favorite: The holodeck malfunction! I am sure that Windows could find a way to foul THAT up that would not occur to the average STTNG scriptwriter. Of course, where else could they be getting their inspiration? -------- Thu Apr 16 21:29:33 EDT 1998 host: bay-009-b3.codetel.net.do email: modesto400@yahoo.com which: General Comments Text: simple GREAT!!!! I LOVE THIS ....!!!!! -------- Sat Apr 18 04:25:28 EDT 1998 host: weesp23.multiweb.net email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... I like it -------- Tue Apr 28 08:57:30 EDT 1998 host: enterprise.unn.ac.uk email: richard.binns@btinternet.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... Yes you do have a great page, I am going to link you from mine!!! Lt Gordie La Forge, "Captain I have managed to bypass the normal opersting system of the Enterprise (MSSSSSN with Microsoft InterGalactic Explorer)." Captain Pikard "Good can we access the GWWW (Galactic World Wide Web)?" Lt Gordie La Forge "Yes but only with a triquader running something Called `Netscape`." -------- Fri May 1 16:25:35 EDT 1998 host: ww-te04.proxy.aol.com email: MSTOC@AOL.COM which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... ....You forgot to mention the Enterprise running out of hard disk space due to MSSSN downloads or whenever windows 2634 boots and uses all the virtual memory????? Cheers for five minutes of LOL!!!! -------- Sat May 2 12:53:57 EDT 1998 host: pm267-00.dialip.mich.net email: tdowning1@juno.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... add this to the scenarios: The Romulans take over control of the USS Enterprise by intercepting a patch for a security bug and altering it ti make the ship respond to their subspace commands. La Forge discovers that restarting the main computer in safe mode will allow them to bypass the bogus patch. The Enterprise gets away, but only after taking heavy damage Please add a link to my web page http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Campus/5729/ and an e-mail link -------- Fri May 8 10:40:21 EDT 1998 host: asp53-64.amsterdam.nl.net email: jremmers@keesing.nl which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... Yes, you do! Had a good laugh over the Next Generation suggestions. I don't have any big ideas for you right now but if I come up with sth I'll let you know.Let's try now... Errmm.. let's see. Replicators which replicate food with MS window logo in it? And how about a Microsoft positronic upgrade for Data? Bye now, Jackie (Amsterdam, The Netherlands) -------- Sat May 9 06:13:28 EDT 1998 host: utto1029.to.utwente.nl email: which: General Comments Text: Hi, I'm a dutch Star Trek fan and I really like your humoristic 'TNG meet Microsoft'page. I've been searching for some cool Star Trek sites and recently for some anti-Microsoft pages, too. (My computer failed to find my sound blaster for the fifth time in a row and locked up -once again-) Oh, how do I hate Microsoft..... -------- Sat May 9 16:23:36 EDT 1998 host: e1c9p13.scotland.net email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: The klingons, the romulans, everyone wiped out because the whole galaxy runs, MSF "Internet explorer" -------- Thu May 14 06:12:27 EDT 1998 host: 202.61.255.18 email: cheail@eisa.net.au which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: Perhaps the good Maquis (Lead by their fearless leader, Linus) could get into a battle with the MS cronies.... -------- Fri May 15 21:36:04 EDT 1998 host: ww-tf05.proxy.aol.com email: MantaRay14@AOL.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ...sike! It would be funny if Data was installed with MS and froze every five minutes. -------- Sun May 17 18:25:25 EDT 1998 host: usrtc-s5-23.olypen.com email: llpwelch@olypen.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: Lt. Barclay becomes addicted to "Minesweeper" -------- Tue May 19 08:48:41 EDT 1998 host: girvan.euronet.be email: which: General Comments Text: Get a life! -------- Tue May 19 08:49:43 EDT 1998 host: girvan.euronet.be email: jlfcb which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... get alife -------- Tue May 19 14:38:41 EDT 1998 host: 170-244-29.ipt.aol.com email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... -------- Tue May 19 14:39:29 EDT 1998 host: 170-244-29.ipt.aol.com email: mbudzik@aol.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... You have a great page and ... here's a little story for you to add. This is actually from the original series. Chekov: Keptin, de targeting computer won't shut down. The photons are armed in de tubes. Kirk: Damn it, Mr. Chekov initiate Ctrl-Alt-Delete on my mark. Spock: The use of that command to shut down the system is highly illogical. McCoy: Damn it, Spock you green blooded son of a bitch, this is Microsoft Nomad 2286, not a human being. You can't expect it to be logical. Kirk: You're right Spock. Uhura activate Explorer and contact Starfleet Command for Instructions. Uhura: I can't get through. Explorer has locked up captain. Kirk: McCoy lend her a hand. McCoy: I'm a doctor, not a hacker. Spock: Captain, there is an alternative. Active the Navigator protocol. It is a much more stable system. Kirk: I'm afraid we can't do that. When we upgraded our software we weren't allowed to integrate that superior technology. Uhura: Captain, Explorer is integrating itself into our main operating system. Sulu: My God! Scotty: She's taken quite a wallop captain. She can na take a much more of dis. Warp core is critical. to be continued...... -------- Tue May 19 14:56:24 EDT 1998 host: fspc06.acslab.umbc.edu email: tetzauh@hotmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... I have another suggestion for MSTNG: Picard and the crew bewm down to a planet, fight monsters and outsmart their enemies and when they are beamed up again, the transporter sends the message: This transporter has performed and illegal operation and will be shut down. -------- Thu May 21 07:34:15 EDT 1998 host: cl204s02.yale.ac.uk email: y019501da@yale.ac.uk which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... What about a war between the MS Federation and the Borland Empire! Or Apple the revenge! -------- Tue May 26 14:01:14 EDT 1998 host: m116mm6.ednet.lsu.edu email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... I have just one comment. La Forge's name is not spelled Jordi. It is spelled Geordi. Other than that your page is great. -John Lawson -------- Thu May 28 13:07:27 EDT 1998 host: ww-te01.proxy.aol.com email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ...during a major battle with the klingons the computer freezes with an error message "can't compute". After three days of disk defragmentation, the problem is revealed, the control panel wasn't plugged in properly. -------- Fri May 29 10:12:42 EDT 1998 host: 209.89.107.159 email: carl.morgan@royalbank.com! which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and I was wondering if I can email the content to others. -------- Fri May 29 10:12:46 EDT 1998 host: 209.89.107.159 email: carl.morgan@royalbank.com! which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and I was wondering if I can email the content to others. -------- Fri Jun 12 00:59:04 EDT 1998 host: ppp-207-104-70-39.rvsd01.pacbell.net email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... Picard must give his access code for critical star fleet instructions but his access code to the star fleet network expired 2 days prior and is asked to enter a new code. After validiating his new code he is asked to also enter a new code for the on-board computers. After entering the new code he is unable to access either the star fleet network or the on-board computer system. -------- Fri Jun 12 06:44:32 EDT 1998 host: elk.rmplc.co.uk email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: Well, that was quite ammusing. Ever wondered what would happen if Lt. Commander Data used a windows OS? -------- Fri Jun 12 12:58:58 EDT 1998 host: 168.187.188.7 email: which: General Comments Text: You page is just wonderful :) By the way .. if you need any help with Windows 95, Windows 98, IE4.0 or Windows NT Please take a look to my homepage at http://www.batpower.com/javaman Regards, Java_Man -------- Fri Jun 12 13:01:03 EDT 1998 host: 168.187.188.7 email: java_man@zdnetmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... You page is just wonderful :) By the way .. if you need any help with Windows 95, Windows 98, IE4.0 or Windows NT Please take a look to my homepage at http://www.batpower.com/javaman Regards, Java_Man -------- Tue Jun 16 21:41:35 EDT 1998 host: ip226-184.cc.interlog.com email: which: General Comments Text: -------- Thu Jun 18 06:42:19 EDT 1998 host: 196-7-192-114.iafrica.com email: warobe@hotmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... I think that it is classic. more images would be cool though -------- Tue Jun 23 10:44:55 EDT 1998 host: grounds-63.umd.edu email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... Get bent -------- Thu Jun 25 10:41:22 EDT 1998 host: gate4.gateway.com email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... HERES A GOOD MICROSHAFT STAR TREK PROBLEM. WHILE TRYING TO ACCESS THE LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEM, THEY GET AN ERROR MESSAGE. "LIFE SUPPORT HAS PERFORMED AN ILLEGAL OPERATION, AND WILL BE SHUT DOWN" -------- Sat Jun 27 00:39:13 EDT 1998 host: unknown.sbc.co.uk email: mtech@dircon.co.uk which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... I have a suggestion =0) After asking the computer to engage the self destruct sequence the computer prompts the capt. with: "Are you sure you wish to activate the self destruct sequence? If you activate the self destrcut sequence you will no longer be able to 'bold go..'. Activate self destruct sequence Y/N? -------- Sat Jun 27 16:43:27 EDT 1998 host: 1cust102.tnt1.ashland.ky.da.uu.net email: MummRoger@yahoo.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm making the hugest parody database website ever. It's called Yankosoft. ("Weird Al, Weirdos 27") And, thing is, I'm making a link list and search index. Can I use your MS Federation logo? I'd change it, to match the Weirdos logo, (green, red, yellow, blue) but still I need to get your permission. -------- Sat Jun 27 16:43:51 EDT 1998 host: 1cust102.tnt1.ashland.ky.da.uu.net email: MummRoger@yahoo.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm making the hugest parody database website ever. It's called Yankosoft. ("Weird Al, Weirdos 27") And, thing is, I'm making a link list and search index. (And I love Star Trek) Can I use your MS Federation logo? I'd change it, to match the Weirdos logo, (green, red, yellow, blue) but still I need to get your permission. -------- Mon Jun 29 17:12:39 EDT 1998 host: h206-80-60-143.ncal.verio.net email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and you should Take Bill Gates Off The Page. -------- Mon Jun 29 17:15:03 EDT 1998 host: h206-80-60-143.ncal.verio.net email: HunterKing@Aol.com which: General Comments Text: I sent you aN e-mAIL bEFORe and said to take Bill Gates Off the Web Page And Did Not Leave An Address So Now Here Is My Address. -------- Fri Jul 3 18:06:47 EDT 1998 host: ehamada.tiac.net email: EHAMADA@HAMADALAW.COM which: My Resume Text: You have a great page and ... -------- Fri Jul 3 18:14:19 EDT 1998 host: ehamada.tiac.net email: EHAMADA@HAMADALAW.COM which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ...yada yada yada... YOU SHOULD: 1)STOP WASTING YOUR TIME IN YOUR VOCATION. 2) HIRE THE BEST AGENT YOU CAN FIND AND AFFORD 3) CALL DAVE BARRY AT THE MIAMI HERALD 4) YOU AND HE WRITE THE WACKIEST, EVER STORY EXPANDING YOUR PREMISE. 5) GET A GREAT INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY LAWYER NO MATTER WHAT HE OR SHE COSTS, 'CUZ YOU GONNA HAVE SOME VERY HIGH HURDLES TO OVERCOME. 6) START PREPARING YOUR ACCEPTANCE SPEECH FOR THE OSCARS, THE BOOKER PRIZE AND THE NATIONAL BOOK AWARD! -------- Tue Jul 7 04:21:50 EDT 1998 host: pool019-max10.ds23-ca-us.dialup.earthlink.net email: Jawanza@earthlink.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... I thought I would add 2 ideas to your page regarding our favorite operating system. If the Enterprise was to enter a fight and become badly damaged Picard would exhaust all his options. When the enemy is starts to board the Enterprise, Picard is forced to set the computer for self distruct. After properly entering the self destruct codes the computer asks " Are you sure? ", giving the enemie time to raid the bridage and take everyone hostage. -------- Wed Jul 8 15:40:57 EDT 1998 host: pppk040.lewiston.com email: dmg15e@lewiston.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ...it`s really cool. It would be really funny that Captain Picard and Tori like talking and Troi since her mother and Picard said, "Hello." Than Troi's mom says," Are you failure here because I can fix it." "Mother!" yells Troi. They go to Picard's qurters and do it. "You really fix my problem." says Picard. Odo run into the room and yells, "NOOOOOO! She's mine." "No. I buyed from her to do me!" -------- Fri Jul 10 16:50:27 EDT 1998 host: m59.amdyne.net email: gress@amdyne.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... I think you should add one. You Raise Your shields and it sucks up so much IO that to fire the Phasers you wait a hour. And just before the Phasers fire have A error see details or close then the OS shutdown and take 1 hour to shutdown and reboot -------- Fri Jul 10 19:20:30 EDT 1998 host: pm51-05.magicnet.net email: tmckeon@magicnet.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... yeah, right. (just kidding) The Enterprise is currently in an unexplored sector when they run across an old "friend", Q (for questionable) AutoCad. Q AutoCad and the Enterprise have had a long but difficult relationship. Q AutoCad does things his own way which bothers those on the Enterprise. However, when the Enterprise tries to cooperate and allow Q AutoCad to exercise his rights as a living being several things happen. First, nothing else on the ship will run. The computer forgets everything and responds to all commands with "Not enough memory". Second, normal life support fails as is evidenced by the "Fatal Errors" that continually occur. Third, the computer throws everything it has into a pile and responds that it has a "Heap error". Fourth, when the computer finally does establish communication with Q AutoCad and they both decide to "talk" in a common language like DXF the computer, trying to make a point (with PowerPoint, of course) finds errors with everything Q AutoCad has done and refuses to go any further. This has the effect of making Q AutoCad very angry and he decides that he will leave with only an "Unknown Error" as his parting words. Communication is still poor between MSSSN and Q AutoCad to this very day. -------- Sun Jul 12 16:55:28 EDT 1998 host: pm107.ccia.st-thomas.on.ca email: master@elgin.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... here's my suggestion: "Instead of ships designated by USS, it would be changed to GPF (General Protection Fault)" The Master -------- Mon Jul 13 09:39:29 EDT 1998 host: www.government.gov.sk email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... -------- Wed Jul 22 18:19:34 EDT 1998 host: proxy-177.iap.bryant.webtv.net email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: Cmmd. Riker enter the elevator and requests to be taken to deck level 25. When nothing happens he opens a panel titled "Manual Overide." Inside is a keyboard. one hour later after the 3 million nescesary 3 million commands have been entered Cmmd. Riker notices that his right wrist is feeling quite sore. Another hour later after the nescesary commands have been entered, Cmmd. Riker exits the elevator and makes his way to sick bay where he is diagnosed with tendonitis of the right wrist. -------- Fri Jul 24 22:07:01 EDT 1998 host: ppp31-man.i-55.com email: Rodekill@hotmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... After installing a new phaser bank the Enterprise's computer automatically starts the installation wizard. Then the wizard crashes giving an error message of "Required .dll missing or corrupt." -------- Sat Jul 25 05:39:24 EDT 1998 host: cm-25.abdnseg2.midco.net email: rowinc@midco.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... As the Borg vessel closes in on the Enterprise, they swing away 180 degrees and go to warp 9. "Shields are to maximum captain." Reports Lt. Cmdr Data. Worf looks up from his console, "The Borg are in persuit, estimate they will be in weapons range in 10 seconds." Riker glances down at a display monitor to his right, "Arm aft tubes, load the Quantums." Suddly the Enterprise begins to shake, and the main viewscreen blurs over. The turbolift doors open up and Geordi rushes in "Captain, we have a problem. Windows is consuming too much of the main computers processing power. Ive tried to reroute through the secondary systems, but Windows initiated a core shutdown. The warp cores destabilizing, and because the computers are frozen, the ejection systems wont fire. Also, Windows has taken over our communications systems, and its downloading to the Borg vessel. We've got to stop them sir!" Suddenly the com systems kick in..."NCC 1701-D Enterprise, we are the Borg. Resistance is futile, we will add your biological and technological distinctivness to our own so that we can support the virus in our systems known as Windows. -------- Mon Jul 27 02:12:47 EDT 1998 host: 165.243.5.12 email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... i think microsoft would failed by korean new software enterprise -------- Mon Jul 27 02:14:42 EDT 1998 host: 165.243.5.12 email: alf which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... i think microsoft would failed by korean new software enterprise -------- Wed Jul 29 12:07:26 EDT 1998 host: proxy01.netdirect.net.uk email: hotkatz@hotmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... A new phaser bank has just been installed. It took Geordi nearly 3 and a half weeks to do it and when he boots it up he gets an error message. As he clicks to cancel the same error message occurs. This message continues to come up until the whole Enterprise Computer System fails and locks-up. This causes all personel to get so angry that they start beating in the computer. This results in total systems failure and the Enterprise is lost in space. -------- Fri Aug 7 01:20:30 EDT 1998 host: blv-pm102-ip22.halcyon.com email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ...but Jordi is actually spelled Geordi. This error is amusing but we would appreciate accuracy more. -------- Fri Aug 7 17:00:43 EDT 1998 host: dialup396.mpsnet.com.mx email: which: General Comments Text: no podrías hacerla en español no te entendi ni madres cabron -------- Sun Aug 9 21:37:19 EDT 1998 host: 1cust231.tnt4.bos1.da.uu.net email: Studio_A@juno.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: LaForge has jus installed a new subspace communications system into the enterprise. Unfortunately it apears the the particular version of the MOSARS v101.2893989348 (Microsoft Operating System access and retieval system) does not have the proper drivers. It instructs Jeordi to link up via subspace and download the proper drivers from The MSSSN Windows Update page. Jeordi is at a loss, how can he link up to down load the drivers when he has no communications systems. At that moment, a hostile cardassian warbird appears and orders communications with the enterprise captian. You decide the fate of the enterprise! Will Admiral Bill Gates come to the rescue??? Perhaps he will supply an upgrade!! -------- Mon Aug 10 22:20:40 EDT 1998 host: spider-te063.proxy.aol.com email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... I think Geordi's name might be spelled this way (not sure though) IrvEdwMac@aol.com -------- Mon Aug 10 22:21:35 EDT 1998 host: spider-te063.proxy.aol.com email: IrvEdwMac@aol.com which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... I think Geordi's name might be spelled this way (not sure though) IrvEdwMac@aol.com sorry, forgot to put email address in proper place -------- Mon Aug 17 08:27:16 EDT 1998 host: server163.digital.co.uk email: the_slim_reaper@hotmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... You wanted scenarios so:- The computer attempts to beam Data into space when it discovers his neural net is not running Windows. A warp core breach necessitates an emergency core ejection, but the computer is unable to comply as it is busy opening a door on deck eleven. The auto-destruct sequence is engaged when the computer connects via subspace to the Microsoft website, who discover an unregistered copy of Windows in the computer core. The entire ODN network is devoted to a single purpose when the "Solitaire" module is discovered in the tactical console. Catastrophic system failure follows. -------- Sat Aug 22 14:56:42 EDT 1998 host: 1cust214.tnt9.det3.da.uu.net email: taxman_@hotmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... I have a few suggestions for ST-Microsoft jokes. 1: The Enterprise is in warp space, when suddenly, the 'Blue Screen of Death' appears saying: "General Protection fault at module 'Antimatter Sheilding' at location 'WarpCore'. Driver will be terminated." -------- Sun Aug 23 21:07:38 EDT 1998 host: proxy14.ykt.prodigy.net email: A_J_Crew@hotmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... When performing a basic check on something, the computer soudenlly announces that program has performed an illigal action, when give the details to what the action was, they are surrounded by gibberish. Then , unable to get out of it, they atre forst to delete it, ending up in shutting it down. Then they start it up again, only tho find they bhave to wait five hours for the scan disk to run it's course. -------- Mon Aug 24 11:22:21 EDT 1998 host: indo.independent.ie email: which: General Comments Text: Get a life! -------- Tue Aug 25 20:21:22 EDT 1998 host: 204.227.170.43 email: hotstudhot@yahoo.com which: General Comments Text: Hay Andy I don't know you but I like your sence of humer. I hope that you contine to wright this stuff and offer it to those of us who don't have anything to do right know. Hope that you have fun reading this junk that I have wrote to you. ????:-) -------- Sun Aug 30 21:18:40 EDT 1998 host: tcnet02-21.sat.texas.net email: mbowles@texas.net which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... In the midst of battle, as Lt. Worf tries to change settings on the phasers or photon torpedoes, he keeps receiving a message that he must reboot for those settings to take effect. -------- Sun Aug 30 21:18:56 EDT 1998 host: tcnet02-21.sat.texas.net email: mbowles@texas.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... In the midst of battle, as Lt. Worf tries to change settings on the phasers or photon torpedoes, he keeps receiving a message that he must reboot for those settings to take effect. -------- Wed Sep 2 21:09:22 EDT 1998 host: client848b.globalnet.co.uk email: djtc@globalnet.co.uk which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ...you forgot the endless unnecessary accessing of the hard drive while scanning for new images..........but hey fella.......FULL MARKS.......for comedy......for we can only laugh as ginger pubes gates takes over the world. -------- Fri Sep 4 00:00:21 EDT 1998 host: chi-dnnvg-147.il.compuserve.net email: markskarl@hotmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: With a romulan vessel about to open fire, the crew must act fast. "Shields up" Riker says. "Commander, what is "General error reading program?" Data begins to ask, but does not finish, as a full spread of torpedoes hit the unshielded ship. -------- Fri Sep 4 12:33:12 EDT 1998 host: 200.0.188.199 email: cotm@rina.ara.mil.ar which: General Comments Text: no hablo ingles perfectamente soy fans de viajes a las estrellas me agradaria recibir informacion de los distintos eventos que envuelven a esta seri y poder compartir este sentimiento con otros fans o -------- Fri Sep 4 22:37:30 EDT 1998 host: 165.134.21.83 email: markkratz@hotmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and I enjoyed it throughly. It shows how Bill Gates could have the potential to take over the galaxy. It was very funny. It was also enlightening. -------- Fri Sep 18 05:00:16 EDT 1998 host: 194.66.96.2 email: 96015032@student.darlimgton.ac.uk which: General Comments Text: You spell Gordi with a G not a J -------- Fri Sep 18 12:34:05 EDT 1998 host: chsscimath.osd.wednet.edu email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... -------- Tue Sep 22 15:05:46 EDT 1998 host: 205.146.180.13 email: dave_yergin@yahoo.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... what if when Data went to his console to program in a set of co- ordinates, he paused for approx. 20 minutes, (give or take a few) while he placed an hour glass on his console and proceeded to rotate it with increasing speed until he slumped over in his chair and announced to the senior staff on the bridge that his system had "performed fatal system error #1167835" How 'bout it? -------- Wed Sep 23 01:55:31 EDT 1998 host: essex2.powerup.com.au email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ...you suck cock ! -------- Sun Sep 27 21:47:07 EDT 1998 host: 203.41.44.20 email: ray@alpla.net.au which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You don't have a great page and ... I am not a happy man -------- Mon Sep 28 08:11:46 EDT 1998 host: teifi.aber.ac.uk email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... its rather amusing -------- Wed Sep 30 07:30:41 EDT 1998 host: external.uwic.ac.uk email: bbhavan@uwic.ac.uk which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... hello i know wht i am asking you is irrelevant to the pages created by you, but in order to achieve such humourous and addictive reading, I assume you must have researched microsofts saga`s I am conducting my final year dissertation on m/soft and the exploitations of the markets. If you can help in any way, please can you contact me cheers. -------- Thu Oct 1 21:05:53 EDT 1998 host: acay01912544.acay.com.au email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: Great page you have there!! :) Here's my attempt at some humour.. "Picking up a Borg cube on sensors.", reported Lt Data, "Quick, now's a our chance.. Send them a free 30day demo-copy of Windows 2365, we must convert them to the true faith!!", yelled Cpt Picard!! -------- Thu Oct 1 21:06:39 EDT 1998 host: acay01912544.acay.com.au email: s2231604@cse.unsw.edu.au which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: Great page you have there!! :) Here's my attempt at some humour.. "Picking up a Borg cube on sensors.", reported Lt Data, "Quick, now's a our chance.. Send them a free 30day demo-copy of Windows 2365, we must convert them to the true faith!!", yelled Cpt Picard!! -------- Thu Oct 1 21:07:31 EDT 1998 host: acay01912544.acay.com.au email: s2231604@cse.unsw.edu.au which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page!! :) (to fit with the cgi script) Here's my attempt at some humour.. "Picking up a Borg cube on sensors.", reported Lt Data, "Quick, now's a our chance.. Send them a free 30day demo-copy of Windows 2365, we must convert them to the true faith!!", yelled Cpt Picard!! -------- Sun Oct 4 01:41:13 EDT 1998 host: 207.227.107.134 email: jaysons@securatex.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... How about, the dominion attacks the MS Federation with the largest armada ever seen in federation space, however, it turns out not to be as serious a threat as first anticipated as Bill Gates AMEX enables him to purchase the Dominion fleet. Bill then gives the Dominion free upgrades to all the MS products for thier entire fleet, though when they are stranded with equipment failures and life support is critical, he then offers to sell them service patch 1 at a tidy profit! -------- Mon Oct 5 21:30:10 EDT 1998 host: slip129-37-67-230.ny.us.ibm.net email: gsanchez@technologist.com which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... I found the comparisons great, I have one for you: After a whole diagnostic check, the computer tells you that, lathough running on 150% capacity, the isolinear chips can only process 32-bit, because they have updated all windows releases to the same dull DOS program of the 20th century (just as they do now) therefore they will have an hour before a complete shutdown of the holodeck (wich will of course destroy the ship and all the matter inside), but when they try to launch the escape pods a blue screen appears on the bridge claiming an E/O type error, the system will be terminated.... -------- Mon Oct 5 21:30:58 EDT 1998 host: slip129-37-67-230.ny.us.ibm.net email: gsanchez@technologist.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: After a whole diagnostic check, the computer tells you that, lathough running on 150% capacity, the isolinear chips can only process 32-bit, because they have updated all windows releases to the same dull DOS program of the 20th century (just as they do now) therefore they will have an hour before a complete shutdown of the holodeck (wich will of course destroy the ship and all the matter inside), but when they try to launch the escape pods a blue screen appears on the bridge claiming an E/O type error, the system will be terminated.... -------- Fri Oct 9 09:02:46 EDT 1998 host: 143.117.120.111 email: davywilson@hotmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: Just thought you might like another suggestion for the page "microsoft tng"-- "The entire ship sits silent as they are witnessing a once in a life time event- the birth of a star. Picard and the bridge crew sit silent and motionless as the the star is about to be born, suddenly, the view screen goes blank.... Riker- "What the hell happened?!" Geordie- "Quick, someone press a button to turn the screen back on!!!!" Sad, I know, but it sprung to mind as I read the rest. Dave -------- Mon Oct 12 22:00:21 EDT 1998 host: rm306w-b.campbell.fit.edu email: rstewart@fit.edu which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and .. You accidentally fracture your wrist and you got to Dr. Watson for medical assistance When you pull Data's finger, and rotate him through 1/4 turn while simultaneously saying Bill Gates he starts to recite all of Microsofts programmers -------- Tue Oct 13 07:08:54 EDT 1998 host: f1.bp.sulinet.hu email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: Make it, saw, Mr Data!! -------- Thu Oct 15 03:49:55 EDT 1998 host: proxy2.isoft.intranet.gr email: goglis@isoft.intranet.gr which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ...may I suggest the following addition! -Admiral Bill Gates replaces Dr. Beverly Crusher with a holographic version of the venerable MS HoloDoc r.325.1.901. During a routine startup of the new Doctor, Counselor Troi is brought in after a fit of nausea. The examination reveals Troi to be preagnant and after 9 months and a Caesarian she labours to produce a CD-ROM version of an Ensign (1st class) complete with User Manual and registration card. Following the investigation to the momentous event, Lt. Cmdr Data is found to be the 'father' of this unauthorised and pirate piece of software, produced in his ploy to stage a coup d' etat using Ensign plug-ins and take over command of the fleet from Admiral Gates, thus instituting the age of DataSoft. Cheers. -------- Fri Oct 16 09:36:43 EDT 1998 host: iftia38.univ.gda.pl email: spookypj@friko7.onet.pl which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: What is the fuckin' goin' on, muthafuckers? Kill Bill Gates and his fuckin' factory of sick ideas. -------- Mon Oct 19 00:39:26 EDT 1998 host: cache01-e4a.proxy.ozemail.net email: dave_lockey@hotmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: Lt Commader Data is accessing several files within the data base of the ship and trys to access another file and the computer replies with "this computer has performed an illage operation and will shut down" with this the computer shuts down the entire ship in the middle of a battle that leaves the entireprise open for the kill!! -------- Fri Oct 23 02:23:20 EDT 1998 host: grit.dri.edu email: kamikaze219@hotmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... You know the Makis from DS9? Think Apple Computers, or perhaps have Commodore and the Amiga make a weird comeback. For additional effect, try plugging in Luminex or whatever that new system is called. To simulate some backwards race, use OS/2. -------- Fri Oct 23 04:50:38 EDT 1998 host: nat-elev.uppsala.se email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... On a routine mission to chart new territory, LtCmdr Data requires some information from the ship's computer. He decides that he must connect his positronic brain directly to the computer in order to avoid the point-and-drool interface (which would,of course,instantly crash(and with it the Enterprise)). He plugs his interface cable into the appropriate port and starts the IO-setup. After a few hours he finally finishes the setup and then starts to burn violently. Captain Picard yells out: This cannot be! It is physsically impossible for Data to burn in that manor! Riker replies: Wem have entered a world beyond the laws of physics,sir. This is The Microsoft Dimension. -------- Sat Oct 24 07:05:18 EDT 1998 host: era-cadcam.demon.co.uk email: sigamoo@usa.net which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and WE LOVE MARC -------- Sat Oct 24 09:15:47 EDT 1998 host: spider-tf011.proxy.aol.com email: worksntv@aol.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: Andy: Don't look now but Start Fleet Headquarters is located in SAn Francisco!!! Regards, ] Bob ... -------- Sat Oct 24 17:20:29 EDT 1998 host: spider-te012.proxy.aol.com email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... who should care ? If it ben afits us MABY MR. GATES should run for Clintons job, -------- Sun Oct 25 00:10:04 EDT 1998 host: 146.113.66.96 email: k98rl01@kzoo.edu which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and it's really funny. How about something on cascade failures? you know, when one program crashes, and then another one, and another one....until the only thing you can do is turn off the computer and hope to God it reboots properly. -------- Mon Oct 26 00:59:58 EST 1998 host: 199.227.58.130 email: AFlipse@pop.student.lynn.edu which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... Hey! Here's an idea! Maybe Captain Picard could use his diplomatic skills to convince a Borg drone to use Windows 2366 as its main operating system. Because of the "Hive" mentality of the collective, every member of the Borg will be using the new version of Windows within nanoseconds. As a result, the Borg will no longer be a threat, because for the next millenia, they'll be too busy trying to downgrade their OS to something they could use. -------- Mon Oct 26 13:13:21 EST 1998 host: maxtnt02-abe-126.fast.net email: internetsky@yahoo.com which: General Comments Text: The Warf Holedeck joke could be more amusing if your said that he had to go to the key pad and press CTR ALT DEL to end the program. Otherwise the page is pretty entertaining. -------- Tue Oct 27 16:03:38 EST 1998 host: host-209-214-40-66.cha.bellsouth.net email: bbridget@mail.cha.bellsouth.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... Captain James T. Barksdale of the MS Enterprise entered the transporter and upon beaming back, emerged as two almost identical Captains who commenced to issue conflicting memoranda... Stay tuned for Season II drama as former Earth President Bill Clinton's trade advisor John T. Chambers (of Cisco Systems) downsizes the Federation by selling off the unprofitable Planets just as he did when he disassembled Wang Corporation. Good page, thanks. Bill Bridget -------- Wed Oct 28 19:59:20 EST 1998 host: 38.230.118.123 email: tribblechomper@yahoo.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a mildly diverting page and ... I was wondering what would happen if either/both Seven of Nine/The Doctor were run on Windows '98? -------- Fri Oct 30 23:29:58 EST 1998 host: ip16.an3-new-york4.ny.pub-ip.psi.net email: leroyg@earthlink.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page! I foresee a Microsoft: The Next Generation episode in which Lt. Worf enters the Holodeck for combat training only to find the images festooned with World Wide Web folders and links to MSN and MSNBC. Worf soon realizes he is in the new Active Desktop Holodeck, which will take ten hours to load... :-) Leroy Gonzalez leroyg@earthlink.net -------- Fri Nov 6 16:56:35 EST 1998 host: 207.253.24.106 email: 9502493@brebeuf.qc.ca which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... You write Geordi, not Jordi -------- Mon Nov 9 11:38:15 EST 1998 host: cache1.unet.maine.edu email: travit@sad39k12.me.us which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... I belive that the future will not be run by microsoft but by me -------- Sun Nov 15 02:31:05 EST 1998 host: ara71.oswego.edu email: person@oswego.edu which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: How about this one: * Captain Picard orders the ship to the nearest StarBase for repairs to the failing MSLSS (Micro-Soft-Life-Support-System). When Picard says "Engage," the computer pauses, the lights dim and the computer responds with "Invalid Page Fault" Unrecoverable error, the system will now restart. Everybody dies. (BTW: Great site !!) :-) -------- Tue Nov 17 09:49:10 EST 1998 host: dns.ssc.k12.mn.us email: msab29@hotmail.com which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ...I think that you would be right on but i think you should develope something where president Bill Gates comes to the enterprise and is reveald as a second more inoficent android. -------- Tue Nov 17 12:56:05 EST 1998 host: 207.198.40.111 email: achtung_babe269@yahoo.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and I think a scenario where Picard finds out the Borg also use Microsoft. That would be good. -------- Sun Nov 22 22:51:50 EST 1998 host: proxy.trinity.sa.edu.au email: nbettridge@yahoo.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... 1. How about a one on Microsoft's annoying user keys (eg: OEM and retail rego keys) OR 2. Tip of the Day annoyance on Enterprise's viewscreen while loading MS Weapons on bridge. (etc.) PS> I used you as on my hotlist - Is this OK? It is for a school run web site - Year (Grade) 10 students in Information Technology. To find school, goto www.nexus.edu.au, goto school listing and look for Trinity College Gawler under South Australian Private Schools -------- Sat Dec 5 23:24:27 EST 1998 host: p55-m2-pm4.dialup.xtra.co.nz email: watson.clan@xtra.co.nz which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: The crew warp to the Omega Sigma 9 system in reply of a fellow ship being attacked. The find the ship in a wreck. They try to find out who the attacker was. No ship is in the area. They try to access the ships log, but a message come on the screen, saying "an unexpected error has occured. Try rebooting the system and try again" The crew encounter a renegade bolian ship. the rebels send a virus into the computer, and the ship could not fire. So Picard orders geordi to try to fix the problem. he does this by entering the ships recycle bin Robert Watson -------- Sun Dec 6 23:16:17 EST 1998 host: charon-4.shell.nl email: littleblackdemon@yahoo.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... I have a little suggestion for a joke: The crew of the Enterprise is witness to the birth of a new star and was able to collect Terabites of data about it. But when Data tries to store this data in the computer, it says "Not enough memory, please shut down an application", then locks up. Please feel free to change/shorten/USE... :p -------- Tue Dec 8 08:54:49 EST 1998 host: penguin.rmplc.co.uk email: bucket_hed@yahoo.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: 1. You spelt Geordi Wrong! 2.Data is a Lt Cmdr. 3.Additions to your site:- -Data accesses the Ops console and presses the Start button, only to find, to his horror, that a demo of Astrogation Simulator 2371 has not uninstalled correctly. Accessing the boot log to manually remove the offending item, Data accidentally removes the driver for the Structural Integrity Field Generators. Shortly afterwards, Cpt. Picard issues the order to engage at full impulse. The ship promptly crumples like a deflated baloon, not before the crew gets splattered along the back wall. -------- Wed Dec 9 14:02:02 EST 1998 host: 142.60.100.126 email: Freekko@hotmail.com which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... Jordi is actually spelled Geordie. -------- Fri Dec 18 03:21:12 EST 1998 host: gate-isdn.kettlethorpe.wakefld.sch.uk email: fdfdfdsf which: Driving in NY Text: You have a great page and ... fghgfhgfhgfhgfhgfhghfdsdasas -------- Fri Dec 18 23:57:40 EST 1998 host: filter.clearsail.net email: jchum@clearsail.net which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... I'm looking for a list I saw somewhere...I think it's called "48 things that never happen on Star Trek".... it was pretty funny and I'd like a copy if anyone knows of it...thanks -------- Sun Dec 20 13:37:51 EST 1998 host: server.cscmicro.com email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... -------- Mon Dec 21 21:45:00 EST 1998 host: marcbs.winternet.com email: kethry@winternet.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... Cpt. Picard ordered the Enterprise to go to warp, plotting a course for a specific sector. When they came out of warp, they were face to face with a Borg cube (in a completely different sector than the plotted coordinates)...the Borg attempted to assimilate the Enterprise, a big mistake, and instead contracted an OS virus (the year 3000 bug) which then destroyed the Collective. -------- Tue Dec 22 04:59:15 EST 1998 host: sdc2.sdc.plym.ac.uk email: kchapman@s-devon.ac.uk which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... thanks for entertaining me .. only 6 hrs to the Christmas hols. and here am I manning the office on my own - bored - pages like yours on days like today are a lifeline!! Karen -------- Tue Dec 22 09:15:27 EST 1998 host: mftsun1.demon.co.uk email: glenw@letterbox.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: Captain Picard finds an abandoned ship from the planet Mozilla 4. Its navigation system is far superior to that which came pre-installed on the Enterprise, so with a quick click of My Starship -> Control Panel -> Add/Remove Programs, the new Navigator is installed. However, when the Enterprise is re-booted, Picard is frustrated to suicide by a constantly-repeated message: "Enterprise is not your default Starship - would you like to register all navigation requests with Enterprise?" -------- Tue Dec 22 18:33:23 EST 1998 host: 209.121.117.254 email: j.i.b.@usa.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... Here's one *Just After the captin says,"ENGAGE!," the computer responds, "Illegal operation, Program is treminated!" -------- Tue Dec 22 18:36:42 EST 1998 host: 209.121.117.254 email: j.i.b.@usa.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... Here's one *When the Captin Calls for sheld, the new upgraded copmputer starts playing Klingon oprea -------- Thu Dec 24 06:22:43 EST 1998 host: portal2.chevron.com email: doug.chalmers@virgin.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: "Fire!!", barked Picard. Worf: "The Borg have adjusted their shields Captain, ours phasers have no effect". "Re-modulate the phasers on a rotating phase-shift, that should throw them off!" "Fire!". The screen went blank. "Whats the delay?", asked Picard. A message appears on the viewscreen. 'The ship's computer must be restarted in order for the necessary changes to be made!'. "Bloody Microsoft!", said Picard. Cheers, Doug. -------- Sat Jan 2 12:53:51 EST 1999 host: p3e9d39ca.dip.t-online.de email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... -------- Sat Jan 2 22:55:39 EST 1999 host: pm5-173-254.cis.net email: fulton74@cis.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... (sure, why not...) the enterprise encounters the borg and while fighting the cube, fires Phasers and photons at the same time, causing a central computer overload. (Probably because someone is playing solitaire somewhere else using all the cpu time). this causes a fatal exception blue screen and causes systems all over the ship to shut down. The borg begin assimilating the Enterprise, ship first. As they dump the computer core, the OS decides to detect new hardware. This causes the problems aboard the borg cube as Windows 2398 does not support the hardware aboard the borg cube. It begins reaching out to the collective. Eventually, the entire collective's resources are consumed by hardware detection, rendering the collective inert. This gives the crew time to reboot and install Macintosh system 789.5(Since Apple doesnt go by the date :-) ). the enterprise and her crew recover, and start bashing cubes. Enterprise puts in to port, re-installs windows and downloads the latest Service Pack from the federation, only to find that they will need to upgrade again in late 2399 as Windows 2398 is not y2.4k compliant.... -------- Mon Jan 4 01:32:32 EST 1999 host: 203.38.42.5 email: www.baconears.com.au which: General Comments Text: I hate sites like this!!!!! It's not that they aren't funny, it's just that there is a 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999% possibility of your predictions about the future of microsoft being correct. GOD SAVE US ALL!!! -------- Mon Jan 4 01:36:17 EST 1999 host: 203.38.42.5 email: bacon@kisser.net.au which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and all, but I hate sites like this!!!!! It's not that they aren't funny, it's just that there is a 99.9999999999999999999999% possibility of your predictions about the future of microsoft being correct. GOD SAVE US ALL!!! -------- Mon Jan 4 01:36:37 EST 1999 host: 203.38.42.5 email: bacon@kisser.net.au which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and all, but I hate sites like this!!!!! It's not that they aren't funny, it's just that there is a 99.9999999999999999999999% possibility of your predictions about the future of microsoft being correct. GOD SAVE US ALL!!! -------- Mon Jan 4 01:37:33 EST 1999 host: 203.38.42.5 email: bacon@kisser.net.au which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and all, but I hate sites like this!!!!! It's not that they aren't funny, it's just that there is a 99.9999999999999999999999% possibility of your predictions about the future of microsoft being correct. GOD SAVE US ALL!!! P.S. What does BR> mean -------- Mon Jan 4 19:29:54 EST 1999 host: slip-32-101-44-105.tx.us.ibm.net email: which: General Comments Text: Good job, but check some of your spelling. Add lots more!!! -------- Wed Jan 6 20:22:37 EST 1999 host: 110.colorado-springs-03-04rs.co.dial-access.att.net email: JB_KA@hotmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... The only tolite on the Enterprise has been stocked up ever scence a new virus has been down loaded (an upgrade for solitar) and the replacators only makes beans, so any ways when you flush the tolite asks "Are you sure?" and then takes 30 mins to fulsh. -------- Sat Jan 9 20:47:39 EST 1999 host: n098h024.remote.mun.ca email: kaganroy@yahoo.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... When Captain Picard says "Engage" the computer says "Whare do you want to go today?" -------- Sun Jan 10 17:19:37 EST 1999 host: 194.247.225.59 email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ......................................................................................................it was funny -------- Mon Jan 11 14:40:09 EST 1999 host: ip7.kdnxr3.ras.tele.dk email: a@a.dk which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNY page NOT Don't ever make jokes abaut Star Trek. It is against my principals!! -------- Tue Jan 12 12:41:34 EST 1999 host: slip166-72-189-88.me.us.ibm.net email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ...It,s great!! The Next Generation is my fav., & it,s been taken off all local stations. I needed to see something about Patrick Stewart or I was going into deep depression. Your page gave me the fix I needed. Thank you. Keep up the good work, please!!! You can e-mail me anything,anytime about Jean-Luc Picard... -------- Tue Jan 12 12:43:04 EST 1999 host: slip166-72-189-88.me.us.ibm.net email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ...It,s great!! The Next Generation is my fav., & it,s been taken off all local stations. I needed to see something about Patrick Stewart or I was going into deep depression. Your page gave me the fix I needed. Thank you. Keep up the good work, please!!! You can e-mail me anything,anytime about Jean-Luc Picard... My address is booger7@banet.net/anytime! -------- Fri Jan 15 12:01:42 EST 1999 host: scc2.suffolkcc.gov.uk email: jsac01@hotmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... I have a suggestion. The beginning of Microsoft: The Next Generation would be to discover new life and new civilisations ... to exploit strange new worlds ... [to boldly go bug patch had ever gone before?] -------- Fri Jan 15 14:20:00 EST 1999 host: slip-32-100-148-8.wa.us.ibm.net email: summitwolf@ibm.net which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ...how about this.... Captain Picard and crew are in a pitched battle with a alien foe and commands Worf to target the alien with a photon torpedo. Warf complies and after receiving a target lock fires only to get an error message saying " fatal exception error" system has become unstable ...... push any key to return.... so Worf does again, again and again. Meanwhile the alien using Linux is blasting the%#@*&^ out of the Interprise! -------- Sat Jan 16 23:14:51 EST 1999 host: tor-usr30.060042.aracnet.net email: asm_canada@hotmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: Good page, but how about this...? After fighting and destroying a Borg Cube, the Enterprise suffers a complete system failure and when Gordie re-boots the power grid Scandisk runs without warning and immediately trashes 80% of the computer core... Andrew Montague -------- Tue Jan 26 23:11:53 EST 1999 host: dnas-05-39.sat.idworld.net email: jflora@txdirect.net which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... if you like you can add this as well... While transporting to planet Orion 7 there is a General Application Error in module TRANSPORT.DLL and Captain Picard and the landing crew are terminated. -------- Fri Jan 29 11:42:50 EST 1999 host: lu-ppp50.tic.ch email: greetings from Switzerland congratulation which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... -------- Mon Feb 1 10:17:41 EST 1999 host: elpbox.mtpleasant.k12.mi.us email: Cujoe_da_man@hotmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: After being upgraded to Windows 3000, the crew notices that every time they try to start the ship, a message comes up on the veiw screen that says, "This ship has preformed and illegal opperation." After hitting the close button, the ship turns off. -------- Tue Feb 2 07:11:00 EST 1999 host: karma.ucd.ie email: which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... dude please think up some GOOD emails about star trek and microsoft! -------- Mon Feb 8 04:47:37 EST 1999 host: 194.168.175.17 email: which: General Comments Text: Asshole -------- Mon Feb 8 04:48:57 EST 1999 host: 194.168.175.17 email: Asshole.com which: My Resume Text: You have a great page and ... You are all gay. You all must die... -------- Mon Feb 8 05:34:23 EST 1999 host: buzzard.rmplc.co.uk email: which: General Comments Text: shut it poop face your page sucks ass -------- Mon Feb 8 05:35:18 EST 1999 host: buzzard.rmplc.co.uk email: which: General Comments Text: gimp boy's done it again you goddamn stoopid gopher -------- Mon Feb 8 05:35:54 EST 1999 host: buzzard.rmplc.co.uk email: thujopsis@aol.com which: General Comments Text: gimp boy's done it again you goddamn stoopid gopher -------- Tue Feb 9 10:52:07 EST 1999 host: 149.123.34.96 email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... -------- Tue Feb 16 12:15:20 EST 1999 host: schroder.sfr.buffalo.edu email: which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ... It needs one about the detection of new hardware After leaving space dock for an over-haul the computer detects the new hardware that has been installed. It tells LaForge to supply the data crystal required for the hardware. After installing the driver for the new hardware the computer asks LaForge if he wants to restart. Of course LaForge replies "yes". As the computer reboots it discoveres new hardware and tells LaForge to supply the data crystal required for the new hardware. After installing the driver for the new hardware the computer asks LaForge if he wants to restart. Of course LaForge replies "yes". As the computer reboots it discovers new hardware and tells LaForge to supply the data crystal for the new hardware.......... After a number of these episodes LaForge and CDR Data (who by the way is running Linux) discovers that they have been trapped in a time warp due to the inability of the Window's Plug and Play feature to to properly install the software for the new hardware. The episode finally ends with Capt Picard giving the order to self destruct with all hands on board. But the Command causes a Fatal System Error and the computer hangs up. -------- Tue Feb 16 12:15:51 EST 1999 host: schroder.sfr.buffalo.edu email: rshelton@acsu.buffalo.edu which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... It needs one about the detection of new hardware After leaving space dock for an over-haul the computer detects the new hardware that has been installed. It tells LaForge to supply the data crystal required for the hardware. After installing the driver for the new hardware the computer asks LaForge if he wants to restart. Of course LaForge replies "yes". As the computer reboots it discoveres new hardware and tells LaForge to supply the data crystal required for the new hardware. After installing the driver for the new hardware the computer asks LaForge if he wants to restart. Of course LaForge replies "yes". As the computer reboots it discovers new hardware and tells LaForge to supply the data crystal for the new hardware.......... After a number of these episodes LaForge and CDR Data (who by the way is running Linux) discovers that they have been trapped in a time warp due to the inability of the Window's Plug and Play feature to to properly install the software for the new hardware. The episode finally ends with Capt Picard giving the order to self destruct with all hands on board. But the Command causes a Fatal System Error and the computer hangs up. -------- Wed Feb 17 14:01:08 EST 1999 host: 208.165.250.3 email: derekdokter@hotmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... you need a hobby, this is what happends when mothers smoke while pregnant. you need more than the marines my friend. YOu need the help of a good women. i have many online womens that i could tell you about of course you would need ICQ to talk to them but you should get ICQ anyway. if you do get it I am Gremlin, i do not remember my user number. -------- Sat Feb 20 04:04:59 EST 1999 host: butcherbird.uq.net.au email: seven_of_nine01@hotmail.com which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have a great page and ... The Enterprise docks at a starbase, where it unknowingly picks up a virus. Then, next time someone uses a replicator, it comes up with General Protection Fault and they have to reboot the whole ship. -------- Wed Feb 24 12:46:33 EST 1999 host: 209.174.154.210 email: barrtrek@hotmail.com which: General Comments Text: You have a great page and ...its Geordi, not Jordi. -------- Thu Feb 25 15:42:40 EST 1999 host: hammond-34.cac-labs.psu.edu email: sas283@psu.edu which: Microsoft: The Next Generation Text: You have probably been told this by a thousand star trek fans but "Jordi" is spelled Geordi.