The 24 Types of New York City Subway Riders

[Cute cartoon coming soon]
 
  1. Smelly Sammy -  Oh Boy! This is a good place for a stickup.
  2. Coughin’ Cathy -  If you look closely enough, you can almost see the little viruses flying through the air every time she hacks.
  3. Contact Colin -  Wherever you move your hand on the pole, he manages to move his hand pressing right up against yours within five seconds.
  4. Pole Stragglin' Stu - A friend of "Contact Colin's."  He likes to press his whole body up against the pole, so he can rub up against everybody who's holding it.
  5. Big Bertha - You know her.  One and a half seats.
  6. Newspaper Ned - His NY Times is taking up more room than Big Bertha.
  7. Walkin' Wilma - Has decided to get her morning exercise by walking from one end of the crowded train to the other.
  8. Step-in Stanley - Actually the conductor. Screams at everyone to step into the crowded train, which is crowded because it showed up ten minutes late at the station.
  9. Mumblin' Muriel - Also the conductor. "fsyi-seve' street st'tion - Chenge here f' Eh, ZXe, Ghe, Bleh, Es, Stend clear'o da doors."
  10. Head-phone Henrietta -  You can't hear the wheels screeching, because her headphones - fifteen feet away from you - are drowning them out.
  11. Stumbling Stan - For some strange reason, is incapable of learning that he will get tossed around the train like a rag doll unless he holds on to something!
  12. 'Scuse-me Scott - "'Scuse me please, 'scuse me, pardon me, 'scuse me, ..."
  13. Beeping Baxter -  His pager, playing "La Cucaracha", continues to go off at least once every two minutes.
  14. Make-up Madge - Remember her from 24 Types of NY Drivers?   Well now she's taking the train.
  15. Toy-tottin' Tan - "Toy for sale, two dollar, two dollar!"
  16. Beggin' Barbara - Wants you to give money to her organization which supports a company that makes special gloves for children who are born with thumbs which are too big.
  17. Breakfast Brad - Mmm!  That ham, egg, sausage, cheese, ketchup, salt  and grease sandwich smells good.
  18. Doorman Doug - Has to remain pressed right up against that door, come "hell or high water", so he can be the first one off the train at his station which is 20 stops from here.
  19. Next-off Ned - Has to stand 2 centimeters from Doorman Doug on a half empty train, so he can be the second one off the train at his station which is 15 stops from here.
  20. Stock-market Steve and Financial Fred - Having an involved 110 decibel conversion about the latest trend the stock market has taken.
  21. Stair-hoggin' Harry - Walking down the staircase, right down the middle, at one stair every five seconds; even though both trains are sitting in the station.  Needless to say, you miss yours, and he makes his.
  22. Be-close Bill - Has to sit or stand right next to you on a car which has seven people on it.
  23. Vocal Vakhem and Bablin' Behsrah - Is that a language or a new form of tongue and throat exercise?
  24. Squeeze-in Scarlet - "Room for one more?"  Actually, no!
 

Also see: The 24 Types of NY Drivers

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