Investigators at a major research institution recently discovered
the heaviest element known to science and have tentatively named
it Administratium.

Administratium has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic
number of 0. It has, however, 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons,
75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, giving it an
atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the
continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons. It is
also surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called
peons.  Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert.
However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction
with which it comes into contact.

According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium
causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it
would normally have occurred in less than a second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately 3 years; it
does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a
portion of the assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant
vice neutrons exchange places.  In fact, an Administratium sample's
mass will actually INCREASE over time, since with each successive
reorganization some morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new
isotopes.  This characteristic of moron promotion leads some
scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed spontaneously
whenever morons reach a certain quantity and concentration.  This
hypothetical quantity is referred to as the "Critical Morass."

You will recognize it when it occurs.