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The BorD files, episode 3:

College.  University life.  Doesn't that sound slightly intimidating?  It 
did for me.  I hated high  school.  I didn't care for community college.
Trouble was, both of those institutions were for dummies.  As far as I
knew, only brainiacs went on to get Bachelor's or Master's degrees. 
Higher education.  What a laugh.

I finally enrolled at the University in the fall of 1996, 10 years after
graduating from high school.  The company I worked for was offering to pick 
up the tab, so I figured, the worst I that could happen would be to flunk
out.  Big deal.  I enrolled in Sociology, (studying mass communications), 
Accounting, and Economics.  I figured I was going to be in big trouble.  I 
thought they would be rigorous, and challenging. These classes would
contain material that I could barely handle.  I thought these classes
would be the end of me.  I thought wrong.  

What did I expect?  10 year old super genius children who skipped a
million grades.  Profound discussions with professors where I could barely 
keep up.  To meet other like minded people. People interested in knowledge 
for its sake.  Who did I meet?  People interested in parties.  Granted, they 
were mostly 18 year old kids, but these were people not interested in 
studying.  What did I get to listen to in class?  Some of the stupidest 
questions ever.  Why?  Because my fellow students were too lazy to read 
their textbooks before they came to class.  Either that, or they actually 
*had* read it, and they were not smart enough to figure out what they had 
read.  I was so disillusioned!  To discover that there are just as many 
idiots at the college level!  I could have hung out with the idiots at work!  
At the supermarket!  Everywhere you go!  It really is true.  The world is 
full of stupid people.  

I have gotten grumpy during the last four years.  I get stuck into groups 
for group assignments.  What a stupid thing to do.  The party line is that
groups will train you for what it is like in The Real World (tm).  Here is 
my problem with that.  In the real world, you are getting paid, and you are
meeting together on company time.  In school, you have to make time to meet
with the lunkheads around you.  You get stuck with people that do not want
to work, and who expect you to do all the work.  I am sure that happens at
work, but at work, if you don't pull your weight, you will get your butt
fired.  Nuff said.  (How many times can YOU use the word work in a paragraph?
You learn that kind of thing in college.)

The other problem I have with groups is the slacker syndrome.  Why bother
to learn Micro$oft Access if someone else in your group is willing to work
on that part of the project?  So, not only do you end up NOT doing parts
of the project, and NOT learning software packages, the work that is
turned in is not as good as it would have been if you did it on your own.
I think the whole thing is an excuse for the instructors to grade n/5
(Wow.  I guess I learned some math despite myself.) projects.  Instead of
getting 100 individual projects, this way they only have to deal with 25.
Pretty smart.  However, I happen to think that the students are the ones
that get the raw deal.

So now you are stuck in a group, but what happens when you get senioritis?  
You are burned out, you have written enough BS (no, not Bachelor of
Science, guess again...) papers to last a lifetime, you have put up with 
test questions constructed with grammar and spelling (from college PROFESSORS!)
that would make a 3rd grader cry, you have suffered through lectures presented
from around the world.  Nobody told me that my professors would be from 
Russia, China, India, and God himself doesn't know where else.  The thick
accents, the weird sense of humor.  Joy.  (My FAVORITE experience was the
Russian Calculus professor that looked at the textbook, dismissed it as
too simple, and proceeded to bombard us with equations that make me
shudder to this day whenever I think about it.)

So why do I persist?  I am stubborn.  With so few courses left to finish,
I would be stupid to pass up that shiny piece of paper now.  I should
have listened to my boss.  Right before I started school, he told me that there 
are seminars that could teach you 'everything you will remember from college 
after graduation presented in 30 minutes or less'.  I could have saved my
tuition money and gone to the seminar instead.

But think of the prestige!  Think of the salaries!  What am I thinking.  A
BS degree is a dime a dozen.  Unless you go to MIT.  Did I go to MIT?  Did 
I go to school where you can buy Cokes online?  (I am dying for a Coke
machine with a Unix account hooked up to it.  I bet you don't even know
what I am talking about.  Check out www.cs.wisc.edu/~sacmuse/coke/coke.html 
I bet I die before I ever have an account on a Coke machine.)  Nope.  I
went to a school that they mock on the Simpsons.  In a major that they mock 
on Futurama.  Matt Groenig hates me.

I try to think back.  What was it we did in those classes?  I barely remember.
Statistics?  nope.  Calculus?  nope.  Visual Basic?  nope.  Any of the 3 or 5
week courses?  (you can do a 3 credit course in 3 weeks?  Sure you can. 
will you get anything out of it?)  double nope.  Trouble is, you use it, BARELY 
demonstrate proficiency in the subject, you get your 'A' then you are done.  
Never to  think of it again.  Seems silly.  Why not let us find the subjects 
and courses that genuinely interest us, and let us take those.  We might 
retain some learning if we actually had passion for what we were doing.

The other fun thing from my college years?  Watching the dean trash our 4.0
GPA's.  It wasn't just me.  It was everyone from my class.  (Well not
everyone, there are those that will get an A if it kills them.  I am not
one of those people)  How did he trash the GPA's?  He told the instructors
that they were giving out too many A's.  They were told to artificially lower 
our grades.  Bogus?  I thought so.  What can you do about it?  Grin and bear 
it.  Smile therapy baby!

The dean of the school said, and I quote, "The only reason we want you to
succeed is so that you will be rich enough to donate money to the school
after you graduate."  At least he was honest.  And he can dream on.  I
donated plenty of money to this school over the last four years.  They 
call it tuition.  What did I get for it?  A crappy education.  

At least it helped pay the football coach's salary.  He happens to make
more money than God, and produces a losing record in football.  This sums
up my college experience very nicely indeed.

Granted, much of this saga consists of stereotyping, and not all of it is
true.  (I had to add this last bit, some of my group members have been
reading my rants, and there are still a few more group projects to
complete...)  

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