To: All Riding Members
From: Chief of Operations

Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions

It has come to our attention, from several emergency rooms, that many "EMS
narratives" have taken a decidedly creative direction lately.

Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and
acronyms, to assess and describe patients, such as the following:

1) Cardiac patients should not be described as: "MUH" (Messed Up Heart),
"PBS" (Pretty Bad Shape), "PCL" (Pre-Code Looking) or HIBGIA (Had It Before,
Got It Again).

2) Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are rescuers to use,
CCFCCP (Coo Coo For Cocoa Puffs), to describe their mental state.

3) Trauma patients are not "CATS" (Cut All To Sh*t), "FDGB" (Fall Down, Go
Boom), "TBC" (Total Body Crunch) or, "HH" (Hamburger Helper.)

Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like:
"negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome."

4) Likewise, "HAZMAT" (Hazardous Material) teams are highly trained
professionals, not "glow worms."

5) Persons with altered mental states, as a result of drug use, are not
considered, "pharmaceutically gifted."

6) Gunshot wounds to the head are not, "trans-occipital implants."

7) The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen," nor is "endotracheal
intubations" referred to as a, "PVC Challenge".

8) And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being, "paws
up," "ART" (Assuming Room Temperature), "CC" (Cancel Christmas), "CTD"
(Circling The Drain), or "NLPR" (no long playing records).

Also, I know you will all join me, in respecting the cultural diversity of
our patients, including their medical orientations, in creating proper
Narratives and Log entries.