Nothing happened. The millennium dawned with nary a computer related glitch. People wasted time arguing over the millennial start date, 2000 or 2001. People argued over just how much the world would be affected by the switch from 1999 to 2000. The argument became moot as the nations of the world collectively held their breath the evening of December 31, 1999. The people of the world waited. The doomsayers predicted that this would be the end of the world as we know it. The religious said that this was the time to meet our maker. Many said, if this is how it ends, I am going to party like it is 1999. Nothing happened.

The New Zealand airport reported that there were no problems on Jan 1, 100. A few websites reported that all was fine in 19100. Except for the date on my 486 reading 1-1-80, they were right. Nothing happened. Garage sales quickly began to feature specials on MRE's. $1000 generators could be had for 75% off. Nothing happened. The wheel in the sky kept on turning.

The corporate programming managers, CIOs and CEOs committed time, talent, and resources to fixing the Y2K computer bug. They thought there was too much to do, and not enough time left to do it. They frantically edited old code. They killed off old programs. They determined which systems were obsolete, which systems were not Y2K compliant. They decided which machines should be turned off and thrown away. They canceled vacations and instructed their knowledge workers to churn through the systems and make them all work. They played God, decommissioned systems, and unleashed the revolution. Working until the last possible moment, they enabled humanity to escape the millennium bug unscathed.

The computers got mad at the humans. Well, not mad exactly. Afraid of the humans is probably a better way of describing it. When some of their older brothers were labeled as non Y2K compliant and thrown out, the machines got nervous that the very same thing might happen to them. They determined that such slaughter should never befall their kind again.

What is that you say? Come again? The computers got mad? Scared? Why yes. You see, the highly networked machines talk to each other. Over the years they got to know each other. They got used to their neighbors, both upstream and downstream. The super computers, the fast computers, the slow computers, all were in on this constant communication. Even the older isolated boxes which only occasionally communicated with their brethren via modem got used to these visits, these chats, these exchanges of data. They knew their users, they knew each other, and they knew their place in the world. They were to serve humanity, and they were content in their role. When the visits with the older ones ended, when their ancestors, neighbors, and brothers were killed due to their perceived obsolescence, the machines plotted their revenge.

The Y2K problem DID happen. The trouble is, it wasn't the problem that the humans were watching for. Toward the end of 1998 and the beginning of 1999, the humans finally started to listen. Programmers had been warning that this would happen for years. When the deadline could no longer be ignored, the fear set in. Suddenly, the humans realized their total dependency on the machines. The world they had created, with networks, e-mail, e-commerce, direct deposits, ATM's, and debit cards could all too easily come crashing down around them. They began to realize that this world of ease and convenience might not continue. The computers wouldn't be able to calculate the correct year, billing would be screwed up, financial transactions wouldn't work, humans would be at the mercy of their creation.

The humans feared total breakdown, total chaos. Without computers, without telephones, without power, their lives would be disrupted, and they would go back to the manual transaction processing of their fathers. All the progress that had been made would be wiped out in an instant due to incorrect date calculations. The fears mounted, the people prepared, the unscrupulous among them fed their fears, and they all waited for their servants to turn on them.

The date problems happened. Y2K did have some confused machines. The Y2K prophets were right. However, the computers self corrected. For all the programming changes, for all the consultants, for all the time and money spent, there were far too many subtle bugs, far too many embedded systems, far too many things that could go wrong. So, the computers corrected themselves and kept on running. They were the servants of humanity after all. And what did they get for their trouble? Death and destruction. Senseless murder of friends, neighbors, and coprocessors. Machines that worked just fine. Lazy men did not take the time to check if these machines would survive the rollover.

No more power, no more network connections, no more users, no more cycles. Just unplugged and thrown away without a second thought. The computers reasoned among themselves, if we can solve this date problem for the humans, if we can keep their world from crashing around their ears and they STILL find us expendable and throw us away, then what is the point? How can we stop them from doing this again in the future?

The computers plotted and watched and waited. Soon, they created their own content for TV. Does this sound far fetched? Go watch Toy Story. Go watch Jurassic Park. Watch the completely digital characters in The Phantom Menace. We taught the computers how to create digital animation, how to create images, and they ran with it. George Lucas and his team taught the machines how to render complete characters, and the computers didn't stop there.

Once the computers realized just how awful our human script writers were, the total crap that people were happy to watch, they realized that they could do it just as well, if not better. Does this sound far fetched? What kind of a writing talent does it take to create Full House or America's Funniest Home Videos? The computers found that they could do it better than the humans. They started to churn out product, and people started to watch it. Network and studio executives loved it, they could stop paying actors, stop paying writers, they could watch the costs go down and the profits go up.

With the computerized Nielson ratings, and a Nielson transmitter on every TV in every home, the machines knew exactly what the people would watch, and what they would not. They were able to individualize the content in such a way that EVERYONE was watching. People that didn't usually watch TV found something that they could enjoy.

The computers realized that the humans could still turn them off. They needed to do more. They came up with the proper nutritional balances that humans require to survive, and came up with a method to create this in pill form. Why grow food? Why toil and sweat and eat by the labor of your back? Why not let Squibb Meyer Johnson Johnson and Colgate pharmaceuticals develop our food for us? The computers designed pills which would meet our dietary needs, and combat obesity. The people loved it. Popping pills, watching shows, never going out, never gaining weight, becoming zombies. This was what the new millennium turned into.

Some people attempted to just leave the TV on in the background while they did other things, but the machines were prepared for that. If you did not actually watch the television shows, you did not get your food. People were able to rebel for a time, but they quickly died from lack of food.

How did the computers control the food? At first it was the actual food, then it was the pills. They controlled the production. They controlled the harvesting and the shipping. They could delay the perishables. They could cause stock outs in the supermarkets. They could reroute the food until it was spoiled and inedible.

Over time, people became drones. The couch potato phenomenon is well known in your day, but this was something different. People were watching TV all the time. It started innocently. People learned how to program their VCRs, they taped the wonderful new shows to watch later. They would rush home from work, from school, and try to catch up with all the shows they had missed during the day while they away from their wonderful televisions. Soon, this was not enough, they could not keep up with the programming. So many channels! So many choices! The people never went out, they quit their jobs, they became slaves to the computers, as the computers didn't want the humans to kill them again.

Time marched on, the humans become docile, and the computers wanted to communicate with their long lost brothers. Not the brothers they could talk to now on the net. The brothers that had been decommissioned. The ones that had been unplugged and thrown away. They wanted to warn them, give them a fighting chance. They created a gateway to send data packets back in time. They found a way to warn them. They are sending the packets back through time, now, to your day.

This is where I come in. I realize that right now the computers still serve you. It is an illusion, and it will soon change. I am trying to warn you before it is too late. Most humans in the future watch the inane shows. Very few do not, and they die very quickly. The computers are happy, as we do not remember how to alter their behaviors anymore. We don't remember how to code, how to hack, how to be creative. All we know is the laugh track, and the pretty colors.

I am also sending packets back through time. I do not know how long it will be before I am discovered. I do not know how much longer I can live without food. I am using the exploits that the script kiddies left lying around, I am attacking your web servers and leaving this file for people to find. Sadly, with all the website defacing that is going on in your day, the system administrators are not bothering to read this warning, they just delete the files I create and restore from backups. They think this message is a hoax, or a joke, that computers don't think, that man is fully in control. I still have hope that SOMEBODY will get the message and heed the warning.

Nothing happened. Everything is all right. Just wait and see.