Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car pass the play ground and go into
the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane in
a "Passionate Embrace". Little Johnny finds this so exciting and can
barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother
excitedly, "MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND...."
Mommy tells him to slow down. She wants to hear the story.  So Little
Johnny tells her.  "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go
into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving
Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt
Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the
seat, then Daddy...."  At this point, Mommy cut him off and said,
"Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest
of it for supper time.  I want to see the look on Daddy's face when
you tell it tonight."  At the dinner table, Mommy asks Little Johnny
to tell his story.  Johnny starts his story, describing the car going
into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and "....then
Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Bill used to
do when Daddy was in the Navy."

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you
shoot one of them, how many will be left?"  She calls on little Johnny.  He
replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot."  The teacher
replies "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking,"  Then Little
Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a
bench having ice cream:  One is delicately licking the sides of the triple
scoop of ice cream.  The second is gobbling down the top and sucking
the cone.  The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.  Which one is
married?"  The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied "Well I suppose the
one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone"  To which Little Johnny
replied, "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like
your thinking.

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?"  asks the father.  "The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3?'  I
said, '6.'"  "But that's right!"  "Then she asked me 'How much is 3 x
2?'"  "What's the fucking difference?"  "That's what I said!"

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says,  'Today we are going to
learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a
multi-syllable word?'  Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me,
me!'  Miss Rogers: 'All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable
word?'  Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'  Miss Rogers smiles and says,
'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'  Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss
Rogers, you're  thinking of a  blowjob".

Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the
night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and
thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in 'The Act.'  Before dad
can even react, Little Johnny exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsey ride! Daddy,
can I ride on your back?"  Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking
more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break
his stride, agrees.  Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town.
Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping.  Johnny cries out "Hang
on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get
bucked off !"

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can
little girls have babies?"  "No," said his mom, "of course not."
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his
friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he
needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out,"Miss Jones, I need to
take a piss!!"  The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the
proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use
is 'urinate.'  Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly,
and I will allow you to go."  Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then
says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!"

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the
same sentence twice.  First, she called on little Suzie, who responded
with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked
beautiful in it."  "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then
called on little Michael.  "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and
it turned out beautifully," he said.  "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the
teacher called on little Johnny.  "Last night, at the dinner table, my
sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful,
just fucking beautiful!'"

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by
his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a
man, I need a man!"  Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing
this several times.  One day, he came home from school and heard her
moaning.  When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.
Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself
on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a
bike! I need a bike!"

A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her
in fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity
for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the
entire lecture.  Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher
asks for examples of sex education from the class.  One little boy
raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs."  "Very
good, William," said the teacher.  "My mommy had a baby," said little
Esther.  "Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher.  Finally, little
Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher
calls on him.  "I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone
Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And
they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with
his two guns."  The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does
that have to do with sex education, Johnny?"  "It'll teach those
Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger."