From: clscott101@aol.com (CLScott101)
Subject: Sports Humor
Date: 22 Nov 1998 21:43:10 GMT

Sports Quotes:
>
>"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
>     -Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh
>     ****************************
>
>"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy
>like Norman Einstein."
>     - Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996
>     ****************************
>
>"You guys line up alphabetically by height.
>     - Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach
>     ****************************
>
>"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
>     - Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach
>     ****************************
>
>Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman
>because of academic requirements:  "I play football. I'm not
>trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to
>me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in
>school."
>     ****************************
>
>Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with
>promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter?
>He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
>     ****************************
>
>Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps
>a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget
>how to spell my name, I can still find my #%@# clothes."
>     ****************************
>
>Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his
>visit to Greece: "I can't really remember the names of the clubs
>that we went to."
>     ****************************
>
>Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of championships:   "I've won at
>every level, except college and pro."
>     ****************************
>
>Lou Duva, Veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of
>heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in
>the morning regardless of what time it is."
>     ****************************
>
>1992- Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's
>7-27 record: "We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As
>general manager, I  just can't figure out where else to play."
>     ****************************
>
>1982 - Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player,
>explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:
>"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be
>an uncle or an aunt."
>     ****************************
>
>1981 - Tommy Lasorda , Dodger manager, when asked what terms
>Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for
>in his upcoming contract negotiations: "He wants Texas back."
>     ****************************
>
>1966 - Darrell Royal, Texas football coach, asked if the abnormal
>number of Longhorn injuries that season resulted from poor physical
>conditioning:  "One player was lost because he broke his nose. How
>do you go about getting a nose in condition for football?"
>     ****************************
>
>1981 - Mike McCormack, coach of the hapless Baltimore Colts after
>the team's co-captain, offensive guard Robert Pratt, pulled a
>hamstring running onto the field for the coin toss against St.
>Louis: "I'm going to send the injured reserve players out for the
>toss next time."
>     ****************************
>
>1991 -Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans
>that a fire at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books:  "But
>the  real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet."
>     ****************************
>
>1986 - Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked after a loss
>what he thought of the refs: "I'm not allowed to comment on lousy
>officiating."
>     ****************************
>
>1991 - Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights
>as opposed to Sunday afternoons: "It's basically the same, just
>darker."
>     ****************************
>
>1996 - Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not
>to vote: "I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get
>shot."
>     ****************************
>
>1991 - Jim Colletto, Purdue football coach and former assistant at
>Arizona State and Ohio State, on his 11-year-old son's reaction
>after he took the job with the Boilermakers:  "He said: 'Gosh, Dad,
>that mean's we're not going to any more bowl games."
>     ****************************
>
>1986 - LaVell Edwards, BYU football coach and one of 14 children:
>"They can't fire me because my family buys too many tickets."
>     ****************************
>
>1991 - Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I
>told him, "Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?"
>He said, "Coach, I don't know and I don't care."
>     ****************************
>
>1991 - Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach,
>John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."
>     ****************************
>
>1987 - Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting
>what he told a player who received four F's and one D:  "Son, looks
>to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."