hen a local gay man
went to the supermarket and purchased an exra-bright light bulb for
his kitchen area, he did not know what he had bargained for.
"I knew I wanted something bright, but not this bright. I
mean, I got $4.55 worth of bright."
This was the problem that confronted Juan Molinari, a local
homosexual man who, like most homosexuals, had no experience with
wiring or any other kind of home improvement projects.
"I know how to trash a place", he offers. "Making it better
is kind of like taking things in the opposite direction."
Still, armed with steely determinism and a few dollars in
his pocket, Molinari headed down to the nearest hardware store and
held his breath as he walked in. "I wasn't sure how to go
about it. I mean, forget about just picking one out and paying
for it; I don't even know in which part of the store they keep these
things." So, looking at the man behind the counter right in
the eye, Molinari counted three heartbeats and said in a clear,
firm, albeit homosexual voice, "I need a dimmer switch."
Having made his purchase, Molinari proceeded back to his
apartment to perform what at the time seemed like a heroic act of
self-sufficiency: Removing the old on/off switch and
installing the new dimmer switch.
"I was pretty freaked out. I know what 110 volts of
electricity can do to the human body. I mean, or so I've
heard."
After turning off every single breaker to the house, including
the ones that didn't seem to be connected to anything, Molinari got
through the first phase of the project and successfully removed the
old switch without causing major damage to the drywall. "At
this point I was already in unfamiliar territory. Bare,
hanging wires.... Gross."
After loosely attaching the wires to the new switch, Molinari
once again held his breath and proceeded to test it by turning the
breaker for the kitchen area back on. This is the point
where his
life stopped cold. Instead of easily modulated light, what he
found was complete and utter darkness throughout his
apartment. "Totally completely dark; nothing in the apartment
worked after I turned the breakers back on. Or, rather, it
would have been completely dark if it hadn't been 3:00 in the
afternoon."
It was at this point that the homosexual man briefly considered
calling his lesbian friend for help. "I probably could have
avoided trouble if I had called Amy at first instance. But no,
I had started on my own and I was going to finish on my own."
Molinari then contacted the supervisor
of his building, who expressed amazement that 50 amps could be
shorted out by a simple dimmer switch. "He didn't know how I
managed it. He kind of looked at me with a slightly amused
look on his face and then said he was going to the basement
briefly. After a few minutes, the lights came back on. I
suppose I was grateful."
The rest of the story is told rather simply by Molinari.
After being shown how to properly insulate the wire ends so they
would not come into contact with the metal casing inside the switch
house, the lights did indeed come on. Molinari had achieved
his dream of being able to make his kitchen both very bright,
completely dark, and everything in between.
"Now I can see what I'm doing when I open cans and stuff, but it
doesn't bother me when I'm in the next room watching TV."
What is next for this homosexual man who is now a bit more
experienced in the matters of home improvement?
"Maybe I'll refinish the floor", he says with a coy smile.
Juan Molinari's kitchen: bright, and
not-so-bright
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