Scientists report strange images from Martian soil

"Wait until the folks at Roswell see this!"

July 9, 1997
Web posted at: 1:18 a.m. EDT

ARES VALLIS, Mars, Sol System (NNC) -- Scientists on the Mars Pathfinder project have reported receiving a number of anomalous images from the surface of Mars. While multiple theories have been developed to explain the phenomena, no one at NASA is willing to draw any conclusions at this time.

Hal McSweeney, a University of Vermont scientist, told a press conference Tuesday at Cal Tech's Jet Propulsion Laboratory that "the ramifications of this discovery could be monumental." The black rectangular object in one of the images appears to have the exact proportions of 1 X 4 X 9. When asked to comment further, Dr. McSweeney replied "I'm sorry, I'm afraid I can't do that."

NASA officials have denied stories that rover coordinator Matt Wallace reported seeing "stars" in the rectangular object in an image just prior to the one shown here. "He's always seeing things," said NASA administrator John Williamson, under condition of anonymity.

Dr. Milton Haverson, Professor of Exogeology at the University of Pittsburgh, commented on the findings in the second image:

• The rocks in the photograph all slant towards the northwest, possibly indicating that floods occurred millions of years ago, or that the planet's inhabitants were very anal retentive.

• The soil contains more than one color, indicating that the Martian Rock Sales Program (MRSP) slated for 1998, should be a fantastic success providing the funding for future missions.

• While the alien creature staring into the camera lens could have earth-shattering physical and philosophical implications for the entire human race, further investigations will have to wait until after the geologists have fully explored the rock formations of the red planet, looking for possible signs that microscopic life existed millions of years ago.

• The oblong shape in the upper left hand corner of the image is clearly a weather balloon that has strayed off course from a military operation in the Southwest U.S.

Peter Smith, principal manager for the Pathfinder imager, explained that "those damn geologists won the coin toss for first dibs on the rover, and they refuse to let us follow the alien creature." Smith noted that he was particularly upset as the creature had made off with the low-gain antenna and the license plate for the Sojourner rover. "We still have the fuzzy dice and the cellphone, so some experiments can continue," Smith stated.

Students at the University of Valhalla had mixed reactions. "This has sparked many theological debates as we try to reconcile the existance of alien life forms and the bible," stated a philosophy student. Meanwhile, many in the department of biology had lost all composure and were busy torching their offices. "It's either the most significant discovery in mankind's history, or a cheesy hack done with a paint program," said one graphic arts student.

 

• Message Board: Destination Mars
• NNC In-Depth: Space

Related stories:

• Rover 'holds hands' with Barnacle Bill - July 7, 1997
• Sojourner, meet Barnacle Bill - July 6, 1997
• Tiny Mars rover set to take giant roll for mankind - July 5, 1997
• NASA gets good news on Pathfinder glitch - July 5, 1997
• NNC: NASA TV live
• NASA gets good news on Pathfinder glitch - July 5, 1997
• Communications glitch hampers Mars rover - July 5, 1997
• Mars Pathfinder sends first snapshots - July 4, 1997
• NASA: Pathfinder has landed - July 4, 1997
• Pathfinder speeds toward Martian surface - July 4, 1997
• Pathfinder nears its destiny - July 3, 1997
• Scientists giddy as Pathfinder nears Mars - July 1, 1997
• NASA hope third time's the charm for Mars probe launch - December 3, 1996
• Pathfinder to roam Mars in search of possible life - October 1, 1996

Related sites:

Note: Pages will open in a new browser window

• National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA)
• NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory
• Pathfinder Landing Timeline
• Mars Pathfinder Mission
  • Choose a closer mirror site for faster access!
• Mars Global Surveyor

External sites are not endorsed by NNC Interactive.

Search for related NNC stories:   [Help] Tip: You can restrict your search to the title of a document. Example: title:New Year's Resolutions

Watch these shows on NNC for more sci-tech stories:

NNC Computer Connection | Future Watch | Science & Technology Week

Sound off on our message boards Tell us what you think! You said it...

© 1997 Nationwide Network Cribbage, Inc.
All Rights Reserved.

Send feedback to parody author