Comments on: November 10

By: Jed Davis

Jed Davis — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 00:30:58 +0000

I too have no idea what to say (and I had a head start on it, since a mutual friend of ours broke the news to me a bit in advance of the official announcement). I know I haven’t kept in touch with the Panixverse much after I left, but I’m so very sorry to hear about all of this, and I admire the grace with which you’re handling it.

My thoughts have been, and continue to be, with you. And I’ll try to write less gloomy comments than this in the future.

By: mara

mara — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 22:28:25 +0000

Looks like a good candidate. Another friend said elsewhere that she thinks she knows what I mean. And tonight maybe I’ll remember to ask my mother.

By: David Scheidt

David Scheidt — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 22:18:12 +0000

Are you thinking of the ‘Common Cracker’?
http://www.vermontcountrystore.com/store/jump/productDetail/Food_&_Candy/Pantry_&_Canned_Goods/Breads,_Crackers_&_Snacks/Vermont_Common_Crackers/54652;jsessionid=43780F86D34487E995A07C86051A3EAB.vcs-app-01-p-app2

They’re bland (sort of stale, really) and split with a knife or fork easily.

By: mara

mara — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 10:49:03 +0000

If I thought I needed particular consideration (and if I think I do), I’ll ask. My concern for Sunday is my blood count. It’s just two days after the infusion, and I’m not sure about going into crowds.

By: Ben Rosengart

Ben Rosengart — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 04:52:31 +0000

Michael makes a lot of sense.

Mara, I was stunned when I read your post to panix.people, and I was only able to bang out a stock (though heartfelt) response. Anyway, now that I’ve had some time to reflect, I still have no fucking clue what to say. But you’ve been on my mind a lot, and I’m sending you all kinds of love and good feelings.

By: Michael Weholt

Michael Weholt — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 23:37:21 +0000

Blowing steam. Highly recommended for all parties. It helps.

Also, I’m going to recommend something the usefulness of which you may already have discovered. We called it “playing the C-card” and it basically entails asking politely for some additional consideration, of one sort or another, because of your special circumstances. Many, many times people will go out of their way to throw a favor or two your way. My theory is many, many people know somebody who is fighting the same fight you are and they — and this is important — they WELCOME the opportunity to help you out a little. I mention this in relation to your planned trip to see “Follies” on Sunday. By all means try to go if it seems at all possible, and keep in mind that if you are struggling a bit you may be able to play the C-card with the house staff. Maybe they can move you to a seat that lets you feel more comfortable staying, a seat on an aisle or nearer the back of the house or something. You don’t have to say, “I have cancer, can I have another seat?” You can say, “I had some chemo today, and I’m feeling a little shaky…” All true.

Do not be shy about using the C-card. The first few times might feel a bit shameless, but it isn’t manipulation. It’s giving other people the chance to do something for you that makes them feel good about themselves.

Having said that, there will always be some people it doesn’t work on, but I think your job long ago taught you that “it takes all kinds to make a world.”