It was a quiet Sunday, but an active one.  I sent some email, paid some bills, and did a workout almost as early as my Sunday workouts before I got sick.  I spent 24 minutes on the elliptical and then did some strength and stretching, knocking myself out and feeling terrific afterwards.

I got myself showered, drank my morning Boost, and was all ready for a phone date with a very dear friend.  Her husband has prostate cancer which might or might not have been completely dealt with surgically, so they’re doing followup.  There’s a nasty history of cancer in his family, which makes it all that much scarier.  But we had lots of other things to talk about besides disease and dealing with it.  We’ve known each other all my life (she’s just a little older, so it’s not quite all of hers), and our fathers were friends together, so there’s a whole family connection.  Which reminds me:  She promised me pictures which she hasn’t yet sent (ahem, ahem).

I burned a photo onto a CD so we could have a good print made of it to give as a gift.  My sweetie took it out to get it done for us and brought it back this afternoon.    I write  a couple of notes in answer to letters I’ve received from friends.  (This is snail mail, and I’m not really used to it, but I managed.  I hope they have no trouble reading my writing.)

I did the hand wash and read the Sunday paper and enjoyed a lazy afternoon.  I’m still enjoying my lazy afternoon.  Another thanksgiving day.

Last Saturday I felt pretty bad, and it was a tremendous let-down from the good physical I’d had just the day before.  Yesterday I also had a good physical, but today there was no let-down.  I slept a little later than usual and woke up feeling comfortable.  I was hungry for breakfast which I consumed enthusiastically without any problem. I think I’ll fill the anti-nausea prescription at the on-line pharmacy and take my chances that it will get here by the time I need it.  (Today’s NY Times had an op-ed piece about a patient with late-stage pancreatic cancer whose persistent nausea was entirely reversed the one day she dared try marijuana.  I don’t need it now, but I might very well need it later.)

I spent most of the morning on the phone, first with my brother and then with my sister, and then I did some paperwork.  I put in some time online and generally was productive in a quiet, “it’s the weekend” way.

I decided to have french toast and sausage (with maple syrup; yummy) for lunch.  That’s a sizeable meal for me, and I was happy to devour it.  After lunch my sweetie had an errand to do and I treated myself to a long soak in a lavender-infused bath, thanks to my cousin’s care package.

I’m not running around trying to prove my strength, and I don’t have as much energy as I had before I got sick, but I am definitely holding my own.  We have a big week coming up, with company from out of town (Florida friends, even, daring to come to New York for a few days in December).

Infusion day.  I managed to get a bunch of stuff done before I left for the 10:30 appointment.  There were very few patients around, compared to previous weeks.  I signed in at 10:17; by 10:30 they had finished taking my vitals.  I did have to wait until about 11 for my doctor (who was with another patient), but it seemed to me that was just normal scheduling.

We had some questions:  I have some arthritis in my back, and acetaminophen does nothing for me, but I understood that NSAIDs (aspirin, etc.) were taboo.  Turns out my platelets (the potential spanner in the works) are just fine, and I should take what I need and not worry about it.  Similarly antacids as needed.  No problem.  Then the exam:  I did the usual:  stuck out my tongue at him, took some deep breaths, and then stretched out so he could palpate my abdomen.  “Normal belly,” he called out triumphantly to the nurse.  (He also took time to notice that my totem jewelry was something he hadn’t seen before, and to admire it.)  I’d reported my nausea of last Saturday, and he gave me a prescription for an anti-nausea drug.

So we were off to the infusion waiting room, where there were enough seats for my sweetie to join me.  And we weren’t there very long, either.  It was only about ten minutes before we were taken to the infusion room, where my sweetie spotted a close friend, getting a (four hour!) dose of gamma globulin.  My drip was running by 11:45; we were finished before 12:30 and home before 1pm– record time.

When we got home, we bumped into our next door neighbor who threatened us with Christmas cookies, left at our door, in small batches.  She followed through, too; there was a yummy-smelling bag of goodies at our door that evening.

I had a bit of lunch and took a nap. Today’s postal mail included a card and letter from one cousin and more luscsiou soaking stuff from the cousin who sent me the initial care package.  I’ll have a delicious time this weekend in the bath tub!

I’m feeling tired now, which is not unexpected.  We’ll see how tomorrow goes, but I’m pretty happy about the exam.

This is the birthday of my goddaughter, whom I love dearly.  I dropped her a brief note by email; she answered it with a longer, loving note that made me very happy.

I went through some old papers and magazines and got rid of a lot of stuff.  There’s a lot more to go, but every bit I can discard now will help later.  I had a productive day at work, too, both at home and in the short time I was in the office.  The day was chilly but sunny and beautiful.

I’ve been exchanging more email– lots of news of classmates and neighborhood friends– with the classmate (from second grade on!) who made me the pillowcase, and that’s been great.  And I got a beautiful note of support, via postal mail, from neighbors in the building.

Tomorrow is infusion day.  I’m a little nervous about it because this week has been harder than during the first cycle, but we’ll see.  One step at a time.

Some dates have their own resonance.  Today, of course, is Pearl Harbor Day.  Monday was the birthday of my brother’s oldest friend.  Now, I can understand why I’d remember Pearl Harbor Day, especially as it was one of items in the morning news, but why I should happen to recall my brother’s friend’s birthday is beyond me.  Some dates just stick.

Last night was the building’s holiday party.  It was fun and festive– the lobby is decorated with evergreen wreaths and poinsettias.  We set up tables for snack foods and drinks.  I brought my cookies.  Those of my neighbors who had already heard about my diagnosis were solicitous and happy to see how well I’m doing.  There were some who knew that something was up but not exactly what, and to them I gave the one-sentence summary and a card with the URL for this blog on it.  To the others, I really didn’t mention it at all.  I had a lovely time talking to some folks I’ve long known by sight but had never spoken to.  We stayed only until just after eight.   When we left, the number of cookies (especially the cinnamon chocolate-chip ones) had diminshed gratifyingly.  (I got a lot of enthusiastic comments about them, too.)  A few were returned to us at the end of the party; we found them this morning when we got up.

And today was a good day.  I spent most of it working, but I took time for lunch and for a workout.  Again I was surprised that the elliptical (twenty minutes) was as easy as it was.  When I got off after twenty minutes it was because I wanted to do some strength exercises and stretching, and still get upstairs in about half an hour– not because I couldn’t stand another second on the machine.

I spent an hour or so visiting with the friend who furnished me the marzipan (which I’ve still not quite finished), and returned to my apartment to find that the mail included not only reimbursement for the Medicare payments that Social Security had initially deducted, but also a note from another classmate from grade school and high school.  She will be in town over Christmas and has tickets for Follies, so she was glad to know how much I’d enjoyed it.

It’s the people around me who make all the difference.  Connecting to them buoys me up and makes me smile.

I felt stronger today, but I knocked myself out baking up the cookie dough I put into the fridge the other day.  There were only a couple of batches of the maple cookies, but the chocolate chip recipe made a lot, so I was back and forth between the computer and the oven.  It didn’t help much that the dough for the chocolate chip cookies was so stiff my hand got tired scooping it up and shaping it into balls.  But the cookies are made and ready for the party.

I managed to stop at the bank on my way to the office, where my lunch perked me up sufficiently that I had a productive couple of hours.  I left in good time to rest when I got home, and I’m feeling a bit perkier now than I felt before.  I started the day thinking I didn’t feel quite so well as I had last week; now I think I’m back to that level, and that makes me very happy.

I felt a bit stronger today, but not back to where I was a week ago.  (I had trouble sleeping again, and I don’t know how to allow for that when I figure out how I’m doing.)  I had a good breakfast and my usual morning snacks while I did my online chores as well as shredding more sensitive stuff (we have folders of it, just waiting to be fed to the paper eater).

This afternoon I went out briefly to do errands in the neighborhood.  The weather has been overcast but very mild for December, and I figured I’d take advantage of it while I could.  My sweetie had a mole on his arm that was developing scabs.  He’s had some skin cancers, so he went to his dermatologist this afternoon and discovered, to our great relief, that this is nothing to worry about.

Today’s email included an exchange with the pillowcase maker, who’s passed the address of this diary along ot other classmates, and the postal mail included a lovely note from a home-town classmate.  It’s very heartening, after all these (many!) years, to hear from so many friends from long ago, and to feel connected once again with the community where I grew up.

Well, today was much better.  I was able to eat a smallish breakfast without any problem, and I had a morning snack before my usual protein drink.  As I acquired calories during the day, I also acquired energy.  I baked two batches of cookies (one of each recipe, so I’d know whether it was worth baking the rest for the party on Tuesday).  (And yes, they’re good.)  I did some work online.  I printed the address of this blog in label format on card stock and cut it apart so I’ll be able to hand the cards to interested neighbors at the party on Tuesday.

I had a good lunch:  egg, nova, and brie on crackers.  After which, I read the NY Times, answered some email, went through a bunch of paperwork, and ran a batch of stuff through the shredder.

In between, I rested and snacked.  I couldn’t decide whether to take a shower or luxuriate in the tub with my lavender soap.  I started in the shower (for efficiency), but decided that wasn’t good enough, so I stopped the drain, pulled aside the shower curtain, and soaked for a while in the tub.  It was luscious.

I’ve been feeling increasingly energetic (probably because I’ve had plenty to eat today), and now I’ll have a small snack before having a light supper.  I don’t want to force anything, but I am hungry, and that makes me happy.

A rough day.  I didn’t enjoy eating dinner last night.  I slept better than usual, and didn’t wake for the day until 5:00 (which is my equivalent of sleeping late).  I felt okay initially, but I couldn’t keep my breakfast down, and I felt pretty tired.  I napped between family phone calls.  My sister, who had chemo for breast cancer some years ago (and has been fine since) said that she found that the infusions grew harder on her as she had more of them, and we wonder whether that’s happening to me.  It’s disappointing after the sense of healthy energy I’ve had the last couple of weeks.

This afternoon I started making some cookies.  First I got out and measured all the ingredients.  Then I took a break (and a short nap).  Then I did the mixing.  The recipe says to chill the dough for at least an hour; I’ll bake them tomorrow.  That was my big activity for the day.

I’ve had very little to eat all day, and I really don’t feel like trying to get anything else down, but I may change my mind later.  (I had a “Boost” this morning and one a little while ago.  It’s easy for me to get it down and is designed to provide nutrition efficiently.)

So that’s today.  I hope to have a little more energy tomorrow.

Infusion day.  We were scheduled for 10:30, and they actually took me in for the preliminaries very soon thereafter.  That (including waiting) took about fifteen minutes.  Then I waited another twenty minutes or so for the oncologist.  He asked how I was feeling and I said pretty good; I reported that I’d gained a pound (on the hospital scale), and that I was definitely eating better and had more energy.  He said he could tell by looking at me that I was more energetic– my manner, my voice, etc.  He examined me and said that my belly was much softer than last time.  He didn’t think he could feel the lesion on my liver.  His nurse thought she probably could– and judging from how it felt when she was palpating me she was in the right area– but still, that’s pretty good.

I was wearing a pair of very silly earrings (in the form of my totem), and Dr. S got a big kick out of them.  (If he can put on a special tie for me, I can entertain him with my totem accessories.  It’s only fair.)

He said that some patients on Gemzar feel better whether or not the drug shrinks the tumor.  I said that I would, of course, prefer for the tumor to shrink, but I’m delighted to feel better in any case.  We told him about our Florida plans, and he approved– not at all to our surprise.

We finished with him just before 11:30; at about noon they took us into the infusion room, but the nurses were occupied with a patient who had to be in the isolation area, so they didn’t start infusing me until 12:40.  Nonetheless, it went very smoothly, and I was out by 1:20 and we were home before 2:00.  It seems long for what they describe as a half-hour infusion, but it really wasn’t bad– especially with music on my new iPhone.  By the way, I realized I have a pair of reasonably comfortable ear buds, so I used them today, and they stayed put as well with the iPhone as they have with any of the other gizmos I’ve tried them with, so I’m set with that, at least for now.

I got home to find mail from a friend from the net (and Panix) who said that his mother is undergoing chemo for pancreatic cancer.  It was good to hear from him, and I wish his mother– and him– all the best.