Another good day. The weather in the morning was mild and sunny, but the humidity was rising. There’s a front coming through, and tomorrow will be sunny, but much colder and windy.
My sweetie did his usual morning errands, and when he finished we went to the hospital for a wound check (the port). Unfortunately, when we got there, the surgeon was in the middle of a procedure. We waited in comfortable surroundings for about forty-five minutes and then he showed up, checked it, passed it, and that would have been it, except that I figured I should give them my new Medicare card, and they had to find someone from the right office to get that down. As we walked back to the subway, arms around each other’s waists, a passer-by commented on our obvious affection, and said it made him want to call his wife right away. We were amused.
I hadn’t had my usual mid-morning snack, and my legs felt like lead when we got out of the subway. We stopped briefly at a neighborhood grocery store to look for a kind of cracker I remember from long ago– pretty white, not highly seasoned, and you can crack them in half (making two half-thickness disks). I didn’t see anything similar. I looked online when we got home, but didn’t find anything there, either. Meanwhile, I had a little cheese and drank some water and felt greatly revived.
A couple of members of the Panix community suggested that I should have posted my note to a group with a wider audience, so I did that. Again, the outpouring of support and sympathy, while not really surprising, is extremely helpful and a bit overwhelming.
I spent the afternoon doing an assortment of online chores. My sweetie called an old friend to let off some steam. It’s the first time he’s done that, and it did him tremendous good.
Tomorrow at mid-day I’m supposed to have my second infusion. I hope I’m okay with the drug and that the infusion goes smoothly. And I really hope that I can go to the theater on Sunday. I’ve been looking forward to _Follies_ for a long time.
Blowing steam. Highly recommended for all parties. It helps.
Also, I’m going to recommend something the usefulness of which you may already have discovered. We called it “playing the C-card” and it basically entails asking politely for some additional consideration, of one sort or another, because of your special circumstances. Many, many times people will go out of their way to throw a favor or two your way. My theory is many, many people know somebody who is fighting the same fight you are and they — and this is important — they WELCOME the opportunity to help you out a little. I mention this in relation to your planned trip to see “Follies” on Sunday. By all means try to go if it seems at all possible, and keep in mind that if you are struggling a bit you may be able to play the C-card with the house staff. Maybe they can move you to a seat that lets you feel more comfortable staying, a seat on an aisle or nearer the back of the house or something. You don’t have to say, “I have cancer, can I have another seat?” You can say, “I had some chemo today, and I’m feeling a little shaky…” All true.
Do not be shy about using the C-card. The first few times might feel a bit shameless, but it isn’t manipulation. It’s giving other people the chance to do something for you that makes them feel good about themselves.
Having said that, there will always be some people it doesn’t work on, but I think your job long ago taught you that “it takes all kinds to make a world.”
If I thought I needed particular consideration (and if I think I do), I’ll ask. My concern for Sunday is my blood count. It’s just two days after the infusion, and I’m not sure about going into crowds.
Michael makes a lot of sense.
Mara, I was stunned when I read your post to panix.people, and I was only able to bang out a stock (though heartfelt) response. Anyway, now that I’ve had some time to reflect, I still have no fucking clue what to say. But you’ve been on my mind a lot, and I’m sending you all kinds of love and good feelings.
Are you thinking of the ‘Common Cracker’?
http://www.vermontcountrystore.com/store/jump/productDetail/Food_&_Candy/Pantry_&_Canned_Goods/Breads,_Crackers_&_Snacks/Vermont_Common_Crackers/54652;jsessionid=43780F86D34487E995A07C86051A3EAB.vcs-app-01-p-app2
They’re bland (sort of stale, really) and split with a knife or fork easily.
Looks like a good candidate. Another friend said elsewhere that she thinks she knows what I mean. And tonight maybe I’ll remember to ask my mother.
I too have no idea what to say (and I had a head start on it, since a mutual friend of ours broke the news to me a bit in advance of the official announcement). I know I haven’t kept in touch with the Panixverse much after I left, but I’m so very sorry to hear about all of this, and I admire the grace with which you’re handling it.
My thoughts have been, and continue to be, with you. And I’ll try to write less gloomy comments than this in the future.