One Time?
 
...I Saw a Monster

This is how that week went for me. I've corrected a couple of typos, but otherwise the posts are unchanged. And I've included the smallish "unrelated" posts. They are all, apparently unrelated or not, part of the same document.

Date: 11 Sep 2001 15:22:09 GMT

From: Michael R Weholt <awnbreel@panix.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.fandom
Subject: Re: WTC Disaster
Message-ID: <Xns911973C6678A0awnbreelpanix@166.84.0.240>

adaldan@nit.it.invalid (Anna Feruglio Dal Dan) wrote in
news:1ezktjb.uear7hvmhxeaN%adaldan@nit.it.invalid: 

> Please tell me you're all all right.

If this is terrorism, it's worked on me. I'm sitting here shaking, 
fighting back tears.

I was on my way to work -- literally right across the street from both 
towers. The first sign was the cornball people looking up -- I had my 
headphones on and so didn't hear anything -- the pure blue sky was 
filled with an awful brown gray smoke -- strangely there were what 
looked like pieces of papers floating everywhere in the smoke -- it 
looked like a horrific version of one of those ticker-tape parades they 
have for the Yankees -- I walked a bit further and the full scope of the  
first horror became clear -- the top floors of the north side of the 
north tower -- maybe ten floors completely collapsed in -- flames 
roaring from all sides of the tower -- that awful brown gray smoke -- 
omigod I thought -- then a guy on the street reported the incredible -- 
that he had seen a plane plow into the tower -- omigod -- shades of the 
Empire State Building -- stunning -- a few more blocks to work -- faces, 
stunned turned skyward -- almost getting run over as I crossed the 
street -- a strange silence -- no sirens -- too soon to even grasp what 
had happened -- the entrance to our building -- people gathered outside, 
looking up at the awful smoke and flames -- I take the elevator to the 
7th floor, I'm the first one in, I open the office ...

Suddenly another huge blast, outside the windows shit is flying 
everywhere -- glass, huge shards of metal -- omigod -- I literally think 
the tower is falling -- or will fall -- i run for it --

down seven flights and out of the building -- cops are screaming at 
people to run run run people are screaming in horror staring blanking 
looking up stunned 

i remember i've left everything in my office i stupidly make one feeble 
attempt to go get it and get my head chewed off by one fucking wound up 
cop and i decide i have to head home my family will be scared shitless i 
have to call them i try to find a pay phone but every one of them all 
the way up broadway for over a mile every pay phone has ten people lined 
up finally i get home i manage to get through to my mother in seattle my  
i can't get hold of others i can't get out of manhattan my brother calls 
we are watching tv together when i learn the first tower has fallen 
omigod -- apart from all the other horrors -- my building my job i'm 
sorry for such selfish thoughts -- but i probably don't have a job -- 
well fuck it I'm Alive -- we watch the other tower fall live on T.V. I 
start crying, sobbing, my brother trying to calm me down ...

yeah ok terrorism works i'm sorry to say it but it does...

Ok.  I'm better now.  OK.  It will be OK.


-- 
  mrw

Date: 11 Sep 2001 18:21:47 GMT

From: Michael R Weholt <awnbreel@panix.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.fandom
Subject: Re: WTC Disaster
Message-ID: <Xns9119923A23BA4awnbreelpanix@166.84.0.240>

Kip Williams <kipw@home.com> wrote in news:3B9E53EA.E291EEE4@home.com:

> Vicki Rosenzweig wrote:
> 
>> The weird thing is, I'm all the way uptown--really--which means
>> that, from here, the sky is blue and beautiful. I *know* the island
>> I'm on is closed down, and I went "oh shit" an hour ago when I
>> heard something fly low overhead, but I'm getting everything by
>> telephone and radio, same as the rest of you. When I can get a phone
>> line. 
> 
> Here I am in Virginia, and a few minutes ago, a plane went over,
> loudly. Most days, that's just business as usual. Today, it was the
> only one. What was that about? I don't know, I'm just glad the sound
> went away.

The jets over Mahnattan are U.S. warplanes. Everytime I hear one, I go 
out on the deck and look. It's bizarre. Like footage from the middle 
east.

-- 
  mrw

Date: 11 Sep 2001 18:21:52 GMT

From: Michael R Weholt <awnbreel@panix.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.fandom
Subject: Re: WTC Disaster
Message-ID: <Xns9119923DE4519awnbreelpanix@166.84.0.240>

denebeim@deepthot.org (Jay Denebeim) wrote in
news:9nlilp$bc4$2@dent.deepthot.org: 

> In article <Xns911973C6678A0awnbreelpanix@166.84.0.240>,
> Michael R Weholt  <awnbreel@panix.com> wrote:
> 
>>yeah ok terrorism works i'm sorry to say it but it does...
> 
> That depends on your definition of 'works'.  Does it scare people?
> Yes.  Does it piss them off? Yes.  Does it get you what you want?
> No.  Did it hurt us in a way that would keep us from kicking their
> ass?  No.
> 
> They have started a war.  They will lose this war.  They, their
> famlies, everyone they know, will die.  The US will do whatever it
> takes to ensure that this won't happen again.  I have trouble
> imagining how anyone could consider this 'working'.

Right, well, I'm sure that's all correct, but I mean terrorism working 
in terms of causing terror. I can assure you, I was terrified.

As for what comes after that, well, that's another story.

-- 
  mrw

Date: 11 Sep 2001 22:15:29 GMT

From: Michael R Weholt <awnbreel@panix.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.fandom
Subject: Re: Possible Airstrikes?
Message-ID: <Xns9119B9D88C7FCawnbreelpanix@166.84.0.240>

dbilek@mediaone.net (David T. Bilek) wrote in
news:3b9e8878.314033307@nntp.we.mediaone.net: 

> Just being broadcast now are explosions around Kabul, Afghanistan.
> Reports of tracer fire into the sky.  The reporter on the scene is
> describing the detonations as similar to those resulting from
> cruise missle attacks he has witnessed.

I hope to gawd this isn't the U.S. Not yet. Not now. 

I must tell you that I am most discomfitted by all this talk of "This Is 
War!! Bomb The Fuckers!!" The sirens are still wailing outside my 
apartment. They haven't stopped all day. If people are going to agitate 
for war, could you at least Hold Your Fire until those of us here in 
Manhattan have a chance to get the fuck out of NYC?

Oh, what the fuck. After dinner I'm heading down to dba to tilt one or 
two back. May as well be doing that when the Big One goes off.

-- 
  mrw

Date: 12 Sep 2001 02:38:49 GMT

From: Michael R Weholt <awnbreel@panix.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.fandom
Subject: The Streets of Manhattan.
Message-ID: <Xns9119E67EE2F6Bawnbreelpanix@166.84.0.240>

About 7:00pm, I went for a walk, heading south down 1st Avenue toward 
dba. Not that I thought anybody would be there, but I needed to get out. 
The cats know there is something incredibly weird going on. They're 
driving me nuts. I can't watch the T.V. anymore. I'm tired of talking on 
the phone, telling people I'm OK, and what It Was Like.

It's a beautiful New York City evening. Warm but not muggy. The sky is 
perfectly blue. The first oddity you notice is the number of people on 
the street. There are tons of them walking ... somewhere ... I don't 
know. There are twenty people lined up for the bus across the street. I 
notice they have 2nd Avenue blocked off below 14th Street. All day 
emergency vehicles have been racing south on 2nd. It's one of the main 
southbound streets. Flares in the street. 5 or 6 of them in a string 
across 2nd Avenue. An unmarked black sedan, windows tinted black, a 
flashing light in its windshield, siren blazing. The trash cans across 
2nd Avenue are moved and the car races on south, toward what used to be 
the WTC.

I cut over to 1st Avenue. Emergency vehicles race north toward Beth 
Israel on 15th Street, and Bellevue, one of the major trauma centers in 
the city. Walking south, all the stores are open, T.V. sets are set up 
out on the street with small knots of people standing there watching the 
old but unbelievable news. Yes, this is New York City. They say we are 
tough, We Will Survive and all the rest of it, but I must tell you 
people seem terribly subdued, staring at the T.V.'s.

Further south, the beautiful blue sky is blotted out, from the horizon 
up maybe 30 degrees. A wall of smoke. An astonishing amount of smoke. 
Unbelievable. I can't believe there can still be that much smoke ten 
hours after the first hit. It's just astonishing.

I was in Seattle back when Mt. St. Helens blew so many years ago. This 
is that same, strange feeling of disbelief. You just can't hardly 
believe stuff like this happens.

Further south. Restaurants are open. Some are full. Some are completely 
empty. I get the weird idea that the empty ones must be tainted somehow. 
I don't know how. They don't seem to be the Wrong Ethnicity or anything. 
Maybe people just don't like those restaurants. Maybe things aren't 
really as strange as they seem.

I walk past the Islamic Council of America, the first floor of a 
smallish building right on First. The lights are on, the reader board, 
There Is No God But Allah, is lit up. The door is open, being held open 
by the silhouette of a man talking animatedly to a bearded man standing 
on the sidewalk. The man in the door seems to be blocking the door, 
keeping the man from going in. Maybe it is my imagination. I study the 
building closely as I walk past. I imagine there are a good many 
frightened Americans in there. I hope nothing happens to them tonight. I 
think they will be OK. People on the street don't seem angry. It just 
doesn't seem possible to be angry yet. I'm sure there will be plenty of 
anger soon.

All the cross streets are blocked off. This is most confusing to me, 
until I realize that they've done that in order to keep the major 
north/south streets open for all the emergency traffic I've been seeing. 
I note the cops guarding the intersections are not "real" cops. They are 
auxiliaries and cadets from the Police Academy up on 20th or so. They've 
had to call out the baby cops even. I think not for the first time today 
that I'll be surprised if we even have a Fire Department left in this 
city. I just know there were hundreds of rescuers in those two buildings 
when they went down. I wonder about the guys from little Engine No. 5 
that lives in the little stationhouse right across the street from my 
building.

There is a small crowd at dba. Naturally they are smoking, talking 
animatedly, watching the T.V. I find Danny Lieberman on the back 
terrace. We share a drink and war stories.

Suddenly I want to get back home. I've seen enough. Walking back north, 
the strangest thing... sirens coming up first, I turn and watch, there 
are like ten huge tow trucks racing up First and they are towing... half 
demolished, ash-covered Coca-Cola delivery trucks, Snapple, there is a 
garbage truck, a fucking solid iron garbage truck all beat to shit. Oh. 
They are cleaning up. They have started clearing up the mess. Taking the 
easy stuff first, I guess, the stuff that's still towable.

I detour toward the little stationhouse for Little Engine No. 5. I see a 
fire truck blocking traffic, as it always does when it returns from a 
fire, backing back into its little garage. So I walk past intending to 
say something to the guys but then I notice the truck is not Engine No. 
5. It's Engine No. 293. WTF? Never heard of it. Never seen it. Where the 
hell is little Engine No. 5? All the firemen are gathered around 
obviously comparing notes in a very grave fashion. I suddenly feel 
incapable of saying anything that wouldn't Just Be In The Way. I 
continue on. I buy a cup of coffee, as if I'm not already jazzed enough. 
I call my brother on the West Coast. We almost get into a ridiculous 
argument about What Needs To Be Done. I feel like I only have this false 
choice. We Must Blow The Shit Out Of Them. Yeah. OK. We probably have to 
do that. But I think we also have to find a way to make ... well, you 
know what, I think I have to speak out about this false choice we are 
being offered, but I can't do it tonight. Later. I won't be able to 
avoid it because the false choice is the only one we are going to be 
offered. At some point people have to speak out for trying to make 
America not so fucking hateful to so many other people in the world. 
That does not mean appeasement. 

That's the false choice, and we can't settle for it.

Oh, by the way, Mary Kay, your little "Morningwhatever Crescent" book is 
in my backpack down there in my office somewhere. I was going to mail it 
this morning. If my office still exists, and if I'm ever able to get 
back into it and get my backpack, I will surely mail you your book then.

U.S. warplanes in the skies over Manhattan.

I'm signing off for a while.

Out. 

-- 
  mrw

Date: 12 Sep 2001 08:33:54 GMT

From: Michael R Weholt <awnbreel@panix.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.fandom
Subject: Re: Ted Olson's Wife On Plane
Message-ID: <Xns911A2E8FBB3Fawnbreelpanix@166.84.0.240>

Kristopher <eoslives@net-link.net> wrote in
news:3b9f1783$0$1524$bbae4d71@news.net-link.net: 

> gfarber@savvy.com wrote:
>> 
>> Ted Olson, now US Solicitor General, formerly of Florida 
>> infamy, formerly well-known conservative lawyer, spoke 
>> with his wife on her cell phone, as the plane angled in 
>> to crash.  Other people had the same experience.  (Their  children
>> are talking on CBS right now.) 
> 
> Barbara Olson.
> 
> I'm waiting to see if someone on rasff will say they 
> deserved it.

Thank you for that. How nice of you to say so.

It's almost 4:30am here and I haven't been able to even think about 
sleep. My head is locked into T.V. images playing over and over again. 
Had a whiskey. Didn't help. Can't talk on the phone anymore. All 
conversations come round to Here's What We Have To Do Now, God damn it. 
Yeah. Fine. I can't listen to it now. Tell me about it later. I just 
want to go to sleep and I can't. Don't feel anything really. Except a 
splitting headache. I can close my eyes but I can't close my brain. 
Well, others are going to have a much worse day today than I'm going to 
have. I feel lucky. I guess. Not really, in fact, but I don't feel 
unlucky either. I don't feel much of anything. The really creepy thing 
is that all the sirens have stopped. Reports from the hospitals indicate 
an eerie, terrible calm. I thought earlier today that there was, in 
fact, going to be plenty of blood. I think the vast majority of those 
who were destined to make it have made it. There will be some found 
alive, I hope. But not anywhere near enough to overwhelm the hospitals. 
If only there was a way for that to be. I'd love to see the ambulances 
lining up outside Beth Israel. I'm pretty sure I won't.

-- 
  mrw

Date: 13 Sep 2001 00:35:23 GMT

From: Michael R Weholt <awnbreel@panix.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.fandom
Subject: Re: The Streets of Manhattan.
Message-ID: <Xns911AD1906B9E9awnbreelpanix@166.84.0.240>

"Kate Schaefer" <kate@oz.net> wrote in
news:9nouc2$6dr$0@216.39.145.104: 

> "Hal O'Brien" <argyll@earthlink.net> wrote in message
> news:MPG.16098b505b28c422989744@news.ware.net...
>>
>> Michael, for what it's worth, I'm finding your writing some of the
>> best "you are there" reporting, in any medium.
>>
>> Thank you for very much, even if we all feel bad about what you're
>> writing about. 
> 
> Me too.  I've been printing Michael's posts out as I read them, and
> I'm setting them aside in a book I've been writing in for one of my
> granddaughters, for when she's grown.

Thanks you guys. Unfortunately I'm still trying to turn my brain off. I 
was out walking earlier but can't really summon the energy or 
concentration to write. I haven't slept for something like 36 hours. My 
psychiatrist friend calling from London prescribes plenty of scotch -- 
enough to switch the brain off. I'm talked out. I'm walked out. I don't 
drink much, actually, but tonight I think I will drink until I pass out 
which should probably take about a shot and a half.

-- 
  mrw

Date: 13 Sep 2001 14:30:48 GMT

From: Michael R Weholt <awnbreel@panix.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.fandom
Subject: Re: The Streets of Manhattan.
Message-ID: <Xns911B6B11F5CF1awnbreelpanix@166.84.0.240>

David Dyer-Bennet <dd-b@dd-b.net> wrote in
news:m2sndromq5.fsf@gw.dd-b.net: 

> Michael R Weholt <awnbreel@panix.com> writes:
> 
>> "Kate Schaefer" <kate@oz.net> wrote in
>> news:9nouc2$6dr$0@216.39.145.104: 
>> 
>> > "Hal O'Brien" <argyll@earthlink.net> wrote in message
>> > news:MPG.16098b505b28c422989744@news.ware.net... 
>> >>
>> >> Michael, for what it's worth, I'm finding your writing some of
>> >> the best "you are there" reporting, in any medium.
>> >>
>> >> Thank you for very much, even if we all feel bad about what
>> >> you're writing about. 
>> > 
>> > Me too.  I've been printing Michael's posts out as I read them,
>> > and I'm setting them aside in a book I've been writing in for
>> > one of my granddaughters, for when she's grown. 
>> 
>> Thanks you guys. Unfortunately I'm still trying to turn my brain
>> off. I was out walking earlier but can't really summon the energy
>> or concentration to write. I haven't slept for something like 36
>> hours. My psychiatrist friend calling from London prescribes
>> plenty of scotch -- enough to switch the brain off. I'm talked
>> out. I'm walked out. I don't drink much, actually, but tonight I
>> think I will drink until I pass out which should probably take
>> about a shot and a half. 
> 
> Drinking until you pass out sounds good -- most especially if it'll
> take so little.  If it takes the normal amount it's not such a
> wonderful idea I don't think.  Maybe better than "sleeping pills"
> anyway, though.

Well, the scotch, applied generously and with Emergency Room speed and 
efficiency, worked quite well. I want to thank whatever element of 
nature it was that gave the human brain the ability to occasionally 
check out of reality. My mental lights went out probably about ten.

About five in the morning, I had a minor episode involving the dry 
heaves to which I applied a glass of fresh water. The water solved the 
"dry" part, most satisfyingly, I must say. I hate, um, "parking my 
groceries" and haven't done it for quite some time, can't remember the 
last time. But this morning... you know that feeling you get once the 
emergency of the upchuck has settled down ... you stand (or kneel) 
there, breathing in the acid smell ... that feeling of oh, yeah, ok, 
that's better, in fact, much better, I actually might feel like a human 
being again, where's the toothpaste... This was a most satisfying 
feeling. I suppose I could say It Was Like Vomiting Out Some Of the 
Poison, only it wasn't. It was like, you know, vomiting out some of the 
booze. Which was just fine by me.

The cats woke me up again at 7:30am with their little "Meeps?" which 
translates roughly to: "Get your lazy human ass out of bed and get my 
breakfast."

After the morning ablutions and other necessities were taken care of, 
went out for some coffee (caffeinated, please) and various pastry 
treats.

14th Street is a nightmare. 14th is a major East-West route on Manhattan 
anyway, but at the moment it is also the boundary between Open and 
Closed Manhattan. Everything south is Verboten for all vehicles except 
Emergency and/or Other Authorized types. The intersections of the north-
south avenues in my neighborhood, 1st & 2nd, are blocked off with police 
barricades and there are a number of New York State Troopers posted at 
each. What an odd site they are to me. I don't travel the highways much 
outside the city as I don't have a car so I don't often see the troopers 
with their gray uniforms and Smokey hats, and their gray cars. I prefer 
seeing them to seeing the National Guard hum-vees which I was seeing the 
First Night. The presence of the National Guard was a bit too disturbing 
for that particular moment. Not that the Guard was unwelcome or that I 
feared the troops or anything, but, you know, one rather expects to 
encounter ghastly giant fire-breathing Japanese-speaking prehistoric 
monsters whenever one sees the military racing up and down the avenues. 
So, yeah, I'll stick with Smokey.

Speaking of smokey, the Wall of Smoke to the south... about 7:30 this 
morning, it was heading up the East River... my sympathies to our 
friends on Long Island (Brooklyn, Queens, etc.) Yesterday afternoon, the 
wind had changed and brought some of the smoke straight up Mahnattan to 
my house. It was most unpleasant and I had to feel some gratitude for 
the fact that the smoke column is normally spending some of its time 
over the various bodies of water that surround lower Manhattan. One 
hopes it is dropping some of the crap into the drink before spreading 
over all the neighborhoods.

According to the T.V., something terribly weird is going on at the 
moment over on Staten Island. They are looking for A Car. All the 
schools, it was just announced, are in a "Lock Down Situation". I almost 
can't think about it. I mean, what can one do? The possibilities are, 
um, invigorating to think about, so I guess I probably won't think about 
them until they Know More.

But like I was sayin'... 14th is packed with people (not normal except 
on parade and fireworks occasions) and with cars (not particularly 
unusual, especially in the morning). I walk east and check out Engine 
House No. 5 across the street as I pass. The engine in there is still 
marked "292" (I was incorrect the other day when I said it was "293"). 
Last night, on the T.V., there was a firefighter talking about how he 
had lost most of his company. He said he was from "Ladder 5", which 
stopped me for a moment, but then I realized there is a difference 
between Ladder 5 and Engine 5. I believe "Ladder 5" would have been one 
of those long trucks with the huge extension ladder on a trailer. Not 
that I feel glad that it was Ladder 5. Naturally, I would have preferred 
it if it wasn't anybody at all.

And now the T.V. informs me they are looking for A Red Car over there on 
Staten Island. Gee. Sure hope they find it. Pretty Soon.

This is the saddest part... as I turn and start up 1st toward the 
Dunkin' Donuts, I start seeing Those Little Posters. They are taped to 
the glass reader boards of the phone (dubiously named) booths. They are 
attached to Post Office drop-boxes. They are taped to store windows. 
You've seen them: a picture of the smiling Family Member, often holding 
one or two of the kids, sometimes the description and contact 
information are printed neatly in bold, magic-marker type print. 
Sometimes the information is desperately scrawled. These are are 
obviously people From The Hood. We are a mile or so from Ground Zero. It 
seems unlikely the hope in posting these in the Hood is that a Dazed 
Survivor would be wandering around here and thereby be recognized from 
his/her poster.

I must tell you that these posters are very difficult to look at. The 
vast majority of those who put them up are obviously in desperate 
straits at the moment, and things, for most of them, will only get worse 
for their broken hearts over the next few days or weeks. I hope each of 
them gets the best of luck, but I think most of them won't.

The Dunkin' Donuts is packed with young, nice- but bedraggled-looking 
doctors. They are from Beth Israel across the street from the donut 
shop. One stands politely aside and invites the doctors to step ahead in 
line.

On the way back... and I swear to you I am not making this up... this is 
exactly how it happened... I turn the corner back onto 14th and start 
back up toward my house. There in front of the firehouse is parked a 
little Engine. 

No. 292 looks just like No. 5 so it could be they've just pulled 292 out 
of the garage for some reason. Traffic blocks my view of the lower part 
of the engine so I hurry ahead. Traffic breaks for a moment, clouds 
parting, and there she is: Little Engine No. 5. She's battered to shit 
and covered with gray soot but she's obviously still in there willing to 
Go At It, If Necessary. There is a large water nozzle on top, turned up, 
pointing skyward. Somebody has attached a pole to it and, naturally, 
there from the top of the pole is a large, crisp, clean American flag 
fluttering in the morning sun.

What I feel at that moment is, I think, the best definition of 
patriotism.

After breakfast and some clean-up, I'm going to go out and see if there 
is anybody who needs any help. Maybe St. Vincent's is looking for some 
volunteers to do any old grunt work.

-- 
  mrw

Date: 14 Sep 2001 03:25:01 GMT

From: Michael R Weholt <awnbreel@panix.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.fandom
Subject: Re: The Streets of Manhattan.
Message-ID: <Xns911BEE56125CAawnbreelpanix@166.84.0.240>

David Dyer-Bennet <dd-b@dd-b.net> wrote in
news:m28zfjf3qh.fsf@gw.dd-b.net: 

> Michael R Weholt <awnbreel@panix.com> writes:
> 
>> this is exactly how it happened... I turn the corner back onto
>> 14th and start back up toward my house. There in front of the
>> firehouse is parked a little Engine. 
>> 
>> No. 292 looks just like No. 5 so it could be they've just pulled
>> 292 out of the garage for some reason. Traffic blocks my view of
>> the lower part of the engine so I hurry ahead. Traffic breaks for
>> a moment, clouds parting, and there she is: Little Engine No. 5.
>> She's battered to shit and covered with gray soot but she's
>> obviously still in there willing to Go At It, If Necessary. There
>> is a large water nozzle on top, turned up, pointing skyward.
>> Somebody has attached a pole to it and, naturally, there from the
>> top of the pole is a large, crisp, clean American flag fluttering
>> in the morning sun. 
>> 
>> What I feel at that moment is, I think, the best definition of 
>> patriotism. 
> 
> How excellent.  You see?  Not all efforts to do good are suicidal;
> heck, they're not all futile, even.  Hooray for No. 5!  AND for
> No. 292 and the rest of them, too.

Earlier today, I walked by Engine 5 again. One of the members of her 
company was washing her down and, actually, she wasn't looking too 
banged up. I think she may have had some side windows blown or broken 
out, she seemed to be missing some of her hoses or other equipment, but 
beyond that, once you washed the crap off, she didn't look too bad at 
all.

Ironically, and I had noticed this before, but had forgotten it, No. 5, 
for whatever weird reason, has always had one of those little plastic 
models of Godzilla affixed above her cab, like he's driving or 
something. Beats me. FDNY companies often decorate their trucks in 
various idiosyncratic ways.

Later, walking along 14th again, I noticed 5 was back in her garage and 
a pile of flowers was growing outside the stationhouse. I have a photo 
of the front of the stationhouse. At some point maybe I'll try to get it 
up on a web site in case anybody is interested. Anyway, I went by and 
the pile of flowers and notes were thank-yous from the neighborhood, 
which was something of a relief. One of the firemen was standing in the 
stationhouse door so I talked to him for awhile.

It develops that No. 292 was having a "sleep-over" at No. 5's house. 292 
is a fire company in Brooklyn that came over to cover No. 5's balliwick 
while 5 was engaged to the south. And so, briefly, the Hood was 
protected by No. 292. Thanks, boys!

However, after further conversation with the stationhouse fellow, I 
discovered and am saddened to report that Engine Company Number 5 is 
missing two members of its company, lost in one of the tower collapses, 
I'm not sure which. I found out this sad news during my first 
conversation, earlier today, and returning just now from dinner with 
some friends, I checked in and the two "Fivers" are still missing.

I wished the fireman Best Luck with his missing comrade, and he thanked 
me with genuine kindliness and appreciation, but I think, honestly, it 
was nevertheless something of a ritual for both of us. I don't think 
either of us thought their luck would be best. So, yeah, OK, it was a 
bit of a ritual, but it seemed a necessary one.

More to talk about from today, but that's the only really important 
thing I had to say. I'm beat, and suffering slightly from the salubrious 
effects of two Peach Daquiri's, so I think I'll knock off for tonight. 
My boss and I may attempt an expedition into the Forbidden Zone 
tomorrow, if they allow people in who have businesses down there. 
There's some chance they'll actually allow us in, but not much. Even if 
they do, they surely will not let us into our building. I'm pretty sure 
if we ever get in there, it will be for about ten minutes, at most. 
"Grab shit and go", will no doubt be the commandment. I think there is 
very little chance we will be in that building again; it may not even be 
standing anymore. It was half a block from ground zero, after all.

And now they've caught some people who apparently were trying to hijack 
two more airliners, one each out of JFK and LaGuardia.

Say, how about a little something for your nerves?

-- 
  mrw

Date: 14 Sep 2001 19:19:08 GMT

From: Michael R Weholt <awnbreel@panix.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.fandom
Subject: Re: Jonathan learnt to walk today
Message-ID: <Xns911C9BF50CEDCawnbreelpanix@166.84.0.240>

Alison Scott <alison@kittywompus.com> wrote in
news:dvk4qt4i2k7m8kabrqn00b4kc8stieel6e@4ax.com: 

> I appreciate that this is off topic because Jonathan isn't a cat,
> but I thought people might like to hear some good news.

Well, but, perhaps with some early intervention he might be convinced he 
*is* a cat??

But, however, I congratulate him on achieving something with two legs 
that for cats usually requires four.

-- 
  mrw

Date: 15 Sep 2001 00:41:21 GMT

From: Michael R Weholt <awnbreel@panix.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.fandom
Subject: The Sweepings-Up of History.
Message-ID: <Xns911CD2951A725awnbreelpanix@166.84.0.240>

I want to express my personal gratitude to those people around the 
planet who have taken the time today, September 14, 2001, to show their 
sympathy for the citizens of New York City, Washington D.C., and others 
of my fellow USAns.

Naturally, one is most especially appreciative of the support of one's 
immediate neighbors and so I want to nod particularly in the direction 
of our friends to the north, the Canadians.

As I watched that Mountie (I believe he was a Mountie) singing my 
national anthem there in Ottawa, I had occasion to think back a little 
bit in time. Back, actually, to the circumstances surrounding the 
composition of that very anthem.

I don't know what name the British and the Canadians have for it, but in 
this country we call it the War of 1812. In 1814, two years into that 
war, elements of the British army marched into Washington, chased out 
branches of our federal government, and then set fire to most or all of 
our government buildings ... the Capitol, the building we now call the 
White House, and so forth. Oh, it was a nasty business. 

Well, nasty being a relative term, of course, inasmuch as the torching 
of Washington, D.C. by the British Army was not a thing they just 
thought up on the spot, but was rather a bit of planned retribution --
revenge for the burning of York, the burg now called Toronto, which the 
American army had earlier perpetrated on the Canadians. Only, of course, 
the Americans had not confined themselves to simply burning government 
buildings, but had burned and looted all of York, civilian homes and 
businesses included.

A few days later, the British were moving on Baltimore, guarded by Fort 
McHenry, above which a giant American flag flew. On the night of 
September 13-14, 1814, British forces bombarded the fort, which 
bombardment being observed by one Francis Scott Key, Esq., who, by the 
dawn's early light of September 14, 1814, saw that his nation's flag was 
still there... that the fort and therefore Baltimore itself had survived 
the British bombardment. 

Whereupon Mssr. Key was moved to compose a poem, 187 years ago today.

SF Fantastic Visions of the Future: 187 years from now, an American 
tenor singing the national anthem of some nation we are, at this moment, 
getting ready to flatten -- singing in honor of the deep and abiding 
friendship between our two peoples.

-- 
  mrw

Date: 15 Sep 2001 10:52:06 GMT

From: Michael R Weholt <awnbreel@panix.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.fandom
Subject: Re: Gay Hero:  Re: Mark Bingham story
Message-ID: <Xns911D45FF8B25Fawnbreelpanix@166.84.0.240>

liscarey@mediaone.net (Lis Carey) wrote in
news:911DBE2liscareymediaonenet@24.91.0.74: 

> a horrible accident. That being the case, staying put in the second
> tower was the _sensible_ thing to do: keep out of the street, where
> there were flying embers and debris coming down, and rescue workers
> trying to get in to rescue the people in the first tower.

You're right, of course. Naturally, however, a lot of stuff about the 
world has changed over the last few days, one of those things for me 
being that, from now on, no matter what anybody else tells me, I will 
always head quickly and quietly for the stairwell and keep moving 
downward, no matter what, until I get to the street, at which point I 
will move quickly and quietly away from the building, as far away as I 
need to get in order to assure myself that I am safe. Safe, at least, 
from having my building fall on my head.

A few years ago, I purchased an item called an "Evac-U8", a little 
cannister about the size of a can of Coke which contains a smoke hood 
and a pretty intense filtration system that will, with luck, give you 
about 20 minutes of time in a poisonously smoke-filled environment. I 
carried this with me in my backpack for quite some time as I moved 
around Manhattan. Now it just sits parked next to my bed here in my 
apartment on the fourth floor. Not a bad place for it, of course, but 
now it goes back into my pack and starts traveling with me again on my 
trips around Manhattan. If, god forbid, I had found myself above the 
smoke and flames the other day, I think the phrase "annoyed with 
myself" for having stopped carrying that little cannister would have 
been something of an understatement. Not that having it with me would 
have guaranteed getting down to the floors below the smoke -- for all we 
know there were no stairwells left intact. Still, I would have hated 
myself for having so thoroughly screwed that particular pooch. 

Not arguing with you, of course. Just telling you how it's going to be 
for me, from now on. My assumption from now on is that the building is 
coming down and that I'm getting the hell out and away. No matter what 
anybody else tells me.

-- 
  mrw

Date: 15 Sep 2001 12:53:57 GMT

From: Michael R Weholt <awnbreel@panix.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.fandom
Subject: Smoke Hoods (was: Gay Hero:  Re: Mark Bingham)
Message-ID: <Xns911D5AA7B4D99awnbreelpanix@166.84.0.240>

liscarey@mediaone.net (Lis Carey) wrote in
news:911D5C3CCliscareymediaonenet@24.91.0.74: 

> awnbreel@panix.com (Michael R Weholt) wrote in
><Xns911D45FF8B25Fawnbreelpanix@166.84.0.240>: 
> 
>>A few years ago, I purchased an item called an "Evac-U8", a little 
>>cannister about the size of a can of Coke which contains a smoke
>>hood and a pretty intense filtration system that will, with luck,
>>give you about 20 minutes of time in a poisonously smoke-filled
>>environment. I carried this with me in my backpack for quite some
>>time as I moved around Manhattan. Now it just sits parked next to
>>my bed here in my apartment on the fourth floor. Not a bad place
>>for it, of course, but now it goes back into my pack and starts
>>traveling with me again on my trips around Manhattan. If, god
>>forbid, I had found myself above the smoke and flames the other
>>day, I think the phrase "annoyed with myself" for having stopped
>>carrying that little cannister would have been something of an
>>understatement. Not that having it with me would have guaranteed
>>getting down to the floors below the smoke -- for all we know there
>>were no stairwells left intact. Still, I would have hated myself
>>for having so thoroughly screwed that particular pooch. 
> 
> Where'd you get it, how long ago, what was the cost?

I found it online and ordered it by phone about 2 years ago from a 
Fireman's & Emergency Worker's Supply House, the name of which I cannot 
recall but I know it was in Ohio. At the time, it was the device most 
highly rated in the category just short of actually carrying an oxygen 
supply around with you (which is pretty impractical). There may be 
better devices now. But google for the name "Evac-U8", or "smoke hoods" 
(the technical name for the device). This manufacturer is in Vancouver 
BC, I believe, let me check... Oh, OK, here's some info from the side of 
the cannister:

Brookdale International Systems, Inc.
"To Order Technical Information or User's Manual Call 1-604-324-EVAC"

But, frankly, you're probably just better off finding a place to order 
one online, or, if you have a local Emergency Worker's Supply Shop, go 
visit it. 	

As I recall, the cost was $75-$80, which sounds steep but will seem 
cheap at 47 times the cost in the event you ever really need it.

Incidentally, I bought it on account of my well-known Fear of Flying, 
and after reading some research published in a flying professionals 
journal. The Europeans (at the time) were considering a regulation 
requiring airlines to provide smoke hoods to their passengers. I don't 
know what the regulators decided, but the research was convincing: under 
a certain set of conditions (none of which applied here, of course) a 
smoke hood would mean the difference between surviving or perishing in 
an airliner, um, incident. The report told a couple of scary stories. I 
researched and bought my smoke hood immediately.

Also, not that this would make the slightest difference to me in 
deciding which unit to purchase, I think they replace your "Evac-U8" 
unit for free, if you provide a letter from your local Fire Department 
testifying that your Evac-U8 saved your charmed ass from death by smoke 
inhalation or fire.

You are supposed to replace the unit every 4 or 5 years, I guess. There 
is an expiration date on the unit, so if you are ordering over the 
phone, you might want to make sure the expiration date isn't, you know, 
sometime next week.

-- 
  mrw

Date: 16 Sep 2001 20:32:50 GMT

From: Michael R Weholt <awnbreel@panix.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.fandom
Subject: Re: One World Trade!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Message-ID: <Xns911EA87665A5awnbreelpanix@166.84.0.240>

P Nielsen Hayden <pnh@panix.com> wrote in
news:slrn9qa1o4.7tl.pnh@panix3.panix.com: 

> On Sun, 16 Sep 2001 17:14:02 GMT, 
>  Matthew B. Tepper <oyþ@earthlink.net> wrote:
>> P Nielsen Hayden <pnh@panix.com> wrote in
>> news:slrn9q9mfi.aom.pnh@panix3.panix.com: 
>> 
>>> On Wed, 12 Sep 2001 14:59:30 GMT, 
>>>  Matthew B. Tepper <oyþ@earthlink.net> wrote:
>>> 
>>>> What was that line in "Casablanca" where Rick tells Major
>>>> Strasser that there are some parts of New York that the Germans
>>>> would not want to try to occupy?  Obviously it's a reference to
>>>> Harlem 
>>> 
>>> Not at all obviously.  Harlem was far from being New York's
>>> toughest or most violent neighborhood in 1941, just as it's far
>>> from being that today. 
>> 
>> Shoot, you're right -- that's what comes of me looking at the line
>> with a '60s sensibility!  (The first time I visited New York, in
>> 1965, my parents let me generally run around on my own, but told
>> me to stay away from what they called "the tough parts of town"
>> because "someone might bop you on the head.")  The Bowery, then? 
> 
> Offhand, for 1941, I would guess Hell's Kitchen, the old
> (pre-Lincoln- Center) West Side, and a lot of areas close to the
> docks. 

I was going to post earlier, but my memory is so notoriously full of 
holes I doubted myself about this... 

I have a vague recollection that the reference  in "Casablanca" is to 
Brooklyn in particular, not New York City in general. I'll have to take 
note whenever I see the movie for the, I dunno', 87th time.

-- 
  mrw

Date: 17 Sep 2001 20:50:08 GMT

From: Michael R Weholt <awnbreel@panix.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.fandom
Subject: Re: My Political View
Message-ID: <Xns911FAB657F4C0awnbreelpanix@166.84.0.240>

Jo@bluejo.demon.co.uk (Jo Walton) wrote in
news:1000754748snz@bluejo.demon.co.uk: 

> "Defenceless under the night
> our world in stupor lies;
> yet dotted everywhere,
> ironic points of light
> flash out wherever the Just
> exchange their messages.
> May I, composed like them
> of Eros and of dust,
> beleaguered by the same
> negation and despair,
> show an affirming flame."
> 
> W.H. Auden, "September 2nd, 1939"

Speaking of art amidst the horror, I was in the Forbidden Zone this 
morning. My second trip down there, actually. I was stopped at the 
corner of Nassau and, I think it must've been Liberty Street. Looking 
West up Liberty I was stunned by the sight of the remains of the 
southern "skin" of 2 WTC (the southern tower, the second one hit, the 
first to fall). On T.V., you can see some skeletal remains still 
standing, those familiar "ribs" or "fingers" of metal that defined the 
facade of the towers. From ground level, these remains actually go up 
ten floors or so. The bright silver is gone; the color is now a sort of 
burnt rust color. The ribs are twisted. The air they rise into is brown 
and smoky. It is really, *really* creepy. It looks like a set designer's 
vision of what the city looks like after the orbiting battlecruisers 
have swept the face of the planet with their death rays.

Our building is just inside the Truly Forbidden Zone. It appears to have 
survived. It appears to be relatively undamaged. But we have no idea 
when we will ever be allowed in there. It is not only in the scene of 
the disaster, it's in the middle of the crime scene. For all I effing 
know, the second suicide pilot's head is sitting jack-o-lantern-like on 
our 7th floor ledge.

*Sigh*. They say the best thing to do is to Return To Your Routine. 
Gawd, I can't tell you how much I wish I *could* do that. Right now, I'd 
even settle for some idea of *if* I will *ever* be able to. Thankfully, 
nobody in our office was hurt, but I mean... in a way, we would almost 
be better off if the building *had* been destroyed. No, I don't really 
mean that, I guess, but at least then we would know how to proceed. We 
would know that we had to write the whole thing off and start over. As 
things stand... who the hell even knows how I will spend tomorrow? 
Literally. I'll have this or that to do, I guess. We don't have 
letterhead. We don't have checks. We can't make withholding deposits 
without the preprinted coupons. We can't do squat. Gawd, give me my 
mindless tedious routine. If only I had a boring job to go to.

I went to the General Post Office today. Our post office was right next 
to WTC and will be closed, well, who the hell knows when it will be open 
again, if ever? And even when it does open, if ever, will it have a 
place it can deliver our mail? Church Street Station (our P.O.) and two 
other whole post offices down there are closed. All mail for all three 
of those P.O.'s (serving probably the most densely populated business 
district in the country) is being held for pickup at the G.P.O. You go 
into a small room with three windows. Each closed post office gets one 
window. It's a mad-house. You give your name to an Intrepid P.O. 
Employee and then you wait until they are able to find your stuff and 
then, somehow, above all the racket, you hear your name being called. I 
compliment the P.O. workers at the G.P.O., they are managing with good 
humor under very difficult circumstances. But this has been the worst 
part of Returning To Normal. Well, that and not knowing what the hell is 
going on with the building.

A friend is taking me to a movie tonight, thank gawd. I said: "I don't 
care what movie. I'll settle for any mindless movie that doesn't go 
'boom'. No, not never once, please."

-- 
  mrw

Date: 17 Sep 2001 21:40:43 GMT

From: Michael R Weholt <awnbreel@panix.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.fandom
Subject: Re: My Political View
Message-ID: <Xns911FB3F97A1B9awnbreelpanix@166.84.0.240>

"Kate Schaefer" <kate@oz.net> wrote in
news:9o5pi8$297$0@216.39.145.104: 

> "Michael R Weholt" <awnbreel@panix.com> wrote in message
> news:Xns911FAB657F4C0awnbreelpanix@166.84.0.240...
> [...]
> 
>> A friend is taking me to a movie tonight, thank gawd. I said: "I
>> don't care what movie. I'll settle for any mindless movie that
>> doesn't go 'boom'. No, not never once, please." 
> 
> I recommend froth.  I took two Astaire-Rogers movies ("Shall We
> Dance" and "Top Hat") out of the library and watched them on my
> stepdaughter's television, startling the hell out of her and
> eventually seducing her into watching them with me.

Thanks to you and Nancy, but the winner is...

"Jeepers Creepers"

On the theory that it is dopey fun horror and that any "BOO!" moments 
will have a homeopathic effect.

We even considered "Ghosts of Mars" on the theory that all the 
explosions were on another planet. 

But. No.

-- 
  mrw

Date: 18 Sep 2001 12:26:14 GMT

From: Michael R Weholt <awnbreel@panix.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.fandom
Subject: Re: A small WTC question: possibly irrelevant, largely apolitical
Message-ID: <Xns912055F7A76D9awnbreelpanix@166.84.0.240>

sstezel@erols.com (Shane Stezelberger) wrote in
news:3ba72954.2964027@news.erols.com: 

> If it is not too immodest, may I ask where the debris is being
> taken? Fresh Kills landfill, somewhere else on Long Island, etc.?

Some of it is being taken away by barge, as well. I'm not sure where 
they are taking it, but they tell us wherever it is, they are sorting 
through it for clues.

> On a related note, how did the museums of lower Manhattan cope with
> all ofthe smoke and dust?  (I do not know the city very well: maybe
> the Smithsonian Indian annex 

If you are talking about the Native American Museum down in the old 
Customs House, I was down there right next to it yesterday and there 
wasn't too much dust. I doubt there would be much damage. More in danger 
in that area would be the Holocaust Museum which is further West, much 
more exposed, and a good deal more fragile looking than the old Customs 
House. But I hasten to add that it is still some goodly distance from 
Ground Zero.

> and the Lower East Side Tenement Museum were closest.

This is a good deal North of GZ and it seems unlikely to me that it 
would have been harmed.

> How damaged was Trinity Church?  

Saw it yesterday from two short blocks up Wall Street. It appears 
undamaged, though dusty.

-- 
  mrw

Date: 18 Sep 2001 14:18:01 GMT

From: Michael R Weholt <awnbreel@panix.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.fandom
Subject: Re: My Political View
Message-ID: <Xns912068EBD2CDBawnbreelpanix@166.84.0.240>

Michael Kube-McDowell <K-Mac@sff.net> wrote in
news:tvIp7.146$3d2.14522@bgtnsc06-news.ops.worldnet.att.net: 

> On 17 Sep 2001 21:22:16 GMT, "Kate Schaefer" <kate@oz.net>
> carefully left the following thoughtprints where they could be
> seen: 
> 
>>"Michael R Weholt" <awnbreel@panix.com> wrote in message
>>news:Xns911FAB657F4C0awnbreelpanix@166.84.0.240... [...]
>>
>>> A friend is taking me to a movie tonight, thank gawd. I said: "I
>>> don't care what movie. I'll settle for any mindless movie that
>>> doesn't go 'boom'. No, not never once, please." 
>>
>>I recommend froth.  I took two Astaire-Rogers movies ("Shall We
>>Dance" and "Top Hat") out of the library and watched them on my
>>stepdaughter's television, startling the hell out of her and
>>eventually seducing her into watching them with me.
>>
> 
> We finally turned off the news Saturday night and pulled TOY STORY
> 2 off the shelf. It felt good to laugh--the way my facial muscles
> felt after the movie told me that for days on end I hadn't even
> been smiling. 

It turned out that for my friend and I, "Jeepers Creepers" was just the 
ticket.

This is one of those movies you don't want to hear anything about before 
you go see it. You want to just, you know, wander in off the street and 
watch it with your mind as something of a tabula rasa about it. 

This is neither a recommendation nor an antirecommendation. It is only 
that I'm glad I went to see that movie last night.

-- 
  mrw

Date: 18 Sep 2001 19:07:11 GMT

From: Michael R Weholt <awnbreel@panix.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.fandom
Subject: Re: Political agendas (notes from my journal)
Message-ID: <Xns912099F2AC575awnbreelpanix@166.84.0.240>

Randolph Fritz <randolph@panix.com> wrote in
news:slrn9qeuln.1jl.randolph@panix2.panix.com: 

> My god.  Do these people have any capability for original thought?

Yeah, well, I'll tell you one thing... sitting here in The City With The 
Bulls-Eye Painted On Its Forehead, I'd like to be hearing about 
something other than the same old Failed Solutions. I heard Sen. McCain 
talking the other day about, you know, maybe taking a look at why there 
is such fertile ground around the world for such hatred of the USA. I 
think he is the first official in the U.S. Government I've heard say 
anything even remotely like that, although I'm sure others *must* have.

Oh, wait. These people hate freedom. That's right. I forgot my lines 
there for a minute.

-- 
  mrw

Date: 19 Sep 2001 01:29:00 GMT

From: Michael R Weholt <awnbreel@panix.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.fandom
Subject: Thanks.
Message-ID: <Xns9120DAAED9210awnbreelpanix@166.84.0.240>

Um, I went to the NYC rasf* gathering at dba this evening, walked in and 
was greeted by a number of hands reaching out to me which I took in my 
own hand more or less sequentially, I guess, and I was just tremendously 
moved by people doing that, reaching out like that, and, fannishly, I 
responded totally incompetently in the flesh and so I just wanted say 
here, thank you for that kindness. It meant a tremendous lot to me. I 
want to thank fandom in general, raseff in particular for all those who 
have written kind and/or supportive things to me over the last week, 
either in posts or in email -- I'm sorry I haven't been able to respond 
to all of you, but, you know, thank you very much. I'm proud to be a 
member of fandom.

Oh, wait. This is only raseff. Never mind. ;-)

In other news, I found out this evening I will be able to sneak into the 
office building tomorrow morning and retrieve my laptop, which, in the 
end, is all that really matters. ;-)

And in other other news, I walked by Engine 5's stationhouse today and 
there was some High-Falutin' Photography Team out there taking pictures 
and I queried the P.A. who told me Vanity Fair is doing a spread in an 
upcoming issue on all the tributes NYC neighborhoods have made to their 
local firehouses. So, you know, Little Engine No. 5 may be an upcoming 
cover girl soon, if you are interested. Sadly, but not surprisingly, the 
two members of Engine Company No. 5 are still missing. 

Gawd and/or God Bless Them.

-- 
  mrw


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