Thinly disguised autobiography

Angus B. Grieve-Smith

I met her on my first day of school there, and she smiled at me. It was a very nice smile, and I said to myself, I wouldn't mind having her for a girlfriend. She was slightly overweight, but I didn't mind that; I never have.

One day on the bus M3 asked me who in the school I would marry - those silly things people her age talk about, so I said P1, and she said, "You know, I was walking behind her the other day and, you know, her ass twitches when she walks!" One day my parents asked me if I liked anyone, and I said P1. Later, a school publication came, and in it a picture of her playing the flute. They said, so this is what she looks like, and I said, she has a very nice smile, and Ed said, her smile is on the flute.

She was in my studyhall on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but on Tuesdays I had my lesson. However, Bachelor #1 was also in that studyhall.

I could tell that she liked him, especially one day when she wore tight pants and talked at him all period.

In those studyhalls, she always talked a lot, as she is wont to do, unless she's not feeling well, and I remember one day she rolled up her pants and said loudly, "Hey, everyone, look at my hairy legs!" Then she said, "So he looks," meaning me. I was the only one.

Anyway, one thursday I decided to take decisive action. I asked her if she wanted to visit me sometime, and she said that she didn't really have the time, having promised to visit some friends that weekend. So I said well, o.k. and went off somewhere else. There's this one Garfield cartoon where Jon calls up a girl and says, "How about this weekend?" and after her reply, "Well, how about next weekend? Or the weekend after that? or the weekend after that?" etc. That was how I felt, somewhat.

Anyway, the Sunday after that, I called her up. I didn't have a bogus homework assignment, because she wasn't in any of my classes. I called her a few days that week, and a rather strange thing happened Friday. A girl with whome I had gone to camp several years before and who, I found, was also at the school, came up to me and said, "You know, P1 doesn't want you to call her anymore." I was very upset, and luckily the gym teacher understood and let me go off and cry by myself. The next period we had some kind of assembly and after that I asked her could I have a minute and she said sure so we went outside. I remember that it was after an assembly which had upset me very much: at that assembly, she and Bachelor #1 had worn the same color blue T-shirts and open button-down white shirts. However, this assembly was after that, because she was wearing what I called her "shirt shirt," a turquoise short-sleeved job with patterns of shirts on it. So I repeated what had been told me, and she said, "No, that's not what I meant! I just said that it was kind of strange you calling me up, seeing how I'm going out with Bachelor #1."

So she verified that she didn't mind me calling her up at all, and I said that I really liked her and had hoped she would be my girlfriend. That being basically it, we went back inside, and after a little while I went back and asked her, silly me, if I could be next after Bachelor #1. She said that that was too far away, and that she liked me more, "as a friend." That expression usually means, "Stay away from me, creep!" but I think she meant it literally.

Sometime the week after, I had been talking to her in the hall, and as she was walking away, Zippy passed me. He said, "Movin' in, eh?" I didn't know what to say, so I just grinned.

That Friday was the Night of The Play, and Bachelor #1 was in the play. I stayed after school to wait for it, but as it didn't start until 20, I didn't have much to do for five hours. I saw P1 and Bachelor #1 and asked them what they were doing, and they said they'd hang out at the College. I asked if I could go with them, I wasn't even sure why, and they said, sure, but Joe was coming and we'd have to wait for him. Joe showed up eventually.