Path:         netnews.upenn.edu!widener!iggy.GW.Vitalink.COM!lll-winken!unixhub!stanford.edu!agate!jade!emerald!ucbvax!tbscgw!volcano!tbsc
Message-ID:   <1991Oct5.023948.20893@agate.berkeley.edu>
Newsgroups:   talk.bizarre,news.answers
Subject:      Welcome to talk.bizarre!  (Monthly Posting)
From:         tbsc@volcano.tbsc.ORG (talk.bizarre Steering Committee)
Organization: talk.bizarre Steering Committee (TINC)
Date:         5 Oct 91 02:39:48 GMT
Followup-To:  talk.bizarre
X-Mr-Attribution: Marc Goodman


    Welcome to talk.bizarre!

    Imagine you were having a wonderful party and all of the wittiest,
most intelligent people from all over the world were there.  Now imagine
that the party has been going on for several years, 24 hours a day, and
someone else is picking up the tab---Pretty keen, eh?

    Now imagine that some arrogant, cretinous, flaming asshole crashes
your party and starts shouting at the top of his or her lungs,
completely drowning out the people you wanted to listen to.  What would
you do?

    Now imagine that an average of six or seven arrogant, cretinous,
flaming assholes crash your party each month.

    This is the cost of holding your party in a public place.  After a
while, you'd probably pull out the old Bar-B-Que, fire it up to a white
hot glow, and add Blackened Asshole to the party menu.

    YOU may be the kind of person we want at our party: You may be
funny, clever, original, twisted, demented---Or you may be just another
fucking cave newt.  How can YOU decide whether you belong here?  Here
are a few simple guidelines:

    o Before posting, read the group for a couple of months.  Get to
      know who is posting and what kind of things are considered funny.
      HINT: most of the people who have been here a while have learned
      that the group is already choked with garbage.  Consequently, good
      postings usually go without being followed-up.  Postings which
      generate large numbers of follow-ups reduce the signal-to-noise
      ratio and are to be avoided.

    o Ask yourself why you want to post.  Is it to impress us all with
      what a red-hot, hip individual you are?  If so, you may want to
      consider moving to another group.  If your buddies all think you
      are cool because Eraserhead is your favorite movie and you've
      dropped acid with president Bush, you haven't even begun to
      scratch the surface.  To truly belong here, you have to be able to
      extrude at least 9 pseudopods simultaneously and have long,
      lobster-like antennae.

    o After you've read the group for a while, and you feel like you
      understand the nature of the party, prepare your first posting.
      Read it carefully, file it away for a few days, then read it
      again.  Remember that about 90% of the stuff on this group is
      crap, and if your article is not in the top 10% then it is
      probably crap as well.  If you are still convinced that the
      majority of readers on the group will enjoy your dry and subtle
      wit, then post.

    o Prepare to be flamed mercilessly.  Even if your post was pretty
      good, you are STILL crashing the party.  Consider whether your
      post was truly original and entertaining.  If it was, then try
      again.  Do not get embroiled in a flame-war which will clog
      talk.bizarre with articles.  This is the equivalent of getting
      into a shouting match with one of the invited guests at a party
      which YOU are crashing.

    o After your third or fourth posting, if you are still getting
      flamed, please consider not posting any more.  Clue-up dude.  When
      we say we don't like you, we MEAN we don't like you.  There are
      plenty of other parties going on, find one where you will be
      appreciated for the true individual you are.  Let me suggest
      alt.callahans, alt.tv.tiny-toons, alt.romance.chat, or
      rec.arts.startrek.

    o If you are tempted to follow-up someone else's article, ask
      yourself the following question, ``Is this really something
      EVERYONE wants to read, or can I just send Email instead?''
      Remember, we could be reading something entertaining instead of
      wasting our time learning that YOU think Madonna is John F.
      Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe's love child TOO.

Now, FUCK OFF.  (tm)

          My PUBIC HAIR curls FIERCELY in ANTICIPATION of your REPLY
talk.bizarre Steering Committee                         tbsc@volcano.tbsc.ORG