Tag: Humor

Bullsh%$

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Is this an act? I do not believe Mr. Harvard Rhodes Scholar had to serve as mayor for several years before he realized residential segregation exists. South Bend has been under a desegregation consent decree since 1981. It’s still in effect today. He’s saying he didn’t know that? https://t.co/6lLqJV6bpU

— Max Kennerly (@MaxKennerly) December 2, 2019

In a campaign stop is South Carolina, South Bend Mayor Pete “Sentient Mayonnaise” Buttigieg explained his horrible record as mayor on racial issues by stating that, “‘I was slow to realize’ South Bend schools were not integrated.”

Considering the fact that there has literally been a consent decree mandating that South Bend desegrate its schools for longer than the Sentient Mayonnaise has been alive, his alibi falls flat.

It is literally impossible for him not to have known about this as soon as he had the slightest interest in a political career in his home town.

This is such a toxic mix of white privilege and duplicity that I thought that it exceeds the human capability for mockery, or so I thought. (The Onion has proved me wrong with their article “Pete Buttigieg Admits Only Recently Realizing Black People Can Vote,”  which is an amazingly well-done beat-down Buttigieg’s racial insensitivity.)

Who Lives in a Politburo Under the Sea?

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Patrick Starfish, it appears:

A Soviet-era star on the tower in the city of Voronezh has been given ‘Patrick’ styling, adding a touch of Bikini Bottom to the place. Would the overweight pink starfish ever have thought of traveling so far?

While social media users were quite amused with the stunt that surfaced online Thursday evening, Voronezh police were not so entertained. Now the fans of the US animated series – if found – could face 15 days in detention.

………

A poll under the photo in one of Voronezh online communities showed that most people – around 60 percent – found the stunt funny, while 39 percent say that it was an act of vandalism that shouldn’t go unpunished.

This is a beautiful prank.

Pity the Poor Disrespected Rapist

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Kelly Bachman desrves more than applause, she deserves her own network television program:

With her heart racing as she went onstage, Kelly Bachman knew she had to speak up.

“I’m a comic,” the 27-year-old said to open her routine, in a video later shared on social media. “It’s our job to name the elephant in the room. Does anybody know what that is?”

A few people nodded and muttered in affirmation. Most of the crowd, a hodgepodge of 20- and 30-something performers at a basement bar in Manhattan, was dead silent.

“It’s a Freddy Krueger in the room, if you will,” she said. “I didn’t know we had to bring our own mace and rape whistles.” At that point, a handful of people in the back of the room started booing her. One yelled, “Shut up!”But Bachman didn’t need to say more for the crowd to notice who she was talking about: Sitting in a green velvet booth was Harvey Weinstein, the Hollywood mogul accused of sexually abusing or harassing more than 80 women.

………

For her part, Bachman is taking one thing away.

“If Harvey Weinstein is calling me rude,” she quipped, “I’m putting that on my résumé.”

Get this woman a network show.

I Am so Stoked about This

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We now have reports that Gary Larson’s THE FAR SIDE Cartoon may be coming back in some form:

Gary Larson said goodbye to fans and the absurdist universe of The Far Side with his final comic on January 1, 1995, and since then the real world has done everything it can to live up to the inanity of his iconic comic strip. Unfortunately, the foolishness of 2019 isn’t nearly as enjoyable as sentient chickens and oversized suburban bugs. Now, the 21st century might be getting both of those creatures—along with aliens, cavemen, clever cows, and women with beehive hairdos—because for the first time in almost two decades, the cartoon’s official webpage has been updated. And unless this joke is on all of us, The Far Side will soon be returning.

 After sitting dormant since 1999, The Far Side‘s webpage was updated suddenly and without warning (which we first learned about at The Daily Cartoonist). It features a new cartoon of an explorer using a blowtorch to melt some of the strip’s most iconic characters from a large block of ice. Below it reads, “Uncommon, unreal, and (soon-to-be) unfrozen. A new online era of The Far Side is coming!” Since the cartoon itself is signed by Larson, it certainly appears he will be returning with all new comics for the first time in almost 25 years.

For the love of God, please make this true.

Tweet of the Day

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And the award for “Best Use of the Distracted Boyfriend” meme goes to:

In my intro stats class today, I told students the median is a ”resistant” measure of a distribution’s center & is often preferred to the mean in the case of salary data, etc. I jokingly referenced this meme and in the 15 mins’ break they had, a student created this MASTERPIECE! pic.twitter.com/TScgnV8dye

— Anna J. Egalite (@annaegalite) August 27, 2019

They Need to Add Frickin’ Laser Beams Attached to Their Heads

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Thread: 1) During a military expo in Beijing, #China has unveiled Shark-styled underwater drones designed to carry out reconnaissance missions. pic.twitter.com/xDioOyQo3B

— IndoPacific_SCS_Info (@IndoPac_Info) July 28, 2019

China has created an underwater that looks like a shark.

I am sure that I am not the only one who’s initial response was to think of the movie,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery?

Because I cannot look at that shark drone, and not think that this something out of a parody of the James Bond films.

Of course, I always thought that they missed a joke with the Sea Bass:  At the time that Dr. Evil went into the deep freeze, there was no such thing as a Sea Bass, they were known as Patagonian Toothfish.

Just saying, “Patagonian Toothfish,” is funny.

As if There Wasn’t Enough Political Sh%$ Going Down in Iowa

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It also appears that the state is drowning in literal pig excrement as well:

It’s probably not an accomplishment state officials will want to boast about, but Iowa out-performs the rest of the country when it comes to producing sh%$. Not “sh%$” in any metaphorical sense, but literal fecal waste.

Chris Jones, a research engineer and an adjunct associate professor at the University of Iowa, IIHR (UI’s hydroscience and engineering center), has done the math, and published the results on his blog about water quality. Iowa, with a population of 3.2 million, produces more than twice the amount of fecal waste per square mile than California, which has almost 40 million people.

But what’s propelled Iowa to the top of the sh%$ list isn’t people, it’s pigs.

Last year, Iowa hit “peak pig,” with 23.6 million pigs, the most ever recorded in any state. When Iowa set that record in August, North Carolina, the state that ranks second in swine, only had 9.4 million. And pigs, Jones explained on his blog, produce much more waste than humans.

(%$ mine)

Between the chickensh%$ politics of the caucuses, and the real sh%$ of the pigs, I do not want to be downwind of the state.

Rather ironically, this actually mirrors a Will Rogers quip regarding the juxtaposition of the Chicago stockyards and the Democratic Convention made many years ago.

Monty Python Abides, Brexit Edition

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I see the similarities

Dutch Prime Minister Mark Rutte has said that Theresa May is like the legless knight from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

It’s an inspired analogy:

“Tis but a scratch.” “A scratch?! Your arm’s off!” “No it isn’t.”

Dutch Prime Minister Mark Rutte likened Theresa May to a Monty Python character who refuses to admit defeat despite losing all his limbs in a sword fight.

“I have a lot of respect for Theresa May. She reminds me occasionally of that Monty Python character where all his arms and legs are cut off and then says to his opponent: let’s call it a draw,” Rutte said in an interview on the “WNL op Zondag” TV show, Bloomberg reported.

He was referring to the Black Knight (played by John Cleese, a Brexiteer) in the film “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” who, even after having all of his limbs cut off by King Arthur, declares “I’m invincible.”

I have no clue as to why May has not been turfed out by her Tory colleagues, but the Dutch PM has her nailed.

Truly America’s Finest News Source

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I am referring, of course to The Onion who just penned, “Kamala Harris Assembles Campaign Staff Of Unpaid California Prison Laborers.”

It is a reference to her office, when she was California state Attorney General, her office literally argued against the release of prisoners from California’s overcrowded prisons because they needed the slave labor.

I Agree with a WaPo OP/ED

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In a guest editorial, an assistant professor at my alma mater makes what should be an obvious point, that jokes about a gay relationship between Trump and Putin is neither funny nor appropriate.

I agree wholeheartedly:

Trump is astonishingly ill informed about foreign affairs. He undermines the U.S. intelligence community at the peril of our safety and institutional integrity. He is ineffectual, and even dangerous, in his foreign policy. Gay romance metaphors do not convey this reality — they obscure it. We should indict the conditions giving rise to these narratives and seriously consider the costs of linking gay sexuality with failure, security risk and shame.

Do You Want Some Cheese with That Whine?

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Sarah Palin has called Sacha Baron Cohen “evil, exploitative and sick” after revealing that the satirist had “duped” her into an interview for an upcoming series by posing as a wounded military veteran.

On Monday it was revealed that Baron Cohen had spent a year undercover filming a new project for the Showtime channel. The series, Who Is America?, explores a range of figures “across the political and cultural spectrum” and is reported to feature interviews with Bernie Sanders, Dick Cheney – and Palin. A teaser released for the show features a clip of Cheney being asked to sign a “waterboarding kit”.

“Yup – we were duped. Ya’ got me, Sacha. Feel better now? I join a long list of American public personalities who have fallen victim to the evil, exploitive, sick ‘humor’ of the British ‘comedian’”, Palin wrote in a Facebook post addressing the incident. The former governor of Alaska said she had travelled to Washington DC with one of her daughters for the interview, which she believed was for a “legit” historical documentary on Showtime. She said that Baron Cohen had “heavily disguised himself as a disabled US veteran, fake wheelchair and all” for the interview.

(emphasis mine)

Cohen has been doing this for decades.

So has The Daily Show, and for that matter.

I’ve not followed Cohen’s comedy closely, I am not a big fan of punking, but this should be interesting, though it might very well be significantly less embarrassing to Palin than her for-real interviews.