Is Tiny Dancer Really Elton's Little John?

An excerpt

"Gavin's the best writer ever. Shakespeare's an asshole next to this guy." --Mark Hoppus (Blink-182)

Is Tiny Dancer Really Elton's Little John? by Gavin Edwards will answer every question about the world of music, even the ones you never knew you had. To order a copy from Amazon, click here. Here's a short taste of the first chapter.

CHAPTER ONE

MYSTERY ACHIEVEMENT: exploring the strange byways of rock

Of all the bands I've ever met, the one most fully committed to the absurdity of rock 'n' roll is probably the Darkness. And considering that I once interviewed Spinal Tap's David St. Hubbins (Michael McKean, staying in character on the phone), that's no small praise. But the Darkness bring a lot to the party: catsuits, an insane falsetto, and a video where a pterodactyl humps a spaceship. This was the explanation of lead singer Justin Hawkins: "Less is more? That's bollocks. More is more. That's why it's called 'more.' If it was actually less, it'd be called 'less.'" There's something about rock 'n' roll that brings on smoke machines, secret backwards messages, and other strange experiments. Hawkins, unsurprisingly, had a philosophy about such matters. He told me, "My favorite catchphrase is 'If something's worth doing, it's worth overdoing.' Even subtlety. If you're going to be subtle, you should really fucking be subtle."

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I heard that Stevie Wonder lost his sense of smell. Is that true?

Yes—but he got better. Blind since infancy, Wonder got into a serious car accident on August 6th, 1973, while on tour in North Carolina. (No, he wasn't driving.) His cousin John Harris was chauffeuring him from Greenville to Durham on Interstate 85, heading for a concert to benefit a black radio station. Wonder had his headphones on and was listening to the two-track mix of Innervisions. When the logging truck they were following hit the brakes, Harris tried to swerve around it but didn't quite succeed. A log from the truck smashed through the windshield and hit Wonder in the face. Wonder was in a coma for four days; his associates knew he was feeling better only when he started grabbing at nurses. Only twenty-three years old at the time of the accident, Wonder had lost his sense of smell and gained a scar on his forehead. He simultaneously lost his sense of taste--which some would say explains the existence of "I Just Called to Say I Love You." Fortunately, Wonder largely recovered. "I lost my sense of smell a little bit, my sense of taste for a minute," he said. "But I'm pretty straight. I came out at the end of it with the blessing of life."

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What's an MBE, anyway? Why did John Lennon give his back?

The M.B.E. (Member of the Order of the British Empire) was an award invented by King George V in 1917 to commemorate services to the war effort by people who weren't at the frontlines. All the Beatles received the medal in 1965, which entitled them to a payment of forty pounds a year and free admission to the Whispering Gallery at St. Paul's Cathedral (ordinarily about a shilling). The Beatles were somewhat mystified as to why the Queen was honoring them, but generally cheerful about the notion. As Ringo Starr put it, "We're going to meet the Queen and she's going to give us a badge. I thought, 'This is cool.'" Lennon later said that the Beatles had gotten stoned at Buckingham Palace before the ceremony, smoking a joint in the bathroom; George Harrison said it was just tobacco. When the Beatles finally met Queen Elizabeth II, they thought that her majesty was a pretty nice girl, but she didn't have a lot to say. (Really.) The Beatles' parents were pleased by the awards. The group members themselves largely forgot about their medals, although Harrison and Paul McCartney later used theirs as jacket decorations at the Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band photo shoot. Lennon, meanwhile, gave his to his beloved Aunt Mimi, who hung it over her mantelpiece. But as the years went by, he had second thoughts about his implied endorsement of the British government and royal family, so on November 25, 1969, he sent the medal back to the queen, seizing on whatever excuse seemed handy. His accompanying note read, "Your majesty, I am returning this MBE in protest against Britain's involvement in the Nigeria-Biafra thing, against our support of America in Vietnam and against 'Cold Turkey' slipping down the charts. With love, John Lennon." (When the region of Biafra attempted to break away from Nigeria in the late '60s and a civil war ensued, Great Britain provided the ruling party with air support. Lennon's solo single "Cold Turkey" peaked on the UK charts at number fourteen.) Lennon said at the time, "The Queen's intelligent. It won't spoil her cornflakes."

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Why does Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters chew gum when he sings and plays live? Is there a reason for this, or is it just a bad habit?"

"It's just to keep my throat and mouth lubricated," Grohl has said. He's decided that masticating a wad of gum lets him scream better: "I don't choke and vomit." Grohl, who favors Dentyne Ice, joked, "Onstage I need a minty-fresh microphone." Chewing gum is an easier way of achieving that winter-fresh aroma than dipping all the Foo Fighters' equipment in Listerine, of course, but sometimes there are technical complications. At a live performance in 1997, Grohl got his sugary saliva all over the microphone, attracting the attention of a bee--for the rest of the show, whenever Grohl tried to sing, the bee would chase after him.


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