Mood: Bleh.
Music: Institutionalized, Suicidal Tendencies.
Game: World of Warcraft, Call of Duty, Guild Wars.
Book: The Real War, Jonathan Schell.
Muffin: Was closed when I passed by at 7am.
Punchline: "..."
I haven't really been writing much.
The truth is that I just haven't felt like it. I haven't felt like playing games much. Haven't felt like doing...stuff.
It'd be too easy to characterize it at depression...I'm not depressed. I've been depressed before...and this ain't it. I think it's mainly just being in a rut...and I can't motivate myself to get out of it.
I feel like I have no energy. I can't get out of bed. At work, the day just drags.
Could it be something as simple as I really don't like my job, and so it's draining my energy and such? Work's been very stressful lately...just...no understanding of why I'm here. It's pretty obvious that they have no idea. I feel underappreciated. Yesterday I got chewed out for a good 20 minutes for being 30 minutes late...relatively speaking. I came in at 9:30am...doesn't matter that I work past 6pm every night. Doesn't matter that I often skip lunch or have to work while eating. Doesn't matter that I get called late at night or on weekends. When people start looking at your hours, the implication is that you're somehow not working right or well...you're not doing a good job. And frankly, that ticks me off.
Could be work, I guess. This weekend I will definitely polish the resume, get it out to some more places, start looking around. Really clean the apartment this weekend...time to restart again.
Posted by Glenn at May 13, 2005 08:29 AMWe're in the same place. Not motivated by anything work-related at this point.
Underappreciated and uninterested, that's me.
Posted by: Paul at May 13, 2005 11:53 AMYep this sounds really familiar.
Working for Cisco for 8 years, I've been happy there for about 2 of them... but the money's good, and I'm a big fish in my dept.
Recently I moved out of the bay area, and convinced them they had to let me leave, cause I was going to move one way or the other... my love life was more important. (I moved for my g/f.)
I thought this would be the answer to many of my problems... I can work remotely great, I love working from home.
What's killing me now is, I realize my life has very little direction, or at least that's what I feel like. I can live basically anywhere in the Pacific time zone, and prolly Central as well... yet I don't know where to move. I need to find a new job... because I ain't getting any higher at Cisco, but I don't know what I want to do... and don't really want to start clawing my way up again.
Maybe it'll come to me later...
Posted by: symbha at May 13, 2005 02:05 PMdid you mean to say 'could be work, i guess' in the last paragraph or was that intended to be 'could be worse'. [not to get freudian on your ass or anything]
if you look at your 'mood' over the past few months, the days marked 'good' or 'happy' are far and few between. life is too short for 'bleh'--maybe it's time for a change.