Tag: Weird

For the Love of God, I Want to See Him Testify in Full Costume

The Republicans will make sure that the Senate impeachment trial as lengthy and involved as possible, so you know that they will insist on a complete slate of witnesses and exhibits.

Well now, the Q-Anon Shaman guy is offering to testify against Trump.

If we were to put his testimony up on pay-per-view, we would pay off the federal debt:

Al Watkins, a lawyer for accused Capitol rioter Jacob Chansley, is offering his client as a witness in the upcoming Senate impeachment trial of former President Donald Trump. Chansley is better known in popular culture as the “QAnon Shaman” or, as Watkins called him, the “guy with the horns and the fur” who was photographed raiding the U.S. Capitol Complex on Jan. 6.

The Associated Press reported on Thursday that Watkins “said it’s important for senators to hear the voice of someone who was incited by Trump.”

………

When asked whether he was offering Chansley’s testimony against Trump in the Senate with hopes of leniency, Watkins told Law&Crime via email that the answer “is a loud ‘no.’”

………

In that appearance, Watkins said Trump’s “hyperbole” and “innuendo” resulted in the attack on the Capitol which left five dead, including a Capitol Police officer. Two other officers who were at the Capitol that day have since died by suicide.

………

Chansley stands indicted by a federal grand jury of six counts, namely: civil disorder; obstruction of an official proceeding; entering and remaining in a restricted building; disorderly and disruptive conduct in a restricted building; violent entry and disorderly conduct in a capitol building; and parading, demonstrating, or picketing in a capitol building. The FBI caught him after he was photographed in the Capitol and identified by the press.

Trump’s impeachment trial is scheduled to begin Feb. 8.

We know that there are not 13 Republicans who will vote to convict, so you want to be sure that as many people as possible watch them put their tongues up Trump’s ass.

Having this clown testify will be must see TV.

Make the Republicans defend the indefensible in front of millions of people.

Holy Shit! He’s Launching the Orbital Laser Satellites!

I am referring to Elon Musk, who is in the process of adding lasers to his massive StarLink internet satellite constellation.

I understand thatthe official line is that this a technology that involves communications capability, and no ability to do damage, but he would say that, wouldn’t he

Let’s look at the check list:

  • Trace of a vaguely German accent
  • Eccentric megalomaniac
  • Massive wealth
  • Space lasers
  • Expensive cars
  • Legions of fanatical followers
  • White Persian cat

For the love of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, hide the Persian Cats!!!!

Of course, I know that the added lasers are to facilitate satellite to satellite communications, and that they are not a part of any weapons system ……… Yet.

But you have to admit that the Bond Villain aspects of Musk’s life are striking.

Today in Political Weirdness

Blue Demon Jr., the “adopted son” of the legendary luchador Blue Demon, is running for mayor of the Mexico City municipality of Gustavo A. Madero (GAM) as a progressive. He is anonymous, and says he will only reveal his identity to authorities if he wins https://t.co/i93MJ3dfWm

— Populism Updates (@PopulismUpdates) January 18, 2021

This is actually kind of reassuring.

It shows that the USA is not alone in the mishugas.

Only 10 Republicans

Better than the last time, but when Liz Cheney is on the side of the angels, everything is fucked up and shit. I am talking, of course, about the fact that Donald John Trump has been impeached again, only this time it’s egregious enough that some very bad people, like Cheney, have felt compelled to support the effort to remove him:

The House impeached President Trump for inciting an insurrection against the government, and 10 Republicans joined Democrats to do so. Senator Mitch McConnell said he would not agree to use emergency powers to bring the Senate back into session for a trial before Jan. 19.

The House on Wednesday impeached President Trump for inciting a violent insurrection against the United States government, as 10 members of the president’s party joined Democrats to charge him with high crimes and misdemeanors for an unprecedented second time.

Reconvening under the threat of continued violence and the protection of thousands of National Guard troops, the House was determined to hold Mr. Trump to account just one week before he was to leave office. At issue was his role in encouraging a mob that attacked the Capitol one week ago while Congress met to affirm President-elect Joseph R. Biden Jr.’s victory, forcing lawmakers to flee for their lives in a deadly rampage.

The House adopted a single article of impeachment, voting 232 to 197 to charge Mr. Trump with “inciting violence against the government of the United States” and requesting his immediate removal from office and disqualification from ever holding one again.

Ten Republicans joined Democrats in voting to impeach: Representatives Liz Cheney of Wyoming, the party’s No. 3 leader in the House; Jaime Herrera Beutler of Washington; John Katko of New York; Adam Kinzinger of Illinois; Fred Upton of Michigan; Dan Newhouse of Washington; Peter Meijer of Michigan; Anthony Gonzalez of Ohio; David Valadao of California; and Tom Rice of South Carolina.

The defections were a remarkable break from the head of the party by Republicans, who voted unanimously against impeaching Mr. Trump just over a year ago.

………

This time, Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky, the Republican leader, was said to support the effort as a means of purging his party of Mr. Trump, setting up a political and constitutional showdown that could shape the course of American politics when the nation remains dangerously divided.

We live in interesting, and not in a good way, but in a Chinese curse way.

Today in the Internet of Shit

It turns out that internet connect chastity penis locks with poor security is a very bad idea.

I know what you are thinking, “What, did hackers hold someone’s penis for ransom?”

Why yes, someone was hacking these devices to take command of their joy stick, and they were demanding Bitcoin to unlock the device, and hence the penis.

Thankfully no one was actually wearing the “Chastity Cages” at the time.

Full disclosure:  I did not even know that such a device existed, either with or without internet connectivity, until I read about this today.

My penis is in a long term exclusive engagement with Sharon*, thank you very much:

A hacker took control of people’s internet-connected chastity cages and demanded a ransom to be paid in Bitcoin to unlock it.

“Your cock is mine now,” the hacker told one of the victims, according to a screenshot of the conversation obtained by a security researcher that goes by the name Smelly and is the founder of vx-underground, a website that collects malware samples.

In October of last year, security researchers found that the manufacturer of an Internet of Things chastity cage—a sex toy that users put around their penis to prevent erections that is used in the BDSM community and can be unlocked remotely—had left an API exposed, giving malicious hackers a chance to take control of the devices. That’s exactly what happened, according to a security researcher who obtained screenshots of conversations between the hacker and several victims, and according to victims interviewed by Motherboard.

A victim who asked to be identified only as Robert said that he received a message from a hacker demanding a payment of 0.02 Bitcoin (around $750 today) to unlock the device. He realized his cage was definitely “locked,” and he “could not gain access to it.”

“Fortunately I didn’t have this locked on myself while this happened,” Robert said in an online chat. 

Yes Robert, you were a very fortunate person not to have been wearing when this got locked down.

We could make a movie out of this, Free the Willie.

 *Love of my life, light of the cosmos, she who must be obeyed, my wife.

Weirdest Thing on Twitter Ever

Today I learnt that in 1995 Iggy Pop reviewed Edward Gibbon’s The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire for peer-reviewed academic journal Classics Ireland pic.twitter.com/a6dTtlqRer

— Hannah Rose Woods (@hannahrosewoods) January 3, 2021

Incongruous


This is Iggy Pop

Did you know that Iggy Pop was published in a peer reviewed journal? 

Not kidding.

He reviewed Edward Gibbon’s The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire.

I always knew that Pop was “eclectic”, but this is WAY more eclectic that I could possibly imagined.

Equally surprising is that when I did a Google search for peer reviewed articles published by Flaming Lips front-man Wayne Coyne, there is nothing.

In fact, I did a rather extensive series of searches, and could find no other Rock and Roller with a peer reviewed article.

Go figure.

Nashville Bombing Update


Profoundly Odd

And it has gotten profoundly weird

First, it appears that this was a suicide bombing with the remaining tissue samples found on site being identified as Anthony Quinn Warner , a 63-year old “IT Guy”, who transferred his house to some random woman in California in late November, and the truck was blaring the Petula Clark song Downtown before it detonated.

There are also scattered reports that the bombing might have been motivated by 5G conspiracy theories

Anthony Quinn Warner was responsible for the Christmas morning explosion that rocked downtown Nashville, officials said Sunday, and he was killed in the blast.

Investigators matched human remains found at the scene with Warner’s DNA, confirming suspicions that he blew himself up in a recreational vehicle, Tennessee Bureau of Investigation Director David Rausch told reporters. Law enforcement said they were still investigating a motive behind the incident.

………

Warner, 63, was unmarried and rarely ventured from his home, according to neighbors, living for years with his parents and then by himself. He once owned an alarm company, and he protected his home with an array of security cameras, rarely returning a neighborly wave and not responding to an offer of Christmas dinner, neighbors said in interviews.

………

In November, Warner transferred his property at 115 Bakertown Rd. to a Los Angeles woman for “$0,” according to property records of a quitclaim deed. The woman said in a brief telephone interview that the FBI told her not to discuss the matter and declined to comment.

………

A Nashville real estate firm, Fridrich & Clark Realty, confirmed that Warner worked there as a computer consultant for about 15 years before announcing his retirement earlier this month. “The Tony Warner we knew is a nice person who never exhibited any behavior which was less than professional,” co-owner Steve Fridrich wrote in a statement.

………

The officers heard a strange recorded warning, which started to play a 15-minute countdown, coming from the RV. Officers started knocking on doors, contacting dispatch to get access codes to buildings, clearing them floor by floor, warning residents who answered to gather family members and safely evacuate.

“That’s stuff that I’ll never forget, the sound of the announcement saying … ‘Evacuate now,’” said Amanda Topping, one of five officers who spoke to reporters during a morning news conference. “Just odd. And I’m pacing back and forth because I kept on having to turn pedestrians around.”

The RV began to play music — officer Tyler Luellen told reporters he later learned it was “Downtown” by Petula Clark. The officers prepared themselves, some going back to their cars for heavier gear.

………

While it is unknown whether the AT&T building was the intended target, experts on critical infrastructure said the Christmas morning episode makes clear that federal and local authorities and the private sector ought to find ways to reduce their vulnerability, either through moving key pieces to more fortified locations or building in redundancies.

As Alice Liddell would say, “Curiouser and Curiouser.”

I’m Starting a Go Fund Me to Bid on This*

It appears that there is a charity auction for the rights to hit the button to initiate the controlled implosion of the Trump Plaza casino in Atlantic City on January 19. 

Bidding appears to be north of $50K right now, and I also want to raise money to commission Banksey to put a mural on the side before that date.

I think that he might appreciate the whole scene.

Proceeds go to charity.

This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to bid on the right to push the button to implode Trump Plaza, Atlantic City, NJ. As you may or may not know, the Trump Plaza has been scheduled demolition and leveled off the boardwalk of Atlantic City. For several years it has been sitting empty and now is the time to end an era and replace it with something new. We are selling the experience to push the button to implode Trump Plaza. This will be done remotely and can be done anywhere in the world as well as close to the Plaza as we can safely get you there! All Proceeds of this auction will benefit the Boys & Girls Club of Atlantic City, NJ. Ever since the start of this pandemic they have seen an increase of young children and adolescents benefit from the services of The Boys & Girl Club and are in need of all the assistance they can get for the community. This will be a live broadcasted sale so we hope to see you on sale day and start the year with a Bang!

So, should I go with Banksey, or a local street artist?

*No, I’m not actually going to open up a Go Fund Me for this. I like to blow sh%$ up, but I do not want to be associated with anything with the Trump name on it.

Brexit and Differential Equations

As you may or may not be aware, one of the sticking points on Brexit is that the French and the Spanish are demanding the right to continue to fish (strip mine) British waters.

What I know is that if there is no deal, and Europeans are not allowed to fish those waters, then the pressure on the fishery will be reduced, at least until the British fishing fleet is expanded.

If you have been following this, this is pretty obvious.

The thing that I know, and you probably don’t, is that if the continental fishing fleets are excluded, then the percentage of selachians, sharks skates, and rays, of the catch, will go up.

The short version is that with reduce human predation, other predators will take up the slack.

The longer version, and the one that I learned in differential equation class in college is that  Lotka–Volterra equations were developed to describe the changes in catches in Italian fisheries during the First World War. 

With many fishermen at the front, the total catch declined, and the percentage of sharks and related fish increased.

The instructor described this as the first application of differential equations to what could generally be called ecology, though I had to explain to him what selachians were .

So, a no-deal Brexit is a happy time for sharks in UK waters.

Now you know.

Your Monolith Update

The “whacko, my parents are first cousins, X-Files wannabe, black helicopter, tinfoil hat wearing, stupid, dim-witted, thinks pro wrestling is real,” has weighed in on this whole monolith thing.

I suppose that it was inevitable that the Christo-Fascist right would decide that we were being too nice to aliens.

No, I don’t mean foreigners, I mean that they are bigoted against, “With her pink antenna and her polka dot skin And the 24 dimples on her chinny chin chin, And the hydrogen sulfide of her hair,” people.

They tore down the metal menhir, and erected a wooden cross.

I guess we should be grateful that they did not set the cross alight:

The new California monolith was torn down overnight by a group of right-wing young men who livestreamed their vandalism in a grainy video posted on the blockchain streaming site DLive.

In the video, a group of three men are seen pushing the statue over and chanting “America First” and “Christ is King.” The men, one of whom was wearing a “Make America Great Again” headband, called part of the monolith’s construction “gay” then replaced it monolith with a wooden cross. It is a decidedly bleak turn in the ongoing monolith saga that has generally been a delightful distraction for a world wracked by a pandemic.

“Christ is king in this country. We don’t want illegal aliens from Mexico or outer space,” a man in the video says. “So let’s tear this bitch down.”

Seriously, this monolith has had the shortest life cycle of any meme ever.