Adding a Body Part to My List of They Who Must Not Be Named

In what must be a first, I feel compelled to add New York Governor Andrew Cuomo’s Nipples to my list of They Who Must Not Be Named.

It appears that in a couple of pix with him in a polo shirt, it looked like he might have had nipple piercings.

I do not know. I don’t WANT to know:

Every day, New York Governor Andrew M. Cuomo holds a press conference to update the public amid the ongoing coronavirus pandemic ravaging his state. After speaking, he takes questions from journalists about ventilators, social distancing, and when this whole thing might be over. All things the public desperately needs to know, sure, but on Monday the internet had another question: Does our governor have a nipple piercing?

Call it the delusionary effects of staying inside for three weeks or another sign of our unmitigated, isolation-induced horniness: Some on Twitter and Reddit are convinced they can see the outline of jewelry hanging from Cuomo’s chest. The rumor began over the weekend, sparked by the white “State of Emergency” polo he’s taken to wearing.

“Is it just me or is Cuomo’s nipple totally pierced?” questioned a Reddit thread. “If it is I like him even more,” one replied. “Don’t kink-shame this hero,” another scolded.

Please, just make this stop.

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