Tag: Humor

The Swedes are the Greatest People on the Face of the Earth

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Swedish passenger operator MTR Express opened up a new line between Stockholm and Gothenburg, and they held an online contest to name it, the obvious happened, but unlike the killjoys at the Natural Environment Research Council, they decided to name the line Trainy McTrainface:

A Swedish rail operator has vowed to name one of its trains Trainy McTrainface after a public vote, saying it would bring joy to people disappointed when Britain rejected the name Boaty McBoatface for a polar research ship following a similar poll.

Trainy McTrainface won 49% of the votes in the naming competition, conducted online by train operator MTR Express and Swedish newspaper Metro, beating choices such as Hakan, Miriam and Poseidon.

“[This is] news that will be received with joy by many, not just in Sweden,” MTR wrote in a statement.

The train will run between the Swedish capital Stockholm and Gothenburg, the country’s second-biggest city.
………

MTR said another train had been voted to be named “Glenn”, an apparent tribute to an IFK Gothenburg soccer team of the 1980s that featured four players of that name – uncommon in Sweden – including Glenn Hysen, who later captained Liverpool.

This is so cool.

Deep Thought

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I’m trying to figure out a way to comment on the rapidly accumulating major f%$# ups by Donald Trump and his Evil Minions™.

I’m think that every time I refer to a Trump-related scandal, I should append the phrase, “and zombies,” to the end.

So, it would be, “Russiagate, and zombies,” and “Jared Kushner’s business dealings, and zombies,” or, “Anything involving Betsy Devos, and Zombies.”

I would appreciate comments from my reader(s) about this.

Also, I would be much obliged for any suggestions for alternate phrases.

Normally, I Would Condemn Anything That a Eurocrat Says, but I Can’t This Time

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‘Tis but a scratch

The reason that I endorse his statement is because one of my hard and fast rules in rhetorical technique, if you invoke Monty Python, you win.

The win is double plus good if invoke Monty Python and the Holy Grail:

The first vice-president of the European Commission has mocked the UK’s post-Brexit trade ambitions by comparing a Ukip MEP to a comically over-confident character from a Monty Python film.

Frans Timmermans likened Eurosceptic politician Ray Finch to the Black Night in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, a hopelessly optimistic character who refuses to concede a fight even after all his limbs are severed.

Mr Finch had told the Strasbourg assembly the EU would suffer while Britain was negotiating new trade agreements with countries outside the bloc.
 ………

 “Mr Finch really reminds me of a character created by John Cleese in Monty Python’s the Holy Grail, the Black Knight, who after being defeated terribly and having all his limbs cut off says to his opponent ‘let’s call it a draw’,” he continued.

I have no choice but to congratulate Mr. Timmermans for the proper and appropriate use of Monty Python.

Well played, sir.

Live in Obedient Fear, Citizen

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Don Tinfoil Hat


Lyndon Larouche abides

Charlie lost his ID card, he does not have a driver’s license, so I took him to the DMV to order a replacement.

On the way in, we noticed these guys with a table with a big sign talking about an FBI conspiracy against Donald trump.

On closer inspection we noticed that their signs referenced LaRouchePAC.com, so seriously crazed conspiracy theorists.

We had about a 20 minute wait at the DMV, so he wanted to think about a potential taunt.

He was concerned that he could not come up with one quickly, because this sort of reaction is analogous to a stand-up comic dealing with a heckler, and because he does stand-up comedy now and again, this troubled him.

I reassured him that that comics frequently prepare in advance to deal with potential hecklers, so we can prepare something for the inevitable wait at the Department of Motor Vehicles.

As we are waiting, he floats out some ideas, and I float out some ideas, including his pointing at his hat, and saying, “Chem Trails.”

Charlie wears a blind fold that he made out of duct tape as a hat. He made it for blind folded Rubik’s Cube competitions, and it does evoke the whole “tinfoil hat” thing, so the juxtaposition of the hat and, “Chem Trails,” is a statement that is both amusing, and unclear: It could be mockery, and it could be a statement that one is a fellow traveler conspiracy nut.

He liked that one, so that is what I was expecting when we left the DMV (He took the hat off for the ID pick, BTW).

Instead, he looked the man in the eye, and said:

Live in Obedient Fear, Citizen!

And then he turned and walked away, giggling as the guy at the table said, “What did you say?”.

Of course, this phrase is VERY well known to the reader(s) of this blog.

He needs to work on his delivery, he said it too quickly, and he should have pitched the words lower, because it really works better when said in a stentorian manner, but he worked out what would be the best quick take down.

FYI, here is some stand-up from a year ago:

Bitcoin in a nutshell:

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Over at the reliably amusing Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal web comic, they just put up a new cartoon titled, “Dadbucks.”

It details the results of creating a household currency to encourage the performance of chores.

I think that this is a wonderful metaphor for Bitcoin, and I think that someone should hire him as a financial regulator because he gets it.

Cartoon after the break.


Dadbucks

Why Do I Even Bother?

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Yesterday, I wrote a lengthy post explaining the profoundly dysfunctional Presidential campaign in France.

Today, I came across John Oliver’s summary of the campaign on his show, and I am feeling profoundly inadequate.

It covers the issue and entertains at the same time, though I think that there could be a little less focus on the laughs and more on the humor.

The only thing that I object to is his characterization of Le Pen’s position on the wearing of religious regalia in public.

It’s not outrageous by the standards of France:  French republics have been thoroughly and militantly secular since Charles de Gaulle was a teen,* to the degree that religious wedding ceremonies are not recognized by the state, and couples have to be married in a civil ceremony to have their union recognized.

The policy is called Laïcité, and while Le Pen’s absolutism regarding this policy is a minority position, it is well within the bounds of what is considered mainstream French political thought.

Still, I feel really inadequate right now.

*Specifically, since the passage of the 1905 French law on the Separation of the Churches and the State, though secularism was a significant portion of French political discourse since at least the French revolution.

It’s the Start of the Crazy Season

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Spent most of today cleaning for Pesach (Passover).

It’s a period of high anxiety for Sharon*, and I am doing my level best to be as supportive as possible.

Light blogging for a while.

BTW, anyone know a good way to split the Red Sea?

Have a Pesach joke:

Once upon a time in a far away land there lived a king who had a Jewish advisor. The king relied so much on the wisdom of his Jewish advisor that one day he decided to elevate him to head advisor. After it was announced, the other advisors objected. After all, it was bad enough just to sit in counsel with a Jew, but to allow one to ‘lord it over them,’ was just too much to bear. Being a compassionate ruler, the King agreed with them, and ordered the Jew to convert. What could the Jew do? One had to obey the King, and so he did.

As soon as the act was done, the Jew felt great remorse for this terrible decision. As days became weeks, his remorse turned to despondency, and as months passed, his mental depression took its toll on his physical health. He became weaker and weaker. Finally he could stand it no longer. His mind was made up. He burst in on the king and cried, “I was born a Jew and a Jew I must die. Do what you want with me, but I can no longer deny my faith.” The King was very surprised. He had no idea that the Jew felt so strongly about it. “Well, if that is how you feel,” he said, “then the other advisors will just have to learn to live with it. Your counsel is much too important to me to do without. Go and be a Jew again” he said.

The Jew felt elated. He hurried back home to tell the good news to his family. He felt the strength surge back into his body as he ran. Finally, he burst into the house and called out to his wife. “Rifka, Rifka, we can be Jews again, we can be Jews again.” His wife glared back at him angrily and said, “You couldn’t wait until after Passover?”

*Love of my life, light of the cosmos, she who must be obeyed, my wife.

Adding to Your Vocabulary

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I was in kitchen, and the radio show Wait Wait ……… Don’t Tell Me was on, and they were talking about the Canadian sex toy manufacturer who has been sued for collecting data from their internet enabled vibrator.

I casually commented to Charlie, who was drinking a Coke at the time, “They caught them coming and going.”

Charlie was caught mid drink, started to laugh, and proceeded to spew Coke from his nose, thankfully he made it to the trash can before he started to completely lose it.

This raises the obvious question, what is the term for spewing a drink from your nose caused by laughter?

According to the Urban Dictionary, there are two words, snork, and schnarf.

I should note that it was not my intention to get Charlie to schnarf his drink, but I might have chuckled.

I am a bad, bad man.

Selections from America’s Finest News Source

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The Onion on the inauguration:

I’m not sure if the Biden one or the drone one is the best.