I have now fixed this.
Lindsay Lohan is now amongst They Who Must Not Be Named.
Absent some sort of political activity, such as endorsements, running for office (PLEASE GOD NO!!), or their attempting to assassinate someone, she will not be mentioned here.
And yes, the rumors of a sex tape had much to do with this decision.
So I really have no strong opinion on what is going on with NBC, with Jay Leno’s 10:00 pm show, an idea that never made sense to me in the first place, being canceled, and NBC now having to juggle Leno and Conan O’Brien.
NBC tried to “split the baby”, by giving Leno the 11:35-12:04 slot, with O’Brien getting the rest of the show, but Conan said no, and so the Jeff Zucker (the head of NBC) clusterf%$# continues.
My reader(s) can debate the relative merits of Conan O’Brien and Jay Leno, I just don’t know.
Conan’s statement is after the break, and it takes the high road:
People of Earth:
In the last few days, I’ve been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I’ve been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I’ve been absurdly lucky. That said, I’ve been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.
Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.
But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.
Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn’t the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.
So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn’t matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.
There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.
Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it’s always been that way.
Yours,
Conan
You know, I’ve occasionally watched the survival pr0n that you find on the Discovery Channel, both the rather more authentic Les Stroud, and the more entertaining Bear Grylls, and I think that this qualifies as Jumping the Shark.
In order to get water into his body, when the only water is fetid, and would likely cause illness/vomiting that might further dehydrate you, Grylls is using an enema to get water into his system.
This will work, just ask any medical professional, but seriously, enough is enough.
It illustrates how news gathering has been overtaken by the entertainment culture, and that was 27 years ago.
Because, you can find a monkey chimp getting to 2nd base with Bo Derek in her 1981 celluloid horror, Tarzan, the Ape Man, and see an animated gif of the scene:
I’m no prude, and even though I’ll probably never do it again, I understand that boobs are fun to suck on. That’s great. Everybody suck more boobs! I just cannot believe that the frigid MPAA was down with this (and still is since the movie is in print and everything!), and that Bo Derek, the sole producer of Tarzan, the Ape Man, was like, “Yes. That time that the monkey rounded second on me is sooooo going in the movie!” This has to be the most line-crossing thing I’ve ever seen in a film OK’ed by the MPAA. A cursory Google search came up with zero mentions of this, which means I’m either the first person to point out the fucked-upedness of this, or I’m just easily excited. Kind of like that monkey.
Anyway, here’s a still. I’m tempted to transcribe this scene and read it for Porn for the Blind or perhaps recreate it with Winston and some peanut butter on my nipple, but I doubt even that would make it more real. My mind is blown forever.
Completely NSFW, though the good folks at the MPAA gave the film an “R” rating.
Really, NSFW, though Bo Derek is very buff, and it reminds us all why she was a sex symbol in the early 1980s.
No, I’m not talking about his bit with Richard Wolffe, where conflates bureaucratic turf wars with a group of Republican moles actively aiding terrorists, I mean his new feature, the 2 short “mini-comments”, each 1 minute long, which will air each show.
Normally, I use the phrase “Jump the Shark,” to describe some sort of gaffe which will forever tarnish the person who uttered the bon mot.
However, in this case, I am referring to the original, and rather more mild definition of, the point in a television program’s history where it’s done, and there is not much more to get out of it.
Regular twice-a-show mini “Special Comments” are an indication that the program has run out its string.
It’s not surprising: Countdown was always more driven by snark, particularly in the early days, and outrage at Bush and His Evil Minions™ and Olbermann is a (very good) sportscaster who tends to see political confrontations in the same sort zero-sum terms of a ball game.
BTW, if one of my reader(s) could rat me out to Olbermann as a “Worst Person in the World“, please do so. I could use the eyeballs.
I’m more of a policy wonk myself, and as such I prefer Rachael Maddow’s show, and I will always be grateful to Keith Olbermann for introducing me to her show.
I’ll still probably watch it streaming on my PC, in the background, which is what I do with both of their shows now, but Keith does not surprise me much any more.
William Shatner reads Sarah Palin’s autobiography on Conan, and in a surprise visit, Sarah Palin reads William Shatner’s autobiography.
She appeared to be a good sport about this, though she does not have the right voice, or vocal control do deliver a proper “beat” delivery.
So, when Barack Obama gave his speech on Afghanistan, he preempted a showing of A Charlie Brown Christmas, and the Mayor of Arlington, Tennessee decided to throw a hissy fit on his Facebook page:
“Ok, so, this is total crap, we sit the kids down to watch ‘The Charlie Brown Christmas Special’ and our muslim president is there, what a load…..try to convince me that wasn’t done on purpose. Ask the man if he believes that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and he will give you a 10 minute disertation (sic) about it….when the answer should simply be ‘yes’….”
Yes, A Charlie Brown Christmas was on that Tuesday, and yes, it was preempted, and yes, it’s among the most sincere of the Christmas specials out there, but this sort of crap is beneath maturity level of a 9-year old, particularly when it’s showing tomorrow and next Tuesday too.
It’s nice when celebrities can laugh at theselves.
They made a porn movie about Sarah Palin and the same actress, Lisa Ann, played me in the porn version of ’30 Rock.’ Weirdly, of the three of us, Lisa Ann knows the most about foreign policy.
—Tina Fey
H/t Wonkette
(on edit)
— Friedrich Nietzsche
H/t Unmutual of the by invitation only Stellar Parthenon BBS.
Richard is a friend of my son, and he was playing with Charlie today, and they wanted to play on the computer.
I was in the middle of doing my Sarah Palin book ad on my blog post, and they were asking why I was doing a screen shot of the image, and I explained how the ads paid me a few bucks, but they did weird stuff like this all the time.
Well, Charlie has been thoroughly indoctrinated by me and Uncle Keith (Olbermann), so he started ragging on Palin and the book, and Richard, who has similarly proper parenting joined in, and then he let fly the best review ever on Sarah Palin’s Going Rogue
The book will probably fall apart, just like the Captain Underpants ones do.
–Richard S. Age 9
While I have no knowledge of the quality of the printing and binding, this is almost certainly accurate about the book so many levels.
I think that I hurt myself laughing.
The kid has a future in stand-up comedy.
When he says:
When you peel back the pretty, shooty layers of the Palin onion, there’s no onion. It’s just a conservative boiler plate mad lib: ‘Freedom is good and taxes are–ooh I need an adjective–how about, I don’t know, silly?’ And the worst part it’s a mad lib delivered as though it were the hard-earned wisdom of a life well lived.
It’s just magical, and it starts at 3:40, though the first part is amusing too.
It’s not as good as Stephen Colbert’s takedown of her (scroll down). But it is very good.
Brilliant
Well, it was time for another family movie, and it was my choice, and my Sharon absolutely put her foot down about the Simpsons Movie, so I chose Monsters vs Aliens.
Reese Witherspoon…Susan Murphy / Ginormica (voice)
Seth Rogen … B.O.B. (voice)
Hugh Laurie … Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. (voice)
Will Arnett … The Missing Link (voice)
Kiefer Sutherland … General W.R. Monger (voice)
Rainn Wilson … Gallaxhar (voice)
Stephen Colbert … President Hathaway (voice)
Paul Rudd … Derek Dietl (voice)
It’s an old story, girl is going to get married, girl gets struck by meteor, girl grows to humongous size, girl gets imprisoned in a secret government facility….
Actually, it is an story. It’s the Wizard of Oz story with a bit of a twist.
I realized this about ¾ of the way through the movie.
That being said, it is well animated, well acted, and well scripted, and rather enjoyable.
It’s also a movie that does well with the pause and rewind buttons, because there are a number of fractured takes on old SF films and film conventions.
The big surprise here are appearances by Stephen Colbert as the president of the United States, where he most amusingly chews scenery.
Watch through the credits.
Recommended, with one caveat: If you love the golden gate bridge, you may cry at one point.
So, Microsoft teamed up with Seth MacFarlane for a Family Guy/American Dad special, and when they saw the show, they dropped it like it was nude pictures of Joe Lieberman.
They had promised, “an upcoming television event devoted to the comedy of Seth MacFarlane, creator of Family Guy, American Dad and The Cleveland Show” that would be, “unique Windows 7-branded programming that blends seamlessly with show content”.
So far, so good, but what they also got was”
According to reports, Redmond marketeers sat in on the recording of the variety special. While Windows marketing messages were presumably seamlessly integrated into the schtick, so were jokes about deaf people, the Holocaust, feminine hygiene and incest.
While Microsoft was clearly reaching for a hip and edgy audience, they presumably meant the “check me out, I’ve got an extra shot in this latte and I’m wearing an Hawaiian shirt” kind of edgy.
I am wondering if these guys ever watched Family Guy or American Dad, because this is pretty much what he does for humor.
Or, to quote Eric Duckman:
Bunch of thin-skinned, no-humor pansies! You tell them an ice-breaker or two about women’s libbers, gays, environmentalists, several minorities, the homeless, couple of religions, anorexics, obese people, the handicapped, old farts, baldness, and people who walk real goofy because they’ve just had a vasectomy, and suddenly, they get all sensitive, like I offended one of them or something!
Foreclosures hitting high end homes
Hotel Pulse Index
Baltic Dry Index, a Measure of Shipping Demand, Courtesy Barry Ritholtz
You know, there are very few guaranteed money makers, but one is owning baseball club, and the Chicago Cubs have just filed for bankruptcy, which says something about the state of the economy.
I know that this is really an artifact of Sam Zell’s completely idiotic business model, which seemed to be:
Except, of course, Zell was collecting short term loans, rather than underpants.
Of course, it’s not only big debtors like Zell who are getting into trouble. You are seeing foreclosures increasing among more expensive homes, which gives the lie to the constant refrain from many in the right wing that it’s all the fault of those n*gg*rs irresponsible borrowers.
It’s going to get worse, and it’s likely to create another crisis if Wells-Fargo’s numbers on Option ARMs carry across the industry, which are unbelievably grim:
“Several of our investors have questioned the current loss severity in light of negative amortization and home price decline,” researchers wrote in the report. “Our analysis suggests that option ARM loss severity will likely range between 60% and 70% provided home prices have stabilized.”
So 60+% of the option ARM are expected to go bad, even if house prices are not falling any further.
We are also seeing a continued drop in hotel activity, which implies that both consumer and corporate travel remain moribund.
The bottom piece of chart pr0n is the Baltic Dry Index, basically an index of shipping costs, though it is also a very good proxy for shipping demand, and this appears to indicate that the need for shipping, and hence the level of international trade, is still well off.
We are some seeing some interesting activity in US Treasuries now, with bonds rising, and their yields thus falling, on the expectation that the Fed will print more money and that inflation will remain low, but Treasury Inflation Protected Securities (TIPS) are also showing signs of expanded demand, which implies that at least part of the bond market is betting on increased inflation in the relatively near term.
We have some good news, in that the recession appears to be well and truly over…..In New Zealand, with retail sales jumping there.
This would explain why both the $NZ and the $Aus rose significantly yesterday….Well, that and the fact Australia’s central bank raised rates last week.
The US dollar was otherwise mixed, weaker vs. the Euro, but up vs. the Pound Sterling and Yen.
Oil rose yesterday too, as a result of a combination of cold weather in the US and optimism about the economy.
Well, Verizon FIOS has some occasional specials, basically about 40$ off, $2.99 for a 24 hour rental, as versus $4.99, and so we went with one tonight, Race to Witch Mountain.
Dwayne Johnson … Jack Bruno
AnnaSophia Robb … Sara
Alexander Ludwig … Seth
Carla Gugino … Dr. Alex Friedman
Ciarán Hinds … Henry Burke
Tom Everett Scott … Matheson
Chris Marquette … Pope
Billy Brown … Carson
Garry Marshall … Dr. Donald Harlan
Cheech Marin … Eddie Cortez
The plot, what can I say that you don’t see in the trailer.
You have grizzled ex-con cab driver trying to lead a straight and narrow life, played by Dwayne Johnson, aka, the Rock, alien children with otherworldly powers, a beautiful scientist, evil government agents, and an alien assassin. You know where it goes from there.
The plot is basically a throw-away, there are no surprises.
One thing that is done well with the plot, is that they actually give a reason for children with extraordinary powers to need mere humans. I was pleasantly pleased to see that hole plugged in a way that flowed nicely.
Once again, Dwayne Johnson exceeds my expectations, as he did in Steve Carrel movie Get Smart.
Additionally, you have Garry Marshall, who is perhaps best known for his work on the other side of the camera, engaging in some very amusing scenery chewing.
The original children from the original “Escape to Witch Mountain” movies from the 1970s, Ike Eisenmann, Kim Richards have cameos, and the current child actors, AnnaSophia Robb and Alexander Ludwig, gave decent performances.
The special effects are certainly adequate, not surprising given the state of CGI these days.
The dialog is good, with a lot of very funny deadpan humor. I will say that science fiction/UFO convention held in Los Vegas figures prominently in the movie, as does Sin City itself, and that if you don’t like people making jokes about SF fans, you might be offended, but I was amused.
Additionally, as I went through IMDB, a lot of inside movie references.
It’s a thoroughly pleasant piece of child-friendly fluff, which is exactly what it promised.
With afterburner…Sweet.
