Once again, The Onion predicts the future.
The Onion 10 years ago, and AP today
Ten. Fucking. Years. pic.twitter.com/ykEkrRXUbs
— PanickedJanet (@SIGSYS) July 6, 2021
I am pretty sure that if we broke into their offices, we would find a REMARKABLY spacious blue police call box that looked rocking it like it’s 1963.
Truely this is America’s Finest News Source.
When you read this, you know that you are in for one hell of a ride:
I was hired as an assassin. You don’t bring in a 37-year-old woman to review John Updike in the year of our Lord 2019 unless you’re hoping to see blood on the ceiling. ‘Absolutely not,’ I said when first approached, because I knew I would try to read everything, and fail, and spend days trying to write an adequate description of his nostrils, and all I would be left with after months of standing tiptoe on the balance beam of objectivity and fair assessment would be a letter to the editor from some guy named Norbert accusing me of cutting off a great man’s dong in print. But then the editors cornered me drunk at a party, and here we are.
—Patricia Lockwood in London Review of Books
Just in case you are wondering, while many admire the author’s prose, it also considered to be extremely misogynistic by many.
H/t Naked Capitalism for finding this 2019 gem.
How I feel about our current precarious pandemic situation. Some wealthy countries think they got it under control… for now… what could possibly go wrong? 🤷🏻♂️ #COVID19 pic.twitter.com/yHGc8wgnr3
— Eric Feigl-Ding (@DrEricDing) May 24, 2021
This is marvelous metaphor for premature reopening.
Unless it has something to do with political scandal, I rarely talk about celebrity divorces.
It’s just not my business.
On the other hand, the snark in the title is too good make a comment about Bill and Melinda Gates’s impending divorce.
Also, which is funnier, “Microsoft Bob,” or “Clippy” in the title?
Insecure, Frustrated Bully With Something To Prove Considering Career In Law Enforcement
The reporting goes on to note that, “Sources also felt it bears mentioning that Lockhart is an impassioned and unapologetic racist.”
The Onion can be a treasure sometimes.
Dammit… my sink is blocked and I have a pile of dishes to do too pic.twitter.com/YXpYmjcZoa
— Non-Fungible Technical Resource (@quephird) March 26, 2021
Epic 
I want this framed pic.twitter.com/i2abP3PZ3u
— nikki mccann ramírez (@NikkiMcR) March 22, 2021
Marianne Williamson:1 — Elon Musk: Nothing.
McConnell Threatens to Hold a Scorched-Earth Senate Hostage Unless He Can Keep the Filibuster to Hold the Senate Hostage
Damn. Alexandra Petri uses just 20 words to say what took me 8 paragraphs, and at least twice as much quoted material.
I am impressed, and nonplussed by her mastery of the English language.
#cats over-protection society pic.twitter.com/R7bDlaWvPS
— I’m not one to gossip, but…. (@Spigot696) March 15, 2021
Now this is something that we need in the US as well.
I would be remiss in not noting that indoor cats live far longer lives, and indoor cats also don’t go around killing birds and other small woodland creatures, so for f%$#’s sake, KEEP YOUR CAT INDOORS. 
John Oliver is in fine form talking about Tucker Carlson, almost at the level of his legendary take-down of late and unlamented murderous coal mine owner Bob Murray.
Seriously, this is epic:
This is beautiful, and John Oliver is a genius.
The anarchist group INDECLINE decided that they need to show that the emperor had no clothes, with said emperor being Donald J. Trump.
To do this, they erected 5 naked sculptures of him all across the nation: (This is amusing, but not truly great snark)
For much of the past year, Donald Trump proved uniquely untouchable, a political force of such mind-boggling invulnerability that he even bragged about attracting voters after hypothetically shooting someone on Fifth Avenue.
Hoping to strip away the Teflon Don’s legendary confidence to reveal the fleshy mortal beneath the expensive suits and long ties, members of the anarchist collective INDECLINE decided they would showcase the aspirant president in the most humiliating way they could imagine: without his clothes.
The group unveiled life-size statues of Trump in the nude Thursday morning in public spaces in New York, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Cleveland and Seattle.
“The Emperor Has No B—s,” [Balls because WaPo is too chickensh%$ to say it] as the project is called, arrives several months after the group covered stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame with the names of African Americans who have been killed by police. In the past, the collective has also claimed responsibility for an anti-Trump “Rape” mural on the U.S.-Mexico border and a massive piece of graffiti art in California’s Mojave Desert.
Yes, this is amusing, but it still isn’t great nark.
The great snark was from the New York City Parks Department, which promptly removed the statue, and a spokesman explained their reasoning as follows:
NYC Parks stands firmly against any unpermitted erection in city parks, no matter how small.
Brilliant!
You win the internet.
H/t DC at the Stellar Parthenon BBS.
In Oregon, a girl’s softball team in Lake Oswego raffled off an AR-15 to fund a team trip.*
A pastor there did not like this, and when he found that tickets were already sold, he bought a large number, in the hopes of getting the weapon, and destroying it.
Well, he won the raffle/rifle, and announced his plans, and the gun fondler crowd started issuing death threats and demanding his prosecution:
The Rev. Jeremy Lucas brought an olive branch to a gun fight recently, hoping for a mellow outcome. It began when he won a semi-automatic rifle in a local raffle, then revealed his plan to destroy it and was mostly congratulated for his stand.
But the 44-year-old Episcopal priest’s token attempt to take another gun off the streets did little to keep the peace. In response to his gesture, Lucas got threats and demands for his arrest.
………
Lucas grew up in Alabama owning and shooting guns. But he sees the AR-15, America’s most popular rifle, as a danger to society. It is one of the weapons of choice among today’s mass shooters, from Sandy Hook Elementary in 2012 to the shooting last month of four teens, three fatally, by another teen near Seattle.
………
When news about his win and plans to destroy the gun began to spread, Lucas got Facebook thank-yous from relatives of some of the Sandy Hook victims and encouragement from hundreds of others.
Donors replenished the $3,000 he’d used from the church coffers and then some. Bishop Michael J. Hanley, head of the Episcopal Diocese of Oregon, sent his huzzas as well. “It was a wonderful thing and actually filled me with a certain amount of glee that he could pull it off,” Hanley said in a statement. “Probably more of us need to act in this way, jumping into the unknown consequences of doing good deeds.”
But not everyone saw it that way.
Some unhappy commentators suggested Lucas had violated Oregon’s new gun law by failing to have a background check conducted on a parishioner to whom he’d given the weapon for safekeeping.
Then there were the “critics and trolls” on social media and on news websites, Lucas wrote on his blog, “lobbing their hate and vitriol.”
There are lots of responsible gun owners out there, and then there is the Ammosexual contingent, who shouldn’t be trusted with a butter knife.
*I know what you are thinking, “In Oregon, you must be kidding?” That’s because you don’t know that Oregon in the 1920s was the most KKK dominated state in the nation.†
†Oregon’s original constitution literally banned black people from the territory.
At Times Like This, We Need To Pull Ourselves Up, Hold Our Loved Ones Close, Block Any Legislation That Would Prevent Suspected Terrorists From Buying Guns, And Say A Prayer For The Victims
Because here is literally every TED Talk ever given:
H/t DC at the Stellar Parthenon BBS
Peter Thiel Does the Impossible!
Nobody’s ever sympathized with Gawker before.
Too True.
There is one aspect, however, in which Game of Thrones has a claim to being the most realistic show on television. Despite the wizards, the wights and the way every character manages to maintain perfect hair even when they’re being pointlessly tortured to death, there is something horribly relatable about Martin’s world of Westeros, whose characters have now become part of public myth. What sets it apart is not the monsters, the nudity or the festering gallons of gratuitous gore, but the overwhelming sense that the plot got run off the rails three books ago and is being steered towards a terrible precipice by a bunch of bickering, power-mad maniacs. This, coincidentally, happens to be the plot of the entire 21st century so far.
As an aside, I probably should to watch a few episodes this show eventually, if just to understand the Obama/Anger Translator Luther “Khaleesi is coming to Westeros” reference.
I mean John Boehner, who is most assuredly not a fan of Ted Cruz:
“Lucifer in the flesh,” the former Speaker said. “I have Democrat friends and Republican friends. I get along with almost everyone, but I have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life.”
That’s my sense of Ted Cruz as well.
I have never in my life seen someone as widely loathed as Ted Cruz in public life.
Over at Daily Kos, a diary has the best title ever:
Hillary Clinton is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known
By Steven D Monday Apr 18, 2016 · 1:45 PM EST 2016/04/18 · 13:45
I’ve finally come around, after seeing so many diaries on Daily Kos extolling her deserving qualities and virtues, to realizing that Hillary Clinton really is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known. Laugh all you want, but I can prove that she possesses each of those in abundance.
Read the rest, it’s marvelous snark.
………
See what happened there? Slick, wasn’t it? My man Chuck Todd asked Schmidt why the anti-Trump Republicans weren’t banding together to support the clear runner-up and Schmidt started babbling about small-d democratic processes wah-dee-doo-dah. The direct answer to the question…
So, why isn’t the cavalry rallying around Cruz?
“Because Tailgunner Ted Cruz is a messianic and friendless theocrat whose policies are a mix of the Book of Revelation and The Fountainhead, and anyone who looks at him thinks of the skeevy uncle whom they tell their kids to avoid at Thanksgiving, and anyone who listens to him who isn’t already lost in Jesus wouldn’t trust him to park their car.”
Mr. Pierce owes me a screen wipe.
I don’t know what his relationship with women has been like, but he has discovered that women go to the bathroom. And it’s been very upsetting for him.
—Bernie Sanders on Donald Trump’s freakout over Hillary Clinton going to the bathroom during the a break in the last debate.
Oh, snap, Donald, you’ve got served.