Category: Snark

Putin Wins Troll of the Day Award

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Vladimir Putin handed out a couple of ringing—if not entirely official—endorsements to two of this year’s most notorious men: Donald Trump and suspended FIFA President Sepp Blatter. During his annual press conference on Thursday, the Russian president praised Donald Trump, calling the frontrunner in the Republican primary race a “bright and talented person,” according to the Associated Press. He also welcomed Trump’s calls for improved U.S-Russia relations.

A recurring theme among GOP presidential candidates is whether they possess the negotiating chops to deal with the Russian strongman. It appears Trump and Putin would be bosom buddies. (Trump has previously said he thinks he’d get along with Putin “very well.”)

Putin also handed out praise to Sepp Blatter, who’s facing a criminal investigation in Switzerland for allegations of corruption. Blatter, Putin said, is “a very well respected person.”

“He has always tried to treat football not as a sport but as an element of cooperation between countries and peoples,” Putin added. “He is the one who must be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.”

 Seriously, he is just poking us with a stick for his personal amusement.

Nestle Launches Mission to Mars

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No, Nestle is not actually flying to Mars. That’s just a snarky reference to Nestle’s sucking water out of California in orderto bottle it.

When juxtaposed with some of Nestle’s earlier behavior, the news that NASA’s discovery that there are current water flows on Mars, it is an obvious bit of humor:

Spectroscopic data from NASA

’s 10-year-old Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter have confirmed years of scientific suspicion that periodic dark streaks appearing on Martian slopes are the result of liquid water flowing on the planet’s surface.

The dark features, known as recurring slope lineae (RSL), have been observed for years by the orbiter’s High Resolution Imaging Science Experiment (HiRISE) and have appeared on dozens of sites at Mars. This imagery was later correlated with mineral mapping by another instrument, the Compact Reconnaissance Imaging Spectrometer for Mars (CRISM), which determined that the dark streaks are hydrated minerals — i.e., thin patches of damp soil. The salt lowers the freezing point of the water, allowing it to persist longer in Mars’ thin, cold atmosphere.

“Our quest on Mars has been to ‘follow the water,’ in our search for life in the universe, and now we have convincing science that validates what we’ve long suspected,” said John Grunsfeld, NASA’s associate administrator for science and a former space shuttle astronaut, during a Sept. 28 press conference. “Mars is not the dry, arid planet that we thought of in the past. Under certain circumstances, liquid water has been found on Mars.”

This is actually rather significant.

Where there is water, on Earth at least, there is life.

H/t DC at the Stellar Parthenon BBS for the picture.

America, F%$# Yeah!

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Say what you will about America, but we lead the world in firearms related stupidity:

Flamethrowers were gruesome weapons of war and so controversial that the U.S. military stopped using them after Vietnam.

 But as crazy as it may sound, they are available for sale to the public.

 A Cleveland startup called Throwflame is selling flamethrowers for $1,599 that can shoot fire for 50 feet. Another company, Ion Productions Team of Detroit, is selling $900 flamethrowers that can eject flames for 25 feet. Both companies started selling them this year.

 The flamethrowers are marketed not as weapons, but as fun devices.

 “We always have the people who just want it for fun. Impress the neighbors at the BBQ,” said Throwflame founder Quinn Whitehead.

 Both Whitehead and Ion CEO Chris Byars said their flamethrowers have caused no injuries, and safety is a priority. But Ion notes on its website that the flamethrower “may result in injury or even death.”

A flamethrower may result in injury or even death?

Gee, you think?

One bright spot, for me, anyway:

Still, flamethrowers could run afoul of state or local laws. They are banned outright in Maryland. California considers them “destructive devices,” which are illegal, but the state does issue permits for use on movie sets.

So these lunatics are not selling their weapons of death in my my state.

I’m now beginning to wonder how this country ever managed to survive our occasional bouts of peace.

There are times that I wonder if we are more of an episode of Jackass than we are a nation.

H/t Naked Capitalism.

This Is a New Social Networking Service That I Approve Wholeheartedly

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It requires no computer, though it does require a functioning elbow. It is called pub:

A middle-aged visionary has launched an offline service called ‘pub’, which allows friends to interact in a building.

Overweight, balding 46-year-old Martin Bishop sees ‘pub’, known locally as The Woodcutter’s Arms, as a place where people can verbally communicate while drinking beer.

He said: “There’s Steak Night on Tuesdays and a ska band every third Friday. Hopefully we’re getting the toilets done next month because they’re a bit grim at the moment.”

24-year old blogger Nikki Hollis commented: “I love going to the pub because it’s so interactive and exciting. For example, my friend will say something about her life, and then I comment, and then she comments back, and then I comment, and so on.

………

However police have warned about the potential dangers of ‘pub’: “People in the pub aren’t always who they seem to be. A middle-aged man could claim to be a small girl. Stay alert, use your eyes.”

I’m wondering if they could come up with a sports themed version of this.

I think that “Sports Pub” could be a real winner.

Scott Walker Thinks that He is Princess Leia

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Scott Walker tried to glom onto the “Forth be with you” Star Wars phenomenon.

— Scott Walker (@ScottWalker) May 4, 2015

I thought it was kind of lame, but the good folks at NARAL (National Abortion Rights Action League) put it in a way that is f%$#ing perfect.

Scottie is completely owned:

— NARAL (@NARAL) May 4, 2015

Epic.

H/t Hullabaloo

Michelle Bachmann May be Right About the Rapture

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I can think of no stronger indicator for the Apocalypse than the fact that, for the 2nd time in as many months, Donald Trump has seized the moral high ground.

Of course, this is an extremely low bar, as the competition is Pamela Geller:

Donald Trump was asked on “Fox & Friends” this morning for his opinion on the shooting outside Pam Geller’s “Draw the Prophet” contest, and he didn’t mince his words.

Brian Kilmeade asked whether he still believed “in freedom of speech, regardless of what they’re talking about — you’ve got to think they could do without being shot, don’t you think?”

Trump replied that it’s “very terrible,” but was heartened that the police acted “very strongly” by killing the two suspects. After blaming the “weak action” of the Baltimore police for the destruction of “over 200 businesses in a single night,” he praised the Garland, Texas police for their handling of these shooters.

However, he quickly switched subjects, saying that “I watched Pam [Geller on Fox News] earlier, and it really looks like she’s just taunting everybody. What is she doing drawing Muhammad? I mean it’s disgusting,” he said in reference to the attempted shootings. “Isn’t there something else they could be doing? Drawing Muhammad?” he went on.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck cut in to say that they’d asked Geller whether there wasn’t some other way they could have exercised their freedom of speech besides this contest, and Geller told her “No, there wasn’t another way, because you have to fight back against this war against the freedom of speech.”

Trump replied by again asking, “They can’t do something else? They have have to be in the middle of Texas doing something on Muhammad and insulting everybody?”

He reiterated his disgust at the attempted shooting, as well as his belief that Geller is taunting Islamic extremists. “What is she doing?” he asked. “Why is she doing it? It’s probably very risky for her — I don’t know, maybe she likes risk?”

“But what the hell is she doing?” he concluded.

So in April, he shamed most of the Republican Presidential candidates over Social Security and Medicare, and now, this.

I do not mean to imply that “The Donald” is meaningful ethics, but rather that the morality of the right wing has descended below his level.

In Space, No One Can Hear You File a Workplace Complaint

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Which explains why Amazon chief Jeff Bezos is getting into the rocket business:

Blue Origin, a startup space company owned by Amazon.com chief Jeff Bezos, launched an experimental suborbital spaceship from Texas, the first in a series of test flights to develop commercial unmanned and passenger spaceflight services, the company said on Thursday.

The New Shepard vehicle blasted off on Wednesday from Blue Origin’s test facility near Van Horn, Texas, and rose to an altitude of 58 miles (93 km) before the capsule separated and parachuted back to Earth.

“Any astronauts on board would have had a very nice journey into space and a smooth return,” Bezos said in a statement.

The descent of the liquid hydrogen- and liquid oxygen-fueled rocket, however, was not successful.

“We lost pressure in our hydraulic system on descent,” Bezos noted. “Fortunately, we’ve already been in work for some time on an improved hydraulic system … We’ll be ready to fly again soon.”

Who cares about the landing? 

After the astronauts have done their job, they are not Bezos’s concern, just like the employees in the Amazon warehouses have to wait unpaid in long lines to punch in and out.

The Onion Abides………

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Man Pleased To Find Most Of His Mid-’90s Anti-Hillary Rant Still Usable

DECATUR, IL—Expressing relief that he would not have to construct an entirely new diatribe from scratch, local man Harold Willis was reportedly pleased Monday to discover that most of his anti-Hillary Clinton rant from the mid-1990s was still perfectly usable.

Unfortunately, the press corps(e) does not see this as an ironic bit of humor, they see this as a model for the next 16 months.

I pray that Rush Limbaugh and his ilk are rendered mute from choking on their own bile.