Category: family

Well, That Was Different………

One of our cats, Meatball (Sharon* calls her Mousetrap) is having a really tough times with fleas, so I had to give her a bath.

I have never seen a cat so compliant.

She try to get away from the water, but she never clawed me, and only made halfhearted efforts to leave the tub.

When I was done, and dried her off, she just sat there.

Hopefully, this will provide a bit of a respite for her, because she has been profoundly uncomfortable.

My concern is that she is biding her time to seek revenge.

Pray for me.

*Love of my life, light of the cosmos, she  who must be obeyed, my wife.

I’D Say, “Live in Obedient Fear, Citizen,” but There Is No Such Thing as a British Citizen

Technically, they are all British subjects of the crown, not citizens, and now it looks like the Tories will be seizing the children of parents with unacceptable thoughts:

If there are two edicts I try to follow whenever I’m writing, they are, first, write what is true and, second, avoid cliche at all costs. I bring that up only as a preface before saying the following: the UK is walking down an Orwellian path. It’s nearly the cliche of cliches to say something like this, and yet it happens that the cliche is true. While there is most certainly a real thing known as a threat from Islamic terrorism, there is also such a thing as overreaction. What started as the British government’s attempt to ban extremist thought from social media and television (under the notion that some thoughts are too dangerous to enjoy the freedom that other thoughts deserve) then devolved into the conscripting of teachers that were to be on the lookout for children that might become radicalized. To assist them with this, the government helpfully provided spy-software to use against students. Spy-software which itself was found to be exploitable in the most laughably easy of ways. This employed two of the most horrifying aspects of Orwell’s Oceania: the concept of thought-crime and the employ of citizens to fearfully surveil one another.

And now it seems the UK is going even further, adopting Oceania’s reputation for the swallowing up of citizens should they be found suspect of thought-crime by those watchful citizens. Specifically, the Family Division of the Judiciary has put out a memo declaring exactly how it will remove children from the homes of anyone it suspects might radicalize those children. Here’s a snippet.
Recent months have seen increasing numbers of children cases coming before the Family Division and the Family Court where there are allegations or suspicions: that children, with their parents or on their own, are planning or attempting or being groomed with a view to travel to parts of Syria controlled by the so-called Islamic State; that children have been or are at risk of being radicalised; or that children have been or at are at risk of being involved in terrorist activities either in this country or abroad.

Only a local authority can start care proceedings (see section 31(1) of the Children Act 1989 – the police powers are set out in section 46). However, any person with a proper interest in the welfare of a child can start proceedings under the inherent jurisdiction or apply to make a child a ward of court.2 Usually, in cases falling within the description in paragraph 1 above, it will be the local authority which starts proceedings under the inherent jurisdiction or applies to make a child a ward of court, and the court would not expect the police (who have other priorities and responsibilities) to do so. There is, however, no reason why in a case where it seems to the police to be necessary to do so, the police should not start such proceedings for the purposes, for example, of making a child a ward of court, obtaining an injunction to prevent the child travelling abroad, obtaining a passport order, or obtaining a Tipstaff location or collection order. Given the complexities of these cases, I have decided that, for the time being at least, all cases falling within the description in paragraph 1 above are to be heard by High Court Judges of the Family Division.

In other words, the High Court Judges within the Family Division are now tasked with determining whether children will be made wards of the state based solely on suspicions of possible radicalization. Children torn from mothers and fathers in Muslim homes will be subject to the whims and inherently flawed watch of the larger citizenry. A citizenry, mind you, that has had its vigilance unduly ramped up by the government’s past actions and requests. It’s hard to imagine a better recipe for the unfair targeting of Muslim families than this. Unfortunately for all concerned, this same memo imagined just such a recipe, making things even worse.

The UK is beginning to resemble the movie “V”, and a that the local media seems transfixed and appalled by the fact Jeremy Corbyn doesn’t hate poor people for being poor.

There are worse things than having Donald Trump leading the polls, and David Cameron and his evil minions is one of them.

My Wife Refuses to Appreciate My Beautiful Mind

I was talking to my Sharon* and noted that she would never guess the latest place where the consequences of fracking.

She declined to guess, and I told her that it was Oklahoma, where they are freaking out over a 300 fold increase in the number of earthquakes brought on by rejecting waste water into deep wells.

This generated a blank look from my wife, and I said that pumping the water deep under ground causes earthquakes.

I got another blank look, and I explained how the water, when injected deep underground, lubricates between faults, and that the lubrication translates into more motion, Kind of Like Sex.

I got a “what the f%$# are you talking about?” look from her, so I further explained that proper lubrication allows for more motion.

And then I got That look from her.

If you have ever been married, you know the look that I’m talking about, the one that has you worrying about her sharp knives ……… and then you start to worry about her dull knives.

*Love of my life, light of the cosmos, she who must be obeyed, my wife.

Trinidad Scorpion Peppers 1 : Charles Saroff 0


Am I a bad parent for taping this?

We went to the Reisterstown Farmers Market, and Max’s Heat was there hawking their spice mixes.

Charlie wanted something hot, so he was offered, with appropriate warnings, a sample of 4th Degree Burn, a spice mix made of Trinidad Scorpion Peppers (1.2 million Scovilles) and pink Himalayan Salt.

I whipped out my camera to record the coming conflagration.

BTW, the URLs for Max’s Heat are here and here.

Note that I have received nothing of value, beyond this really funny video, from Max’s Heat for posting this.

Also, their curry mix was kick ass.

F#$@ Autocorrect

I am sending a text to She Who Must be Obeyed about getting a dorm fridge to our daughter, and future Tony Award winning actress, Natalie.

She wanted to get it here, and then schlep it up.

I thought that we could find something cheaper in the greater New York City area, so while commuting, I did a web search, and found something quite competitive less than a mile from her school.

What’s more, the have free delivery.

It seemed like a winner to me, but when I attempted to text her that there was a better alternative in Manhattan, what I actually sent said, “Found cheaper fridges in lesbianism.”

Lesbianism?!?  Seriously?!?

I am SO ready for Babel Fish enabled cell phones.

Posted via mobile.

Son, I Think That We Need to Have a Talk about the Dangers of Furries………


This is a bit disturbing


And coming out to his whole high school in public announcements is not good.

Let me clarify: My son is not a furry, he has a media class, and they needed to shoot a short scene, and he drew the short straw, and had to wear the unicorn sleeper.

He decided to make the most of this, and do school announcements in the costume.

Nothing to see here, move along.

Bagels Turned Out OK

Even with the boiling, we did not get a gloss on the Bagels tonight.

It wasn’t quite as chewy as I would have liked on the inside, and the crust was decidedly non-glossy.

I think that both may have been an artifact of my using “White Whole Wheat” flour, because I could not find a white flour without malted barley flour, and Sharon* is violently allergic to both malt and barley.

Also, I found the flavor just a bit too yeasty.

The wife and kids loved them though.

I will repeat that this was literally the first time that I have ever made bread, so I cannot complain.

*Love of my life, light of the cosmos, she who must be obeyed, my wife.

Now I Know Why Jewish Bakers are So Cranky

I just began making my first bagels ever.

Actually, it’s my first bread baking ever.

I’m not done, they need to proof for 12-48 hours in the fridge, and then they are boiled (Real bagels are never steamed, f%$3 you Lenders) and baked.

Bagels use high gluten flour, and have a rather low ratio of water to flour, and to make them properly, you roll them into a sausage shape, and then then wrap them around the back of your hand to seal the ends together.

This, along with the fact that I did this without a stand mixer, means that my hands are wicked tired.

I also started some Gravlax, salmon cured in sugar, salt, and spices..

Since, I couldn’t find any Akavit at the liquor store, I added caraway seeds to the salt/sugar/spice mix, and I added ginger because Sharon* likes her Gravlax with ginger, and grains of paradise ……… just because I felt like it.

*Love of my life, light of the cosmos, she who must be obeyed, my wife.

Out F%$#ing Standing!

I have been out of work for the past few months, and tomorrow I start a new job at Nozilizer, a company that makes No2 based sterilizers.

As is my wont, I am not going to be blogging about this new job, because this is a way for me to end up on unemployment list.

Even better, it is less than a 10 minute walk from the Lexington Market Metro stop, so I won’t be using my car to commute.

Time for a hearty “Boo Yah!

Out Mutha F%$#ing Standing Family Experience


Scaramouche, Scaramouche,
can you do the Fandango!

The whole family went to the 2015 Artscape, billed as “America’s largest free arts festival!” (Yes they use the exclamation point).

It’s one part an arts festival, one part local music, one part classic Baltimore weirdness, one part corporate PR, one part an enormous concentration of stall food, and one part block party.

A great time was had by all, and on the way home, the Queen song, Bohemian Rhapsody, and, at my prodding, we all sang along.

It was a truly brilliant moment.

BTW, no one caught it on a cell phone video, and if we did, we wouldn’t share it with you.

It’s a family thing.

I Have Not Electrocuted Myself

The light switch in the bathroom went bad, so I replaced it.

I went with a simple switch, instead of the current dimmer, because:

  • I can use LED and compact fluorescent bulbs now.
  • Why the f%$# would anyone ever want to dim the light in the bathroom.

It actually went pretty smoothly.

I would like to offer my most sincere thanks to whoever invented the wire nut.

I had Charlie in the basement so I could check if I got it right without running up and down stairs.