Category: Funny

Jon Stewart Owns Lindsay Graham


This Man is the Biggest Scardy Cat in the Senate

Jon Stewart cut Lindsey Graham a new one for his constant, and constantly hysterical, fear mongering over, basically everything.

He describes Graham’s, “Panic for 13 years,” and said that, “The poor man lives his entire life trapped in ‘The Blair Witch Project,” and that he’s, “Seen chihuahuas in handbags who are less fretful and shaking.”

Of course, craven abject fear has been a dominant theme of movement conservatism for decades, as I observed when involuntarily forced to watch Fox News.

Republican politics thrive on fear and panic, so it’s not surprising that they advocate for it, but I also think that they are really that scared of well, everything.

Google+ Won the Internet Today

No, this is not The Onion.

I just came across an account f%#$ing with telemarketers that should win the Nobel Price for f%$#ing with telemarketers:*

Today is a good day. I just had a call from a telemarketer. Did I yell and scream at them, you ask? Certainly not. Like a good IT administrator I put my skills to use for their benefit. Here’s how the conversation went:

Computer: “Press 9 to not be contacted in the future. Press 4 to speak to someone about your mortgage issues”
TM: “Hello, are you having problems paying your mortgage?”
Me: “Hi, this is the IT department. We intercepted your call as we detected a problem with you phone and need to fix it.”

………

That’s right. I made a telemarketer unwittingly factory reset his phone which means he will be unable to make anymore calls until someone is able to reconfigure his phone and that will take at least an hour or longer if they can’t do it right away!

Needless to say, I am following the author of this, Chris Blasko, like forever.

Read the rest.  I had never thought to do this, but now, I am considering donating a dime to the NRSC, the RCCC, the RNC, Newsmax, and a couple of Teabagger groups to get on their call lists so that I can f%$# with them this way.

*I know that there is no Nobel Prize for f%$#ing with telemarketers, but there should be. If they have prizes for Peace, Literature, Physics, Chemistry, Medicine and Physiology, and Economics, they really should have one for f%$#ing with telemarketers.

This is F%$#ing Brilliant!

(Click for Slideshow)





Heh!

A couple in North Carolina has come up with a unique counter protest to the Talibaptist abortion criminalization crowd:

……… One Raleigh, N.C., couple—Grayson Haver Currin, a writer for Pitchfork and music editor at Indy Week, and his wife Tina, a copywriter and creative strategist—has been protesting alongside pro-lifers at a clinic in Cary, N.C., every Saturday morning since March. But their signs take a different approach.

Two days ago, Tina started the Tumblr Saturday Chores to document their glorious counter-protest technique. Grayson explains how this movement came about:

“There’s no big-box hardware store very close to where we live, so we were driving toward a suburb of Raleigh called Cary, which runs over with strip malls. We were getting supplies for a garden box. We both grew up not too far away, and we’ve seen the clinic in question hundreds of times. But for some reason, on this morning in particular, the protesters got under our skin a little more than normal. I’m full of crazy ideas and jokes, and Tina tells me which rare ones are good. I suggested that we make a sign that said ‘Weird Hobby’ and point at one of the protestors. She loved the idea and vowed that, if they were there when we passed back by, we’d do it.


………

He states that though this is satire, there’s an important message behind the signs.

“While it’s true that we’re mocking people, we consider the chief value of what we’re doing the solidarity that we demonstrate for the individuals or families that need to use the clinic’s services for whatever reasons they may have,” Grayson says. “Generally, upon arrival, they only encounter hate. We want to offer a rejoinder, however slight. And we also hope to show passersby on the busy thoroughfare that the far religious right need not be the only ones with a voice; those with progressive views have one, too, and we should use it.”

This is so F%$#ing brilliant.

No shouting, no screaming, nothing to make them feel like they are fighting “the man,” you just make them look, and feel, stupid.

I love it!

H/t Crooks and Liars.

Best Soccer Hooliganism Ever!!!1!!! – Stellar Parthenon

It was at the World Cup, when the US team played the German team:

As Germany basks in its World Cup victory, it’s easy to forget that one of the most telling geopolitical moments of the tournament came during the Germany-U.S. game. As American fans chanted “U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!”, the Germans countered with, “N-S-A! N-S-A! N-S-A!

The author tries to make the bigger point about America’s role in the world, that our allies are increasingly uncomfortable with the idea of the indispensable America.

While I agree that this is true, particularly with regard to the next generation coming online, this is not my takeaway on this story.

My takeaway is that Germans must be the cleverest soccer rowdies in the world, though I will acknowledge that, “cleverest soccer rowdy,” is a lot like, “world’s hairiest naked mole rat.”

A Minor Correction

Yesterday, I suggested that Gary Larson had encapsulated the id of Baltimore.

On further examination, I realized that I neglected to mention B. Kliban, who penned this cartoon.

He’s best known for his cat cartoons, but he was seriously bent artist.

His cartoon is just one step removed from Attila the Hon.

I Had an Epic Day at Work Today

I generally embargo anything that happens at work, on the theory that it’s my employer’s business, and with a few exceptions, blogging about is just not a good idea.

However, what happened today breaks this embargo:

John at work came in limping today.

He had a Brown Recluse bite on his leg, and he said that the doctor had prescribed steroid and Sulfa drugs (probably Dapsone).

I told him that he should drink lots of water, because Sulfa drugs tend to accumulate in the kidneys.

Then as I was walking away, I turned and said:

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

You know where this is going, don’t you…

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

I’m an Engineer, not a Doctor, Dammit!!!!!!

I haz a happy!

I Wish that This Was True

In response to Georgia’s issuing a vanity plate featuring the Klu Klux Klan Confederate Battle Flag, John Perr comes up with a parody that is pure genius.

The only thing that could make this better would be if this were true:

The state of Georgia this week began offering a new version of its vehicle license plate featuring the Confederate battle flag. Sponsored by the Georgia division of the Sons of Confederate Veterans (to whom a portion of the purchase price and annual registration fees will go), the revised design has many people inside the state and out howling mad.

In response to the outcry, Georgia SCV commander Jack Bridwell asked, “What’s the big deal?” Echoing Bridwell’s explanation that “the design is just people trying to show who they are and trying to be proud of their heritage,” Sons of Confederate Veterans spokesman Ray McBerry invited other groups to do the same:

“We believe that all people ought to be able to celebrate their history and their heritage, and that includes Southerners. We did anticipate that there could be some folks who would not like that, but we encourage them to go and make application for their own specialty plates.”

Now, a little known organization is taking him up on the offer. The group, calling itself The American People, is sponsoring a license plate to mark the 150th anniversary of Union General William Tecumseh Sherman’s March to the Sea.

After capturing the South’s vital manufacturing center and rail hub at Atlanta, Sherman’s troops marched southeast to Savannah leaving a swath of ruin in their wake. Between November 15th and December 21st, 1864, Sherman more than accomplished his objective to “create havoc and destruction of all resources that would be beneficial to the enemy.” Sherman’s brilliant campaign (or what the Sons of Confederate Veterans brand “atrocities and war crimes“) hastened the end of the Confederacy and with it the enslavement of four million Americans.

Read the rest, it’s brilliant, and if you know anyone in Georgia, have them petition for a vanity plate.

This is f%$3ing brilliant!