Category: Funny

Best Snark of the Day

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Actually, it was about 2 weeks ago, and I just stumbled across it.

Jack McHugh, upon discovering that Ben Bernanke was the victim of identity theft, (his wife’s purse was stolen, and the contents were used to forge his identity) had this thought:

To the criminal who actually stole Ms. Bernanke’s purse and is still at large, I offer this piece of advice. Before turning yourself in, do yourself and your country a favor by handing Mr. Bernanke’s identity information to someone like Paul Volcker. You’ll get a shorter sentence and your country will benefit. Speculation would be tamed, and long term inflation expectations would probably fall far enough to shrink the budget deficit by obviating the need for more bond purchases. If someone else must possess the Chairman’s identity, who other than Mr. Volcker would be more responsible in assuming it? We’ll need Volcker’s tough-mindedness to stare down Congress if we are to ever exit all these stimulus programs. It’s a shame that the Mr. Bernanke had his identity stolen last fall, but the tragedy is that someone didn’t steal Mr. Greenspan’s in the 1990’s.

Word!!!!

Obama to Switch Parties*

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President Obama stunned the political world today by announcing he will switch political parties, and soon become a Republican. “It seems the only way we’re going to get bipartisanship in this town is if I lead the way,” he said, in brief remarks before leaving for vacation. “The Republicans have refused to work with me because I’m a Democrat, and Republicans’ biggest strength has always been the ability to fall into line with whatever their leaders tell them, unlike other certain unnamed political parties in America…” (the president appeared to cough several times at this point, although one of his coughs sounded suspiciously like the word “Democrats,” if truth be told…). The president, clear-throated now, continued, “So I will now be the leader of the Republican Party, and they will fall in line with what I tell them to we’re going to do. The Democrats who are interested in bipartisanship can join us to pass Medicare-for-all, instead of the Rube Goldberg machine which they have been attempting to construct.”

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link

*For the humor impaired, this is satire.

God Bless the Onion

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This is the best way that I can imagine to commemorate 911.*


Americans Observing 9/11 By Trying Not To Masturbate

*By “This”, I mean watching this video, not any action, or non action, regarding one’s genitals.†
†September 11, 2001 was the start of a period of prolonged insanity for the United States, and while there are indications that psychological recovery is on the way, we really need to stay on our meds.

Remember When I Said that George W. Bush Was Forming a Think Tank?

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Well, it gets better, because the person that he has charged with running this august institution is one James K. Glassman, a fact that I did not pay much attention to when I made the initial snark.

Clayton Littlejohn, Wonkette, and Matthew Yglesias caught the obvious irony: Mr. Glassman is the author of Dow 36,000, in which he and Kevin A. Hassett wrote in 1999, which predicted that the index would top thirty-six thousand in the next few years.

The Dow Jones Industrial Average closed today, about a decade later, at 9,441.27.

Mr. Glassman appears uniquely qualified to represent the ideas of George W. Bush.

Original post here.

Dick Cheney Emerges from his Lazurus Pit to Hunt his Favorite Prey, Humans*

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It’s a Batman reference, BTW.

*I claim no credit for either the photo or the bon mot. The photo is from Wall Street Jackass, and the funny line is from Cthulhu.†
†No, not the unspeakably malevolent super-being, the contributor to the Shortskoolbus BBS.‡
‡OK, I’ve never seen the two of them together, so Cthulhu might actually be the Cthulhu, but the mere fact that he is on a BBS, interacting with humans§ would seem to mitigate against this.
§this is the internet, where no one knows if you are a dog.