The folks at Political Humor came up with this, and it’s too good not to share.
The odd thing is that this is saner than the original (Beck), but I guess that artificial stupidity is just as hard as artificial intelligence.
If you go to the link (you can click on the picture), then you can see the generator, which cycles through all sorts of psycho-pathological goodness.
Still, it makes me wonder if Glenn Beck is not just some sort of bizarre performance artist putting all of us on.
Here, it’s Helen Philpot, who suggests a classical solution for the problem that is people voting for Bart Stupak, the nominally Democratic anti-abortion grand-stander in Michigan.
By classical, I mean a really old classic, the comedy Lysistrata, which was first performed in 411 BCE:
Bart, if you want to reduce abortions, vote to fully fund family planning and comprehensive sex education. Otherwise, shut the hell up. We don’t care what you think about our wombs.
Women in Michigan should hang a closed sign across their hoo-hoo’s until Stupak is either voted out of Congress or grows a vagina of his own. I mean it. Really.
Brilliant!
If you have the money (I don’t), go to Matthew Saroff’s Act Blue Page, and throw a few bucks at Connie Saltonstall, who is challenging him in the primary.
When he says, “I think Fox News might be the meanest sorority in the world,” you know that he is a genius.
This time, he takes down Glen Beck.
Yes, I know, it’s fish in a barrel, but he does it with a reverse tuck with a pike and a clean entry.
Seriously, why cannot we see this on real news programs?
(10:39)
If I could write half as well as Stewart and his crew, hell, I’d be a f%$#ing amazing writer.
Christopher Hayes nails it:
In the past decade, nearly every pillar institution in American society — whether it’s General Motors, Congress, Wall Street, Major League Baseball, the Catholic Church or the mainstream media — has revealed itself to be corrupt, incompetent or both. And at the root of these failures are the people who run these institutions, the bright and industrious minds who occupy the commanding heights of our meritocratic order. In exchange for their power, status and remuneration, they are supposed to make sure everything operates smoothly. But after a cascade of scandals and catastrophes, that implicit social contract lies in ruins, replaced by mass skepticism, contempt and disillusionment.
The downfall of empires has always been the replacement of meritocracies with nepotism, because as people become entitled, they become stupid.
Get your pitchforks and torches, get your pitchforks and torches here!
Go read.
H/t Atrios.
Can we throw Assurant Health in jail for attempted murder:
In May, 2002, Jerome Mitchell, a 17-year old college freshman from rural South Carolina, learned he had contracted HIV. The news, of course, was devastating, but Mitchell believed that he had one thing going for him: On his own initiative, in anticipation of his first year in college, he had purchased his own health insurance.
Shortly after his diagnosis, however, his insurance company, Fortis, [now Assurant] revoked his policy. Mitchell was told that without further treatment his HIV would become full-blown AIDS within a year or two and he would most likely die within two years after that.
…………
Previously undisclosed records from Mitchell’s case reveal that Fortis had a company policy of targeting policyholders with HIV. A computer program and algorithm targeted every policyholder recently diagnosed with HIV for an automatic fraud investigation, as the company searched for any pretext to revoke their policy. As was the case with Mitchell, their insurance policies often were canceled on erroneous information, the flimsiest of evidence, or for no good reason at all, according to the court documents and interviews with state and federal investigators.
…………
In the motions, [presiding judge, Michael G. ] Nettles not only strongly denied Fortis‘ claims but condemned the corporation’s conduct.
“There was evidence that Fortis‘ general counsel insisted years ago that members of the rescission committee not record the identity of the persons present and involved in the process of making a decision to rescind a Fortis health insurance policy,” Nettles wrote.
Elsewhere in his order, Nettles noted that there were no “minutes of actions, votes, or any business conducted during the rescission committee’s meeting.”
The South Carolina Supreme Court, in upholding the jury’s verdict in the case in a unanimous 5-0 opinion, said that it agreed with the lower court’s finding that Fortis destroyed records to hide the corporation’s misconduct. Supreme Court Chief Justice Jean Hoefer Toal wrote: “The lack of written rescission policies, the lack of information available regarding appealing rights or procedures, the separate policies for rescission documents” as well as the “omission” of other records regarding the decision to revoke Mitchell’s insurance, constituted “evidence that Fortis tried to conceal the actions it took in rescinding his policy.”
They were engaging in actions in which they knew that they were defrauding their customers, a felony, and they knew that there was a significant livelihood of death resulting, which makes this felony murder, and perhaps 1st degree murder .
It’s nice that Mr. Mitchell got his money, but the company and its agents need to go to jail.
BTW, this is Murray Waas reporting this, and I would argue that he is one of the 5 best investigative reporters out there.
Why yes, I am quoting American Conservative Magazine.
You see, Daniel Larison, reads Ross Douthat’s most recent New York Times screed (no link to the Times, I don’t want to encourage them, but his wankitude is here on my blog).
Ross, it seems, felt offended because people were using insufficient nuance when describing Bush and His Evil Minions™, particularly with regard to the architects of the invasion of Iraq, and Mr. Larison responds:
Yes, the problem might be that we do not have artists capable of rendering contemporary architects of a war of aggression that was based on shoddy intelligence, ideological fervor and deceit in a sufficiently subtle, even-handed manner. If only Hollywood were better at portraying the depth and complexity of people who unleashed hell on a nation of 24 million people out of an absurd fear of a non-existent threat! Life is so unfair to warmongers, is it not? Then again, the reason our debates are so poisonous and our nation so divided might have something to do with the existence of utterly unaccountable members of the political class that can launch such a war, suffer no real consequences, and then reliably expect to be defended as “decent” and “well-intentioned” people who made understandable mistakes. The unfortunate truth of our existence is that villains do not have to come out of central casting for comic book movies. They are ordinary, “decent” people who commit grave errors and terrible crimes for any number of reasons. Many great evils have found their origins in a group’s belief that they were doing the right thing and were therefore entitled and permitted to use extraordinary means.
………
(emphasis mine)
That is a righteous rant.
Do not have anything in your mouth before clicking “play”.
Once Again, Alan Grayson shows why he is on this list, with his response via press release to Sarah Palin.
It’s a PR, so I can quote it in full, and it’s brilliant so I will quote it in full:
On Friday night, Sarah Palin came to Orlando, and attacked Rep. Alan Grayson. This is what she said:
“I got to meet quite a few candidates who are lining up in a contested primary who want to take out Alan Grayson. And I think Alan Grayson — what can you say about Alan Grayson? Piper is with me tonight, so I won’t say anything about Alan Grayson that can’t be said around children. [Good one, Sarah!] But thank you, Florida, for allowing candidates in a contested primary to duke it out over ideas and principles and values, all with the same goal, and that is unseating those who have such a disconnect from the people of America. That’s what the goal is here in this race against Alan Grayson. Please fight hard, and do this for the rest of the country. Fight hard, and send a conservative to Washington, DC.”
Palin, the former half-term Governor, current-nothing and future-even-less, charmed the all-Republican audience with her folksy folksiness and her homespun homespunnery. Atypically, Palin was wearing clothes that she had paid for herself. At the end of the event, she shared her recipe for mooseface pie.
In response to Palin’s attack on Rep Grayson, Grayson actually complimented Palin. Grayson praised Palin for having a hand large enough to fit Grayson’s entire name on it. He thanked Palin for alleviating the growing shortage of platitudes in Central Florida. Grayson added that Palin deserved credit for getting through the entire hour-long program without quitting. Grayson also said that Palin really had mastered Palin’s imitation of Tina Fey imitating Palin. Grayson observed that Palin is the most-intelligent leader that the Republican Party has produced since George W. Bush.
When asked to comment about what effect Palin’s criticism might have, Grayson pointed out, “As the Knave’s horse says in Alice in Wonderland, ‘dogs will believe anything.'” Earlier, as the Orlando Sentinel reported, Grayson said, “I’m sure Palin knows all about politics in Central Florida, since from her porch she can see Winter Park,” which is part of Grayson’s district.
Grayson said that the Alaskan chillbilly was welcome to return to Central Florida anytime, as long as she brings lots of money with her, and spends it. “I look forward to an honest debate with Governor Palin on the issues, in the unlikely event that she ever learns anything about them,” Grayson added, alluding to Politifact’s “liar, liar, pants on fire” evaluation of much of what Palin has said .
Scientists are studying Sarah Palin’s travel between Alaska and Florida carefully. They hope to learn more about the flight patterns of that elusive migratory species, the wild Alaskan dingbat.
Let’s be clear here: I don’t think that every Democratic office holder or candidate talk this way, but I think that it is essential for some Democratic office holders or candidates to talk this way.
And Maybe Some Water BoardingAnd their analysis is that Lehman Brothers were insolvent for months, if not years before they finally collapsed, and that the firm use unethical, and possibly illegal tricks to conceal the amount of their debt:
But the examiner, Anton R. Valukas, also for the first time, laid out what the report characterized as “materially misleading” accounting gimmicks that Lehman used to mask the perilous state of its finances. The bank’s bankruptcy, the largest in American history, shook the financial world. Fears that other banks might topple in a cascade of failures eventually led Washington to arrange a sweeping rescue for the nation’s financial system.
That sounds like fraud to me, and I think that it warrants a criminal investigation.
What is even more interesting is that the Federal Reserve Bank of New York was aware of the accounting activities, and that they appear to be in violation of regulations.
Yves Smith, reading the 2200 page report so that yiours’s truly does not have to, makes this clear, and makes it clear that regulators were complicit:
Well, it is folks, as a newly-released examiner’s report by Anton Valukas in connection with the Lehman bankruptcy makes clear. The unraveling isn’t merely implicating Fuld and his recent succession of CFOs, or its accounting firm, Ernst & Young, as might be expected. It also emerges that the NY Fed, and thus Timothy Geithner, were at a minimum massively derelict in the performance of their duties, and may well be culpable in aiding and abetting Lehman in accounting fraud and Sarbox violations.
…………
But here is the part of the report that discussed how the Fed aided and abetted Lehman misconduct:
[T]he Examiner questioned Lehman executives and other witnesses about Lehman’s financial health and reporting, a recurrent theme in their responses was that Lehman gave full and complete financial information to Government agencies, and that the Government never raised significant objections or directed that Lehman take any corrective action.
I would note that at the time of the Lehman collapse, and for some time before it, the President of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York was one Timothy Geithner.
I’m beginning to think that this is more than incompetence, I’m beginning to think that a criminal investigation should include our current Treasury Secretary.
Barack Obama, you need to fire Timothy Geithner. If the ‘Phants filibuster, then you recess appoint his successor.
This is brilliant:
Dan Froomkin completely destroys Rahm Emanuel and the Washington Post writers who do his bidding, and deservedly so:
Rahm was simply their chief of staff. And now, this hypercompetitive bantam rooster is attempting to blame others for what went wrong. That’s evidently so important to him that he’s trying to take a victory lap around the wreckage of what was once such a promising presidency.
Go read the rest.
It’s brutal, in a good way.
Ummm, no, he probably didn’t, but if Karl Rove were to be tagged with this rumor, it would very much be just desserts, since he started false whispering campaigns like:
So, by the standards of Karl Rove, this is a fair question.
It’s not true, as Jon Ponder notes in his post, “Did Karl Rove Leave His Wife For Jeff Gannon?“
Still, the story does contain “truthiness,” as Stephen Colbert would say.
I think we’re long past the time when most print newspapers could’ve been saved by simply providing a better product, but I also think there was a window to save, if not the print versions, the institutions which published them. Obviously the WaPo can survive as long as Kaplan Test Prep [The Washington Post] makes enough to keep them afloat, but I do wish more journalists bemoaning the losses in their industry would recognize that at least to some degree ceasing to be relevant and authoritative publications is a part of the problem. Why should people read them when they have to spend a lot of time figuring out when they’re being bullsh%$#ed?
I’ve said it before, many times: One of the problems with newspapers is that their management does not believe that newspapers can survive, so their business plan is to suck the marrow out of these institutions, not to provide good product.
You saw this phenomenon with the American rail industry in the 1970s.
Why is it that when RBS pays billions in bonuses, while Commerzbank pays no bonuses, after both firms posted losses in 2009?
Go read, and then go break out pitch forks and torches.
Just go read WallStreetJackass.
Do it now, it makes everything clear ……… And makes me feel the need for arrests.
Brilliant!
From the folks at Second City.
In discussions of the White House’s complete capitulation on the public option (to say nothing of their taking single payer off the table), a progressive activist, nails the problem:
But the Progressive Change Campaign Committee, the group that’s behind a letter being circulated among Senate Democrats to push the plan, isn’t giving up. “The White House obviously has a loser mentality — but America rallies around winners,” co-founder Adam Green e-mailed reporters shortly after Gibbs’s remark. “Polls show that in state after state, voters hate the Senate bill and overwhelmingly want a public option, even if passed with zero Republican votes. More than 50 Senate Democrats and 218 House Democrats were willing to vote for the public option before, and the only way to lose in reconciliation is if losers are leading the fight. That’s why Democrats in Congress should ignore the White House and follow those like Chuck Schumer and Robert Menendez, who know that the public option is a political and policy winner.”
(emphasis mine)
I’m not sure why Barack Obama and His Stupid Minions™ are so eager to play to lose, it could be that they are so risk averse that they are paralyzed with fear, it could be that they are closet Republicans, or it could be that they believe that Republicans can be successfully courted on this.
I hope that it’s not the 3rd option, because if they believe that, it means that the man with his finger on the button to destroy the world is completely delusional.
So, this thing seems to be the opposite of Woodstock, but at least it’s not Altamont…………
Oh my God it’s Altamont!!!!
Heh