Notre Dame Linebacker Manti Te’o.
Seriously, this is news?
Category: They Who Must Not Be Named
The Onion Riffs
On the Royal pregnancy, and channels Rosemary’s Baby.
It’s hysterical, and well worth a read.
As a personal note, I must add the Royal baby bump, I already put its parents, to the list of They Who Must Not Be Named.
But read The Onion.
H/t DC at the Stellar Parthenon BBS.
All Praise Be to God for That Which he Has Granted…
In this case, it’s the fact that Sarah Palin has declared that she will not run for President in 2012, which means that I can add her to my list of They Who Must Not Be Named:
Sarah Palin said she won’t seek the 2012 Republican presidential nomination, ending a lengthy and attention-grabbing political flirtation that kept voters and potential rivals guessing while buttressing her public profile.
The former Alaska governor and her party’s 2008 vice presidential nominee — more recently a reality TV star and cable-news commentator — said she opted against a White House run because she believed “that at this time I can be more effective in a decisive role to help elect other true public servants to office — from the nation’s governors, to congressional seats and the presidency.”
Her announcement, in a statement sent to supporters today, removed a major uncertainty surrounding the Republican presidential race while raising questions about how she might use her celebrity and political following to shape the primary.
“I will continue driving the discussion for freedom and free markets, including in the race for president,” Palin’s statement said.
“I will help coordinate strategies to assist in replacing” President Barack Obama, keeping Republican control of the U.S. House and helping her party win a Senate majority, she said.
This means that I never have to write about her, or read about her, again.
While we are at it, let me add the following people to my list:
- John and Kate Gosslin.
- The cast of The Jersey Shore.
- The “Real Housewives” of anywhere.
- Nancy Grace. (If she flips out on national TV, or is tried for a crime, this is suspended for reasons of schadenfreude)
Actually, let’s say that it includes pretty much any reality TV star.
In any case, Sarah is now done. She’s made her bucks off of her 15 minutes of fame, and she was a springboard for Michelle Bachmann to become a viable (?) presidential candidate. (The Republican Crazy Bitch Babe is the genre that she created.)
Why Some Annoying People Are Not on the List…
Submitted for your approval, Carlos Irwin Estevez
The They Who Must Not Be Named list, of course.
You see, some of the people who appear to be worthless are actually talented.
Charlie Sheen is a really funny guy, as this sketch shows, and I’m not sure if he’s crazy or not, because, unlike Bill Frist and Charles Krauthammer, I don’t do diagnoses long distance, but it seems to me that even if he is a bit nuts, he is less nuts than he appears.
In any case, this video is hysterically funny, and the butt of Charlie Sheen’s jokes is one Charlie Sheen.
So he has been removed from the list.
Another One for the List
Notwithstanding this hysterically funny condemnation of him in a Chinese newspaper, they assert that, as opposed to sharing his bed with two pr0n stars, he should put them up in a separate house,* Charlie Sheen is now on my list of They Who Must Not Be Named.
Please God, never have him run for public (or in his case pubic) office.
*Apparently, the Chinese have never heard of a menage a trois.
Let There Be No Kings……
In 1997, I was reading Usenet,* and my wife rushed in, and told me that Diana, Princess of Wales, was in a serious car wreck, and I paraphrased the words of George Washington† to her, noting that the affairs of the British royal family is really not a proper for Americans to exhibit the level of fascination that it does with the subjects of the crown.
Well, I now learn that Prince William and his long time girl friend Kate Middleton will get married, and so I feel compelled to add both of them to my list of They Who Must Not Be Named.
Unlike many of the other denizens of the list, I do so without malice.
I have no knowledge of any specific wrongdoing from either of them, and I wish the happy couple the best.
I just never want to hear about them.
That being said, in homage to our founding fathers, who thumbed their nose at the British crown, I feel an obligation to engage in a snark before consigning them to the list, and the good folks at The Awl found what is likely the best snark on the internet:
In any event, welcome to the best Internet comment ever, from here: “Her parents can’t be overly happy. She has been largely unemployed since she left school and is now marrying someone who has been on welfare most of his life. With the new government’s promise to cut housing benefit and force those who repeatedly turn down work into manual labour I do worry for them.”
Heh.
In any case I have no interests in toothless constitutional monarchs.
*Yes, remember Usenet? It was a wonderful way for people with common interests to get together, but eventually, the trolls, spammers, and the rest of the tragedy of the commons, drove most of the useful dialogue to other technologies.
†Actually, his response to the suggestion that he be king was far more eloquent and evocative:
To Lewis Nicola
George Washington
Newburgh, May 22, 1782
Sir: With a mixture of great surprise and astonishment I have read with attention the Sentiments you have submitted to my perusal. Be assured Sir, no occurrence in the course of the War, has given me more painful sensations than your information of there being such ideas existing in the Army as you have expressed, and I must view with abhorrence, and reprehend with severety. For the present, the communication of them will rest in my own bosom, unless some further agitation of the matter, shall make a disclosure necessary.
I am much at a loss to conceive what part of my conduct could have given encouragement to an address which to me seems big with the greatest mischiefs that can befall my Country. If I am not deceived in the knowledge of myself, you could not have found a person to whom your schemes are more disagreeable; at the same time in justice to my own feelings I must add, that no Man possesses a more sincere wish to see ample justice done to the Army than I do, and as far as my powers and influence, in a constitutional way extend, they shall be employed to the utmost of my abilities to effect it, should there be any occasion. Let me conjure you then, if you have any regard for your Country, concern for yourself or posterity, or respect for me, to banish these thoughts from your Mind, and never communicate, as from yourself, or any one else, a sentiment of the like Nature. With esteem I am.
They Who Must Not Be Named
I understand that Sarah Palin needs to be covered, as she is a Republican Party kingmaker, and a potential candidate for the presidency in 2012.
That being said, the current kerfuffle as to whether Sarah Palin was booed when she went on stage for an interview on the show Dancing With the Stars, that is clearly a “They Who Must Not Be Named” moment.
So DWTS, which I don’t watch anyway, is now on my list of TWMNBN.
That is all.
If there is justice in the world, Ms. Palin will be on the list shortly as well.
There is a Reason that I Declared them “They Who Must Not Be Named”
But that hasn’t stopped the Voice of American from recruiting them to try and pacify angry people in the Middle East:
In what is evidently an attempt to mitigate the damage caused by Koran-burning pastors, the US government will attempt to dissuade outraged citizens of the Middle East from joining al-Qaeda by beaming Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian and Britney Spears across the Voice of America’s airwaves.
According to Press Gazette, Splash News and Pictures will provide a half-hour weekly show packed with meaty celebutardiness, aimed at winning the hearts and minds of those still undecided whether Holy War or Hollywood is the way to go.
First, I will note that if VoA is doing this, the Arab world is going to try and beat us to death with their bare hands.
Second, I have not yet put Kim Kardashian on my list of They Who Must Not Be Named, but ………
Wait for it ………
Wait for it ………
Wait for it ………
She is now.
Great googly moogley.
Before I add Heidi Montag to My List of They Who Must Not Be Named,
I must note that her plastic surgeon died in a car accident while texting and driving:
Plastic surgeon-to-the-stars Frank Ryan was killed Monday when his jeep rolled over an embankment off Malibu’s Pacific Coast Highway outside of Los Angeles. Authorities believe Ryan was distracted by text messaging at the time of the accident.
Ryan, 50, was known for performing extreme plastic surgery on Hollywood celebrities, including “The Hills” star Heidi Montag. Ryan reportedly performed ten procedures on Montag in one day, including work on her ears, chin, nose, and breasts.
You know, there is a segment of our society that I neither understand nor approve.
They are free to neither understand nor approve me as well.
Still these events evoke Zathras to me:
At least, there is symmetry.
Rest assured now. Ms Montag is on my list of They Who Must Not Be Named.
Shakespeare?
Click for full size
The Sun Glasses Conceal the Tears
After using a non-existent word, “Refudiate,” in a twitter post, Sarah Palin compares herself with William Shakespeare, who she notes may have made up some words too.
In related news, it now turns out that Sarah Palin knows nothing about Alaska either, claiming that Kodiak is the largest island in the United States. (It isn’t, it’s Hawaii, aka the “Big Island,” where Palin lived briefly)
Oh for the day when she gets a few wrinkles, and fades into well deserved obscurity, so that I can put her on my list of They Who Must Not Be Named, but as she is still a political figure about which people speculate on her Presidential prospects, I do not feel comfortable putting my hands over my ears and saying, “I can’t hear you!”
Adding Someone to my Other List
I don’t think that anyone worries about f%$#ing with Mel Gibson, but he is now on my list of They Who Must Not Be Named.
Seriously, in addition to being a hateful bigot, he’s clearly nuts.
He needs help.
And he needs to stop hitting and threatening women.
I Really Don’t Care About LeBron James’ Decision
I’m this far from putting him on my “They Who Must Not Be Named” list over the media frenzy.
I Will Be So Glad When I Can Add Her to My They Who Must Not Be Named List
Unfortunately, she may run for office, and she is a king maker in the Teabagger set, so she still gets coverage like this:
It Appears that $1,000,000.00+ a Year is not Enough to Do Your Damn Job
Click for full size
Waiting for one of They Who Must Not Be Named to talk
At least not if you work in finance.
You see someone prominent gave a talk about personal transgressions, and they decided to take time off, and watch the TV.
You know, for the amount of money that you are making, I would suggest that you just Tivo it!
Seriously, I really need to go long on tarred and feathered bankers futures.
They Who Must Not Be Named
Let us add Washington Wizards star Gilbert Arenas, as well as any other moron who decides that celebrity justifies their carrying a firearm in violation of the local laws:
Washington Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas, who was suspended from professional basketball, pleaded guilty to a felony count of carrying a handgun without a license.
Arenas, 28, entered the plea today before District of Columbia Superior Court Judge Robert Morin in Washington. Under a plea agreement, Arenas admitted violating a District of Columbia law on carrying an unlicensed handgun.
Under the agreement, he likely will receive a sentence much lighter than the five years he might otherwise face. The agreement calls for prosecutors to recommend a sentence of six months when Arenas is sentenced on March 26.
When the prosecution asks for 6 months, can they please also ask for the sentence to be served at the same time as the NBA season?
Gee, I Left Her Off the List
I have now fixed this.
Lindsay Lohan is now amongst They Who Must Not Be Named.
Absent some sort of political activity, such as endorsements, running for office (PLEASE GOD NO!!), or their attempting to assassinate someone, she will not be mentioned here.
And yes, the rumors of a sex tape had much to do with this decision.
Wanker of the Day
Brit Hume, who suggests the reason that a sports figure whom I will not name is cheating on his wife is because he’s a Buddhist, unlike those good, Chri$tian, right wing Republithugs like Larry Craig, Jojn Ensign, David Vitter, Newt Gingrich, David Livingston, Mark Sanford, Vito Fossella, etc.
So both he’s a moron and a bigot, which explains his success at Fox News.
[on edit] It appears that Atrios agrees.
Dana Milbank is a Complete Tool
So, Dana Milbank has one of his Washington Sketch columns in the Kaplan Test Prep Company today, and it’s all about how Max Baucus f%$#ing his employee and then recommending that she be made US Attorney isn’t a big deal because he is, “just too much of a nerd for a sex scandal to stick.”
He then goes on to describe why this should the the strategy of other people involved in sex scandals, including a recent scandal involving a sports figure who is on my list of They Who Must Not Be Named.
You see, it’s no news when a sitting Senator sexually harasses an underling while still married, and then tries to get her appointed to a position of trust within the Department of Justice, but some sports figure chasing skirts, that’s a big deal.
Needless to say, if it had been a real Dem, instead of Max Baucus, Milbank would have been all over the scandal like US Magazine, but because it’s one of the “Moderates,” everything is just ducky:
Yet his colleagues jumped to his defense when word got out Friday night — in contrast to the initial reaction to other senatorial sex scandals. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) immediately announced his “full support” for Baucus.
That’s because he’s not giving blow jobs in a Minneapolis airport bathroom, wearing diapers, or paying hush-money and diverting campaign funds to his mistress’s benefit.
Truth be told, I’m inclined to think that what what John Ensign did was worse: He used both the apparatus of the Senate, and the Apparatus of the Republican Party* to benefit his mistress and her family, while Baucus banged a chippie who worked for him and recommended her for a plum position†.
But as to Larry “Wide Stance” Craig, and David “Diaperman” Vitter, these transgressions did not bear on their official duties beyond the hypocrisy angle.
The reason, of course, that Baucus is getting so much support is because there are other Senators out there doing the same thing: i.e. banging staff, not the US Attorney bit, and so the Senate rallies to him, because too many of them have the same vulnerability.
Wanker supreme Dana Milbank rallies to Baucus’ side because he’s an inside the beltway punk, and because he thinks that he’s being witty.
Wanker.
*It’s wrong. I feel schadenfreude because it happened to Republicans, but it’s still wrong.
†Pun intended.
This is a Big Day for They Who Must Not Be Named
Let me add Tareq and Michaele Salahi, aka the “White House gate crashers” to my list of They Who Must Not Be Named, but it now appears that I must add a special exception: when Jon Stewart (top) or Stephen Colbert (bottom) get medieval on the asses of They Who Must Not Be Named, the posting of these videos shall be exempt.
The original rule, as applied to She Who Must Not Be Named, was, “Absent some sort of political activity, such as endorsements, running for office (PLEASE GOD NO!!), or her attempting to assassinate someone, she will not be mentioned here.”
The rule now reads as follows:
Absent some sort of political activity, such as endorsements, running for office (PLEASE GOD NO!!), an attempt to assassinate someone, they will not be mentioned here, unless there is a wicked funny video making fun of them.
So, are we clear now?
In any case, we hit the trifecta, or is that the bifecta, with both Stewart (top, 7:57) and Colbert (bottom, 0:33) being….well Stewart and Colbert.
What Paul Krugman Said
He has declared his blog to be a Tiger free zone.
He’s right, of course, so Tiger Woods is an addition to my list of They Who Must Not Be Named.