Category: 40yrs

Ok!!!! I’m Awake Now (And I Need a Change of Underwear)

No Comments

I had to fill up, and there is a 7-11 on the way to work, so I filled up there.

I filled up the car, but I decided that I needed hydration and caffeine, so I got myself a Coke® Slurpee®. It looked a trifle over frozen, so I stood as far back as I could while operating the machine.

I got everything working fairly well, when BLAMM!!!!, some sort of pressure surge hit, and ruptured the lid.

It sounded like an atom bomb had gone off, and everyone looked over. I was standing there with a stunned expression* on my face.

The lid was shredded, but remarkably enough, I had no Slurpee® on me…not a drop.

One of the clerks came to help me dispense, I think that they were grateful that there was no actual gun play tied with the noise, and she joked, “Need to go to the bathroom now?” I replied, “too late for that,” which got a chuckle out of her.

*My brother calls it the “looking like a cow that has just stepped on its own udder” expression.

Mens and Womens Poems

No Comments

Not my poem, it was posted by a friend I’ve never seen in person on a message board (by invite only) called Stellar Parthenon. Neat place. We’ve had a thread on thread about the collapse of the US Economy Since December, 2003.

WOMAN’S POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep

I pray for a man, who’s not a creep,
One who’s handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he’s gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won’t be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who’ll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to “how big is my behind?

I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

MAN’S POEM
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This
doesn’t rhyme and I don’t give a sh$#.

The Autism Echo Chamber: Birthday Party Edition

No Comments

We had a belated* birthday party for Charlie today. Since Charlie has Aspergers, a relatively mild condition on the Autism spectrum, he goes to a special school, and so two of his classmates, who are also on the spectrum, showed up, Gabriel and Calvin, as did our neighbor’s kid (almost a member of the family) Jonathan, who is also on the spectrum.

It didn’t help that Calvin also appeared to be ED, so not only was he acting out in ways that tended to set off kids on the spectrum, he was setting off everyone there, including the parents.

Charlie melted down twice, and Jonathan almost melted once once, as did Debbie (Jonathan’s mom) and my wife. I was fortunately largely separated from this, because I was working on the cake and icing.

*When you were born the day before Rosh Hashanah, scheduling a birthday party becomes a rather difficult thing.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot??? Obama and Cheney are Cousins?????

No Comments


So, Dick Cheney and Barack Obama are 8th cousins. There’s not much that I can say to add to that, but there is something that I can sing (to the tune of the Patty Duke Show Theme Song):

Meet Barack, who’s lived as you can see,
From Jakarta to Hawaii.
But Dickey’s only seen the sight.
A goon can see while avoiding sunlight
What a crazy pair!

But they’re cousins,
Identical cousins all the way.
One pair of matching bookends,
Different as night and day.

Where Barack adores a good debate,
True equality, and fighting hate,
Our Dickey loves to play the troll,
And babies blood makes him lose control —
What a wild duet!

Still, they’re cousins,
Identical cousins and you’ll find,
They laugh alike, they walk alike,
At times they even talk alike —

You can lose your mind,
When cousins are two of a kind.

Knights Templar Not Heritics, Vatican Says Paperwork Misfiled

No Comments

Really, I’m not joking about the last part. The Vatican will be publishing the minutes of the trials of the order of the Knights Templar (limited edition, 799 numbered copies and costing €5900 each), and the lost paperwork is no joke:

The most titillating part of the documents is the so-called Chinon Parchment, which contains phrases in which Pope Clement V absolves the Templars of charges of heresy, which had been the backbone of King Philip’s attempts to eliminate them.

Templars were burned at the stake for heresy by King Philip’s agents after they made confessions that most historians believe were given under duress.

The parchment, also known as the Chinon Chart, was “misplaced” in the Vatican archives until 2001, when Frale stumbled across it.

And I thought that my desk was messy….700 years.

Jerry Falwell Ally Dies in Bizarre Auto Asphyxia Event

No Comments

It appears that Gary Aldridge graduated from Liberty University and later worked for the late Jerry Falwell.

From the Coroner’s Report:

EVIDENCE OF INJURY
The decedent is clothed in a diving wet suit, a face mask which has a single vent for breathing, a rubberized head mask having an opening for the mouth and eyes, a second rubberized suit with suspenders, rubberized male underwear, hands and feet have diving gloves and slippers. There are numerous straps and cords restraining the decedent. There is a leather belt about the midriff. There is a series of ligatures extending from the hands to the feet. The hands are bound behind the back. The feet are tied to the hands. There are nylon ligatures holding these in place with leather straps about the wrists and ankles. There are plastic cords also tied about the hands and feet with a single plastic cord extending up to the head and surrounding the lower neck. There is a dildo in the anus covered with a condom.

Fowl Foul play is not suspected.

Amusing Classified ad:

No Comments

Read the very last line, it’s very amusing.

Nissan Skyline GTR R34 VSpec Super Car T reg 1999 – 420BHP MINT! + Many Extra’s – see specs”

This Car is also available at £26K Inc VAT without the T9 GTR Number Plate.

The Nissan Skyline GT-R (This one is a ScanSpecII one of only 4 In The World) made many more exotic rivals look a bit silly.

What is Scan Spec II – This is a upgrade/branding dirivative of VSpecII – Scan Spec where our Boss Mr. Shelley Raja has “souped” up / “Overclocked” the cars to his own spec in partnership with RB Motorsport, and, like our Overclocked PC’s is a Scan Company association.

Our Scan Spec II cars now include 3 R34’s, 2 R33’s, 2 Mitsubishi EVO 9’s, Scan also sells performance car parts did you know! Our sister Company is www.priracing.com

Here is a Supercar that could seat four in comfort, was blessed with a large boot and good reliability, yet could still lap the Nurburgring quicker than a Lamborghini Diablo.

Four-wheel drive and four-wheel steering are just part of the equation.

The R34 GT-R V-Spec (ScanSpecII) modified to approx 420BHp. Stage 1

http://www.scancom.co.uk/product.php/2131/1011/80134434f063c4d1130e48180e4f4775

Ckick above to see the Ferrari Beater

Car Specifications.

• Colour Bayside Blue
• Stage 1 Upgraded to approx 420BHp by RB Motorsport
• Nissan Skyline BNC R34 VspecII – Still considered by many to be the worlds best Overall Super Car –
Twin Turbo – 180+ MPh.
• 4 Wheel Drive – 4 Wheel Steering
• 1 of 80 UK cars (also only 1 of 9 nismo uk press
cars original no plate T9 GTR worth over £3900)
Its the one in all the Video’s – One of the Most famous!
• 69,000 miles
• Mint condition one of the best kept Skylines R34’s in UK
• Inside also mint
• Full PIAA Xenon Lights All Round (£1200)
• Alpine stereo with ipod connector
• Clifford concept auto start alarm
• Full history with Middlehurst and RB Motorsport (Rod Bell – Mr. Skyline)
• New tyers put on Febuary 2006
• New sports exhaust fitted oct 2006 by Rod Bell Motorsport
• Twin HKS sports induction kit, Engine overhauled and ECU Re-Mapped only by Rod Bell Motorsport
• Full leather trip with red piping UK Spec Original
• Full details of parts & work available if required (£7200)
• Fully Serviced every Six Months & Oil Changed every 3000 miles Serviced By Rod Bell (RB Motorsport) Exclusively
• Never Raced or used on a track

Notice to Potential Buyers: Strictly No test Pilots please. If you are under 25 – please check your insurance cost before you go further.

Notice to all Scan Staff – Not Available on Loan File for Evaluation or Testing in Technical Dept!!

Reason for Selling: Purchased without proper consent from the wife. Apparently “do whatever the F**K you want” does not mean what I thought.

Consider this an open thread.

Alcohol Makes You Smarter

No Comments

At least that’s what a scientists at the University of Auckland, New Zealand have determined that, with rats at least, moderate alcohol consumption improves cognitive performance.

Given my behavior at Chabad-Lubovich* Simchat Torah† services a few days back, this would imply that I have a significant IQ bump for the next few days…or maybe not…the light boozers beat the tea-totaling rats, but they both beat the heavy boozers.

*An Orthodox Jewish outreach group.
†It celebrates the fact that we have finished Torah readings for the year, and we start back at the beginning. It’s traditional to consume mass quantities at this event.

GE Transportation Systems is Testing Ground for Executives

No Comments

It appears that GE wants to give their executives a bit of hands on experience with manufacturing, so they send them to GE Transportation Systems in Erie, Pa.

I find it interesting because I worked there for two years. It was interesting work, I got paid to watch them smack two locomotives together at about 3 mph (Uncle Fester, eat your heart out), but Erie sucks wet farts from dead pigeons.

When I was there, Jack Welch was doing his level best to kill the place, because he personally hated the local head of the union, Jimmy Nelson, and now it’s the hot place for corporate climbers.

Then again, Bob Nardelli, of Home Depot infamy was head of GETS for a while.

I was lead engineer on the blower cab for the AC6000, among other things.