Category: Funny

My Opinion of Ed Snowden Just Rose

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In his online chat for the Guardian, he said that, “Being called a traitor by Dick Cheney is the highest honor you can give an American.”

Asked during a live chat on The Guardian’s website to respond to U.S. officials who have called him a traitor, Edward Snowden, the self-proclaimed source of recently leaked top secret National Security Agency documents, said he considers it an honor to be called a traitor by the likes of former Vice President Dick Cheney.

“[I]t’s important to bear in mind I’m being called a traitor by men like former Vice President Dick Cheney,” Snowden wrote. “This is a man who gave us the warrantless wiretapping scheme as a kind of atrocity warm-up on the way to deceitfully engineering a conflict that has killed over 4,400 and maimed nearly 32,000 Americans, as well as leaving over 100,000 Iraqis dead. Being called a traitor by Dick Cheney is the highest honor you can give an American, and the more panicked talk we hear from people like him, Feinstein, and King, the better off we all are. If they had taught a class on how to be the kind of citizen Dick Cheney worries about, I would have finished high school.”

I’ve already called him a hero.

He also appears to be a bit of a wit in what must be an anxiety laden situation.

“Grace under pressure,” is how Hemingway described courage.

Matt Taibbi Gets Owned by Thomas Friedman

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We live in a strange world.

There are very few things that I depend on, but brilliantly crafted takedowns of Thomas “The Mustache of Stupidith” Friedman by Matt Taibbi is one of them.

Recently, he held a reader to, “Come Up With the Ultimate Thomas Friedman Porn Title, ” and notwithstanding some fine entries by his readers, Thomas Friedman won the contest with his recent column, “This Ain’t Yogurt.”

I can only conclude the Friedman was aware of Taibbi’s effort, and he took appropriate action:

The winner, of course, is Thomas Friedman himself, whose very next column after this contest was announced was entitled, “This Ain’t Yogurt.”

“Jesus F%$#ing Christ,” noted a friend, impressed. “This Ain‘t Yogurt is more obscene than anything a mere commentator could think of.”

“He took your contest,” noted another “friend” of mine, “and shoved it right up your poop-chamber.”

“Friedman’s revenge,” chirped a reader.

“Tom Friedman – human masterpiece machine,” commented a fourth. “Matt Taibbi, Suck On This. Grab some bench, rook.”

(%$# mine)

Tom Friedman, just this once, I take my hat off to you.

Funny of the Day

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By Jonathan Chait, of all people, comments on the Hobson’s choice for Virginia Governor between batsh%$ insane wingnut Ken Cuccinelli and poster child for money driven soulless hack Terry McAuliffe, and he makes a pretty good funny:

The most depressing election in America is unfolding in Virginia, where voters will trudge to the polls this fall to choose either Republican nutjob Ken Cuccinelli or soulless Democratic hack Terry McAuliffe as their next governor. We know why Republicans picked Cuccinelli — he’s crazy, they’re crazy, it’s the sort of perfect match that regularly produces nominees like Todd “legitimate rape” Akin and Richard Mourdock.

Just how McAuliffe managed to clear the field is harder to explain. McAuliffe is a House of Cards character, only less articulate. Unlike most soulless hacks, he did not obtain his position through years of greasy pole climbing — he’s a novice in electoral politics whose only real power base is Beltway insiders. McAuliffe is the Democrat Democrats have been dying to vote against, except they can’t, because he’s running against a falling-off-the-right-edge-of-the-map Republican. (It’s a testament to McAuliffe’s visceral loathsomeness that he’s starting off with a ten-point deficit against Crazy Ken Cuccinelli, in a state Barack Obama won twice.)

He then goes to list 5 worse choices.

I won’t spoil it, I’ll just tell you number 5 on his list: Godzilla vs. Mothra.

Just read it.

Jon Stewart Has a Comedygasm

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Jon Stewart was positively ecstatic last night about the whole ricin mailer thing (see video).

You remember, how Paul Kevin Curtis, the Elvis impersonator, was framed for mailing poisoned letters to President Obama and Senator Wiker? Well they have now fingered an enemy of his, Everett Dutschke, for the deed, and he is a Wayne Newton impersonator.

Remember what the Chinese say about living in interesting times?

Well, for Jon Stewart, this makes his job pretty easy.

Unfair to Circus Clowns

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Connecticut Governor Dannel Malloy just described Wayne LaPierre, NRA’s CEO and poster child for the batsh%$ insane as a circus clown:

Connecticut Governor Dannel Malloy (D) tore into the National Rifle Association during an appearance on CNN’s State Of The Union on Sunday. The NRA this week introduced its legislative response to the massacre in Malloy’s home state. Its plan focuses on arming school staff.

Malloy specifically called out NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre for his absolute opposition to commonsense gun regulations, including the new gun law just enacted by Connecticut. After watching a clip of LaPierre mocking Connecticut’s new law, Malloy shot back, “Wayne reminds me of the clowns at the circus. They get the most attention”.

If I were a circus clown, I’d be pissed off at this characterization, and I would not want to deal with a pissed off clown:

Clowns scare me.