Except for the dog part…I’m a cat person, and have had a cat attack during the act.
Thankfully, it was her foot, and not my dangly bits.
Category: Humor
Well, This is Disturbing
Seriously, it actually made me feel a bit weepy.
John Oliver is F%$#ing Genius, or Maybe It’s the Limey Accent
He brings together MBA students who refused to sign an ethics pledge, and does the “Scared Straight” bit with felons.
Gut-busting Hilarity ensues.
God Bless The Onion, Part MCMLXXVI
There Can Only Be One
It appears that someone idiot at AT&T’s ISP division decided to block the anarcho-absurdist site 4chan from their customers.
Within hours a fictitious report of the death of AT&T’s CEO from a cocaine overdose following a gay prostitution binge (it implies that he was a “bottom”) appeared on CNN’s “citizen journalism” site iReport.
Seriously, while the folks at 4chan are nice people, much like Bruce Banner, you really don’t want to make them angry, because if they put their minds to it, it can get ugly.
Postscript: ATT has apparently removed the block.
Disclaimer: I have only visited 4chan briefly, and my experience was that everyone there was swell, totally righteous, and that under no circumstances should anyone, ever, frack with them.
Furthermore, nothing in this post should be construed as a criticism of 4chan. I am criticizing AT&T, and the “stupid” and “wanker” tags are directed at the telecommunications company.
Too Funny Not to Share
It appears that CNBC’s dissing of bloggers has offended someone who knows photoshop:
Link
Jon Stewart is a F%$#ing Genius, Bonkers Birther Bamboozlements
Jon Stewarts takes the Obama birthers to the wood shed.
Colbert Calls Out Keith Olbermann
Keith left him off his “Worst Person’s” list last night for his mash note to Governor Sanford at the start of the scandal, even as he included Fox News and the Wall Street Journal, and Stephen will not stand for it:
Keith, you know what you have to to, because Stephen Colbert is loaded for…dare I say it???? Bear.
Why We Love The Rude Pundit
Just go read his takdown of Governor Sanford.
It is even better than Jon Stewart’s take-down of the Governor.
The Real Threat to Marriage as We Know it
Republican marriage.
Mark Sanford, Larry Craig, John Ensign, David Vitter, Newt Gingrich, Bob Livingston, Ronald Reagan, etc.
I’m thinking about trying to get a bill passed banning Republican marriage. It’s a threat to the traditional understanding of marriage.
On The White House Correspondents Dinner
Really, I got nothing here.
That being said, Jon Stewart, and his crew at The Daily Show do.
Watch:
Latest Blogosphere Sh$# Storm
So, the liberal part of the Blogosphere is all in a tizzy over the article written by CBS sports analyst, and former pro golfer, David Feherty on Bush moving back to Dallas, which contained this bon mot
From my own experience visiting the troops in the Middle East, I can tell you this, though: despite how the conflict has been portrayed by our glorious media, if you gave any U.S. soldier a gun with two bullets in it, and he found himself in an elevator with Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and Osama bin Laden, there’s a good chance that Nancy Pelosi would get shot twice, and Harry Reid and bin Laden would be strangled to death.
Really, really classy, but I’m not outraged. Instead I’m perplexed.
This is what qualifies for humor in the conservative mind?
Seriously, for all the conservative complaints that humorists are biased against them, and the repeated abortive attempts by Fox News to come up with some sort of conservative political news-humor show, it all comes down to the fact that this sh%$ simply isn’t funny.
As Pablo Neruda said, “Laughter is the language of the soul,”* and conservatives are apparrently speaking pig-latin.
*Unlike Bart Simpson, I am not familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda, I just got the quote from the best Simpsons episode ever, Bart Sells His Soul.
Ummmm….It’s a Fracking Joke!
In an interview in New York Times Magazine, Arlen Specter is quoted as saying that he supports Coleman in the Minnesota Senate race.
Here is the full context:
Q: With your departure from the Republican Party, there are no more Jewish Republicans in the Senate. Do you care about that?
A: I sure do. There’s still time for the Minnesota courts to do justice and declare Norm Coleman the winner.
Q: Which seems about as likely at this point as Jerry Seinfeld’s joining the Senate.
A: Well, it was about as likely as my becoming a Democrat.
It’s a joke….It’s not a good one, but it’s a joke.
As a comedian, well, he’s no Al Franken…..Come to think of it, as a Senator, well, he’s no Al Franken….
Amazingly Politically Incorrect Humor
So, I’m on the Stellar Parthenon BBS, and we are discussing the rapidly deteriorating state of governance in Pakistan, and I’m a part of the following exchange:
Me: (Furiously calling up Wiki) Pakistan has somewhere around 40 throughly weaponized and deliverable nuclear warheads….
CZ: That many? F@#$.
UM: Don’t worry, they’re all pointed at India.
I think they could probably wipe out about 5% of India’s total population.Me: As long as they are pointed at whoever does tech support for Dell…..
DC: Let me provide the coordinates.
CZ: Win!
Stephen Colbert Was Robbed!
The third node of the space station will be named, “Tranquility,” not Colbert, as the public demanded.
By way of a sop, they will name a treadmill after America’s most courageous journalist.
I profoundly am disappointed in NASA, though I really want the mission patch.
Aprils Fools Jokes: A Sampling
Here is a sampling.
The biggest whopper is Finance Committee Chairman Max Baucus, D-Montana, saying that using budget reconciliation to pass healthcare or environmental reform though dispite his, ““repeated concerns that doing so would damage bipartisan cooperation in the Senate.”
Bipartisan cooperation in the Senate….That’s a good one….What? He was serious????? Never mind.
Then we have Grauniad newspaper dropping paper, and going all twitter.
A sample from the archives, “JFK assassin8d @ Dallas, def. heard second gunshot from grassy knoll WTF?”
Google has CADIE: Cognitive Autoheuristic Distributed-Intelligence Entity, which includes printable 3-D glasses and a CADIE powered submarine.
Also Gmail Autopilot™ by CADIE. Never have to read email again, CADIE will reply to all your email for you. (I actually want something like this)
Expedia has $99 Flights to Mars.
Qualcomm has new wireless convergence models, like the WolfPigeon, CrocodEagle, and SharkFalcon
Technologizer’s First Forty-Five Fabulous Years!:
Not everybody remembers that Technologizer began as an online service. When we launched in April of 1964, there were only three IBM mainframes in the world powerful enough to receive us, we charged an hourly access fee of $15,000, and our network ran at 300-bpw (bits per week).
Opera Face Gestures: ’nuff said.
And Amazon is appealing to the Ron Paul crowd with Floating Amazon Cloud Environment(FACE), “Using the latest in airship technology, we’ve created a cloud that can come to you.”
Politically Kosher: Don’t Mix Meat and Milk
Sometimes, the pork in the stimulus package is beef.
In this case it was an attempt by the Dairy industry to have the government purchase about 300,000 of milk cows and sell them to slaughter houses in order to arrest the recent declines in the cost of milk.
The dairy farmers wanted this, but the beef farmers did not, and when all was said and done, it ended up on the cutting room floor, but not before I made hay of the situation.
Don’t have a cow, man!
What is the Difference Between Iceland and Ireland?
One letter, and six months.
I’m Nearly Mute
So, I’m driving, actually riding shotgun right now, to my mother-in-law’s for Thanksgiving, with my finger in a splint.
About 6 weeks ago, I got my finger twisted opening my door, and it has continued to bug me, so I decided to immobilize it for a few days, and load up on asperine.
Look at the picture. It’s a mother-in-law joke…..Well, it cracked up the receptionist at the chiroptactor.
The Onion Election Headlines
Nation Finally Sh%$tty Enough To Make Social Progress
Black Man Given Nation’s Worst Job
Bush: ‘Can I Stop Being President Now?’
And my favorite, “McCain Gets Hammered At Local VFW,” though, “Hillary Clinton Resumes Attacking Obama,” is a close second.