Category: Humor

Why I Hate the World

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It makes te Gay, or so it seems

Because the folks at Christwire have put out a blistering screed against the 1980s sitcom The Golden Girls” titled, “How One TV Show Turned A Generation Of American Boys Into Homosexuals.” (Their server is slow, so you may have to wait)

It makes me hate the world.

Why does it make me hate the world?

Well, it’s because, highlight the rest for my answer……………

It’s satire, only it took me a couple of hours to confirm this.

It’s what bothers me about The Onion. The parody is spot on, and should be funny, only all to often, I cannot tell the difference between satire and the real world.

The problem is that the real world is just too perverse and weird to be parodied. Truth is indeed stranger than the fiction of satirists.

We live in Bizarro World.

H/t Atrios.

Quote of the Day

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Courtesy of Stephen Colbert, but Colbert the person, not the character that he plays on his show.

He was at a reunion of Second City comedians, and they had a panel on comedy and politics:

As for Glenn Beck, the panel discussed the challenge of maintaining a separation between reality and satire when so many TV pundits are simply, premeditatedly over-the-top.

“I said, ‘Let’s start doing some Glenn Beck stuff but in praise of Glenn Beck,'” said Colbert. “But every time we do one, he will have done something dumber. He raised the stupid bar and now it’s nearly inapproachable.”

(emphasis mine)

Heard on the Innerwebs

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H/t Jollyreaper at at the by-invitation-only Stellar Parthenon BBS.

The economy is so bad that:

  • I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
  • I ordered a burger at McDonald’s and the kid behind the counter asked, “Can you afford fries with that?”
  • CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
  • If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
  • Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
  • McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
  • Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.
  • A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .
  • Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
  • Motel Six won’t leave the light on anymore.
  • The Mafia is laying off judges.
  • Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen..
  • Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

And, finally…

  • I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

Poo of Mass Destruction

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So, on another Northwest Flight, a passenger experiencing “gastric distress”, spent an extended amount of time in the aircraft lavatory, and when quizzed about his experience, he was less than forthcoming, so we had yet another security freakout.

Needless to say, al Qaeda is planning to start opening restaurants at airports that serve really strong curry, and they will follow it up with sabotage to disable toilet heating, so we will be threatened with icy BM’s.*

*Icy BM (Bowel Movement)-ICBM, get it?

Is Pop Musician Bryan Adams Being Investigated For His Involvement in a Child Prostitution Ring?

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Of course not. The only crime of Bryan Adams is that he makes crappy music. From a quick look at the Wiki, it appears that he does charity, though I think that his support of PETA is misguided, and so I have no hostility to him, though if one of his song’s comes on, I will change the station.

In perusing his Wiki page, I also discovered that he also does photography, and appears to be pretty good at this, having won some awards.

So, why do I post this? Because Lindsay Beyerstein, aka Majikthise, had a post on the Runners’ World photos of Sarah Palin that ended up in Newsweek, and in her initial post, she named listed the prographer of record as Bryan Adams, when the photographer was actually Brian Adams.

It’s not surprising that she got a complaint from Mr. Adams’ representatives, after all that’s their job, but their threats were over the top:

Maybe Palin didn’t realize that the photographer, Brian Adams, was depicting her this way. If so, he totally fucked her over. But I think she was on board with the concept. If Palin had assailed Runner’s World for making fun of her, I might now take her complaint about Newsweek seriously. She liked the Runner’s World spread, though. She thought it was appropriate. [NB: In an earlier version of this post, I misspelled Brian Adams’ name “Bryan Adams.” Today, I got an email from a firm called Web Sheriff telling me that they’d take legal action if I didn’t apologize to the rock star Bryan Adams and ACI for any injury I might have caused to his reputation. So, I sincerely apologize to Bryan Adams. I wouldn’t want my name associated with these ridiculous pictures either.]

(emphasis original)

Take legal action? What the f$#@ is wrong with these folks?

Needless to say, when folks like this (Web Sheriff, not Mr. Adams) engage in dick swinging like this, they deserve all the satire that they receive.

As to Mr. Adams, I would suggest that you retain someone with a clue to protect your reputation on line, though the best way to improve your reputation would be to stop making record albums.

BTW, it appears that Web Sheriff is a British firm, and Britain’s nutzo libel laws might very well be behind WS’s attitude.

Remember, Do Not F$#% With Jon Stewart

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As I’ve said before, do not with f$#% with Jon Stewart, and when you go after a comedy program and “fact check”, as CNN did with a Saturday Night Live sketch, you are messing with the bull, and they got the horns when Stewart fact checked CNN:

Stewart made the obvious point, before you fact check a comedy show, how about fact checking people who are on your news programs, or even knowing how to check the numbers?

A note to the so-called journalists on cable news:

Do not f$#% with comedians. They are smarter than you are, they are better informed, they are better looking, and they are probably better in bed.

Unfortunately, I’ll have to leave it right there……………..

Now I Get the Nobel Prize

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It was for the “Beer Summit“:

OSLO (The Borowitz Report) – As the world responded with a mixture of surprise and amazement to the announcement of President Obama’s Nobel Peace Prize, Nobel insiders revealed that the President’s “beer summit” at the White House put him over the top.

“The committee was definitely split down the middle right up until the end,” said Agot Valle, a Norwegian politician and member of the five-person Nobel committee. “Some of them were still quite upset about that nasty business with the Somali pirates.”

As Dotcommie at the Stellar Parthenon BBS noted:

Getting the Israelis and the Egyptians to talk was WAY easier than a Boston Cop and a Black Man.

Troof.

Assault and Buttery

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Farmer sprays milk on policemen as protest

It’s a protest over agricultural prices and price supports at EU HQ in Brussels.

While normally, I would not be interested in this, this rather striking picture, which would surely result in the protester being arrest and taken a-whey.

Needless to say, such behavior must be curded.

I know what you’re saying, “Yogurt yourself! This is udderly unacceptable behavior”

Any other puns, please put in comments.

Best Snark of the Day

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Actually, it was about 2 weeks ago, and I just stumbled across it.

Jack McHugh, upon discovering that Ben Bernanke was the victim of identity theft, (his wife’s purse was stolen, and the contents were used to forge his identity) had this thought:

To the criminal who actually stole Ms. Bernanke’s purse and is still at large, I offer this piece of advice. Before turning yourself in, do yourself and your country a favor by handing Mr. Bernanke’s identity information to someone like Paul Volcker. You’ll get a shorter sentence and your country will benefit. Speculation would be tamed, and long term inflation expectations would probably fall far enough to shrink the budget deficit by obviating the need for more bond purchases. If someone else must possess the Chairman’s identity, who other than Mr. Volcker would be more responsible in assuming it? We’ll need Volcker’s tough-mindedness to stare down Congress if we are to ever exit all these stimulus programs. It’s a shame that the Mr. Bernanke had his identity stolen last fall, but the tragedy is that someone didn’t steal Mr. Greenspan’s in the 1990’s.

Word!!!!