Category: Sex

In the News of the Unsurprising

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The soon to be ex-wife of South Carolina Governor Mark “Hiking the Appalachian Trail” Sanford says that he refused to promise fidelity in his wedding vows:

South Carolina first lady Jenny Sanford recalls how she made the “leap of faith” to marry husband Gov. Mark Sanford even though the groom refused to promise to be faithful, insisting that the clause be removed from their wedding vows.

“It bothered me to some extent, but … we were very young, we were in love,” she said in an exclusive interview with Barbara Walters to air on “20/20” Friday. “I questioned it, but I got past it … along with other doubts that I had.”

Sanford and her marriage were thrust into the national spotlight in June 2009 when her husband admitted that he had been secretly visiting his longtime lover in Argentina instead of hiking the Appalachian Trail, as he had told his staff.

Imagine that.

On the brighter side, I imagine that he learned how to Tango.

Nibble on Iris Robinson’s Chocolate Balls

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Seriously, I have to invoke South Park!

Remember a few days back, when I referenced Americablog’s story about how a right-wing Irish anti-gay bigot was herself sleeping with a 19 year old boy?

It’s legal, but real hypocrisy, and it just got worse:

Meanwhile, it emerged this weekend that Iris Robinson also had an affair with 19-year-old Kirk McCambley’s father, a butcher who died from cancer. She had another affair with a fellow DUP member in the 1980s which was witnessed by the security forces.

(emphasis mine)

It appears that the founder of the DUP, and fellow bigot, Rev. Ian Paisley is in full “going postal” mode over this.

Well, the story gets even weirder, because bloggers with way too much free time on their hands have uncovered her recipe for “chocolate balls, and this, in turn has uncovered the coverage of her recipe at the time in the Belfast Telegraph, which is just full of double entendre:

Iris Robinson’s chocolate balls to melt our hearts

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

Food lovers across Northern Ireland are being given the chance to nibble on Iris Robinson’s chocolate balls, included in a new charity cookbook.

……………

(emphasis mine)

No, this is not The Onion.

Reality is very odd sometimes.

H/t AMERICAblog News

Here’s to You, Mrs. Robinson

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Hey, hey, hey…hey, hey, hey

No, really. In this case however, the Mrs. Robinson in question is Iris Robinson, wife of Peter Robinson, the head of the, “conservative Northern Ireland Unionist party.”

She has spent much of her public life campaigning against gays, implying that they will molest children and young adults.

Well, now, this 60 something paragon of morality has been caught having an affair, and, I almost forgot to mention this, she was screwing a 19-year old boy.

Lovely people, wot?

H/t Americablog and The Stranger.

You Have to Love the Internet

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Because, you can find a monkey chimp getting to 2nd base with Bo Derek in her 1981 celluloid horror, Tarzan, the Ape Man, and see an animated gif of the scene:

I’m no prude, and even though I’ll probably never do it again, I understand that boobs are fun to suck on. That’s great. Everybody suck more boobs! I just cannot believe that the frigid MPAA was down with this (and still is since the movie is in print and everything!), and that Bo Derek, the sole producer of Tarzan, the Ape Man, was like, “Yes. That time that the monkey rounded second on me is sooooo going in the movie!” This has to be the most line-crossing thing I’ve ever seen in a film OK’ed by the MPAA. A cursory Google search came up with zero mentions of this, which means I’m either the first person to point out the fucked-upedness of this, or I’m just easily excited. Kind of like that monkey.

Anyway, here’s a still. I’m tempted to transcribe this scene and read it for Porn for the Blind or perhaps recreate it with Winston and some peanut butter on my nipple, but I doubt even that would make it more real. My mind is blown forever.

Completely NSFW, though the good folks at the MPAA gave the film an “R” rating.

Really, NSFW, though Bo Derek is very buff, and it reminds us all why she was a sex symbol in the early 1980s.

Dana Milbank is a Complete Tool

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So, Dana Milbank has one of his Washington Sketch columns in the Kaplan Test Prep Company today, and it’s all about how Max Baucus f%$#ing his employee and then recommending that she be made US Attorney isn’t a big deal because he is, “just too much of a nerd for a sex scandal to stick.”

He then goes on to describe why this should the the strategy of other people involved in sex scandals, including a recent scandal involving a sports figure who is on my list of They Who Must Not Be Named.

You see, it’s no news when a sitting Senator sexually harasses an underling while still married, and then tries to get her appointed to a position of trust within the Department of Justice, but some sports figure chasing skirts, that’s a big deal.

Needless to say, if it had been a real Dem, instead of Max Baucus, Milbank would have been all over the scandal like US Magazine, but because it’s one of the “Moderates,” everything is just ducky:

Yet his colleagues jumped to his defense when word got out Friday night — in contrast to the initial reaction to other senatorial sex scandals. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) immediately announced his “full support” for Baucus.

That’s because he’s not giving blow jobs in a Minneapolis airport bathroom, wearing diapers, or paying hush-money and diverting campaign funds to his mistress’s benefit.

Truth be told, I’m inclined to think that what what John Ensign did was worse: He used both the apparatus of the Senate, and the Apparatus of the Republican Party* to benefit his mistress and her family, while Baucus banged a chippie who worked for him and recommended her for a plum position†.

But as to Larry “Wide Stance” Craig, and David “Diaperman” Vitter, these transgressions did not bear on their official duties beyond the hypocrisy angle.

The reason, of course, that Baucus is getting so much support is because there are other Senators out there doing the same thing: i.e. banging staff, not the US Attorney bit, and so the Senate rallies to him, because too many of them have the same vulnerability.

Wanker supreme Dana Milbank rallies to Baucus’ side because he’s an inside the beltway punk, and because he thinks that he’s being witty.

Wanker.

*It’s wrong. I feel schadenfreude because it happened to Republicans, but it’s still wrong.
†Pun intended.

Hypocrite

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So, Senator Max Baucus (DINO-MT) submitted the name of his former state office director to be US Attorney in Montana to the President.

That’s not so bad, in fact, that’s what passes for normal.

What doesn’t pass for normal is that they are sleeping together, and have been since before both got divorced from their prior spouses. (see also here):

“Senator Baucus is currently in a mature and happy relationship with Melodee Hanes. They are both divorced, and in no way was their relationship the cause of their respective divorces,” Ty Matsdorf, a spokesperson for Baucus, said in a statement to Main Justice.

Yeah, and Larry Craig has a wide stance.

More significantly, they started “dating” in the summer of 2008, and she was working as Baucus’s state director and counsel until spring of this year, which means that he was Cheneying a subordinate, which is sexual harassment, even if the subordinate is willing, if you are not a Senator anyway.

From the Annals of the Thoroughly Unsurprising

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Click for full size

Maybe they could use the Amish …. Uhhhh … Never mind

Researchers, looking to “compare men who watch porn with those who haven’t encountered it,” have hit a snag.

They have been unable to find any men who haven’t sampled pr0n:

“We started our research seeking men in their 20s who had never consumed pornography,” the Telegraph reported Professor Simon Louis Lajeunesse as saying.

“[But] we couldn’t find any.“

I was thinking that they might want to contact members of the Amish community, and then I went to google images, and typed in “hot Amish chicks“. (NSFW)

Republican Family Values

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Blake Hall, a fixture in Idaho Republican politics, he’s a member of the Republican National Committee (RNC), Bonneville County’s Chief Civil Attorney, former Idaho Republican Chairman, and former school board member, pled guilty to stalking a young woman:

Idaho Falls police reported that witnesses said Hall disposed of used condoms on the lawn of the woman’s house. Nineteen condoms were turned over to police, collected on 10 different dates, according to a police report. Both Hall and his lawyer acknowledged the condoms belonged to him, according to a police report.

Also, between March and August, Hall repeatedly followed the woman to restaurants, the movies and her home, and he ignored her repeated requests that he leave her alone, according to police and court records.

The victim testified Friday that Hall once followed her to a Walmart and took her car keys and would not return them until she agreed to “hear him out” concerning her marriage, the Idaho Falls Post Register reported.

(emphasis mine)

You do get all the cranks, creeps, and perverts in the GOP, don’t you?

How Utterly Appropriate

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Remember Carrie Prejean?

She is a former Miss California, who whined that she was “discriminated against for her religious beliefs, because she didn’t become Miss America after declaring her opposition to same sex marriage.

Well, after that, she became a right wing cause célèbre, and started hitting the right wing talk show circuit, and ignoring her duties, and appointments, as Miss California….I think it involves waving and smiling….So, despite an intervention by Donald Trump,* she was fired for…you know….Not showing up to work.

So, she sued, and then a few bikini modeling pics of her showed up, and then she dropped the suit, because, “the lawyer for the Pageant showed Carrie an XXX home video of her handiwork.”

I have been unable to find any details, but the wags at TMZ, who have apparrently seen this bit of cinéma vérité, but decided that it was inappropriate for them to release, have seen the film:

The video the lawyer showed Carrie is extremely graphic and has never been released publicly. We know that, because TMZ obtained the video months ago but decided not to post it because it was so racy. Let’s just say, Carrie has a promising solo career.

Seriously, what is it with conservatives?

They make Gene Simmons look like Mother Theresa.

*When Donald Trump has to do an intervention, you are in a really strange place.

Those Stupid Bastards Took the “Teabagger” Sexual Innuendo, and Set the Dial to 11

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Ooh, baby, you are so talented! And they are so dumb!

Yep, a group of wing-nuts* have created a website dedicated to fighting Acorn and the Working Families Party up in New York State.

So he/they got a domain, and chose a name for the movement:

Great googly moogly, this is stupid.

H/t Some Guy With a Website

*Or maybe just 1, there isn’t a whole bunch of traffic or posts there, it just consists of reposts of New York Post articles.

This is Not a Business Lunch

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So, after Mark Sanford “hiking the Appalachian Trail,” Joe Wilson heckling a presidential speech, and those Republican County Chairman going on about how good Jews are with watching their money, one wonders what other shoe will drop from the South Carolina Republican party to as they continue the program to help employment by making Stewart’s, Colbert’s, O’Brien’s, Letterman’s, and Leno’s Job easier.

Well, wait no more. There is Assistant Attorney General Roland Corning, who wages a war on the business lunch that makes the fictional “war on Christman” look like an arcade game.

It appears that Corning, age 66, was hanging out in his car at a graveyard with an 18 year old stripper, along with Viagra and sex toys, and when police officer Michael Wines showed up in a marked car, Corning, “attempted to make a hasty retreat, spinning the tires in the driveway and accelerating rapidly.”

It gets better. When finally apprehended, the police verify who he is by calling the Attorney General’s office, where his wife answers the phone, and then rats him out to the notifies Attorney General, who fires his flabby white ass.

The high point of the police report:

The search revealed a sex enhancement drug and some sex toys. According to the report, Corning told Wines he had a prescription for the medication and the other items were always in the car “just in case.“

(emphasis mine)

Just in case….Yeah sure….I always carry sex toys and Viagra in my car….Why do you think that they call them “Jumper Cables.”

So, Were they F&^%ing Each Other, or Just Justice and the Taxpayer?

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Bummer of a birth mark, Chris

So, Chris Christie is running for Governor of New Jersey, and we know that he made a $46,000.00 loan to his close aid, Michele Brown, that he neglected to mention on his disclosure forms, but he claimed that she had done nothing for his campaign.

Oops, maybe she did a little:

But interviews with federal law enforcement officials suggest that Ms. Brown used her position in two significant and possibly improper ways to try to aid Mr. Christie in his run for governor.

In March, when Gov. Jon S. Corzine’s campaign requested public records about Mr. Christie’s tenure as prosecutor, Ms. Brown interceded to oversee the responses to the inquiries, taking over for the staff member who normally oversaw Freedom of Information Act requests, according to federal law enforcement officials in Newark and Washington. The requested information included records about Mr. Christie’s travel and expenses, along with Ms. Brown’s travel records.

In mid-June, when F.B.I. agents and prosecutors gathered to set a date for the arrests of more than 40 targets of a corruption and money-laundering probe, Ms. Brown alone argued for the arrests to be made before July 1. She later told colleagues that she wanted to ensure that the arrests occurred before Mr. Christie’s permanent successor took office, according to three federal law enforcement officials briefed on the conversation, presumably so that Mr. Christie would be given credit for the roundup.

So, it’s clear that she has been a mole for Christie in the US Attorney’s office, someone who he mentored and who repaid the favor, but though reporter, David Halbfinger, does imply that there might have been a bit more was going on:

Those records, which the Corzine campaign has parceled out to news organizations, have already proved embarrassing to Mr. Christie. News stories last week said the records showed Mr. Christie often stayed at expensive hotels on the taxpayers’ dime, routinely exceeding per diem rates set for Justice Department officials.

Additional records provided in raw form by the Corzine campaign and analyzed by The Times show that Ms. Brown accompanied Mr. Christie on 16 trips, the bulk of them in 2007 and 2008. They were often accompanied by a junior prosecutor, Kevin O’Dowd.

I really do not care about who Chris Christie f%$#s, but it is clear that he did his best to use his position as US Attorney for maximum partisan advantage, including the fact that he, “Discussed a run for governor with Karl Rove in 2006,” an action which which is expressly forbidden under federal law.

I’m not sure if this will drive voters to Jon Corzine, but if this doesn’t, it’s likely to drive people to independent candidate Chris Daggett, and Christie has already frittered away a double digit lead on this.

30 Pro-Rape Republican Senators

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Senator Al Franken (damn, that sounds good) just passed a motion through the Senate banning federal funds to defense contractors who use mandatory arbitration to keep sexual assault victims out of court.

Good for him, and bad for the 30 Senators, all Republicans, who voted against it, Senators Alexander (R-TN), Barrasso (R-WY), Bond (R-MO), Brownback (R-KS), Bunning (R-KY), Burr (R-NC), Chambliss (R-GA), Coburn (R-OK), Cochran (R-MS), Corker (R-TN), Cornyn (R-TX), Crapo (R-ID), DeMint (R-SC), Ensign (R-NV), Enzi (R-WY), Graham (R-SC), Gregg (R-NH), Inhofe (R-OK), Isakson (R-GA), Johanns (R-NE), Kyl (R-AZ), McCain (R-AZ), McConnell (R-KY), Risch (R-ID), Roberts (R-KS), Sessions (R-AL), Shelby (R-AL), Thune (R-SD), Vitter (R-LA), and Wicker (R-MS) .

His statement is below.

Franken’s Proposal To Guarantee Sexual Assault Victims Their Day In Court

By 68 – 30, Amendment Offered in Honor of former KBR employee Jamie Leigh Jones Passes the Senate

Washington, D.C. [Oct 6, 2009] – Today, the amendment offered by U.S. Sen. Al Franken (D-Minn.) to stop funding defense contractors who deny assault victims their day in court passed the United States Senate by a vote of 68 – 30

Last Thursday, Sen. Franken introduced an amendment (S.2588) to the FY2010 Defense Appropriations Bill that would restrict funding to defense contractors who commit employees to mandatory binding arbitration in the case of sexual assault. The legislation, endorsed by 61 women’s, labor and public interest groups, was inspired by the story of Jamie Leigh Jones, who watched the vote from the Senate gallery today.

Jones was a 19-yr-old employee of defense contractor KBR (formerly a Halliburton subsidiary) stationed in Iraq who was gang raped by her co-workers and imprisoned in a shipping container when she tried to report the crime. Her father and U.S. Rep. Ted Poe (R-Tex.), worked together to secure her safe return to the United States, but once she was home, she learned a fine-print clause in her KBR contract banned her from taking her case to court, instead forcing her into an “arbitration” process that would be run by KBR itself. Just today, Halliburton filed a petition for a rehearing en banc in the 5th Circuit Court, which means that Jamie’s fight is far from over.

“I’m proud of what we accomplished today,” said Sen. Franken. “Victims of sexual assault deserve their day in court and no corporation should be able to deny them that right. Jamie’s courage in telling her story will help women all over this country and I’m honored to have been a part of that.”

“I am highly honored that Senator Franken and his wife have created this amendment to ensure that others do not have to endure the suffering that I have,” said Jones. “This amendment makes all the hard times that I have gone through, when going public with such a personal tragedy, worth every tear shed from telling and retelling my horrific experience. I know this amendment will save so many in the future.”

Specifically, Sen. Franken’s amendment:

  • Does not require contractors to change or modify existing employment contracts. It only bars funds to contractors who continue to use these mandatory arbitration clauses in their employment contracts.
  • Narrowly targets the most egregious violations and applies to defense contracts, many of which are administered abroad, where women are the most vulnerable and least likely to have support resources. The amendment will apply to many contractors that have already demonstrated their incompetence in efficiently carrying out defense contracts, and have further demonstrated their unwillingness and their inability to protect women from sexual assault.
  • Applies to claims arising out of sexual assault, like assault & battery (including rape), intentional infliction of emotional distress, and negligent hiring, retention, and supervision, as well as Title VII civil rights claims, which were specifically designed to protect vulnerable groups in the workplace.

Leading Minnesota and national organizations who have endorsed Sen. Franken’s amendment include the Minnesota Women Lawyers, the Minnesota Coalition Against Sexual Assault, the Sexual Violence Center, Minnesota NOW, Advocates for Human Rights, the National Alliance to End Sexual Violence, the National Women’s Law Center, the National Partnership for Women and Families, the American Association of University Women, the National Council of La Raza, the Leadership Conference on Civil Rights, and the Consumer Federation of America. A full list of the 61 endorsing organizations is attached.

“Sexual violence is about a person trying to exercise power and control over another person through unwanted sexual contact and violence,” said Pam Zeller, Executive Director of the Sexual Violence Center. “In arbitration the intent is to arrive at an agreement. This agreement does not have to be equitable in order to be resolved. It is also not intended to resolve a criminal matter. Sexual harassment and sexual violence inherently have an imbalance of power. Submitting a victim of sexual harassment, or sexual assault, to a process of arbitration is a revictimization of the victim, and minimizes the seriousness of the crime of sexual assault. The proposed amendment by Senator Franken will protect victims of sexual harassment and sexual violence from being revictimized through the arbitration process.”

“This amendment reflects a critically important step in safeguarding the rights of those who have experienced discrimination in the form of sexual violence, harassment, and stalking,” said Donna Dunn, Executive Director of the Minnesota Coalition Against Sexual Assault. “We know that justice for victims of violence often seems elusive. It is very important that each person have the right to assess and choose the options that they believe best fit their needs. This amendment is a giant step in that direction.”

“No survivor of sexual assault should be denied the ability to seek justice,” said Terri Poore, Policy Chair of the National Alliance to End Sexual Violence. “Asking a victim to enter into arbitration with someone who raped her or a company that wouldn’t protect her is outrageous and sends a clear message that such violence is simply not taken seriously.”

Minnesota Organizations Endorsing the Franken Amendment (SA 2588)

–snip–

###

Well, I was Experience of Schadenfreude

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But Senator Ensign (R-NV, and many bedrooms) just keeps on delivering.

So, the New York Times has done some journalism, and discovered that, in addition to boinking his chief of staff’s wife, stalking her, and getting mommy and daddy to pay hush money, reporters Eric Lichtblau and Eric Lipton have now discovered that Senator Ensign arranged for Douglas Hampton to get a cushy lobbying job, and then had Hampton lobby one…Senator John Ensign, in a direct violation of Senate ethics rules and federal laws, which require a 1 year cooling off period:

Mr. Hampton said he and Mr. Ensign were aware of the lobbying restriction but chose to ignore it. He recounted how the senator helped him find clients and ticked off several steps Mr. Ensign took to assist them with their agendas in Washington, activities confirmed by federal officials and executives with the businesses.

“The only way the clients could get what John was essentially promising them — which was access — was if I still had a way to work with his office,” Mr. Hampton said. “And John knew that.”

Gee….Who’d a thunk it?

Needless to say, the folks at Leno and The Daily Show are chortling about this, though David Letterman might be too busy boinking his staffers on his show.