Category: Stupid

Unbelievably Bad Political Analysis

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Someone at Political Wire declares that Richard Burr (R-NC) is comfortably ahead of all potential challengers, because he has 43% of the voter against all of the, 43%-31% against Elaine Marshall, 43%-28% vs Cal Cunningham, and 43%-27% against Kenneth Lewis.

Just so you know, the rule of thumb is that undecideds break at least 2:1 against the incumbent,* so any time an incumbent is below 50%, they are in trouble, and an incumbent at 43%, is is very real trouble, particularly when his approval number is 38%.

This number has his campaign staff soiling their drawers.

Morons.

*I ran the numbers against Elaine Marshall and it comes to a 3% margin in the best case.

Dick Cheney is Such a Whiny Bitch

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This is normally not a phrase I use, even with the most annoying members of my family, but I think that for Dick Cheney, it is very clear that his complaints about George W. Bush remove any doubt about the fact, and furthermore it places his comments about the repudiation of his Manichean, and quite frankly delusional, view of the world by the voters in the proper context.

We need to call him a bitch, because to call him anything else grants him a credibility and gravitas that he simply does not deserve.*

The man, who has an uninterrupted record of failure in his life, recommending that Ford dump Rockefeller as VP, moving to contractors in the military, invading Iraq, etc., is now saying that George W. Bush was not hard line enough for him:

“In the second term, he felt Bush was moving away from him,” said a participant in the recent gathering, describing Cheney’s reply. “He said Bush was shackled by the public reaction and the criticism he took. Bush was more malleable to that. The implication was that Bush had gone soft on him, or rather Bush had hardened against Cheney’s advice. He’d showed an independence that Cheney didn’t see coming. It was clear that Cheney’s doctrine was cast-iron strength at all times — never apologize, never explain — and Bush moved toward the conciliatory.”

Truth be told, I really think that this is really all about two words, “Scooter Libby,” and Cheney is upset, because he believes that without a full pardon, Libby may some day roll over on his flabby, lily-white ass.

He knows that Omertà means less in politics than it does in the Mafia, which means that it means nothing at all, and it terrifies him.

*Yes, I understand that the social dynamics of the situation, where in order to diminish a man you essentially call him a woman, and in order to diminish a woman, you essentially call her a man,† but you go to war with Dick Cheney with the societal norms you have—not the societal norms you might want or wish to have at a later time.
†See Clinton, Hillary and Pelosi, Nancy.

This is Wicked Stupid

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It looks like the US Military is going to resume training the Georgian army.

Considering the fact that President Mikheil Saakashvili is a truly delusional and despotic nutcase who is spoiling for another war with Russia, this is a very bad idea on that level, but it’s also clear that the Georgian state security apparatus has been completely penetrated by the Russian intelligence service that they knew to the minute, if not the second, when the Georgians were going to invade South Ossetia.

But we need bodies for Afghanistan, so we’re training them.

I Got Nothing Here

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Seriously, this actual letter from Michelle Bachmann (R-Land of Oz), leaves me without a proper rejoinder.

I know that there should be some sort of rejoinder to this, something witty and devastating, but the stupidity, and self-centered immaturity stun me, and I’ve got a 12 year old daughter:

Don’t let them Palinize me!

Dear Friend:

Last month, I appeared on Sean Hannity’s show on Fox News Channel. I was talking about the Democrats’ latest scheme to pick the taxpayer’s pocket to pay for a $1.5-billion slush fund for ACORN.

Before getting into the meat of this terrible new anti-taxpayer proposal, Sean Hannity said that he considers me “the second most hated Republican woman,” second only to Governor Sarah Palin.

With Governor Palin taking a well-deserved step out of the spotlight, it appears that I may be absorbing even more of the liberals’ scorn.

And, I’d really appreciate your support so that I can defend myself against their attacks. Click here to make a donation!

I’m out there every day speaking the truth about their attempts to guide this nation into socialism:

• Their government-run health care proposal that will put government bureaucrats in between you and your doctor and end up rationing care — and the most vulnerable will suffer first and most.

• Their cap-and-trade national energy tax that will drive up energy costs for every American and send our jobs overseas.

• Their spending spree that has pushed the national budget deficit over the $1 trillion mark for the first time in our history. We’re already closing in on $2 trillion and there’s no end in sight to their spending.

• Their dozens of White House czars with power over your lives and futures and absolutely no accountability to Congress or the people.

• And, speaking of unaccountable — when are they going to open up the Fed’s books to the public?

• Their political patronage to groups like ACORN — doling out billions of your tax dollars and partnering with them to collect your private information for the Census.

But just as they did with Sarah Palin, the more I talk about the issues, the more they attack with below-the-belt personal hits. In fact, yesterday, a Minnesota paper gave a full column to a hit piece on one of my kids!

Can you help me to defend against these attacks? Click here to make a donation! [Yeah, like I’d supply a frelling link to that nutjob]

I’ll tell you the truth: Their sticks and stones will not stop me from going out and speaking the truth about their bad policies! And, your support really helps!

God bless and thank you for your support.

Sincerely,

Congresswoman Michele Bachmann

From the Urban Dictionary:

Palinize:

To smear or mock someone using falsehoods, baseless accusations or unsubstantiated character assassinations for the purpose of blocking them from achieving a goal.

To exaggerate the truth or lie by omission.

To attack a person for his or her conservative values by focusing an inordinate amount of attention on a single example of that person falling short (or being perceived as falling short) of the values they espouse.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to wrap my head before it f$#%ing explodes.

I would note, however, that she does not give one of the more popular definitions from the Urban Dictionary, you know, something like, Palinize, “When someone answers a question without any form of intelligence or foresight. In an attempt to divert from giving a correct answer and in the process sounding unintelligible.”

Run, Little Ricky, Run!!!!

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It appears that Rick Santorum* is making the pilgrimage to Iowa, indicating that he is looking to run for President in 2012:

Add former Sen. Rick Santorum to the list of potential 2012 Republican presidential candidates.

POLITICO has learned Santorum will visit first-in-the-nation Iowa this fall for a series of appearances before the sort of conservative activists who dominate the state GOP’s key presidential caucuses.

While this might not be good for the nation, or for the caucus goers of Iowa, or any attempt to have sanity return to the Republican party in 2012, it is good for late night talk show hosts, columnist Dan Savage,† and anyone interested interested in heaping scorn on nonsensical quotes from Republicans, like yours truly.

This promises to be as entertaining as the Fred Thompson Clown show of 2008.

Of course, it could go horribly awry, as my father illustrated in 1968, when he noted, “Those stupid bastards nominated Richard Nixon! There is no way that we can lose now.”‡

*The definition of Santorum is, “That frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex”.
†Who coined said definition of “Santorum.”
‡Piss poor political forecasts run in my family, so do not take my predictions as gospel.

Punk’d

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It now appears that the was a practical joke designed specifically ensnare the birthers.

It’s looking more and more like the forged “Kenyan birth certificate” released by Orly Taitz on Sunday was a prank by a supporter of President Obama. Politijab points to an anonymous blogger at FearlessBlogging, who has uploaded four photos of the original forgery and a mocking declaration:

Fine cotton business paper: $11

Inkjet printer: $35

1940 Royal Model KMM manual typewriter: $10

2 Shilling coin: $1

Pilot Varsity fountain pen: $3

Punkin’ the Birthers: Priceless

Morons.

Cowards …. Pantywaists …. Yellow Belies ….

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I just can’t seem to come up with a word for this.

You see, the Democratic National committee (DNC) is doing its level best to make sure that everyone knows that the rent-a-riots at town hall meetings are AstroTurf that have been bought and paid for by the Republican National Committee (RNC) and His Evil Minions™.

What’s more, the DNC actually put out an ad about it (below), in which they suggest that people call the RNC to tell them to stop, but the RNC added a voice mail option to include this, which routes the calls to the DNC switchboard.

These are dangerous times, and the Republicans can’t deal with snippy callers….How can we expect them to keep us safe from Osama bin Laden?

Seriously, this is so chicken sh&% that it leaves me at a loss for words.

OK, There is Someone Stupider than Amity Shlaes

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Hard to believe, but true.

It turns out that Gregory Levey is stupider than conservative affirmative action baby Amity Shlaes, the woman who was fired by that Communist rag the Financial Times for extolling Bush’s response to Hurricane Katrina in her reporting on the storm and its aftermath, because Mr. Levey is suggesting that Barack Obama should appoint George W. Bush as his Middle East envoy to aid in his diplomatic efforts in the region.

In related news, he suggested that Hannibal Lecter as chairman of the special White House committee on nutrition, Mary “Typhoid Mary” Mallon as head of food safety at the FCC, Timothy Leary as Drug Czar, and South Carolina Governor Rick “Hiking the Appalachian Trail” Sanford as head of the special working committee for ethics in government.

Great googly moogly.

There Can Only Be One

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It appears that someone idiot at AT&T’s ISP division decided to block the anarcho-absurdist site 4chan from their customers.

Within hours a fictitious report of the death of AT&T’s CEO from a cocaine overdose following a gay prostitution binge (it implies that he was a “bottom”) appeared on CNN’s “citizen journalism” site iReport.

Seriously, while the folks at 4chan are nice people, much like Bruce Banner, you really don’t want to make them angry, because if they put their minds to it, it can get ugly.

Postscript: ATT has apparently removed the block.

Disclaimer: I have only visited 4chan briefly, and my experience was that everyone there was swell, totally righteous, and that under no circumstances should anyone, ever, frack with them.

Furthermore, nothing in this post should be construed as a criticism of 4chan. I am criticizing AT&T, and the “stupid” and “wanker” tags are directed at the telecommunications company.

Imprison Ben Bernanke for Treason

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I’m shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on here!

Seriously, Ben Bernanke is saying that there is no need for a Consumer Financial Product Agency, because the Federal Reserve can handle this job.

He is referring to the same Federal Reserve that was run by Alan Greenspan for over 20 years and was an enthusiastic cheerleader of the toxic financial products.

The same secretive and opaque agency that revels in its lack of response to the public’s perceived needs.

The same one that was run by a man, who said, “Wasn’t a need for a law against fraud because if a floor broker was committing fraud, the customer would figure it out and stop doing business with him,” for over 20 years.

That Federal Reserve? The one whose New York bank, which is charged with regulating Wall Street, leaves seats on its banks allocated to consumer advocates empty?

You are suggesting that an organization that aided the elevation Alan “Bubbles” Greenspan, a man who basically got his PhD from the back of a cereal box, to a position the preeminent economic guru of the United States of America be allowed to be in charge of protecting consumers?

I’s just time to cue Captain Renault. (Top Pic)

What’s more the, as Elizabeth Warren, the woman who chairs the oversight committee being stonewalled by the US Department of the Treasury on TARP oversight notes, the arguments against a dedicated consumer protection agency are 3 parts outright lies, and 4 parts intentional stupidity.

Put the Federal Reserve in charge of consumer protection? Goldman F$#@ing Sachs would do a more honest and competent job of that.

A Republican Proposes a “Bristol Palin” Tax

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That name may not be entirely fair, since it the tax would also apply disproportionately to Republican lawmakers, particularly those living on the now infamous “C Street” Christo-Fascist funded residences.

I’m of mixed emotions here. A tax on unprotected sex is a really stupid idea, but the idea of making Bristol Palin, and the residents of “C Street” pay an “Ass Tax”, amuses me no end.

And here we thought paying for sex was a no-no, especially for scandal-wary Members of Congress. But Rep. Steve Buyer thinks people who engage in the act (specifically, the kind that takes place sans protection) should have to pony up.

The Indiana Republican floated his unlikely cash-for-sex proposal Thursday during the markup of the health care bill in the Energy and Commerce Committee. Under the plan Buyer posited, those who engage in risky behavior, like smoking, not exercising and (ding, ding!) having unprotected sex, should have to pay a premium for their health care. After all, the reasoning goes, those people are more likely to incur higher health care costs than cigarette-eschewing, condom-wearing gym bunnies.

The distinguished gentleman from Indiana had to have been a College Republican, he was born in 1958, so he’s of roughly the right age, and this is a classic sort of juvenile CR bullsh%$.

Are there any grown-up Republicans left in Congress?

iHymen

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Yes, someone has released an iPhone ‘purity ring’ application:

The iPhone has applications for almost everything, from helping people to choose the best wine for a meal to locating supermarkets in Holland. Now there is one to help them to stay chaste until marriage.

For just 59p, consumers can download an application that allows them to take a purity pledge and then display a silver ring on their phone to prove their commitment to abstinence.

I would note that people who take purity pledges are more likely to engage in oral sex, anal sex, unprotected sex, and parenthood, so the mind boggles at what sorts of risky behavior that this application will engender.

H/t Jessica Valenti

The Washington Post is a Sick Joke

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They published an OP/ED by the Quittah from Wasillah, Sarah Palin, on global warming.

That’s bad enough, but when the article does not contain the phrases, “global warming,” and “climate change,” are missing from the article.

The problem is not that it is disingenuous, global warming deniers make their case through lying, after all.

The problem is that the article is complete and total crap that should not have passed the editorial pen of the Shopping News, much less the Washington Post.

It’s not even attempting to argue a point, it’s a bunch of red meat for the base strung together.

Michelle Malkin shows more dedication to reasoned argument.

Wanker of the Day

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Megan McArdle (Note that this is a link to Barry Ritholtz, not the McArdle article, because friends don’t give friends links to Randroids).

You see, she’s one of those people who read “Atlas Shrugged” in high school (I read the “Virtue of Selfishness, and hated every poorly crafted juvenile word), and never got over it. (She used to blog under the pseudonym “Jane Gault”)

She says that Matt Taibbi is wrong when he fingers Goldman Sachs as a politically connected octopus (OK, “that great vampire squid wrapped around the face of humanity,”* Goldman Sachs.) that was front and center in gaming and profiting from the regulatory arbitrage and fraud that enriched their principals, and beggared the rest of us, “for the simple reason that no one person or even one group is powerful enough to take down a whole system.”

What’s at the core of this is Randroid objectivist bullsh$#. The markets, you see, are brilliant, and so no one person, nor one organization, can game them.†

It’s the same thing that led Alan Greenspan to tell Brooksley Born that, “Wasn’t a need for a law against fraud because if a floor broker was committing fraud, the customer would figure it out and stop doing business with him.”

You see markets, and all there participants are the epitome of capitalist savvy, and as such, they would never be unaware of others engaging in unsafe activities for their own benefits, and so the only explanation of failure must be collective, so it’s everyone‘s fault, particularly that lay-about mom working 60 hours a week at minimum wage, which makes it no one‘s fault.

I hope she has someone to cut her meat for her, because I think that the safe operation of a steak knife is beyond her.

*Alas, I cannot claim credit for this bon mot, it was coined by the great Matt Taibbi, in his article on the massive criminal conspiracy investment firm, The Great American Bubble Machine.
†This is despite the fact that the currently unraveling software theft case shows that Goldman Sachs has been front-running the entire stock market.