Category: Weird

Osama, Take Me Now!

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Just when you thought that the fashion industry in general, and the makers of perfume in particular, could not get any more insane, they give us Vulva Original, a vagina scented perfume.

No, this is not a joke, it’s real, complete with a web site featuring a video which, for lack of a better term, climaxes in a man sniffing a bicycle seat.

Whiskey tango foxtrot?

You know, the supposition that certain backward religious nut-jobs make that our society is evil, corrupt, and irredeemably icky is becoming more and more plausible.

OK, The Weird Have Turned Pro: Tanker Tango Edition

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Yes, the Russkys are Proposing a 4 Engine Tanker

So, the Northrop-Grumman/EADS team has bowed out, and EADS CEO Louis Gallois has said that it is impossible for them to make a solo bid by the May 10 deadline.

This is not surprising, they would have to develop a plan to establish a manufacturing facility, reconfirm and/or create arrangements with suppliers, etc.

Well, the Pentagon understands that, and is willing to extend the deadline to allow for a bid from EADS:

The Department has received notification from EADS North America indicating possible interest in competing for the Air Force’s KC-X Tanker and we would welcome that. Consistent with our commitment to conduct a fair and open competition, the Department invites proposals from all qualified contractors and, if necessary, we would consider a reasonable extension to the RFP deadline. That is not unusual. In fact, a few recent examples include BAMS, VH-71, Small Diameter Bomb (SDB) II, LOGCAP IV, LCS, LPD-17 Repair Services, and FMTV.

So, it sounds to me like the USAF really wants to light a fire under Boeing with the prospect of some competition, because otherwise they know that the tanker will be both expensive and late without a the possibility of meaningful competition.

EADS has has not ruled out bidding if the deadline is extended (press release):

EADS will assess new situation on US Tanker Request for Proposal

Leiden, 19 March 2010

Yesterday the US Department of Defense (DoD) indicated it would welcome a proposal from EADS North America as prime contractor for the KC-X tanker competition. This is a significant development. EADS is assessing this new situation to determine if the company can feasibly submit a responsive proposal to the Department’s request for proposal (RFP).

And while this development is a positive sign that the DoD seeks competition, it does not address EADS’ underlying concerns that the RFP clearly favors a smaller, less capable aircraft, and that the additional combat capability offered by our system may not be fully valued.

An important prerequisite for our consideration of entry into this competition will be a significant extension to the period within which to prepare and submit a proposal. EADS welcomes the DoD’s recent statement which indicated a willingness to extend the timeframe. Though this is essential, it is only one factor in making a decision for EADS to compete. In the end, the company will only submit a proposal if there is a fair chance to win, after evaluating all relevant factors.

EADS is a global leader in aerospace, defence and related services. In 2009, the Group – comprising Airbus, Eurocopter, EADS Astrium and EADS Defence & Security – generated revenues of € 42.8 billion and employed a workforce of more than 119,000.

OK, I bet you have a question now, why did I say that this was weird?

After all, this appears pretty normal in the world of defense contractors angling for maximizing their chances at a Pentagon contract.

Well, the weird does not come from Boeing, nor does it come from EADS. Rather we are getting our dose of weird from the Russians, who are proposing that a modified version of their Ilyushin Il-98, called the Il-98, for the competition.

While I can see the aircraft being cheaper, low cost is what Russian aerospace has as its chief asset, I cannot see anyone going with a 4 engine aircraft, the operational costs would be higher.

Furthermore, were a Russian aircraft to get the contract, it would have the effect of reinforcing a world-wide spares and maintenance infrastructure for Russian civil aircraft generally, which would be bad for both EADS and Boeing, since this would make Russian aircraft far more competitive.

My guess is that this announcement involves a sick sense of humor and a bit of Vodka.

Or, perhaps they are trying to get a payment from Boeing not to bid.

(on edit)
My bad, the Russians will be offering a 2 engine based on the Il-96 to create the Il-98, so the economics might not be quite so bad, and given its Soviet origins, it may very well be able to operate off of less robust airfields, since Soviet designs typically have more/larger tires, and so lower ground pressure.

Still, this is just freaky.

For Corporate Stress Relief

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Apply to the………

I was in the drug store, and walked by where they have all those odd things that you see on afternoon TV, and saw the Thera Pen Massager.

It’s a pen with a rubber cap on the end, and when pressure is applied, it vibrates, like, you know, a vibrator.

I can see it being used for stress relief, but I kind of figure that the illustrations shown here don’t refer to where it might be more likely used.

BTW, if someone asks to borrow your pen, tell them to wash it before they return it.

Sharon Osbourne Has Something to Get off Her Chest

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She is selling her breast implants on eBay:

Unsatisfied with the result of her breast augmentation procedure, Sharon Osbourne recently revealed that she plans to sell the breast implants online once they are removed. Talking to Britain’s New! Magazine, the judge of “America’s Got Talent” admitted that she’s thinking of putting them up for sale on eBay.

“I wish I had never had my breasts done. They have put these bloody great bags in that are too ****ing round. It is like [having] a waterbed on your chest. I hate my [breasts],” the wife of Ozzy Osbourne first pointed out why she was left disappointed. She continued to say, “I want to have the bags taken out – then I will put them on eBay.”

Ummm……I got nothing here……Too weird for me to pull out any additional humor……

OK, Eric Massa is Nuts

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OK, look at the video, and it’s clear that this guy has some very real problems.


That being said, Massa’s vote against the House healthcare bill was from the left, he felt that it was too weak, and so the idea that the Obama administration in general, and Rahm Emanuel in particular, might have a personal interest in taking him down.

There is nothing more than Rahm likes than cock punching DFH’s,* and so I am reasonably certain that he’s high-fiving over this development, but the talk of a conspiracy I is premature.

I can see how Rahm might be inclined to do this, I just don’t think that he did.

As I have said before, I think that too many Dems remember the Mark Foley, and when this came up, the Democratic leadership did the smart thing.

*Dirty F%$#ing Hippies.

It Could Be Worse, She Could Have Been Driving a Toyota Prius

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Ummm….There are so many jokes here, but I’ll just note that since she’s shaved, we’ll never know if the carpet matches the drapes:

A Florida Highway Patrol officer has admitted his incredulity at a woman who pranged her car while shaving her privates.

Megan Mariah Barnes, 37, was driving her Thunderbird in Key West last week when she piled into the back of a Chevrolet pickup carrying four people. Or rather, although she was in the driver’s seat, it was actually her ex-hubby Charles Judy who was holding the wheel while she tidied herself up down below.

A Highway Patrol spokesman explained that the pair drove on for about a kilometre down the road before pulling the old driver/passenger switcheroo – unsurprising since Barnes was the day before “convicted and sentenced to nine months of probation for DUI and driving with a suspended licence”, deprived of her licence for five years and “ordered to get her car impounded”.

Just when I think that things can’t get any weirder, the weird turn pro.

OK, This is Weird

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I’m a big fan of Alan Grayson, the Democratic Congressman from Florida’s 8th district; he is intelligent, fearless, and takes moral stands that resonate with the voters.

Needless to say, the Republicans want him gone, and they are looking to take him down in what is a fairly closely divided district.

Well, they may find this difficult, because the latest poll shows Alan Grayson beating all challengers in the Republican primary:

Republicans like a politician who stands up for what he believes — even if he believes the Republican Party is populated by a bunch of “knuckle-dragging Neanderthals.”

The candidate leading the Florida GOP primary to determine who will take on Rep. Alan Grayson, the Democrat who represents the Orlando-based district, is none other than Grayson himself, according to a poll paid for by his campaign. Grayson is a freshman congressman who has drawn scorn from the GOP and has quickly built a nationwide following of progressives.

The poll has Grayson leading the 13 Republicans — among Republicans — with 27.8 percent of the vote. The congressman who mocked the GOP health care plan by saying that it amounts to telling people not to get sick and if they do, to die quickly, received more support than all of the Republican candidates combined.

I have always said that American voters respect a politician who says what he thinks, even if he says that he thinks that you are a c%$#sucker, and here we have documentary evidence.

Damn!

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Turns out that Star Trek is impossible.

At 99.999998% of the speed of light, the the radiation from interstellar hydrogen striking your ship will fry you like an egg:

Professor William Edelstein of the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine explained to New Scientist that while interstellar space has just a couple of hydrogen atoms per cubic centimetre, as the crew of the Enterprise hit the gas pedal, a compression effect would greatly increase the number of atoms hitting the spacecraft.

As the spaceship reached 99.999998 per cent of the speed of light, “hydrogen atoms would seem to reach a staggering 7 teraelectron volts”, which for the crew “would be like standing in front of the Large Hadron Collider beam”.

This is a very bad thing, because humans in the path of this ray would receive a dose of ionising radiation of 10,000 sieverts, and as Bones McCoy would doubtless confirm, the lethal dose is 6 sieverts.

The result? Death in one second.

And I was so looking forward to green alien dancing girls.

Well, I guess that there is always recombinant DNA technology.

Napoleon Bonaparte is Smiling

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The French will be taking control of the port of Dover.

Well, it’s not really the French, it’s the Nord-pas-de-Calais regional council, which will be assuming control as a part of a privatization scheme:

A plan to privatise the government-owned Port of Dover has provoked “outrage”, not least because the French are front-runners to take control of the facility.

According to the Daily Mail, the port needs money to fund an expansion plan, and selling it off could net £350m for our cash-strapped government. The harbour board expects to receive the go-ahead for the “voluntary privatisation”, which will likely see Nord-pas-de-Calais regional council, which also owns Calais, adding Dover to its roster of ports.

Chief exec Bob Goldfield explained: “The time is right for the voluntary privatisation of Dover. We want to invest around £400m on a second terminal and need to invest in the existing terminal, but are unable to because of public sector borrowing constraints. We want to throw off the shackles.”

I generally oppose privatization, even if it isn’t the French taking over Dover, and the justification, about avoiding “public sector borrowing constraints,” sounds to me like a recipe for a future bankruptcy and taxpayer bailout.

“Throwing off shackles,” in a finance context generally means, “Engaging in dodgy behavior.”

But still the short Frenchman is up there, or down there, having a good chuckle.

Signs of the Apocalypse

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The National Enquirer has had its coverage of of the John Edwards sex scandal accepted by the Pulitzer committee:

The Pulitzer Prize Board has officially accepted The National Enquirer’s submissions for breaking the John Edwards scandal, according to sources close to the Board. In a historic move, the Pulitzer Board conceded that the self-proclaimed tabloid is qualified to compete with mainstream news outlets for journalism’s most prestigious prize. The Enquirer is in the running for the Pulitzer in two categories: “Investigative Reporting” and “National News Reporting” for The National Enquirer staff.

I agree that they should be considered for the prize, but it’s still weird.

I wouldn’t bet on them winning though.

If On the Jury, I Would Vote to Acquit

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A group of German pensioners are on trial for abducting and imprisoning their investment adviser:

A retired architect and four other pensioners took their financial adviser hostage and held him in a purpose-built prison in Bavaria after their stock market investments failed, a court has heard.

The 74-year-old architect, identified only as Roland K, told a court in Traunstein, southern Germany, that he and his accomplices thought their financial adviser had “cheated and taken the piss” out of them after their investments in the US property market evaporated. As a result, he told the court, they had “decided to invite him for a few days’ holiday in Upper Bavaria”.

Roland K denied kidnapping but admitted the group, including his seventh wife, 79-year-old Sieglinde, Willi D, 60, and Iris F, 64, a retired doctor, abducted James Amburn at his home in Speyer, southern Germany, in June before transporting him in the boot of a car to Roland K’s house at the lakeside resort of Chiemsee, where he had built a prison for him in the cellar.

I don’t approve of such behavior, and I would not do so myself, but if these sorts of vigilante justice are nullified by juries on a regular basis, bankers will start looking to preserving their skins, and not their bonuses and tax dodges.

If they don’t get the message soon, we will see the people with guns shooting bank presidents.

I hope that the bankers get the message before we start seeing widespread murders.

The Iranians are Selling Someone the Brooklyn Bridge

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No, I am not talking about their nuclear program.

I am talking about their claim that they have flown a prototype stealth aircraft, or it may be a subscale drone demonstrator

The source is Fars News, and the aircraft is called the ‘Sofreh Mahi'(flatfish):

“The research model of this plane which staged a successful flight passed all radar-evading tests that we desired,” Lieutenant Commander of the Iranian Army Air Force General Aziz Nasirzadeh told FNA.

The General said that the flatfish-inspired shape of the aircraft as well as the materials used in its structure have provided the aircraft with the radar-evading capability.

Ummm….Flatfish? You are calling your aircraft a Flounder?!?!?!

I need a screen wipe.