Category: Weird

Now With Whale Penis Leather Seats

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Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition

Just when you think that the world cannot get more crassly commercial, we are told that a Russian armored car manufacturer has created the Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition, which has:

  • Whale-penis leather upholstery.
  • Gold Plated bulletproof windows.
  • A Tungsten exhaust system.
  • Diamond and ruby encrusted gauges.

As well as a Kevlar skin, because, if it’s an armored car, you want a Kevlar skin.

Great googly moogly.

H/t Marginal Revolution.

Quote of the Day, Republican Values Edition

Courtesy of Talking Points Memo:

I’m going to go way out on a limb here: Professional wrestling and necrophilia have never come up together in a political campaign before today.

Josh Marshall discussing the storied past of current Republican Senatorial candidate, and former WWE CEO Linda McMahon.

During her tenure as head of WWE, there were sketches featuring, “wrestlers engaged in a simulated rape, a public sex scene, and one depicting a wrestler having sex with a corpse.”

The only possible defense to the accusation that Ms. McMahon is a purveyor of smut and perversion would be that she has no control over the content because pro wrestling is real.

Good luck selling that.

This is Not the Onion

Playboy Turning Japanese?

Seriously, no joke, they are putting Marge Simpsonon the cover of Playboy’s November issue:

Marge is about to do something Homer might not approve of.

Playboy magazine is turning over its cover to the matriarch of Springfield’s first family: Marge Simpson.

It’s a first for the magazine, which has had everyone from Marilyn Monroe to Cindy Crawford to the Girls of Hooters and even the likes of Jerry Seinfeld on the cover. But it’s never had a cartoon character before.

Life is stranger than fiction.

You did WHAT with my investment money?!?11*

“Saracen pigs! Saxon dogs! Roman cow!!

It’s actually a photo of kingbirds harassing a red-tailed hawk at Bonny Lake State Park in Colorado.

The kingbirds are actually pretty lucky.

If it had been a Falcon, they’d be lunch.

Hawks eat things like rabbits and mice while falcons eat birds, and would have seen the actions of the kingbirds as a smorgasbord.

*H/t Bladesmith at the Stellar Parthenon BBS for the line.

Assault and Buttery

Farmer sprays milk on policemen as protest

It’s a protest over agricultural prices and price supports at EU HQ in Brussels.

While normally, I would not be interested in this, this rather striking picture, which would surely result in the protester being arrest and taken a-whey.

Needless to say, such behavior must be curded.

I know what you’re saying, “Yogurt yourself! This is udderly unacceptable behavior”

Any other puns, please put in comments.

So, We Have Another Reason to Take off a Brassiere

You know, if I were single, and a teenager, I’d be tempted to ask my date* to remove her bra because I expected a gas attack.

Whatever motivated someone to patent a bra that converts into two gas masks, I’ll never know, but it won them an Ig Nobel prize.

*Just so you know, I really did not have much of a social life in high school, so the prospect of just seeing a bra then was a big deal.

It’s Shagadelic, Baby!

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The “Gogo” boots REALLY bring the ensemble together,

Though the Mini-Skirts, and the

White gloves and the Chinese model 79 sub-machine gun finish it all nicely.

Seriously, the Militiawomen uniforms at the People’s Republic 60th anniversary celebrations look like something out of Austin Powers’ wet dreams.

See also my earlier post Crouching Tiger, Hidden Segway, for more Chinese photo weirdness.

I understand the red, because after all, it is the color of Communism, but the miniskirts and Go-Go boots add a very silly aspect to all of this.

Republican Jesus Lives

Just when you thought that the politicization of religion could not get any more despicable, we find that right wingers have decided to rewrite the bible in order to excise all those liberal bits:

  1. Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias
  2. Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, “gender inclusive” language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity
  3. Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level
  4. Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms as they develop; defective translations use the word “comrade” three times as often as “volunteer”; similarly, updating words which have a change in meaning, such as “word”, “peace”, and “miracle”.
  5. Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction by using modern terms for it, such as “gamble” rather than “cast lots”; using modern political terms, such as “register” rather than “enroll” for the census
  6. Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil.
  7. Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning
  8. Exclude Later-Inserted Liberal Passages: excluding the later-inserted liberal passages that are not authentic, such as the adulteress story
  9. Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels
  10. Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities; prefer concise, consistent use of the word “Lord” rather than “Jehovah” or “Yahweh” or “Lord God.”

No, this is not a joke, it’s right from the Conservapedia page (no link, it only feeds the delusions)

It is not April Fools Day, nor is it Adar,* and it is not The Onion. This is real.

You know, I believe that it would appropriate at this time for some people to be struck by lightning, or at least to get some damn psychotropic medications, the really strong stuff, because this is nuts, in addition to being laughable, and, of course blasphemous.

I support the right to blaspheme, but I really think it’s a bad idea to call him a c%$#sucker, which is what this is.

I really can’t add anything to the General’s Republican Jesus, so just go to his site, and buy his stuff, but don’t read his site when you are drinking anything, or you will need a screen cleaner.

*The month of Adar in the Hebrew calendar. It is associated with Purim, and is the preferred time for practical jokes.

Ummmmm…Not So Fast

It appears that the Telegraph in the UK has reported that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s family converted from Judaism to Islam and changed their name when he was 4 years old, largely on the basis of the change in family name from Sabourjian.

The problem is that this is simply untrue, according to the Guardian.

First, the Telegraph says:

  • That “Sabour” is the word for Talit used by Iranian Jews.
    • Not true: it means “thread painter”, and refers to those who work coloring fibers for Persian carpets.
      • Note that thread painting is not a traditionally Jewish profession in Iran.
    • The word used by Iranian Jews for the Tallit is “Tallit” (my experience with Iranian coreligionists) or Titzit (19th Century Iranian Judaism Scholar David Yeroshalm), both Hebrew words from scripture.
    • According to scholars, there is no word Sabour at all among Jewish dialects in Iran.
  • That “Jian” is a suffix that almost exclusively refers to practicing Jews.
    • Simply untrue. It’s a fairly common suffix.

What is true, however, is that surnames have come fairly recently to Iran, and that the “hicks in the sticks”, typically had surnames associated with the family profession, like “thread painter”:

The reason that Ahmadinejad’s father changed his surname has more to do with the class struggle in Iran. When it became mandatory to adopt surnames, many people from rural areas chose names that represented their professions or that of their ancestors. This made them easily identifiable as townfolk. In many cases they changed their surnames upon moving to Tehran, in order to avoid snobbery and discrimination from residents of the capital.

The Sabourjians were one of many such families. Their surname was related to carpet-making, an industry that conjures up images of sweatshops. They changed it to Ahmadinejad in order to help them fit in. The new name was also chosen because it means from the race of Ahmad, one of the names given to Muhammad.

But wait, there’s more:

Moreover, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s mother is a Seyyede. This is a title given to women whose family are believed to be direct bloodline descendants of Prophet Muhammad. Male members are given the title of Seyyed, and include prominent figures such as Iran’s supreme leader Ali Khamenei. In Judaism, this is equivalent to the Cohens, who are direct descendants of Aaron, the brother of Moses. One has to be born into a Seyyed family: the title is never given to Muslims by birth, let alone converts. This makes it impossible for Ahmadinejad’s mother to have been a Jew. In fact, she was so proud of her lineage that everyone in her native village of Aradan referred to her by her Islamic title, Seyyede.

So, even if his father, or his father’s family were Jewish, he would not be, because Judaism is matrilineal, and if your mother is not Jewish, you are not Jewish, except by formal conversion.

Of course, I am competing with two links from two papers, the Telegraph, and the The Grauniad*, so why am I taking the side of the latter?

It’s pretty simple really: First, I have had Iranian Jewish friends, and the phrase “Sabour” never came up, and we did talk about Tallit in shul, and second, because the source was a newspaper formerly owned by Conrad Black, before he was sent off to a very well deserved stint in jail, and every story from a news outlet formerly owned by Conrad Black should be viewed with a jaundiced eye.

Additionally, you will note that that the Telegraph provides no on the record sources for its analysis, while the Grauniad* does, and goes into some detail as to the background of these sources.

*According to the Wiki, The Guardian, formerly the Manchester Guardian in the UK. It’s nicknamed the Grauniad because of its penchant for typographical errors, “The nickname The Grauniad for the paper originated with the satirical magazine Private Eye. It came about because of its reputation for frequent and sometimes unintentionally amusing typographical errors, hence the popular myth that the paper once misspelled its own name on the page one masthead as The Gaurdian, though many recall the more inventive The Grauniad.”

Life on Mars

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When the World Ends, All that Will Be Left are Cockroaches and Australian Surfers

Odd Day at the Playground
The Iconic Opera House

Satellite Image

If you want to see more, your best bet is Google Images, though you can get the proverbial, “rest of the story,” from the Mail Online (and here), BBC NEWS, the CSM, and see this video at the bottom.

Whatever the case, it is clear that the mars analogies seem almost universal.

Oh My God!

KFC’s Double Down Sandwich:

Contents:

  • 1 fried chicken patty
  • 2 slices of cheese
  • 2 slices of bacon
  • Yet another fried chicken patty.

Yep, the fried chicken fillets are in place of the bread, which means, I guess, that it is cool for Atkins folks.

According to the KFC PR flaks, the nutritive…..Value? Is as follows:

  • Calories: 590
  • Calories from fat: 280
  • Total fat: 31g
  • Saturated fat: 10g
  • Trans fat: 0g
  • Cholesterol: 190mg

Great googly moogly. If I ever get one, I will have to wash it down with a can of Jolt Cola.