Category: Weird

I Had a Major Freakout Today

I picked up Natalie from visiting her boy friend Ryan.

He was wearing a tank top, and I noticed that, much like me, he was a seriously hairy dude.

I described him as, “A Wookie.”

He entered college majoring engineering, though he is switching to music production.

While we were driving home, we discussed his music, and I discovered that, for a while at least, he played the trombone.

Hairy, engineer, trombone player.

That describes her dad as well.

My mind was completely blown.

Natalie was unamused.

Charlie, who was in the car with us, laughed so hard he nearly wet himself.

I am Seriously Considering Changing My Name

A man has changed his last name to “Null” and as a result, has scored lots of free stuff:

A man who changed his surname to ‘Null’ claims he’s bagged numerous freebies because the word isn’t compatible with computer databases.

Raven Felix Null, 24, says he changed his name when he became an adult and claims it’s resulted in seven free nights at seven different hotels and free-of-charge car rental.

It’s all because the word ‘Null’ doesn’t register with the computer’s programming, so computer systems assume he’s not a person.

The glitch means that when receptionists enter “Null” in the surname box the system automatically recognises the word as “an absence of data”.

Which then results in the computer refusing to validate the request and Raven isn’t billed for any of the items he’s purchased.

The IT manager shared his knowledge on Reddit, where he goes by the username koalahumper, saying: “I have gotten a lot of free stuff because [a] code gives an error to the effect of “last name can’t be left blank” and the person helping me will “just put my info in later” but they never do (or can’t).”

If someone decides to challenge him about the issue, Raven threatens to sue the company for discrimination and the problem is often left until later in the day.

………

And Raven insists he didn’t change his surname to “Null” to try and gain freebies, instead he chose it so he could disassociate himself from everything.

He explained: “it means nothing, meaning I am not connected to my “family” in any way any”.

Me, I would change my name to, “Matthew’); DROP TABLE NSA;”.

Why You Should Go to Sanders Rallies, and Not Go to Trump Rallies

Because if a topless protester shows up, Sanders lets her in, and Trump kicks her out:

Democratic presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders this week joked about a topless woman who showed up at one of his rallies recently to protest Republican rival Donald Trump


“Well, I was trying very hard to get every detail,” the Vermont senator joked during an interview with Phoenix-area radio station KTAR when asked if he could read the text on the woman’s chest.

“No, just kidding,” Sanders chuckled as the male radio hosts erupted into laughter.

“No, actually I was trying to focus on a couple of other things,” Sanders continued, trying to stifle another laugh as he pivoted to discuss campaign issues of income inequality.

A woman who tried unsuccessfully to get into one of Trump’s rallies in Arizona over the weekend opted to show up at Sanders’s rally in Phoenix on Saturday instead.

The words “stop fascism” were revealed on her back and “hate speech is not free speech” were marked on her chest, as she stood on someone’s back, interrupting Sanders’s rally.

She was also wearing “Free the Nipple” pasties.

Photos (she is quite fetching) available at the links.

Don’t Tug on Superman’s Cape. Don’t Piss into the Wind

Don’t rely on internet polls to name something:

A state-of-the-art research vessel in search of a name is getting some help from the general public and their top choice is flying in the face of British nautical convention.

Britain’s National Environmental Research Council (NERC) launched an online voting contest, asking for inspirational names of historical figures, landmarks and movements to christen the £200-million ship ($375-million CAD). The internet responded, and the current frontrunner is none-other than RRS Boaty McBoatface.

The 15,000-ton, 128-yard-long Royal Research Ship is currently under construction on the coast of Merseyside and is gearing up to be launched for a research mission to Antarctica in 2019.

The much more appropriate RRS Henry Worsley, RRS David Attenborough and RRS Pillar of Autumn are the current runners-up, though Boaty McBoatface is outpacing its closest competitor 10-1 with over 22,500 votes.

The online poll has proven to be so successful that NERC reported the high traffic caused the website to temporarily crash Sunday.

It appears that, much like many things on the internet, the meme started as a joke:

A man who suggested naming a new £200m ship Boaty McBoatface has apologised.

The suggestion has attracted more than 27,000 votes in an online poll of names for the Royal Research ship, causing the website to crash.

Former BBC presenter James Hand said he found the list of possible names “really funny” so decided to “throw one into the ring”.

He “apologised profusely” to the Natural Environment Research Council.

There is no guarantee the ship will be given the name that tops the poll, with the final decision to be made by the chief executive of the NERC.

Other names in the running are RRS Pingu, RRS Usain Boat and RRS David Attenborough.

A NERC spokesperson said staff were “very much enjoying hearing everyone’s ideas”.

Mr Hand said: “I read the story about naming the ship on the BBC website on Thursday and some of the entries were really funny – my favourite was Clifford The Big Red Boat.

“I thought I would throw one into the ring. By Friday night it was leading by a couple of thousand, and when the site crashed on Sunday it was leading by 8,000. It’s been utterly bizarre.”

Boaty McBoatface is 25,000 votes ahead of the second place suggestion, RRS Henry Worsley.

The boat is being built at the Cammell Laird shipyard in Birkenhead on Merseyside and when completed in 2019 it will study ice sheets, ocean currents and marine life as part of the Cambridge-based British Antarctic Survey.

“I’ve apologised profusely to the people behind the website,” the former Good Morning Jersey host said.

BTW, you can go to this link to vote.

I have already voted for Boaty McBoatface, because I am an asshole.

Remember This Come Pledge Week


On her hand is the Celtic Cross, the logo for Stormfront, and NeoNazis throughout the world


On the other hand, “H H”, as in, “Heil Hitler”


And you can get it on T-Shirts and Pillows

The PBS news hour did a warm fuzzy about how politically engaged some Trump supporters in North Caroline were deeply involving themselves in the political process.

Somehow, they missed the fact that this family was festooned with white supremacist tattoos:

Last night, PBS NewsHour ran a story on the Tilly family of Fayetteville, North Carolina. The Tillys do not have a history of being active in politics, but various members of the family—both old and young—are being motivated to vote or work for a campaign for the first time by Donald Trump.

If you can put aside the fact that the Tillys are rallying behind Trump, this is a small but almost heartwarming story of a family choosing to engage with democracy. That’s also if you can put aside the fact that Grace, one of the central characters in the story, has large white power tattoos on each of her hands.

Someone at the News Hour has got a lot of explaining to do.

This sort of stuff is American Nazi 101, and I have no clue how everyone involved in this news report missed it.

How Utterly Proper

Ben Carson has endorsed Donald Trump for Presisent, and capped it off by suggesting that it’s all an act:

Ben Carson, the former pediatric neurosurgeon who dropped out of the Republican presidential race last week, endorsed Donald Trump on Friday, praising his “guts” and “energy.”

“There are two different Donald Trumps,” Carson said at the billionaire’s Mar-a-Lago resort in Palm Beach, Florida. “There’s the one you see on the stage and there’s the one who is very cerebral, sits there and considers things very carefully. You can have a very good conversation with him. That’s the Donald Trump that you’re going to start seeing more and more of.”

Trump agreed with that assessment.

“I probably do agree. There’s the public version … it seems to have worked over my lifetime,” he said. “I think it’s different than the personal one.”

Moments later, though, Trump seemed to reject that idea.

“I don’t think there are two Donald Trumps. I think there’s one Donald Trump,” he said.

This is aa whole world of mental dysfunction, as would be anticipated by putting Donald Trump and Ben Carson together.

The frightening thing is that one of them is the odds on favorite for the Republican nomination.

Headline of the Day

Clowns Kicked out of Trans Pacific Partnership Roadshow.

It’s a real headline, and it does not refer to the people trying to sell that piece of unmitigated crap, it refers to actual clowns:

Four people dressed as clowns have been kicked out of the first stop of the Government’s Trans-Pacific Partnership information roadshow in Auckland.

The quartet were honking horns, blowing balloons and laughing, Newstalk ZB reported.

Master of Ceremonies Sean Plunket asked those also present at the roadshow to vote on whether they should be allowed to stay, before they were escorted out by police.

The 12-country agreement is designed to free up trade and investment between the countries, but has been a beacon for controversy for several years, mainly due to the secrecy of the deal, lack of public consultation and fears New Zealand’s sovereignty could be diminished. Widespread protests occurred when it was signed in Auckland a month ago, and traffic in the city was brought to a halt by protesters who blocked roads and motorway on and off-ramps.

I do understand why they were thrown out.

The real clowns are the people in suits trying to sell the deal.

I Have Been Studiously Ignoring This Crap, but Now We Have a Grant of Immunity

Yes, I am a Bernie supporter, but I’ve always felt that the whole Benghazi/Email with Clinton is 6 pounds of sh%$ in a 5 pound bag.

I guess I have to start taking it kind of seriously, because the IT guy who set up Clinton’s email server has cut an immunity deal with the DoJ

The Justice Department has granted immunity to a former State Department staffer, who worked on Hillary Clinton’s private email server, as part of a criminal investigation into the possible mishandling of classified information, according to a senior law enforcement official.

The official said the FBI had secured the cooperation of Bryan Pagliano, who worked on Clinton’s 2008 presidential campaign before setting up the server in her New York home in 2009.

As the FBI looks to wrap up its investigation in the coming months, agents are likely to want to interview Clinton and her senior aides about the decision to use a private server, how it was set up, and whether any of the participants knew they were sending classified information in emails, current and former officials said.

I still think that the email server thing is complete crap, and the Benghazi pearl clutching is such dense crap that it risks collapsing into a bullsh%$ black hole.

Still, with the grant of immunity, this stinking sack of sh%$ just got real.

No Butts About It

I am not referring to the tuchas. I am referring to the archery practice, which for many centuries was mandatory for English yeomen.

And now an English vicar has invoked this ancient law:

A vicar has revived an ancient law to call members of her parish together for archery practice.

The Reverend Mary Edwards, of Collingbourne Ducis, near Marlborough, called residents to the village recreation ground on Friday.

Residents were rewarded for complying with the law with a bar, a barbecue and live music.

Church warden Mike Cox said: “It seems she’s still entitled to do that.”

“I’ve been checking on the web and most archery experts and clergy seem to agree she is,” Mr Cox added.

………

“We are celebrating the building of a new loo [bathroom] in the church. After all these years we have at long last brought running water to the church.”

It’s a wonderful story, but it appears that their understanding of the law is not accurate:

……… And, in fact, it appears that the archery requirement was repealed quite a while ago.

While I would have preferred to fly to England and go rummaging through the Parliamentary Archives to confirm this personally, I had a deadline to meet, plus I am not especially welcome there anymore because of what I see as a simple misunderstanding as to whether their reading rooms are clothing-optional. So I have relied on the Internet, which is less authoritative but also less judgmental.

It is clear that there were laws requiring archery practice dating back to at least the 13th century. The motive was to make sure England had enough men trained to use the longbow, which for centuries was a crucial weapon for the English. (The most famous example is Agincourt, a battle that Henry V won in 1415 and is still going on about.)

The training requirement was usually combined with prohibitions on other kinds of games and sports so that people would focus on archery instead of, for example, “tennis, football, [quoits], dice” and other “games inappropriate.” The point was not so much to condemn games as to make sure they did not get in the way of longbow training. In other words, they saw nothing morally wrong with tennis, it’s just that it is hard to kill a French knight with a tennis ball, no matter how good your serve is.

In 1511 the requirement was expanded by “An Act concerning Shooting in Long Bows,” even though by then the importance of the bow was declining. This law provided that “All sorts of men under the age of 40 Years shall have bows and arrows” and practice using them. The playing of games continued, however, and in 1541 the law was expanded yet again by “An Act for the Maintenance of Artillery, and debarring unlawful Games,” the preamble to which declares that said games were believed to be the “Cause of the Decay of Archery” skills in England (There was another very important cause by then, namely guns–or, more specifically, bullets–but games always seem to get blamed for social problems.)

The archery requirement was extended to all men under age 60, and the list of banned games was expanded. As before, though, these restrictions did not apply to the aristocracy. They tended to become knights, not archers, plus they had the God-given right to play games if they liked. According to them, that is, not God.

At least some of this was still on the books well into the 19th century, but was probably repealed during the reign of Queen Victoria. In 1845, “An Act to Amend the Law concerning Games and Wagers” repealed any part of King Henry’s 1541 law making any “Game of Skill” unlawful or “which enacts any penalty for lacking bows or arrows … or which regulates the making, selling or using of bows and arrows.” If any of the older stuff survived, it was most likely repealed by more recent acts intended to get some of the ancient stuff off the books.

Seeing as how the good vicar did not threaten any sanctions against those who declined to practice archery, I won’t spoil her fun, but it appears that she does not have the law on her side.

H/t Jill Junkala on Facebook.

How Utterly Proper

This really shouldn’t be a surprise.

Palin has been feeling persecuted by the Republican establishment since 2009 or so, and unlike Ted Cruz, Trump does know how to be charming when he wants to close a deal, so there is a twisted internal logic to her endorsement of Donald Trump:

Sarah Palin, the former Alaska governor and 2008 vice-presidential nominee who became a Tea Party sensation and a favorite of grass-roots conservatives, endorsed Donald J. Trump in Iowa on Tuesday, providing him with a potentially significant boost just 13 days before the state’s caucuses.

“Are you ready for the leader to make America great again?” Mrs. Palin said with Mr. Trump by her side at a rally at Iowa State University. “Are you ready to stump for Trump? I’m here to support the next president of the United States — Donald Trump.”

Her support is the highest-profile backing for a Republican so far. It came the same day that Iowa’s Republican governor, Terry Branstad, said he hoped that Senator Ted Cruz would be defeated in Iowa. The Feb. 1 caucuses are a must-win for the Texas senator, who is running neck-and-neck with Mr. Trump in state polls.

The endorsement came as Mr. Trump was bearing down in the state, holding multiple campaign events and raising expectations about his performance in the nation’s first nominating contest.

As Mrs. Palin announced her backing, Mr. Trump stood wearing a satisfied smile as she scolded mainstream Republicans as sellouts and praised how Mr. Trump had shaken up the party. “He’s been going rogue left and right,” Mrs. Palin said of Mr. Trump, using one of her signature phrases. “That’s why he’s doing so well. He’s been able to tear the veil off this idea of the system.”

In literally related news, the son of Alaska’s mom of the year, “Track Palin, Got Drunk And Beated Up A Lady With His Gun, Allegedly.”

What a busy day for the Palin family! Sarah’s in Iowa making drunk faces about Makin’ America Great Again for Donald Trump, Bristol’s sitting at home COVERED in out-of-wedlock baby poo and “writing” internet letters about what a dick Ted Cruz is and OH LOL GUESS WHAT, Track Palin had to go to court, because he was arrested Monday night for beating up a lady, interfering with a domestic violence report, and also too brandishing a weapon while intoxicated.

Put in more Regular American talk, Track Palin was arrested for being a common drunk-brawlin’ Palin.

Allegedly.

Whoa if true, though, and we hope she’s OK. Here’s your press release from the Wasilla po-po’s office:

On 01/18/2016 at approximately 2204 hours, Wasilla Police responded to a residence for a disturbance. An investigation revealed Track Palin had committed a domestic violence assault on a female, interfered with her ability to report a crime of domestic violence, and possessed a firearm while intoxicated. Palin was arrested and charges of assault in the fourth degree (domestic violence), interfering with a domestic violence report, and misconduct involving weapons in the fourth degree were forwarded to the District Attorney’s Office. Palin was held without bail until arraignment.

UH-OH! We are so shocked by this behavior, young man.

As the saying says, “First as tragedy, then as farce”.

I believe that this farce is called “The Wasilla Hillbillies.”

Larry Wilmore and Trevor Noah Just Experienced the Comedy Rapture


Kind of like Norman Rockwell ……… On Acid

Because the crack smoking, peeing in public, murder threatening, formerMayor of Toronto, Chris Farley wannabee Rob Ford has announced his candidacy for Mayor of Toronto:

Smoking crack, urinating in public and threatening murder might each be the kind of behaviour you’d expect to put an end to any politician’s career.

But Rob Ford, the former mayor of Toronto, seems to be the exception to the rule. And if he has his way, he might once again represent Canada’s largest city.

During a Twitter exchange on Wednesday, Ford was asked if he planned to return to office.

“I’ll be on the ballot running for Mayor in 2018,” Ford replied.

………

But after months of speculation, Toronto police found the recording, and Ford was forced to admit that he had smoked crack – probably during a “drunken stupor”. Yet he refused to resign.

Over the following months, Ford’s behavior only grew more erratic, and stories of his previous behavior started to emerge.

In 2003, he called a colleague at a city council meeting a “slithering snake” who “should be back in his cage where he comes from”. A year earlier, while discussing a public meeting on the possibility of a homeless shelter in his district, he asked: “why don’t we have a public lynching?” and he was thrown out of a Maple Leafs hockey game after getting in a fight with fans while drunk.

In October 2013, he was spotted urinating in public behind an Etobicoke public school. The following month, during a raucous debate, Ford barreled over an elderly politician, Pam McConnell, knocking her to the ground. Also during that month, a video was released of the politician in a dining room raging about killing someone while apparently high, staggering and slurring.

This guy is comedy gold, and if he is elected, the people of Toronto are stupid beyond belief.

Hard Core Badass!

Charlie, my son, and section leaders for the percussion section, was practicing in band for this Thursday’s concert.

He was playing the bongos, and there was an incident.

I got the following texts:

I pulled a Pete Townshend.

………


I was playing the bongo part when I looked down and saw pink on one of the heads. I played too hard and the skin came off one of my knuckles.

I replied:

Thank God you didn’t pull a Keith Moon.

We would have to pay to rebuild the f%$#ing stage.

No worries, ‘Tis but a scratch.

He’s still good for the concert.

Antonin Scalia is Too Extreme for ……… Donald Trump?

This is strange beyond belief:

GOP presidential front-runner Donald Trump says he does not agree with comments from Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia questioning the efficacy of affirmative action.

“I don’t like what he said, no, I don’t like what he said. I heard him, I was like, ‘Let me read it again,’ because I actually read it in print, and I’m going, I read a lot of stuff, and I’m going, ‘Woah,’ ” Trump said in an interview televised Sunday on CNN’s “State of the Union.”

The billionaire said he thought Scalia’s comments were “very tough to the African-American community.”

Trump, who has supported affirmative action in the past but declined to say whether he was in favor of it today, said he has great friendships with black people.

“I have great African-American friendships,” he said. “I have just amazing relationships. And so many positive things have happened.”

We f%$#ing live in f%$#ing Bizarro World.

I think that this was an authentic statement from Trump, but honestly, I’m not sure when he is sincere, and when he is just trolling.

And I Sit in Front of My Monitor, Looking lIke a Cow That Just Stepped on Its Own Udder

I’ve just discovered that, among the international sports federations, the world Soccer organization FIFA is the 2nd Least corrupt:

A study conducted by Play the Game/Danish Institute for Sports Studies, and published in October 2015, found that on the basic criterion of good governance, Fifa ranks second among the 35 Olympic international sports federations with a Sports Governance Observance index of 67.8 percent.

Yes, the same Fifa that was raided by the police for the second time on Wednesday, resulting in more arrests of its officials. The same Fifa against whose officials US government officials revealed a new indictment that alleges “an even more extensive network of criminal behaviour across dozens of countries and that involved some of the most powerful people in international soccer,” according to The New York Times.

What the f%$#ing f%$3?

We are living in Bizarro world.

H/t Naked Capitalism