Category: Weird

Today in Stupid

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In Marshfield, Wisconsin, a school board member is trying to ban a Muppet book:

File this under “Why even local elections are important.”

In Marshfield, Wisconsin, the school board decided last summer to slightly change the curriculum to include kindergarten teachers to read a Muppets-themed book called “For Every Child A Better World.” Per the Amazon description of the book, it is about this:

The familiar character of Kermit the Frog teaches young readers about the plight of young children who lack the basic human necessities and the efforts of the United Nations to provide such essentials as housing, water, food, and medical aid.

The goal of reading this book was to help make the little tykes better citizens, something that this world does desperately need.

But one of the school board members, Mary Carney, had a complete breakdown about this book and threatened to not send her kids to her school district. Carney’s beef was that she felt that the new curriculum downplayed “American exceptionalism”:

As near as I can determine, Marshfield is a place for people who aren’t cool enough to live in Wausau, Wisconsin.

Politics Got a Bit Less Entertaining………

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Jimmy “The Rent Is Too Damn High” McMillan has announced that he is retiring from politics:

Jimmy McMillan, the whiskered political showman who became a viral Internet star when he ran for governor of New York in 2010 as a candidate of the Rent Is Too Damn High Party, has announced his retirement from the political arena, citing a lack of public support for his agenda.

In a news release infused with misspellings and other errors that was dated Tuesday, Mr. McMillan said voters had been “totally brainwashed” and criticized Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo and Mayor Bill de Blasio, both Democrats, for not securing “a rent reduction for the people in the cities of Brooklyn, Bronx, Staten Island, Manhattan and Queens.”

“Rent is too damn high is an international crisis,” he wrote. “There are many questions the people should ask themselves. I which them the best — I’m out.”

The news release said the Rent Is Too Damn High Party was “for sale, trademark and all,” and listed a Manhattan lawyer, Vincent Imbesi, as a point of contact.

He will be missed from the political scene.

Don’t Get J.K Rowling Angry. You Wouldn’t Like Her When She’s Angry.

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It appears that the author of the Harry Potter series has taken umbrage at everyone comparing Voldemort to Donald Trump:

Harry Potter author JK Rowling has rejected the comparison of US presidential candidate Donald Trump to the villain in her seven-part book series, saying on Twitter that “Voldemort was nowhere near as bad”.

How horrible. Voldemort was nowhere near as bad. https://t.co/hFO0XmOpPH

— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) December 8, 2015


The author was tweeting in response to a BBC report on the number of tweets comparing the Republican politician with the Dark Lord.

Trump made headlines on Tuesday when he called for a “total and complete shutdown” of US borders to Muslims, in the wake of the San Bernardino terrorist attack. Trump has targeted Muslims in previous speeches, calling for surveillance of mosques across America and claiming Muslims in New Jersey cheered the 9/11 terrorist attacks, a claim he refused to retract despite fact-checkers debunking it.

We live in Bizarro World.

Well, This Is One F%$# of a Campaign Slogan………

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Too Evil for Dick Cheney.

Seriously, it is a complete mindf%$# that the Donald has plumbed depths that Dick Cheney recoils from in horror:

Former Vice President Dick Cheney is joining a chorus of voices slamming GOP presidential front-runner Donald Trump’s proposal to bar Muslims from entering the U.S.

“I think this whole notion that somehow we can just say no more Muslims, just ban a whole religion, goes against everything we stand for and believe in,” Cheney told radio host Hugh Hewitt.

“I mean, religious freedom has been a very important part of our history and where we came from,” Cheney added during Monday’s interview.

This is so wrong, and so weird, that I am at a complete loss for words.

Martin Shkreli Has Just Made Express Scripts® a Hero

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This is a bigger shock than Darth Vader being Luke Skywalker’s father.

Deeply and ineluctiblky evil pharmacy benefits manager Express Scripts®, in partnership with the compounding pharmacy Imprimis®, will offer a $1.00 clone of Turing Pharmaceutical’s Dataprim anti-parasite drug:

Express Scripts, the largest pharmacy benefits manager in the U.S., said on Tuesday it will partner with Imprimis Pharmaceuticals to provide a $1 alternative to Daraprim, the 62-year-old drug for a rare parasitic infection. In September, the company that owned the drug stoked outrage when it hiked the drug’s price by more than 5,000 percent overnight.

 Imprimis, a California compounding pharmaceutical company, said in October it would make the alternative—a compounded formulation of the active ingredient in Daraprim, pyrimethamine, and another drug, leucovorin—available for $99 for a 100-count bottle, or less than $1 per pill.

 That compares with a price of $750 per pill for the drug provided by Turing Pharmaceuticals, the company that acquired Daraprim earlier this year and dramatically raised its price from $13.50 a tablet to $750.

Express Scripts® is so evil and incompetent that it stuns Richard Bruce Cheney, but Martin Shkreli has just allowed them to be heroes.

This is a mindf%$# on a level I would heretofore think impossible.

The Stupid, It Burns!

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In Canada, a Yoga class has been canceled because of accusations of cultural appropriation:

In studios across the nation, as many as 20 million Americans practice yoga every day. Few worry that their downward dogs or warrior poses disrespect other cultures.

But yoga comes from India, once a British colony. And now, at one Canadian university, a yoga class designed to include disabled students has been canceled after concerns the practice was taken from a culture that “experienced oppression, cultural genocide and diasporas due to colonialism and western supremacy,” according to the group that once sponsored it.

In a telephone interview with The Washington Post, Jennifer Scharf, who taught the class for up to 60 people at the University of Ottawa, said she was unhappy about the decision, but accepted it.

“This particular class was intro to beginners’ yoga because I’m very sensitive to this issue,” she said. “I would never want anyone to think I was making some sort of spiritual claim other than the pure joy of being human that belongs to everyone free of religion.”

Oh, you poor delicate flowers.

On a related note, I am starting a charity, the Association of Cranial Rectal Inversion Disease, (ACRID) for people with their heads chronically up their asses.

H/T Stephen Saroff      o o  The Bear who Swims      
                        (_)_____o      
                     ~~~~(______)~~~~~~~~~~
                         oo    oo

This is Not the Onion

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She Turned Me Into a Newt!

Former Republican nominee for US Senator Deleware, Christine O’Donnel, who in 2010 was forced to kick of her campaign by declaring that she was not a witch, is now calling an FEC lawsuit over her campaign finance management a “Witch Hunt”.

She needs to get this straight. Is she a witch, or isn’t she?

Former U.S. Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell said Friday that a Federal Election Commission lawsuit accusing her of improper campaign expenditures is a “witch hunt” and a waste of taxpayer dollars.

O’Donnell, who famously declared during the 2010 Senate race that she was not a witch, made the comment in a teleconference with the federal judge hearing the case.

O’Donnell also said she is having trouble hiring a local attorney, claiming that at least three lawyers she has talked to have received phone calls warning of “political backlash” if they represent her. She declined to identify them or provide further details, noting that an Associated Press reporter was listening to the teleconference.

Yes, I know that my characterization is neither fair nor accurate, but seriously, this is just too good, and too weird, to pass up.

The Worst Job in Washington, DC

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The Zombie Eyed Granny Starver from Wisconsin has aggred to take the job of Speaker of the House, but he has laid out conditions that resemble those of a Heisman winning first round draft pick:

On Tuesday night, Rep. Paul Ryan announced that he’ll run for speaker of the House — if he gets the endorsement of every major Republican caucus by this Friday, and they agree to sign on to rules changes making it much harder for the far right to depose the speaker in the middle of a session.

 In a meeting with his House Republican colleagues, Ryan laid out several conditions that he’d want in exchange for taking the job. According to a statement issued by Ryan’s office, he said:

  • That the next speaker should be “visionary” and “needs to use the platform to create a clear policy choice for the country”
  • That rules should be changed to make it much more difficult to challenge the speaker’s leadership in the middle of a House term
  • That he wanted to spend “less time on the road” (meaning less than the three weekends a month Boehner spends fundraising)
  • And that the next speaker should be “a unifying figure across the conference”

The last of those is particularly important. The statement from Ryan’s office says he will only run “if he is a unity candidate — with the endorsement of all the conference’s major caucuses,” and that members should “make clear whether they support” him by Friday.

So I guess that we can add prima donna to his resume as well.

It’s kind of amusing, the Teabagger caucus finally gets Boehner’s scalp, and discovers that they are now at the point where no one is willing to take the job.

Charlie Pierce notes that Ryan wants to ignore the basic history and responsibilities of the office:

………
Comes now Paul Ryan, the zombie-eyed granny-starver from the state of Wisconsin, who apparently will deign to become Speaker of the House, but only if the entire Republican caucus in the House supports him, and only if the more recalcitrant members of the caucus agree not to turn on him. This very much includes the 40 members of the so-called “Freedom Caucus,” the prion-addled Patient Zeroes of movement conservatism, and the people who defenestrated John Boehner and also ended Kevin McCarthy’s aspirations. So far, these folks seem reluctant to accept the conditions proposed by “Uncle Paul” Ryan.

Ryan’s conditions include rules changes that would make it more difficult to overthrow a sitting speaker – a provision that Rep. Raul Labrador, R-Idaho, a leader of the Freedom Caucus, said is a “non-starter.” “We have to remember everything in the House and everything in Congress is about checks and balances,” Labrador said. “We have two houses of Congress for that reason. We have three branches of government for that reason, and one of the reasons that every board has the freedom to vacate (the chair).” And fellow Freedom Caucus member Rep. Mo Brooks said in addition to that concern, he takes issue with Ryan’s track record on immigration. “Paul Ryan’s support for amnesty and open borders, that is a significant factor,” the Alabama Republican said.

​Plainly, Paul Ryan wants to be granted the authority and prerogatives of a being powerful Speaker without having to earn them through the process of persuasion that became a requirement of the office beginning with the breaking of [Despotic House Speaker from the turn of the last century] Joe Cannon. Now, having Paul Ryan two heartbeats from the presidency is a goddamn awful idea merely on its merits. But, beyond that, his demands seem to me to be based on a fundamental misreading of the current political landscape. For the past 30 years, through the deliberate development of the political identity that infected the party with the prion disease, no Republican politician ever will be allowed to be truly safe. The party handed the skunks the weapons, and the skunks learned how to use them. You’re their huckleberry now, sport.

This really is going to be the worst job in the world, and at the rate that this is going, I would expect half of the Republican Caucus to exhume the body of Ronald Reagan, and make him Speaker.

It is a f%$#ing mess.

Funniest Lad Mad Cover in Pakistan of the Day

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Pakistani actress Veena Malik just appeared nude on the cover of FHM India sporting ink on her left arm saying “ISI”.

This is a reference to the Pakistani intelligence service which has been accused of supporting terrorists in South Asia, and they are not amused:

In this month’s issue of FHM India, an international men’s magazine, Pakistani actress Veena Malik made worldwide headlines with a risqué nude photo shoot. While much of the attention has been on what Malik wasn’t wearing, one of the most powerful elements of her photo shoot was what she was sporting: a big, bold tattoo on her left arm, stating very simply, “ISI,” for Pakistani’s secretive Inter-Services Intelligence Directorate.

The cover headline: “Pakistani W.M.D. Veena Malik Shows You How to Throw a Grenade!”

Indeed, the cover has been explosive; PakAlertPress.com, for instance splashed a headline on its blog: “India and Pakistan Are Going Nuclear Over Provocative Political Tattoo.” And the photo has elicited a furious reaction in Pakistan’s media and in its living rooms.

In one fell swoop, the enormous tattoo on a bare woman’s body managed to demystify, emasculate and parody the ISI — something most people have been afraid to do in public since the inception of the agency a year after the birth of the nation in 1947. Founded with a mission of coordinating intelligence in the country after Pakistan’s loss to India in the 1947 war in Kashmir, the agency has become a feared, though privately mocked, enterprise, its hands allegedly in every back-room Pakistani deal; rigging elections, training militants for battle in India and Afghanistan, and monitoring its own citizens. The tattoo’s location on Malik’s body takes on special meaning in light of retired Adm. Mike Mullen’s statement in September that the militant Haqqani Network, considered by most Western analysts and experts to be based in the tribal areas of Pakistan, is a “veritable arm” of the ISI.

………

Kabeer Sharma, editor of FHM India, says the ISI tattoo was meant to be a sardonic reflection of India’s own conspiracy theories about the intelligence agency. “In India, you say, ‘The milk has gone bad. The ISI did it,’ They blame all of their problems on ISI,” says Sharma.

Sharma, the son of an Indian satirist and New Delhi bookstore owner, says that a dilemma on the subcontinent is that folks don’t laugh enough over the absurdities of politics. “The problem,” he says, “is that we all blame our problems on this imaginary force. Who is this ISI?” Meanwhile, on the Pakistan side, everything is blamed on RAW. “We collectively have no sense of humor. We have no sense of irony,” he says.

………

But this isn’t just a conspiracy hatched in India (though the magazine was produced there), feeding the siege mentality behind so much of the rhetoric in Pakistan. In a country where the “ghairat brigade,” or honor squad, of talking heads takes regularly to the airwaves to defend Pakistan’s honor against enemies — perceived and imagined — the photo shoot was a victory for a new movement that is emerging in Pakistan: the beghairat brigade, or the squad “without honor,” or more aptly the “shameless brigade.”

To many, the beghairat brigade offers a counter to the conspiracy theories that so permeate debates in Pakistan. Josh White, a scholar on Pakistan at the U.S. Institute of Peace, says, “I think the significance of the small but interesting beghairat movement is that it is trying to forge a way of being genuinely nationalistic without accepting the narrative that all of Pakistan’s problems are the result of someone else’s meddling.”

I am sure that there are some deeper sociological points here, but this tempest in a teapot also amusing as hell.

Keeping Austin Weird

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The Texas Legislature, in its infinite wisdom, had decided to make restrictions on carrying firearms on college campuses illegal.

In response, UT-Austin students are staging a Cocks not Glocks protest:

Hundreds of students at the University of Texas at Austin will protest a new law that will allow more guns on campus not with signs or sit-ins, but by “strapping gigantic swinging dildos to our backpacks.”

Their mantra? #CocksNotGlocks

Jessica Jin, who set up the “Campus (DILDO) Carry” event on Facebook, invokes the argument that allowing more guns on campus will make students safe is a fallacy. She’s urging students to send campus leaders that message by strapping on the plastic phalluses.

‘You’re carrying a gun to class? Yeah well I’m carrying a HUGE DILDO,'” Jin says in the group’s description. “Just about as effective at protecting us from sociopathic shooters, but much safer for recreational play.”

More than 330 people had signed up to participate by Saturday morning. The “strap in” will occur on Aug. 24, 2016, the first day of next year’s fall semester.

The event was created the same day one student was killed and another wounded in a shooting at Texas Southern University, and just days after other deadly shootings on campuses in Oregon and Arizona.

Pro-campus carry advocates have said allowing concealed handguns on campus will enable people to defend themselves in the event of a live shooter, while those against it say it makes little difference and could even add to the chaos.

 It’s nice that some things never change in Austin, but this protest is not going to make a difference.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

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I’m not sure whether John Boehner is laughing or crying, but the fact that Congressman Malaprop, AKA current House Majority Leader has decided nto to run for Speaker is a bit of a surprise:

Representative Kevin McCarthy of California abruptly withdrew on Thursday from the race to succeed Speaker John A. Boehner, blindsiding his House Republican colleagues and throwing their already tumultuous chamber into deeper chaos with no clear leader in sight just weeks before a series of high-stakes fiscal battles.

As lawmakers ate barbecue and sipped sodas during what was expected to be a pro forma vote to select Mr. McCarthy as their nominee, he did an about-face, saying that he had concluded he could not unite the increasingly fractious Republican majority.

“I am not that guy,” said Mr. McCarthy, with his wife and family by his side, according to members who were in the room. Moments later, Mr. Boehner, who learned of Mr. McCarthy’s decision only minutes before he announced it, declared the vote postponed and the meeting adjourned even though there were two other candidates in the running, underscoring the weakness of the field.

Some Republicans, including Mr. Boehner and Mr. McCarthy, are pressing Representative Paul D. Ryan of Wisconsin, the party’s nominee for vice president in 2012, to step up. Mr. Ryan, however, has repeatedly said he does not want the job, a point he reiterated Thursday even before his colleagues had left the meeting.

I’ve heard that there were some Republican Representatives crying in the coat closet crying after the announcement.
I love me some sweet Republican tears, but we are in for a really bumpy ride.
If someone like Jason Chaffetz ends up speaker, we will get of the Benghazi-Planned Parenthood-Fast and Furious freak show.
In fact, I would guess that it is even money that they will try to impeach Obama.
Actually, I would think that there is a 10% chance that they will try to retroactively impeach Bill Clinton.
About the only good that might come of this is if it ends up killing the TPP, because nothing else is going to get done.

Gawdammit, Florida!

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I am a firm believer in the principle that there should never be any sort of religious requirement for holding any position of public trust.

Still, when I heard about candidate for US Senate who admits to having sacrificed a goat and drinking its blood, I shake my head, and say, “Only in Florida”.

A lawyer who is standing for the US Senate in Florida has admitted killing a goat and drinking its blood as part of a sacrifice “to the god of the wilderness”.

Augustus Sol Invictus, who changed his name to the Latin phrase which means “majestic unconquered sun”, has accused critics of running a smear campaign against him.

The 32-year-old is a member of the Libertarian Party in Florida and said he carried out the sacrifice as part of a pagan ritual.

He said: “I did sacrifice a goat. I know that’s probably a quibble in the mind of most Americans.

“I sacrificed an animal to the god of the wilderness … yes, I drank the goat’s blood.”

Mr Invictus was responding after the chairman of the Libertarian Party of Florida, Adrian Wyllie, resigned, calling on party leaders to denounce his candidacy.

Florida, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

I’m waiting for them to elect Marilyn Manson governor.

I, For One, Welcome Our New Cow Overlords

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It appears that the Cows have begun their guerrilla campaign to take over the world:

The way to catch a cow is through its stomach – at least that’s what New Hartford police are hoping.

 On Monday, the department set a trap for the rogue cow that continues to make appearances along Route 840. Police previously told the O-D the cow weighs about 1,500 pounds and has been on the loose for several months. Efforts to identify its owner have been unsuccessful.

 “Currently we’re trying to feed it and trap it at the same time,” police Chief Michael Inserra said. “Clinton Tractor has been gracious enough to loan us what is called a headlock feeder … and as (the cow is) feeding on it, a spring-loading locking mechanism will trap the cow in the feeder by its head.”

 Headlock feeders are regularly used by farmers and trap cows in a way similar to how a child’s head could become trapped in a banister.

 Inserra said police placed the trap Monday and are checking on it hourly. If the cow is successfully trapped, a local farmer has agreed to take it, he said.

 “We’re assuming it’s going to take a few days for the cow hopefully to approach this trap,” Inserra said. “It’s a very skittish animal.”

 Stephanie Kelly and her friends spotted the rogue cow on Route 8 on Thursday, while she and other members of the Sauquoit Valley Garden Club were on their way back from a trip to Old Forge.

 Kelly said the cow appeared to be scared, and was running down the road for several miles – holding up southbound traffic – before it ran off into the brush shortly before the Washington Mills exit.

It’s like the beginning of Planet of the Apes.

This is not an isolated incident. This is the beginning of a bovine insurrection!*

*Yes, this is actually an isolated incident. Some cow jumped the fence, and is now out smarting local authorities. It is absurd to suggest that cows are plotting to take over the world.†

†Because cats have already taken over the world.

It’s Official, Elon Musk Is Now a Bond Villain

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On Colbert last night, Elon Musk, internet tycoon turned electronic car manufacturer turned space entrepreneur wants to colonize Mars, unleashed a literal bombshell:

The billionaire CEO of SpaceX and Tesla Motors appeared on the second episode of Stephen Colbert’s Late Show last night (Sept. 9) to discuss his various business ventures. Colbert asked him about his plan to send people to Mars, which Musk described as a “fixer-up” of a planet. That led to this exchange:

“Eventually you can transform Mars into an Earthlike planet,” Musk said. “By warming it up.”

“With a blanket?” Colbert asked.

No, Stephen, not with a blanket. With a great number of thermonuclear bombs:

Musk has publicly supported this idea for a long time, but we’d wager it’s the first time anyone’s suggested it on a late-night talk show. The idea is that the nukes would melt the Mars’ polar ice caps and kickstart a greenhouse effect—similar to the one we’re currently experiencing on Earth—that would quickly make the planet warmer.

I will make a couple of points here:

  • First, you can get the same sort of effect, sans radiation, by dispersing a few tons of carbon black on the poles.  The increased albedo does the rest.
  • Second, this really is Bond villain nuts. Batsh%$ insane

He Didn’t Jump, He Was Pushed

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In a surprise announcement, the worst Speaker of the House in the history of ……… well ……… history, John Boehner, made a surprise announcement that he will be resigning from Congress:

Speaker John A. Boehner, an Ohio barkeeper’s son who rode a conservative wave to one of the highest positions in government, said Friday he would relinquish his gavel and resign from Congress, undone by the very Republicans who swept him into power.

Mr. Boehner, 65, made the announcement in an emotional meeting with his fellow Republicans on Friday morning as lawmakers struggled to avert a government shutdown next week, a possibility made less likely by his decision.

Mr. Boehner told almost no one of his decision before making it Friday morning. “So before I went to sleep last night, I told my wife, I said, ‘You know, I might just make an announcement tomorrow,’ ” Mr. Boehner said at a news conference in the Capitol. “This morning I woke up, said my prayers, as I always do, and thought, ‘This is the day I am going to do this.’ ”

His downfall again highlighted the sinewy power of a Republican Party faction whose anthem is often to oppose government action. It also made vivid the increasingly precarious nature of a job in which the will and proclivities of politically divisive body must be managed. No House speaker since Thomas P. O’Neill Jr., who held the gavel from 1977 to 1986, has left the job willingly.

As much as I appreciate the standard line that Boehner left under his own power, I kind of doubt it.

If this was really about him being tired of a restive Congress, he would have left when he realized that he lacked the skill of vote counting, which is essential for a legislature.

I have repeatedly referred to him as the worst Speaker ever because, in the House of Congress most amenable to steam roller politics, he was constantly back on his heels, because he wanted the job of Speaker so badly that he was unable and unwilling to actually manage the house.

It simply makes no sense that he left left because he got tired. He left because some of his colleagues had “the talk” with him.

Still, if you favor the “left under his own power” theory, I would suggest that you read ​Charlie Pierce’s take on this:

Way I figure it is this. In their private chat yesterday, Boehner explained to the pope the problems he was having with the flying monkey caucus, and Papa Francesco who, after all, heads a bureaucracy with a long history as a seething cauldron of ambition, scandal, murder and betrayal, as well as a unique tradition of crazy institutional proceedings (See: Cadaver Synod), listened to Boehner’s plight and said, mildly, “Jesus H. Christ in a Fiat, my son, these people crazy. Get out while you can.” That’s the way I’m going to figure it, anyway.

It is a sane theory, but sanity does not apply in this situation.

Sanity has almost been as rare as competence during the Speakership of John Boehner.