Category: Humor

My Life is Complete

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I hav found a website that has translated “My Hovercraft is Full of Eels” into the following languages:  Afrikaans, Albanian, Arabic, (Modern Standard), Armenian, (Eastern), Armenian, (Western), Aromanian, Azeri, Basque, Belarusian, Bengali, Bhojpuri, Breton, Bulgarian, Catalan, Cebuano, Chamorro, Chinese, (Cantonese), Chinese, (Mandarin), Chinese, (Taiwanese), Croatian, Czech, Danish, Dutch, Estonian, Faroese, Finnish, French, Frisian (Northern), Frisian (Western), Galician, Georgian, German, Greek (Ancient), Greek (Modern), Greenlandic, Hebrew, Hindi, Hungarian, Icelandic, Indonesian, Inuktitut, Irish (Gaelic), Italian, Japanese, Khmer, Korean, Latin, Latvian, Lithuanian, Low German, Luxembourgish, Macedonian, Manx, Māori, Malay, Malayalam, Maltese, Marathi, Mongolian, Norwegian, Occitan, Persian, Polish, Portuguese, Proto-Indo-European, Punjabi, Romanian, Russian, Samoan, Sardinian, (Logudorese), Scots, Scottish Gaelic, Serbian, Shona, Sinhala, Slovak, Slovenian, Somali, Spanish, Sumerian, Swahili, Swedish, Swiss German, Tagalog, Tamil, Telugu, Thai, Tok Pisin, Tongan, Tsotsil, Turkish, Tuvan, Ukrainian, Uzbek, Venetian, Vietnamese, Võro, Welsh, Yiddish, Yorùbá, Zulu, Klingon, Avallaen, Esperanto, Interlingua, Ithkuil, Lojban, Toki Pona, Volapük.

There are languages on this list that I’ve never heard of.

For those of you who don’t understand, it’s a Monty Python thing:

Quote of the Day

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If a 14 Year-Old Can Deliver Your Message, It’s Not Because He’s Gifted, It’s Because Intellectually You’re a Child

— Bill Maher

He is referring to the fact that 14-year old Caiden Cowger’s hate filled screed against gays:

When 14 year-old boys sound exactly like you [Rush Limbaugh] do and can produce radio shows and books and speeches that sound exactly like yours, maybe you should rethink the sh%$ that’s coming out of your mouth.

Video:

H/t Cthulhu.*

*No, not the unspeakably malevolent super-being, the contributor to the Stellar Parthenon BBS.†
†OK, I’ve never seen the two of them together, so Cthulhu might actually be the Cthulhu, but the mere fact that he is on a BBS, interacting with humans‡ would seem to mitigate against this.
‡Yes, I know, this is the internet, where no one knows if you are a dog.

Brutal

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Jon Stewart on the how the Senators (with 2 exceptions) sucked up to Jamie Dimon of JP Morgan Chase when they were supposed to be grilling him.

I was going to write about it, but there weren’t enough obscenities in my vocabulary to do it justice, and Jon Stewart nails it with a PG rating.

Go figure.

Don’t Crush That Dwarf, Hand Me The Pliers

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Peter Bergman, the founder of Firesign Theater, has died at the age of 72.

I’ve enjoyed their albums, but I always found it odd that while I had about a dozen friends with the album, not one of them bought it new.

I always had this sneaking suspicion that they had a marketing strategy which involved taking the albums out of their shrink wrap, and distributing them through used record stores and garage sales.

No, This is Not The Onion

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Simply because The Smew is giving its American counterpart a run for its money:

Flush With Oil From Alberta, Canada Prepares For Inevitable U.S. Invasion

OTTAWA, ON—It’s a subject the Canadian military high command doesn’t like to discuss, but one that’s taken on an increasing sense of urgency since the discovery of massive oil reserves in the Alberta tar sands: how to defend Canada from imminent U.S. invasion.

A highly-placed military source in the Harper government, speaking off the record, confirmed that Canada is actively preparing for an American attack. “Look, we can all see the pattern here: if a country has significant oil reserves, the United States will find a pretext to invade. Iraq, Libya—frankly, it’s either us or Iran next,” he said.

Brilliant!

I Made a 911 Funny Today

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Things are in flux at work. The US Army has cancelled itsMulti-Function Utility/Logistics and Equipment Vehicle (MULE), and the MULE is supposed to be the lead platform for the Autonomous Navigation System (ANS) that I am working on.

So, the future path for our program is not clear, and rumors are running rampant.

With the end of the fiscal year coming up, we got an update on the current state of the rumor mill from our boss at our department’s weekly meeting, which is a rather humane, and intelligent way of handling things.

He noted that there was still plenty to do in either case, so we shouldn’t slack off:

Boss: We need statuses on progress, so we don’t go into airplane mode.

Me: Airplane mode?

Boss: (Makes throwing motion) Throwing paper airplanes as you get to the end. (instead of working)

Me: Oh, I thought that you meant 911.

You know, I think that this is the first actually funny joke about 911* that I’ve heard, and I was the one who made it.

And BTW, as the meeting was breaking up, the boss’s de facto number 2 threw a paper airplane.

It’s a nice group of people there.

Needless to say, posting is likely to be light for a while, I have work to wrap up, and a resume to update.

*Yes, I know all the jokes about “Hijackers surprised to find themselves in hell” stuff, but that is not a 911 joke, it’s a hijacker joke.

Not The Onion…

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But this is satire:

In bid for attention, nation’s unemployed to launch failing investment bank

District of Columbia – In an effort to gain the support of political leaders, a coalition of unemployed Americans have filed paperwork to declare themselves the nation’s largest investment bank. Supporters of the planned financial institution hope the move will quickly curry Congressional favor, leading to a large-scale federal bailout of unemployed and underemployed workers.

…………

Read the rest, it is prize.

God Bless The Onion

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Don’t be drinking anything when you read the rest of This:

U.S. Authorities Can’t Really Fault Al-Qaeda For Deadly Bombing Of Carnival Cruise Ship
‘Those Things Represent Everything That’s Wrong With America,’ Officials Say

February 9, 2011 | ISSUE 47•06

WASHINGTON—Following Monday’s deadly terrorist attack on a Carnival Cruise Line ship, U.S. officials have had difficulty issuing a stern condemnation of the incident, saying that while any act of terrorism is inexcusable, they couldn’t completely blame al-Qaeda for wanting to blow up what is essentially a giant, floating symbol of everything that is truly god-awful about America.

………

OMFSM, this is funny!

Good for Joe Biden

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It seems that the vice President thinks that the parodies of him from The Onion are a hoot:

A mock photo of Vice President Joe Biden washing a Trans-Am shirtless. Strange? Distasteful? Crossing the line?

Not so, Biden says.

“I think it’s hilarious,” Biden told Yahoo! in a wide-ranging interview Thursday.

Satirical publication The Onion has repeatedly made the Vice President a target for particularly randy news stories and online cartoon spoofs — and the jokes have been a viral sensation.

Good for him.